I will need support [Archive] - BrainTalk Communities

tic chick

08-13-2008, 10:23 AM

krissi, *smallheart

i know exactly what you are going through. my mother has dementia or alzheimers disease. i was with her for 9 hours in the emergency room last week cause she was having chest pain. she talked on and on and wouldn't stop complaining. i have told her i WILL NOT listen to any stuff from the past about my father and their problems. i lived through that once already, as a child, when i had NO control to do anything about it. i said i do not want to listen to it again, because now i don't have to.

so, she stops talking about it because she realizes i am serious. i know i will have to keep reminding her not to bring the subject up because she will forget that i don't want her to talk about it because of her dementia.

after being with her in the er, my tics were very frequent. it took me 3 days until i calmed down and was okay. i just feel nervous and edgy after being with her.

KRISSI! you can stand up to your mother. i am sorry she has melanoma and i know the prognosis for that is not good. but, she CANNOT abuse you just because she is ill. you will have to tell her you consider her behavior abusive and if she continues, you will put her up in the nearest hotel (if that is possible and if you can follow through). when she starts her verbal abuse, like making fun of you, you can say, "mom, i talk or walk strange because of the after effects of years of abuse. i can't control this. please stop abusing me further." you can walk out of the room, walk out of the house for a few minutes, but you have to stand up to your mom, krissi. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ABUSE! you know that. keep reminding yourself that a survivor can confront their abuser and tell them to stop!

i will certainly read your vents and offer you any support you need. you are strong, krissi, and you can stand up to your mom.

((((((HUGS)))))),
jeannie

Buttons2

08-13-2008, 11:25 AM

Krissi,you are far more brave than I am! I'd last 2 days at best with my mother.

We'll be here for you.....just vent away!

((((HUGS))))

Kashis

08-13-2008, 03:35 PM

Thanks to all of you once again you have touched my heart as I know you all understand I am a survivor and I know this and just as tic chick says I have no control over the past I have let it go and she needs to do this too and leave me out of it quit telling me that she should have gave me away one of these days I almost want to agree with her but choose not too

I am glad you will be here for me once again I still have issues with my mother i have yet to deal with out of respect and will confront her when I feel it nessecary for years we made her stay at a hotel to teach her a lesson and hopefully she remembers this

for all I know things could go well as I was worried about christmas and it went great and I had more problems with my inlaws instead so who knows whats to come last time I took her to my friends it turned to an all out brawl it was embarrasing but turns out my friends mom is identical to mine and she understood my side and never judged me either so all I can do is stay strong and pray it all goes well I started last night with a tear falling from my eye as I did this I will be strong but with her still in denial and blaming my husband it gets touchy as she also was a strong part of physical and mental abuse I have had to forgive her to move on but never forgot as she dont' let things go

I took care of her once for 2 weeks after surgery my sis shows up 5 days later and my mother claims it was her who did all the work so this is what i am up against and I will have no part of it she is dealing with my sister telling her she will put her in a nursing home and I am getting the short end of the deal and I am the power of attornery my sis has no rights to her whatsoever so I am stuck with this to deal with and my sisters kids then she compares my kids who are in college working and no kids where my sisters kids are in and out of jail and drug users but she always brings mine into it its just disturbing but I will have none of it and my daughters will put her in her place there was a time I wouldn't allow this but now as long as they do it with respect I will let them go full swing as they will stick up for me and be there for me so I am good there

So once again I am happy to call you all friends you make me stronger and remind me I have came this far and dont' let any obstacles stop me know I am the fighter now and the abuse will no longer go on I promise this who knows like I said things may all go well we shall see we never know whats to come

but at least if she does pass I can say I did all I can to do what was best for her and to make her happy where as my sister has to I will never feel guilty for how I treated her

Krissi

Kashis

08-13-2008, 03:42 PM

my mom always tells me you had it so good your sister had nothing thats why I do things for her my sis is 13 yrs older then me I think its time the past stays there and my sis stops getting treated as she is so so sad for what she went through how they had nothing my father always drunk leaving them no food etc.. I was a baby what did I know I am tired of the comparing of the two hearing how were treated equal and my sis is jealous of me thats not my problem my motto has been and always will be its none of my buisness what others think or say about me that includes family I will be strong and its time I take my motto and put it towards my mother also as she is no differnent when it comes to that saying its none of my buisness what she says or thinks of me life will go on Krissi

Sorry I am on a roll getting things out now so when she comes I can focas on me and be set and sain for me not for her I am dealing with my health by venting now so when the time comes I can say hey I already talked about this with my group and thats where it will stay no need to deal with it again when she is here

tic chick

08-13-2008, 04:44 PM

good for you, krissi!*smallheart

yeah, it's good to vent before she comes and to think of what you can say to her if she is abusive to you. the words will come easier the more you practice.

remember, you do not have to argue or shout at your mother. i know you know this, but sometimes people think they can respond to abuse with their own abuse. that's not the answer, either.

you can be calm and say what you need to say in a firm tone. you can refuse to talk about anything that you don't want to talk about.

my sister is 10 years younger than me. she was not abused by my father, either verbally or physically. that does NOT minimize my abuse. i have told my sister that children are born at different times in their parent's lives. some are born during better economic times, some are born when their parent's are still happily married and some are born when things aren't so good. i am happy my sister was never abused, cause i don't know how much more screwed up she would be if she had been abused.

your private life with your husband does not have to be discussed with your mother, nor your relationship with your sister.

that's right, krissi. you are a SURVIVOR. you can defend yourself now. you do not have to do anything you don't want to do. the only obstacles you have to overcome are in your mind, and you have already overcome so many of them.

keep it up!!!

i hope you do have a good visit with your mom, but if you don't, we will be here for you!

