Apologies in order

[LizaJane]

I just read a great article on apologies and mistakes, and the value of the specific form of an apology. When people are hurt by someone else's mistake, it is a humiliating experience.

For an apology to be meaningful, it must not be an "I'm sorry", which is a quick expression of compassion without responsibility, but needs to be a statement which takes responsibility--"I apologize"-- asks for forgiveness, and promises atonement---atonement meaning actions which will do two things, first, empower the victim of the mistake by producing change in the perpetuator, and second, demonstrate that all actions possible are being taken to prevent a repeat.

For instance, if you are given a doctor's appointment for 2pm, and are made to sit in the waiting room for 3 hours, apologies are in order. The doctor needs to say, NOT, I'm sorry IF you were inconvenienced by the wait, but instead needs to say, I apologize for making you wait so long today. Next is needed an explanation (not an excuse). "We had an emergency this morning which set everything back", or, "We triple booked thinking there would be cancelations". and then there needs to be a request for forgiveness. "Please forgive us for not being more careful in reaching you today to warn you we were behind", and an expression of an act of atonement: "Going forward my staff will phone people whenever I'm more than an hour behind", or, please phone the office before leaving your home in the future, so we can warn you if we are behind".

It would help a LOT if John Lester made us an apology like this. At least, it would help me.

LizaJane

[LizaJane]

Am I the only person who feels this way?

[Linda25]

I believe JL has already posted an apology - it's on the first page of "Greetings":confused:



Linda25

[Hooked_on_BTC]

There is also an apology here (third post) http://brain.hastypastry.net/forums/showthread.php?t=74

[trix]

He has posted apologies, but no one is satisfied. They all seem to have quite a sense of entitlement. I would suggest that JL has apologized, and now the onus is on us to accept or decline his apology. You cannot accept an apology, and say but I want an explanation. Either accept or decline, but get over it, this is exhausting.

[Pamster]

He has posted apologies, but no one is satisfied. They all seem to have quite a sense of entitlement. I would suggest that JL has apologized, and now the on us is on us to accept or decline his apology. You cannot accept an apology, and say but I want an explanation. Either accept or decline, but get over it, this is exhausting.


I agree trix and it is exhausting when JL has apologized. It's been stated he is working on the database and hopes to recover a good amount of our posts and info, but it's more important right now that the board and existing database are proven to be stable. Once that has been established things will improve with the restoration of old info and posts. That's all I needed to know to be elated to have our beloved BT back online. :)

[mmcc53]

LizaJane,

For heaven's sake - why don't you demand an apology on JL's behalf from all the people who denigrated attacked and threw stones at him on the other forum. THEY are the ones who ought to be apologizing. I notice a lot of them rushed right over here when BT came back on line.

JL owes us NOTHING. WE OWE HIM A LOT - starting with thanks.

If I were JL I would have probably just let BT die rather than put myself out for people, many of whom never thanked him for his work but when he stops providing a free service temporarily attack him like pit bulls.

If you don't like JL or his method of apologizing, why not go to the other forum where open season on JL seems to be the order of the day. It is pretty hypocritical to take advantage of his VOLUNTEER efforts on our behalf and then use the forum he has created for us to critisize him.

:mad:

[Cry Tears]

I understand where most of us are coming from in wanting an apology along with an explantion.
Some people just don't know how to say what others may need to hear.
Not everyone will be pleased no matter what is said...at this late stage.

If it were me...I'd have a hard time with posting excuses and apologies after knowing so many people were upset with me....and knowing how disappointed so many people were in waiting an entire summer for even a simple single line to update all of us.
We need to recognize this site is back up and running again.
Thats what really counts. I do hope our old threads can be salvadged.

Perhaps JL is overwhelmed with all this.....after all this is something that is done on a volunteer basis...or am I wrong?
What's in it for him? Right now a bunch of stress for sure!

We are not OWED this web site....we don't pay for it!
But it is a very important web site for sure...one that is a life saver to many.

If it were up to me....after putting BT on the "back burner" (if thats what happened...we may never know), and after not posting a long awaited simple update...I'd have been so embarrased and discouraged I would have tossed everything in a dumpster, left town and changed my name.

Thank God this didn't happen....and JL did get this up and running again.

I hope this never happens again....and perhaps we all need to chip in a few dollars to ensure a smooth operational and well functioning Professional Web Site!
Blessings to all...its been a long lonely summer for many! Cheryl

[LizaJane]

That's the first time I've seen the apology. I guess I'd have had to have read all the threads through to see it--I don't recall seeing thosew words elsewhere. He does say all the money was used for braintalk, but I'd still like clarification of his comment in his blog that he used braintalk money to buy land for Brigadoon.

Also, I'd want to know what actions are being taken so this doesn't happen again. Do you believe you've read that somewhere that I've missed?

And also, I don't think one need worry about John bashing. I think feelings and people were hurt all over, and people had reason to feel hurt by the lack of communication. To shut them down by saying they are "bashing" is to silence people who have real feelings about real things.

It's okay for people to feel uneasy about being back. They've been hurt, remember?

[SalpalSally]

Meg, must you be consistantly unkind.:confused:

Your words are like barbs.

[Kamie]

I have said this in the other threads. The horse is dead and beaten. Instead of flaming each other for our opinions, how can we work to make this a better place so EVERYONE benefits?

[LittleMischief]

I didn't realize that the reason you didn't want me "talking for John" is because you apparently think that's your job.

I don't know John and certainly am not presumptious enough to pretend I know what he understands and what sort of debate he wants to encourage here. I feel pretty sure that, nothwithstanding the above statement, you don't either. But I'll note that you are the only person on this thread attempting to stifle that debate by demanding that those with whom you disagree stop posting.

It's not going to work.

I don't know you, but my impression from reading your posts on this thread and several other threads in the Forum Feedback section is that you're really enjoying lashing out at others in a sarcastic manner.

I don't know what that's all about, some backstory or unfinished business I suppose but ... wow, it makes for a poor impression of you and this forum as a whole.

If I might suggest one new feature to JL it would be an "ignore" button because I'd be using it.