Big meltdown just a few minutes ago

[Aspigander]

And I'm still somewhat in it but relatively *okay*.

I was starting to hyperventilate and get anxious, but relatively calm. My mom said she didn't want to discuss the issue we were discussing while I'm like that. However her doing that gets me more anxious, but I said I'd like to try to talk about it. She said I'm not even trying to remain calm.

Excuse me? Not even trying to remain calm? Let me tell you if I wasn't trying to remain calm I'd have really wigged out. Of course, when she said I wasn't even trying, the control I was managing to maintain flew out the window and I did wig out. Which made her wig out. I *could* say *she* wasn't trying to remain calm, since she as an NT has more capacity to do so than I do, at least at this point. Hopefully I can improve in that area but right now my capacity to keep from going into meltdown and deal with a meltdown when it occurs is rather low.

I have not had a physical meltdown (i.e. attacking somebody) in years. The teenage years weren't really good, but finally we got a handle on things so I didn't go to that point anymore. Probably I got threatened with calling the cops and being arrested (didn't go that far, but there was talk of it), and counselors talking to me about my parents possibly having to get the police involved, that I was somehow able to refrain from getting to that point. Well, I think I almost totally lost it tonight. I managed to restrain myself but I think I almost went into physical attack mode. Had I not been making some effort to maintain some semblance of control, I think the meltdown would have gone to levels I wouldn't want it to go. Well it still went beyond what I would want (I really don't want to go into meltdown at all), but at least it didn't go as far as I think it might have.

My mom told me to get out of her sight or she was calling the cops to haul me out of here. I'm not sure if she sensed I almost lost it or if it had strictly to do with the fact that I was having a meltdown period, in closer proximity than preferred.

How do I keep from melting down?

[Tootsie]

I am no expert on autism, or any of it's components, but the first thing I would suggest is to concentrate on your breathing. This is something that is within your ability, and yours only, to control. Practice breathing slowly and deliberately at times when you are not stressed. That is the best time to learn.

When you feel that first sensation of hyperventilation, immediately try to control it. Perhaps just the effort necessary to do this will help you gain insight into the situation that is stressing you at the time. Cheerio.

[Keggy]

A few things, first remember that you mother is a person, not a perfect human being who does not have feelings and emotions of her own. Second, learn a breathing technique that works. Here is a good one, I give it to my patients and it helps them tremendously (me too).
It is called 4 quarter breathing.
Step 1: Breathe in to the count of 4 (count in your mind slowly)
Step 2: hold that breath for the same count of 4
Step 3: release that breath to the count of 4
Step 4 : do not breathe for 4 counts

Repeat the entire process. Typically you can do this about 3 times and you will feel less intense. Each of these should be about 4 seconds, so don't go holding your breath for longer.

You need to also stop seeing yourself as the person with the disability, because this is disabling you. You are playing a role and doing what fits that role. You can change this. I still do not know how old you are or if you are a male or female, perhaps I have not read all your posts? It would help to know since the relationships between mother and son are not the same as mother and daughter.. etc.
good luck!

[Kristen (ColeysMom)]

I second & third the breathing!!!

One other thing I would suggest is that you talk to your mom while NOT wigging out.

Ask her to help you manage your meltdowns more (rather than her herself getting wigged out by them).

For example, instead of her saying "get out of my sight!" (with a tone that implies that you are scaring, or frustrating, or angering her) she could say "sweetie (or whatever she calls you) why don't you take a couple minutes with the dogs (or whatever else) and come back when we can both talk abut this with a better attitude (or whatever)."

Then trust her when she says this, step away and relax.

Let her know that when she wigs out that it makes you more anxious. I can completely understand her getting nervous, your a grown adult. You could tell her that too. This is something that if you both work at it, it can get better. If she isn't willing or able (bad habits are hard to break) you can still make this better on your own.

First, what activity helps you calm, running, painting, etc? Find something if you don't already.

Second, when something or someone is making you frantic, you say "I need a couple minutes to collect myself" and go do the breathing and relax. It's ok if it takes you an hour, just don't go back to the thing until you feel better.

You need to also be clear with people, if your mom says/does something that upsets you, let her know. Not while you are angry or upset, when you are calm. Tell her that it hurts you, frustrates you, or whatever...she may not understand what things set you off...everyone has a trigger.