(((HUGS)))
jeannie

Kashis

08-13-2008, 04:50 PM

my mother is the one type of person who ain't happy unless she is arguing so my deal now is just as it was when I was with her then Kill her with kindness I must go tornado warning and I am terrified right now my panic attacks have kicked and I am home alone in so I will write more later thanks hun Hugs Krissi

Kashis

08-17-2008, 10:47 PM

well the night mares are starting todays she came to early and wasn't asked to be here till she was told and started arguing with me and just being nasty my husband woke me for my meds thank god as I just couldn't bear anymore I hear her screaming at me putting me down in the dream she was yelling at me for not going to church just weird things and we were walking around a crowded place now go figure I am taking her to the MN state fair and I pray this isn't a sign as I have had lots of dreams that became deja vu so yes its starting and i am going to keep posting the worse it gets

I am just waiting to hear from her since my husbands uncle is in critical condition and they don't know if he will make it and if he doesn't then she will sit at my house why I go to a funeral and the way she is she will care only for her that I only get to see her once a year this is how awful she is she would have no sympathy at all and this is what I think is causing the night mares she won't consider I am close to this person that he took me in when others wouldn't and has been there for us for all theses years its tough on all of the family right now but its getting tougher now that my father in law has stands at the fair here to run and he has a brother in law dying all at the same time and all that lady will think about is herself she will have issues cause my mother in law is here to support her family and try to make up some dumb excuse of why else she is here like she knew my mom was coming or some stupid stuff its just wrong and I know she is so predictable things are now starting to get worse for me I have so much to cope with and its hard to put me first right now with so much going on let alone dealing with her so thanks all I told you as things get going I would be stopping in alot and dropping off feelings or the night mares will just continue and if they do they will be put here

I guess I am letting my feelings out and in the process some can see there not alone once again as I am writing just how tough its getting for me and she isn't even here yet

BIGGGGGGG HUGGGGGASSSS KRISSI I sent big ones as I know you all will return one back Hugs Hugs

tic chick

08-17-2008, 11:25 PM

*hug krissi,

okay, krissi, calm down, girl. yes, it's nightmares only. but, i think nightmares always have some base in fact and you can't control them. maybe they are just preparing you for the worst. but, the worst hasn't happened yet, so just think of the nightmares as pictures from someplace you once were, but have no interest in going back.

i'm sorry about your husband's uncle. i hope the best that can happen to him, will. if you're mother behaves like she has in your nightmares, you have already said what you should tell her...that your hubby's uncle was there for you and now you want to be there for him. maybe you daughter's can help keep your mom busy if you have to do something for your hubby's family when she is there.

but, don't think your nightmares will come true. that's negativity. you want positive thoughts, because positivity will help you get through this (i don't even know if positivity is a word, but if negativity is...why not?...lol).

krissi, think positive. be prepared for the worst, but expect the best. and maybe it will be that.

((((((HUGS)))))))
jeannie

Kashis

08-17-2008, 11:58 PM

here we go I was just here I get a email of course she sent my girls bday cards with gift certifercates comparing my inlaws and how much they can give them and she is so poor then I get are we still doing things as planned come on lady someone who is family is dying grrrrr then my mother in law is here then she thinks everyone is staying here I just so want to go off instead I came back and decided to cool for a sec before I respond no i am sorry for my husbands family nothing I knew it was coming it was in my last comment all about her

do they know she is coming up who the f cares its none of there or her buisness really grrrrrrrr where is everyone staying for all I care right now she is sleeping in the farmers barn ewwwww grrrrrrr growl scratch hisss ahhh ok I can now respond to the email
thanks all I told yah the venting was coming and it wasn't gonna be pretty

My girls are already trying to get out of seeing her so I put 2 days aside for that so lets just hope they show they can't stand my mother but have always respected her but I know one of them will have an excuse or they will forget she is here and do laundry and I will escape my neighbor bought a pool so I can go swimming daily to escape she came and told me today she is also like a daughter to me so its great

Krissi

Kashis

08-18-2008, 12:24 AM

I wrote back and gosh with out this group fourum whatever we should call it I call it my place to be I was nice I answered things and of course made it all about her as thats what she thinks anyway and just went with the flow cause I get to vent here more emails will be here by morning I am sure I will be back but I said this is going to be along process its only 7 days but technically the train comes at 9pm so I am off that day LOL and then really only 5 as her train leaves at 8am

Its funny when she leaves and gets on the train my kids and me do the screaming yelling bootie dancing jig the whhhhooooo hoooooooooo yeeee haaaaawwww no ma grandma oh yes we celebrate greatly to bad they tore down the starbucks out there or we would be celebrating with coffee LOL

I feel so much better now that I came here and i hope by my writings of all this fear and worry and judgement and past people can still learn what happens to me and can relate and not only that see how I get through it all the first step was coming here and posting this topic

and after my dilema someone else may need some support as I do now and I can return the favor some how

I don't know why this lady still gets to me I let the past go but she is just something else
she is the type of person if she sees someone in a line who is obece which I am by the way she will say to me how can you and people like that get so big and not care o

she still uses the N word which just urks me as were all the same black white green purple yellow orange etc..... she is critical I have learned something from her never to be like her never to hurt people the way she has hurt me to look at people as human beings and understand everyone has feelings and doesn't need someone like her taking away there self confidence nor self esteem thats it right on the nose I knew if I kept writing I would start to deal with my issues she takes away my self confidence an self estemm and I must must must stop allowing her to do this as I accept me for me any other time I love me for who I am whether my mother or not its none of my buisness what she thinks or says about me ahhhh I am going to be ok I just must keep writing cause I know through this I will get over the last big hurtle letting her make me feel guilty and worthless NO WAY I AM A SURVIVOR AND DAMT I WILL NOT GIVE HER THE OPTION TO HURT ME NO MORE this time I have somewhere to go people who care and people who will make sure I get through this with flying colors becasue I am somebody
and its time I start facing the one person I thought I truely forgave and move on saying I did the best I could for her with her and the past is gone I got over it she never will be I have and thats what matters most Krissi

JAVISI

08-18-2008, 09:05 AM

Kashis,
It has been a long time as I have had one illness after another, enough about me!

I am so proud of you! Taking control of your ;ife is so inevigorating. I can ntell by your posting that you are headed in the right direction.

Even though I hav been sick and a little down and depressed you remind me of where I was and where I am now! WOW,What a wonderful difference! My life is so much better and from the the way it sounds You are doing better too!

Don't forget to dream big and Reach for the Stars, Javi

Buttons2

08-18-2008, 01:19 PM

Krissi,well I knew I should have caught up on your posts! I completely spaced out that your mom is coming this week. Forget the PM I sent you-you have more than enough to deal with right now.

Too bad our mother's can't just get together & see which one could outdo the other as far as being a total *itch.

You hang in there,your own health & sanity comes first above all else.

Sorry about the uncle,seems everything happens at once huh? I'm glad you have a family support system with hubby & daughters. They have to look after you & also stick up for themselves & your own family which seems to be doing well.

