Twisted emotional abuse

[Chris516]

>*DOMINATION:
>Someone wants to control your every action. They have to have their own >way, and will resort to threats to get it. When you allow someone else to >dominate you, you can lose respect for yourself.

My Bi-Polar (ex)fiance basically forced me to be domineering because her behavior was all over the map. She threatened me on numerous occasions, saying, if she didn't have something, she was going to commit suicide. I did lose my self respect because, 80-90% of the time, I was having to watch her, to make sure she didn't do something illogical, irrational or, irresponsible.

>*VERBAL ASSAULTS:
>Berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening, >excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and >humiliation. Blowing your flaws out of proportion and making fun of you in front of others. Over time, this type of abuse >erodes your sense of self confidence and self-worth.

She was belittling, criticizing, threatening and, blaming me daily.

>*ABUSIVE EXPECTATIONS:
>The other person places unreasonable demands on you and wants you to >put everything else aside to tend to their >needs. It could be a demand for >constant attention, frequent sex, or a requirement that you spend all your free time >with the person. But no matter how much you give, it's never enough. You are subjected to constant criticism, and you >are constantly berated because you don't fulfill all this person's needs.

This is EXACTLY how my (ex)fiance was.

>*EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL:
>The other person plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, values, or other "hot buttons" to get what they want. This could >include threats to end the >relationship, the "cold shoulder," or use other fear tactics to control you.

My (ex)fiance played this card well.

>*UNPREDICTABLE RESPONSES:
>Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts (This is part of the definition of BPD). Whenever someone in your life >reacts very differently at >different times to the same behavior from you, tells you one thing one day and the opposite >the next, or likes something you do one day and hates it >the next, you are being abused with unpredictable responses.

My (ex)fiance certainly did this!!!! It was almost like, flipping a light switch.

>This behavior is damaging because it puts you always on edge. You're always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you >can never know what's expected of you. You must remain hypervigilant, waiting for the other person's next outburst or >change of mood.

I eventually started telling her, I wouldn't stand for her erratic behavior, and that, she needed to get some professional help.

>An alcoholic or drug abuser is likely to act this way. Living with someone like this is tremendously demanding and anxiety >provoking, causing the >abused person to feel constantly frightened, unsettled and off balance.

I definitely remember that happening!!

>*GASLIGHTING:
>The other person may deny that certain events occurred or that certain >things were said. You know differently. The >other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity. (If a borderline has been disassociating, they may >indeed remember reality differently than you do.)

Oh Boy!!!! I definitely remember that happening to me!!!!!!

>*CONSTANT CHAOS:
>The other person may deliberately start arguments and be in constant conflict with others. The person may be "addicted >to drama" since it creates excitement. (Many non-BPs also are addicted to drama.)

I definitely remember that happening!!!!

[tic chick]

christopher *bunch,

yes, abuse of males by females does happen and although abusers are more often male, that does not minimize the suffering that a man goes through when the woman in his life is the abuser.

sometimes men hesitate to get help for their problems because they feel they are male and their greater strength and size should be able to stop a female abuser. if the abuse is physical, a man's size and strength doesn't matter, because he should not fight back physical abuse with more physical abuse.

emotional abuse is tough. it leaves no visible marks, but the scars are there, nonetheless.

all abusers, male or female, who have mentall illness or addiction problems and blame their behavior on that, ARE WRONG!

they are rationalizing that their addiction or mental problems causes them to abuse, yet they do not seek any medical care for these problems.

ANY ADDICT OR PERSON WITH MENTAL ILLNESS WHO IS NOT IN TREATMENT IS UNAVAILABLE TO PARTICIPATE IN A RELATIONSHIP!

christopher, i hope you were able to leave your abuser and learn from your experience. i hope you have happier and healthier relationships in your future.

thank you for your perspective on female abuse.

welcome to the forums,
jeannie

[Kashis]

The Men’s Experiences with Partner Aggression Project is a research study at Clark University and is funded by the National Institute of Mental Health. Denise A. Hines, Ph.D., Clark University Department of Psychology, is the lead researcher on this project. She is conducting this project in conjunction with Emily M. Douglas, Ph.D., Bridgewater State College Department of Social Work and the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women.

Our goal is to better understand the experiences of men who are in relationships with women who use violence. Extensive research has shown that men are at risk for sustaining partner violence in their relationships, yet few studies have investigated their experiences, and there are few resources available to such men. This is an under-recognized problem in the United States, and by conducting this research project, we hope to provide much needed information on these men, their relationships, and their needs.

If you are a man between the ages of 18 and 59 and you have been physically assaulted at least one time in the last 12 months by a current or former intimate female partner you may be eligible to participate in this study. If you are interested in participating, please call the DAHMW at 1-888-743-5754 or email dahmwagency@gmail.com for information about the study and directions for participating. You have the option of taking the study survey by calling a toll free number we will give you when you phone our helpline or participating online. The online survey is at: www.clarku.edu/faculty/dhines. You must call the DAHMW helpline in order to determine eligibility and receive the password for the online survey.Your call or email will be kept strictly confidential, no personal identifying information will be required from you if you decide to participate in this study.

"The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women (DAHMW) was founded in October 2000. Since that time we have had thousands of calls come into the helpline from Maine and around the country. We are a unique organization in that we specialize in offering support and services to male victims of spousal and intimate partner violence. Though we specialize in this area, our support and services are not limited to helping abused men. We also receive calls from female victims in heterosexual and same**** relationships and offer them the same support.

We do not support an agenda that seeks to minimize men’s violence against women in order to expose women’s violence against men. We collaborate with a number of the established women’s domestic violence shelters in the country that also understand that the human capacity for family violence is not limited or dictated by gender. DAHMW offers support and practical services to victims, to the best of our ability given our limited financial resources."



http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/domesticviolence

[Kashis]

I have now posted a whole topic on male abuse of information I have found I try my best to get all the right information where it belongs but sometimes I forget when I add to my other group to add it here and I feel bad for this so now its here I feel better and I hope it can help someone Krissi