My mother also does the grandkid comparison stuff. In my case it's reversed & I always feel bad for my sis. Sis left home @ 14 & her life has not been good! I never had the physical abuse she did. Jeannie is right,different factor's play a huge role in which sibling gets what treatment. I didn't fight the emotional abuse,I was the meek quiet one,my sis was combative & refused to stay there. Well all history now. We all have to concentrate on the future.

It occurred to me that rather than worry about how to keep your mom busy (especially with other family issues right now),give her a stack of magazines or some books to read & tell her to chill out for awhile since you need space & time to regroup.

As for the nightmares,well I think we have those when our mind is jumbled up with images from the past & fear of the present going backwards. Does that make sense? I know when I have my mind filled with anger/anxiety over my mom it disturbs my sleep & then I'm even more mad @ her!

Try to think ahead to after she's left. What treat you will give yourself. Not to mention a big pat on the back for still being the good daughter & making every effort to get along without giving in.

Maybe come up with a mantra. Then if it works you can share with me for when I have to see my own mother next month!:rolleyes:

((((hugs)))) and chin up! You'll do fine. Kill with kindness sounds good to me!

tic chick

08-18-2008, 05:24 PM

krissi *bunch!

just a thought...

maybe your dreams are reminding you of how helpless and hopeless you once felt.

YOU ARE NOT ANYMORE!

you have survived. you have thrived.

keep it up!

*hug jeannie

joy

08-18-2008, 06:27 PM

(((((HUGS))))) Krissi

I hope things are going fast for you. You know what I mean :D

I hope you are holding up well enough.

If not just spill over here. We'll be here for you.

here's another big hug ((((((((Krissi)))))))

blossom4th

08-18-2008, 10:49 PM

Krissi,
Have you talked to your therapist about coping mechanisms?!! What kind of support do you have where you live?!! Do your daughters live in the same locality?!! It is good-hearted of you to want to get this visit in with your mother in case it should be the last.....but honestly,you also have to recognize your limitations,too!!! A support system needs to be in place for you before your mother's arrival,so that you can cope with the visit with the least repercussions possible.Having as much support as possible (this forum included) could well make the time with your mother a better memory rather than a bad memory.

Buttons2

08-19-2008, 01:48 PM

Just want you to know we're here to help with the venting that needs to happen.

(((((HUGS)))))))

joy

08-19-2008, 02:43 PM

I so admire you Krissi. So say whatever you need to to us please. I really admire you knowing how hard a time you know you will have and yet you are willing to help out. Just shows what a big heart you have Krissi.

((((Hugs))))

Kashis

08-20-2008, 05:11 PM

Well things have went from bad to worse I wasn't going to go to the hospital to see my husbands uncle which in reality he treated me as family so mine to we had to take the grandkids to there parents so they could tell them he wasn't coming home after all this my husband asked me if it was ok to go to the hospital I agreed I just wouldn't go in the room as I did want to remember him for who he was we all got there around the same time my father in law looked at me and said tomorrow morning at 8 were going to pull off life support not 10 min after that was said we all got called by the dr He died it was very tough for every one but for me I realized I was really part of a family who needed me as much as I needed them no judgement just love I just didn't know how to react to any of this I am still in shock terribly
I haven't told my mother she comes in tomorrow night My father in law owns stands at the MN state fair and its his sisters husband so he must be there for his sister and run the stands its all total kais

And I am trying to hold together yet stuttering confused and disorentend my brain injury is actin up and bad I have to pack for my husband so he can go work I have to clean my house find clothes for a funeral figure out what is going on and I am just spinning

I decided not to tell my mother till she gets here I don't want her to come sooner nor stay longer and now my whole inlaw side will be in town and her wonderful I don't know how much more that I can take I have no voice at all I can't talk at all I am lost and I totally not myself and just don't know which end is up right now instead of being on the comp I should be cleaning doing laundry and packing my body is numb and just don't want to move with every step the pain in my head gets worse and I feel about ready to collapse with no one around to catch me

family is trying to make plans for the funeral and I just can't listen to it so I try to avoide it but its not working I know I must deal with this but being at the hospital was pleanty for now my children have questions I leave it to there dad as I just can't answer them without tears

so as you all see I am not going no where anytime soon and will be here pleanty I am sure for the next week as all this comes together Krissi

Buttons2

08-21-2008, 01:15 PM

(((((HUGS Krissi))))) Sorry about the uncle. I'm sure many of us here know exactly what you mean about your head spinning right now (and that's without any brain injury). You have to take some time to let this flow through you,as you said-you're in shock. Death is never something we can just take in stride.

Bad timing for your mom to be coming! Any chance at all she can postpone the trip?

Let those tears flow,does no good to try keeping a stiff upper lip right now,it will all come out eventually. Don't take on anymore than possible right now. Let the housework go,or if it helps then scrub away. But the headache isn't going to help you to function.

Please try to get away from it all whenever you can. Avoid listening to all the funeral details if possible. I assume you have a few days before the funeral? Pick out the clothes,then shut the closet door. Block the negatives. Get lots of rest. I'm sure you cannot turn your brain thoughts off right now,but try to get outside & gulp down some fresh air.

This is a great loss to you,accept that the uncle is on his next journey & cherish the memories.

joy

08-21-2008, 02:59 PM

Aww Krissi. I say let whatever unnecessary just let it go. That has always meant housework for me last few years. I was not myself after my mother's death until months after. If you would have seen me you'd thought I didn't have a care in the world. Ha. I was just trying so hard to fight that it had happened and be strong like she was.

Emotions will be what they are so let them come in their OWN TIME.

Even if mother is there. She doesn't have to be entertained. period.

Big Hugs you good girl you. and Lots of Love with it, long distance

Kashis

08-23-2008, 10:15 AM

well she is here she got off the train and I started to cry and it wasn't tears of joy but I was getting a total stranger who was predictable in all ways possible I knew my family was here there all here for the funeral and yet i am stuck with her so to say when I want to be with all of them but choose not to take the hassle from her saying oh its my time here and your with his family that kinda crap excuse language please

we got here and she bragged how the house was so clean and nice so I was pleased but knew that wasn't going to last then looked at a pic of me I have on my desk when I was 19 she thought I was sleeping but she told my kid I can't belive how fat she got my gosh in that pic I was a cocaine addict I am 39 now things change but my kid was nice and kept her mouth shut to keep the peace but while my mom is here she will realize how cruel I was brought up in my world

Well yesterday we got up and I knew right away things would change she was complaining cause I didn't wash the walls the deep fryer was dirty the stove was dirty and she refused to cook in it looking like that were talking the top of the stove here when stuff burns on it the inside is totally clean I just nicely told her incase she got bored I saved stuff for her to do the lil smart alec I am but I did it as through this journey of preparing on this page I have been able to do things with a smile

Then we drove and hour to a friends mind you I am not suppose to drive but around town but I just did it she told my friend as usual that her house is so clean compared to mine and her kids are so well behaved

well lets just say my friend is very religious and there not allowed tv or internet etc... no contact with the outside world so when I come with my ma its the real world to her I have nothing against any religion but this one she is banned from the world its only church so we take her shopping and get her out while her husband is at work and I even took her to look at the internet oops good thing is her mom is just like mine so she understands me fully but she was pretty good we went shopping she asked if I wanted anything I right away said no as last time she did this it came to 180.00 and she said well I am not paying after stuffing my cart so she got upset as I wouldn't let her buy me nothing so I found stuff for her to buy for my sister

then came up the subject of my sisters husband and mine how she hates them both for what they did to me and her funny thing is I reminded my mother it wasn't just my husband she agreed to my sisters husbands but of course she is still in denial and if I said anything it just would have started a war so I just kept it to myself as I just didn't want to deal with it

I fell asleep around 7 last night left her watching a movie so I could have my time I was just laying with my eyes closed but she didn't know this and I wasn't going to let her know this either

Now its early morning she is asleep so I cleaned up the dishes and frontroom and trying to be quiet as a mouse so I can be here on line without her around just to talk if only for a moment today is a new day she got dizzy last night so I slept on the love seat which stinks as the hubby is gone now for 2 weeks to work so there went our time but anyway

The funeral is monday and I have set pleanty of things for her to do I drew her a map of the remote and my niece is suppose to come over so at least I have a whole day away a very sad day but I can be with my family I have been with them since 13 so really I haven't had a mom at all she had me for 13 yrs they had me for 25 so yes things are strange and this post may even be strange today but I am letting loose getting happy so once again I can continue to be who I am ME

I have still no decided to show her my dv page she has complained about my tatoos so I told her I was going to just cover my whole body if I chose to not really but I don't have to take her comments lightly but nicely with a lil bit of sarcasm

I heard what a rotten child i was already and who knows what today will bring Hugs Krissi

CanRelate

08-23-2008, 01:14 PM

K:

Know that your words are heard, and that you are not alone.....

I don't have any advice, but I can give you my attention.

Warm regards,
CanRelate

Kashis

08-23-2008, 01:38 PM

well she got up I took a nap as its been along morning but then when I got up I didn't want to come out it was like when I was a kid again anything no to go by her kinda like when yah broke curfew in high school and prayed they were sleeping so you wouldn't get busted kind of feeling I took a shower then stayed in my bathroom forever as long as I could just as I did as a kid she always tried to tell me I didn't need to spend that much time in the bathroom and some words I don't remember but pretty much I wasn't allowed to sit in the bathroom like a flousy was the word and go out looking like I did I was thinking about this in the bathroom but when I came out she is sleeping so I am greatful and at peace right now but I am starting to have flashbacks of my childhood and that Is alot of what I am going to be dealing with during this period of time so just as I go through flashbacks you will experince some of how I grew up and things I have not dealt with and what is going through my mind Hugs Krissi

tic chick

08-23-2008, 02:50 PM

2076krissi!

you are doing a GREAT job so far, krissi.

yes, we all become children when we are with our parents and bad memories might come up.

just remember, you survived the worst!

consider this just a trip down a road you don't have to travel again!

(((((HUGS)))))
jeannie

Buttons2

08-23-2008, 07:11 PM

(((((HUGS Krissi)))))

I know just how it feels to become the child again.....and it happens to all of us! I recall my therapist telling how he felt visiting his mom!

You're doing fine,this too shall pass and all that.

Kashis

08-24-2008, 11:28 AM

Hi all this is gonna be quick yesterday I had to wake early as the day went well as the day went on we went rummagging all I heard was how are we gonna rummage with no money I said cause I just want to get out of the house then earlier I had put a bag of stuff away and forgot where I put a few things they were in the right places but I couldn't remember its part of my brain injury so she finds what I couldn't find or thought we didn't get for that matter and throws it right in my face to show me it was right in front of my face of course I did the normal flinch but so wanted to throw it back in her face and say how do you like it I was upset then we go to the good will and she wants to buy me stuff I know that route already so the answer is no no no as I can't afford things and I sure am not gonna have her buy something that I need and then have to pay for it or look like an idiot cause I am at the register grrr

Now she is sitting behind me eating complaining I take meds on an empty stomach she made me a tomato egg omellette grose I don't do breakfeast here she calls me fat and then says I am not eating no wonder I was an anorexic as a kid

the days are almost over tomorrow is the funeral and then its countdown time
but for her to throw things at me after threatiing to hit my sister this maybe getting out of control

oh yes then I wanted to watch a movie nancy drew and happen to catch the last of another movie when I taped it and cause it had black people she wasn't watching such crap and the movie didn't even start I could have screamed then it was I want to watch my movie I want to go on the net I don't know how to use the remote I want my polkas so much for her taking care of me I have taken alot of meds by 7 at night an sleeping waiting for her to go to bed so I can sit and have a cig in my living room as I am not allowed to smoke in my house so I hide in my room as long as possible I just don't want to come out I just want to stay there tomorrow is the funeral so things are tough today and I would prefer being alone right now more then anything I must go she is done eating and will start reading soon so Hugs Krissi

Kashis

08-24-2008, 01:54 PM

I am loosing my mind and think I am going to burst the funeral is on my brain and well its getting to me i was watching change your mind change your brain something to do and well when it was done I coped a tude as there was nothing to help her learn about my brain injury I have things posted on the fridge about my injury and what to expect yet I am being told don't be sassy or I am going home boy to bad the last train of the day has left cause don't think I didn't think about it I was hiding in my room looking at the window remembering as a child how many times I had jumped out my bedroom window to escape her and realized I am sitting in my own home and she is running it like her own then to come out and find she is yelling at me cause I have long hair and its all over this isn't clean at all it falls out what I am suppose to do then how can she cook or clean when I don't have what she needs I just took her to the dang store 2 days ago and seen what she needed she is making banana bread as of course that is the one favorite thing of everyone its the only good I remember out of my life but anyway
now I am out of dishsoap well I have a dishwasher I am loosing my mind and I am afraid of a brain flare up and if I keep taking so many meds I am gonna be more out of it I am having a hard time coping I can't please everyone yet being with her nothing matters anyway I wish I could take a pic of my home and show you how clean it is and its cause I did it but of course she will take credit

the hubby comes home tonight as the funeral is tomorrow and I will be a lil more at piece I am sure I will be posting on and off today as its getting way to tough for me I have to go to the dollar store and listen to how much money she don't have etc.... and well I am not buying it as I can't afford things or would have them now she just had enough gull to ask me why I have such a good mother grrrr now she is scrubing inside my silverware drawer does it ever stop hmmmm huuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHH 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 nope still not working I am in frustration mode I just want to go off but its the kill her with kindness that I must do and its eating me up so much I want to say and yet don't want a war

I just am ready to explode in my own home does she not realize I have a brain injury does she not realize if she wants to do something that she doesn't like the take care of it and shut the f up sorry but its coming out right now and I have to let it go I can't take it much more now she is going to take a bath she has herpes wonderfull were talking a whole bottle of bleach plus some to clean my tub and towels and pull the stickers when I stayed with her I wouldn't even use her tub out of fear

now I am getting yelled at about my cleaning products SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG nothing is ever good enough ever I just want to be with my real family my oldest daughter has yet to come over and of course thats her favorite one I can't blame her she thinks she can come visit run her mouth about everyones lives here which she knows nothing at all about

well I better go thanks for the moment right now I am grateful to have all of you a place to go the lady still mentally torchers me and don't care about the consequences but then again what should I expect she let me get my ars kicked as a kid and well she helped even yet I still wonder what lessons I was suppose to learn from each beating hmmmm that I would someday be disfunctional disorented confused memory loss etc..... oh yes I guess that was the lesson for breaking a glass of milk or not putting christmas lights up right hmm and throwing me down the stairs wow what did I do that day oh yes I contribute to my brain injury that was the lesson because I sure can't remember what I was being disciplined for once

Thanks all again I have to go I don't want to get caught in my place where I need to go and talk if I am on the phone well then caught so this is my only way out off to hide and have a smoke Hugs Krissi

Buttons2

08-24-2008, 04:59 PM

OMG Krissi,put her on the train after the funeral! She's in denial about the past,the present & is clueless of any future. You tried,you did everything possible. She's not worth the agony! I hope hubby comes home & forces her to pack her bags! You do not need this crap.

I'd smoke in her face myself-blow the smoke right at her. It's YOUR home. I haven't read one single nice thing she has done or said since she got there. Throwing stuff @ you??? I realize this has been your life w/her,but why not stop it right now?

Can you tell I'm furious for YOU? I wish I was there,that woman would be walking home.......hang in,concentrate on tomorrow & getting through the funeral. Please don't let her stay until Thursday,that's too many days out of your life dealing with misery.

Kashis

08-25-2008, 01:06 AM

me me me grrrrr I dont' know how much more I can take I am glad I am leaving tomorrow yet terribly sad she cleaned all day and yelled at me it wasn't done right then when it came time to go everything was closed so she starts going off about that she is screaming at everyone in the house no drinking in the frontroom I just cleaned that kitchen and when I clean it I expect it to stay that way I was afraid to make enchiladas totally as she was making every thing hers my kid is here got hurt bad and she is making fun of her for that and doing the comparing thing grrrr then turn on amc turn on tmc turn on my dvd turn on that music 1930's mind you it don't matter what anyone wants but her
I so want to go off gonna need stitches after this round as mind times as I held my tounge but if I argue she will be happy as thats how she is she wants people to argue with her and cause disturbances and then blame them some how its been this way all of my life she wore out her welcome we thought she would learn a lesson staying in a hotel before but after this she is no longer welcome

My anxiety levels are through the roof I cry oh do I cry my brain injury is so flared up I can't take it thank GOD my daughter came back to stay the night to watch over me I didn't remember if I had taken my meds today I had to call people I am loosing my mind terribly the critizim the awful things she says to me the mental abuse is no different then it was when I was a kid

I was sent to shrinks always when in reality it was never me at all in the first place I was running from her

I am tolerating this why for one I don't want to rise her blood pressure and have her put in the hospital thats the last thing I want or maybe I am just using that as my hidden excuse not even knowing it at all

she is yelling and nit picking about everything then makes me look at the stove to see its clean I told her this afternoon I was just being sarcastic when I said that so she is yelling at my kid I told her to do it and flat out lied I should have confronted what is it about this lady that makes me back down now when as a child I wouldn't take it I know now tomorrow it will be dusting and I will get blamed for my niece not showing up and she is making all these plans for tomorrow and the next day when I have a schedule for her and a funeral everything must be about her and I am going to stall

I was in the bathroom this time really using it and she is screaming for me like something terrible happen she couldn't use the remote I drew her a map and wrote step by step and made her do it herself as what will she do tomorrow

I can't take another of her movies I have shows I watch on monday and I am so gonna do it whether she likes it or not she was yelling at my kid for having a drink in the front room and a friend that was over made them get up and move she is taking over my house and I can't stand for this breath breathe in and out breath ok

She has now went to bed and I lit up a smoke didn't care one bit think I will have another its my frickin home I don't have to be so nice but I know non smokers and try to be nice to them she is getting on my last nerve

I can't rest I can't sleep I started crying today as I told her I have a brain injury and can only do so much she says I don't want to hear about it then make your husband do it tell him to get up and do it that you said so to do it now as her husbands jumped and did as she said no wonder she is alone

she don't care about me my feelings my brain flare up and its getting worse and worse by the minute my dr would have my head if he knew she was here alone with me the signs are coming out bad If I had the list on my comp I would show you how many symptoms are acting up

Tomorrow I get to be with family an relax I just hate that its for a funeral as its not a happy day to much on my shoulders but only a few days to go after tomorrow should be a breeze

I can't eat as I am so tired of being called obese and fat my nerves are shot about now as all can tell and its harder when I am crying really need to be here and can't

I can't take it much longer but holding on as best as I can the big bang is gonna be at the fair as she has to be up by 6am and out the door right away and up all day and night I am never going to hear the end of this one

the predictions are always true I try to tell her this is my home she reorganized things I don't even know where they are as in her eyes they should be where she put them oh and I missed a crumb when I wiped the counter and she went balistic this is crazy its nuts and how I grew up

I have to lock my craft room tomorrow too so she don't go in there sure wish I could lock my room up as thats my space I don't want her in there at all

Thanks all as you see now why I needed you all and to be here
its just to much for me when she is here to take care of me yet all she can do is critizie and not once care for me Hugs Kris

Kashis

08-25-2008, 01:30 AM

I wish I didn't have to keep her till thursday but can't change her train ticket or she would be on the train my husband has brought in people to take care of me now so I am not alone with her and my daughter will put a stop to it all

my friend says if she wasn't your mother she'd been knocked out already as you see she makes more then one upset this is the truth day by day line by line of what I have to deal with there is no way out from here till thur morning so really I only have to get to wednesday as she leaves at 8 am so 2 more days so I can do this I just hope all see the mental abuse the mental torment I have gone through with her all my life and there is no stopping it ever she is gonna tell it like it is do as she wants and doesn't care what anyone thinks in this case I can't not care what she says or thinks about me as she don't stop drilling and grilling the knife in deeper twisting it farther and farther she tells me my father abused her but with the way she is and things she has said to me I think it was the other way around I remember my step father beating her but can never imagine my father I can see her beating him for not being home on time etc....

I was going to clean up outside today the patio and decided no way so she can say horray for myside she finally did something no I will leave it a mess just so she can complain she ain't happy less she is bit**ing or arguing anyway so I will just give her more reasons but if I come home from that funeral and she goes off on me about what she cleaned which I know it will be how she got the rust out of the toilet and pretty much want to stick my face in it so to say not caring I hurt and I am mourning oh its not gonna be pretty oh then she has enough balls to tell me to smile I just used the excuse that my face hurt as yah I could say why would I want to smile when I have a mother that does this that and this but ya know I am not gonna give her the satisfaction they always say kill them with kindness and I will keep it up oh yes and I have a bad attitude I was told today and she yelled at my kids for not cleaning up there mess they don't even live here and my kid let her know this right away my kid works with nursing home paitents so she knows how far to take things before she goes off

I know that I will no longer be alone here no more after today my hubby made sure of that as he is worried about my health and right now he is working the fair dealing with a death and if my brain swells mine could be next so I am not going to be left alone again so thats a big help

my kids going to take care of me and that is what matters me and my health and my hubby called in the troops

Oh then she is complaining she has nothing to eat tomorrow I have a freezer full of food and stuff in the fridge so I am not gonna take it nor care a bit she can fend for herself she don't have my cell number so she can't even call ahhhhhhhhhhh no car stuck here and I know my niece won't show so oh well she will learn someday but never here again I did my dues to try to be nice because of her age as when she passed I didn't want the guilt of not being nice and trying knowing just what I was walking into its abuse you have that people can change in your head and just look its doesn't go away at least not with her at least I am not stuck with her anymore after this she is still abusing me I will admit this and its the same as anyone stuck in an abusive situation you know its wrong yet you stay hoping for the best as you all can see I am 38 and left her at 13 for the same reasons the abuse never stops this is why my posts are so important just watching this week of posts you can see just that in my life it exists still from a 75yr old woman

If she don't stop reading all this hoping it helps others to get out of a situation that they know is gonna continue just read all this that I am posting this is a week of living with someone like this just a week think of a lifetime of it Krissi

Buttons2

08-25-2008, 01:32 PM

(((((HUGS)))) Krissi, can you put on some earmuffs to get a message across? Just kidding. glad hubby is home & this will all be over soon. You're doing great. Get through the funeral today.

Kashis

08-25-2008, 06:40 PM

well the funeral was today so the day is alrready tough i was told by by all to send her home i am stuck with her as if i start to argue there goes her blood pressure and she could be here alot longer thats a tough call anyway i was told to go to the fair with the family but dad gave my husband the day off so he could be with me and my daughter to keep the piece so to say i don't feel well at all we got home i started to cry i didn't want to be here i come in and she is scrubbing walls i couldn't stand the sound it waas like the sound of nails on a chalkboard i couldn't take it i went to bed i get up she tells me its so dirty here i should have stayed 2 weeks i just cringed everytime she talks i hear screecing she told me the other day i was evil when i was young and she had to take me to a pychic to drain the evil out and thus this lady did some chant and then rubbed an egg on my head and broke it in a glass it was always everything was wrong with me shrinks quacks whatever there caled i saw them i just want to crawl back in bed of course my niece didn't show just as predicted no one wants to be around her
my husband is making me feel so safe as when I first met him he took me away from her and maybe it can be a new beginning for us

this abuser i can send home and have decided this is the final goodbye to my ma until her last day never to feel guilty never to think i didn't do enough and never to think i didn't try people living with abuse don't have this oppurtunity but maybe by all the hurt i suffered mentally this week can show others no you don't have too take it tomorrow is the fair so it will give me a much needed break so i will post wed mornin so you know how it went
then we will shop wed morn she is gonna start the suck up process just as any other abuser and try to make up by buying me things just as always and then thurs i will do a final post to close my section of this topic
hugs Krissi i am glad i able to do this i am fixing my daughters laptop so she hasn't a clue i don't talk yet still have my space which speakin of i am behind there a bit as i don't want her to see i decided i have been critized and judged enough for one week

tic chick

08-25-2008, 07:11 PM

((((((BIG HUGS, KRISSI))))))

Buttons2

08-26-2008, 04:48 PM

Krissi,this will all be over with soon now. You're doing great.....most of us would have sent her packing before this. Glad you have a game plan (going to the fair). Also glad you have such a supportive husband.

Think ahead to her being gone Thursday & how you might celebrate! Peace & quiet if nothing else! My heart aches for you,I know this is bringing back all the bad stuff & it's breaking your heart to know nothing has changed & this might be the last time with her.

((((HUGS)))))

Kashis

08-26-2008, 11:11 PM

The fair went well WOW HEY no I pushed her in a wheel chair so couldn't hear a word she said paid for everything for her and thought about it when all is said and done it won't make a bit of difference as I didn't pay for her ticket to get here oh well as I said before this is the last time before GOD calls her that I will see her I have made my peace with myself at least its been tough tomorrow I am sure will be the toughest as she has yet to see my oldest daughter who is her favorite I have to run her around tomorrow and then thur I will be up at 6 am her train may not leave till 9 but this kids gonna start celebrating somehow I don't drink or party so I will figure something out ah a hot bath bubbles ahhh there we go now were talking and LOUD TUNES ROCK AN ROLL BABY LOL REAAL LOUD LOL there we go I am glad it is I am glad I made it this far and I am greatful I had all of you to be here when I close I will write my final thoughts on thur night or after noon in what I have learned and things I have thought and then keep this open cause some one someday is gonna need a support team and we can all be there for the next person that needs support and I needed it so bad and I know I am not alone and nor is no one else and I hppe all see this its been a long day I have no clue what i am really writing 12 hours at the fair so please forgive me if I am not making sence until tomorrow Love Krissi

Kashis

08-27-2008, 10:19 PM

well its finally over ahhhh she complained today cause my neighbor came over and my daughter gave her pop I finally went off told her to shut up it was none of her buisness so she starts saying it is her buisness and just kept going on and on go figure my face is swollen pretty much shut I can't talk I have a migraine due to stress and weather counting down the hours now they can't come soon enough now we have bad storms coming and I am just praying the power doesn't go out as I am dragging her to the train station no matter what I must go she is being nosey so waiting for my nephew to pic her up at 10 pm and know he won't show either there going to the casino and if she is still gone when its time to go I am taking her stuff picking her up and still taking her there she is out of here she is kissing butt but its making no difference at all to me I am sick and thats that Hugs Krissi

joy

08-28-2008, 03:44 PM

Oh Krissi I am so glad it is over for you. I have been busy with things here at home and just now getting caught back up here on BT. I am so glad you've decided you need NO MORE of this.

You will learn or have learned I should say that an abusive person only gets worse as they age. And if they can't continue doing it physically, they only try and add on more of the verbal crap. Your mother will nee4d more and more of attention as she ages but that doesn't mean it has to be you.

Unfortunate for her but very good for you that you have reached the conclusions that you have. I might also add that in my case my mother was not all that bad. And the shortcomings that she had was because she had it very bad as her mother died when she was six!

But I heard more than once the story of how she had to hold up for my brother after granddaddy died. Seems grandmother (daddy's mom) needed someone to stay with her at night after granddaddy died.

Well we had built onto our garage so the grandparents could live by the son, my dad, after granddaddy developed heart trouble. So it was convenient for my older brother to go accross the drive and stay all night. But grandmother went to bed with the chickens and brother did not like it, lol.

So mother finally said that some of the others could send their kids some too as it wasn't fair for her kid to do it all. That WAS fair. But when I was the one to have to do all of the upkeep of my mother, those words she said came flying back at me!

It was awful the thinhgs that did come back. Like how I felt like he was always the favored one (because he was the one that was least likley to visit her) as he was the first child and absent minded about seeing her. It was special when he did I understand all that. But it wasn't fdair for me to have had to quit my job and start trying to keep her. I wanted to at first but I was overzealous with it.

That was bad for me in the end and brother did not want to help as much it seemed. I am ashamed today of my giving it back to her. Things turned out badly and I still feel bad as I was overwhelmed at the end. When someone had health troubles what they can do is limited severly. I did not notice and do the things that I would have done had I not been overwhelmed & it was bad for my mother's health in the end.

I am so happy you made it to some tough decisions at this early but still to late to help you out of a bad situation for you. You were far to young to have to take things when you were at home. I'm so glad you have a husband that takes care of you now and I know it means the world to you.

Buttons2

08-28-2008, 07:03 PM

Happy Thursday Krissi!! Fill the tub with hot water & have a good soak. Put a cold washcloth over your face & banish that headache. Tell it to go away if possible! You did great,now back to your own life.

I swear I'll scream if your mother missed that train today!

(((((HUGS))))))

Kashis

08-29-2008, 12:03 PM

First of all I want to thank each and everyone of you for being here for me for the duration I so wish I could say it was a reaserch project or something like that but it wasn't it was my reality and I had to cope with alot as you all know I have forgotten alot of what happen this week as I was so overwhelmed between her and the funeral and the fair and the hubby being gone but thanks to brain damage I forget eaisly

I have realized no matter how many years later you can't deal with this or any kind of abuse for any reason its not right and shouldn't be taken as you are a human being and deserve to be treated as one and equal

I think this was hard in dealing with my childhood all over again all the bad memories of her and what she was capable of and knowing she is still capable of this as she never got help as in her eyes she doesn't have a problem

My child stayed here the whole time after her throwing things at me and she didn't consider that all I heard was she went with her friends one night big deal and her friend was her cousin the day after her grampa's funeral so the lady has no heart nor feelings for anyone but herself

as I posted I hoped through all this others could learn that I do know abuse of all kinds and this was my childhood always just alot worse and I wanted to show the world what really happen while she was here I wanted people to know I do understand

I never thought it would be as difficult as it was but it was and it showed the real side of things

I have no feelings of guilt and not a tear drop to cry over any of this wouldn't give the satisfaction to her at all she did the normal I am sorry should I stay a few more days on the way to the train I am greatful I didn't get a speeding ticket on the way as when she said that I was full blown gunned there LOL she said I am sorry if there were any misunderstandings etc... blah blah blah all the things you hear from and abuser

I am done with her now till GOD comes calling as said because nothing I ever do will matter I am in control of her money and it will all go for her bills and funeral I want no part of it anything that has to do with her leaving me anything and having a reason for her coming back to haunt me as belive me its a fear I do have but she wore out her last welcome and when I return home she will not be informed I will no longer see her this is the sad part as a mother should love her child forever and make it known always she never will do this she will never show love to me at all for any reason and I truely know this now

she will continue to love my sister as she feels sorry for her and my sister treats her like dirt all the time takes her money etc,, but all I hear is she never had nothing as a kid and I feel sorry for her so I will leave it that way as much as my sis don't want her she has her for the rest of her life now and deserves it for never helping me and loving me either I was always the black sheep so to say cause I came 13yrs later and invaded her space so to say so I get punished both ways cause my mother didn't put me up for adoption

But this was a true learning experience for me a wake up call flashbacks were awful and hard for me to take but I got through alot this experience I thought just me and her alone things would be ok I was so wrong and nothing I did will be good enough she spent no money while she was here and I told her I was low on gas taking her to the train she offered 10$ great 3 gallons will get me far and for all I did she couldn't fill my tank but if it was one of my sisters kids the money is right there so as you see I get nothing but hassle and hardtimes from her when I do the most

I can't ever do enough and never will be able to so I must stop trying I made peace with myself and GOD as a human being I do feel bad as its my mother but I know nothing will ever change and I can't make things change

I didn't get to celebrate yesterday as I had such a migraine I slept and slept but enjoyed the house so much to myself without her nagging and threats she kept giving I kept hearing her voice and kept looking over my shoulder to see if she was here as that fear is still in me I was waiting for her to walk by or something come out of the room etc... I was constantly in fear of no one here so that was a lil wild I was thinking the train didn't get her or something it was nuts but today I am much better and finally coming back to myself

the shock is wearing off it will still be a few days but at least my daughter is here incase my brain has another flareup etc... so I am not alone

I know my mother has cancer and for that I feel bad but I can't control that and keep feeling bad for her because of this that I can take her and spend as much time with her as I can that thought is now gone I went way out for her for christmas and now this and she don't care at all what I do thats nice for her all she remembers is what everyone else did for her I will never be good enough for her and it doesn't matter anymore it used to hurt and I think this is why I kept trying but in the long run I now realize its not worth it

I can Thank GOD that I got through all of this I can thank all of you for helping me through this but it is a cycle being she was my mother I never broke the abuse cycle with her due to she was my mother maybe she would show her love for me someday just as a victim thinks but being a survivor I have broke the cycle with her now too

I never showed her either of my web pages due to the fact I didn't want her to take credit for anything as she would have found away somehow so decided it wasn't worth it to me I would have just heard the how he did this to you never anyone else including herself which I think was a good decision

I am so far behind on that page now too as didn't go there with her here but I am now going monday to all the politictians stands at the fair and planning on dropping of my dv letter to each one I couldn't do it with her here but this is my next goal I have to rewrite the letter but for now I am just taking the next day or so to do me things anything that makes me happy cause I need that right now

so in closing once again I have showed abuse never changes the abuser can change if they admit they have a problem and get it taken care of but this takes alot of time
and in all my years to my mother its discipline and I still need it in her eyes but anyway
I am breaking another cycle I have finally started to deal with my childhood issuses through all these posts and now all can see why I was married at 16 somewhat of the life I lived the lil girl locked in the cellar door is gone now and yes I did this as a child I couldn't run away the lil girl doesn't have to hide anymore I don't have to run from her anymore I have did my best as a daughter to tolerate her and did my best to come to the conclusion it was never me that should have been locked up in psych wards it should have been her and I should have been taken away from her years ago and my sister should have made sure of this knowing what was going on but never blinked an eye as she hated me too

In the end I did find out my father wanted custody of me he may have been an alcoholic but yah know that showed me there was something wrong with her an he knew it and didn't want me to be a part of it he knew who she was and what she was about I don't think he ever beat on her I think it was the other way around my step father was different but besides the point I know my father GOD rest his soul seen what she was capable of and tried to save me and that in the end is what matters now most to me the father I never really new much as he died when I was 9 cared alot and hearing that I am at peace with myself

Thank you all again and I hope this post keeps going for those who have a time of need and ask for help to show were there just as all were for me so in closing I am glad its over I am glad its done and I am glad I am finally at peace with myself the past is now gone and not seeing her no more will I ever live it again that lil girl inside of me knows she will be ok that I am here and she can come out an play whenever she wants Krisssi

Kashis

08-29-2008, 12:49 PM

after the last post I was watching tv and it was on the mike and juliet morning show and the topic what if your mother cares for herself more then you it starts like this what happens if your mother is a narcesist with the love of herself coming before her own child the child knew she had to please her own mother or she would be punished

Her mother made her go into the performing arts her childhood was lost the child would run to her room hide under her bed the girl is 26 and there is no end of the arguements from the overcontroling mom she does apologize but its like a battered womans symdrome and then starts again

Her daughter moved acrossed the usa to get away from her wow if that wasn't a flashback totally the lady says she loves herself more then her daughter the dr called her a pathological narcisists and the daughter is 26 and damaged as her mother never gave her a chance to have some control of herself

I am watching an typing so bear with me as this just is flipping me out the mother was self absorbed things were always about her

there is a special langauge to talk to the narricictic mother too wow
if you want more information on this show its on fox and its called the mike and juliet show if you want to do a searh about it

anyway I wanted to post this wondering why it wasn't on days ago as I would have played it over and over again for her LOL

its really nice to see once again I am not alone as others out there have mothers like this my mother wanted me to be a model a dancer a singer she wanted to live her life threw me
she wanted me to do everything she wanted to do as a child but never could not out of love but cause she wasn't all those things she was stuck with me and punishing me for it I remember once she wanted me to be a hair model for a magazine and I chopped off all my hair when I was on the run just so I didn't have to do these things I wanted to be me I loved singing and dancing but man lessons and polkas etc... that just wasn't me at all I love to sing for me not her and dance cause I feel the beat not cause I have too this has brought back more flashbacks as you see and I had to share this with all of you

by the way on the show the daughter didn't want to sit no where near the mother she pulled away as the mom tryed to get close to her as she wanted no more of it she told the daughter she came a close second to her as in loves more Krissi

joy

08-29-2008, 01:53 PM

Krissi you just keep moving and singing to that beat you have in your heart now. It's way better than the bitter ones you have. Every child should know love and have confidence in themselves.

I hope those that need it find a way to read your heartfelt and moving words Krissi. I plan on seeing that show later perhaps. Thanks for telling about it here.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Buttons2

08-29-2008, 07:06 PM

Krissi,I hope you can get some much deserved rest now. Try to banish the thoughts of her & the visit from your mind. You deserve some peace.

(((((HUGS)))))

Kashis

08-31-2008, 12:50 PM

I have been sleeping alot and going through a simalir sort of deprogramming

my daughter caught me yesterday smoking in my room and said mom its ok to come out and smoke shes not here really its ok come out and be in the frontroom so yah a lil deprograming in progress but I am alot better now
any longer who knows how long this would go on we keep making jokes that my hair is on the floor it must be cleaned up then we laugh and say well can't afford carpeting so it helps out LOL so we have been cracking jokes alot she has been making me laugh about it all so I am doing well

I am glad she is gone she did call to tell me she was home I cringed but made it very short I will not answer calls no more from her she will send emails they will be screened before I read them and will be deleted if there something that may cause a health risk

so thats the good part she is 350 miles away and must stay there I am safe now content and glad its over I leave all this in the past on this forum where its gone out of my life and hopefully people can learn from my experience
Krissi

Kashis

08-31-2008, 12:54 PM

THANKS ALL FOR THE SUPPORT IN MY TIME OF NEED AND GIVING ME A PLACE TO LET THE HURT OUT AND KNOW THAT I AM OK KRISSI

joy

08-31-2008, 04:35 PM

{HUGS} Krissi

Buttons2

09-02-2008, 07:08 PM

Take care now,HUGS

tic chick

09-02-2008, 09:57 PM

krissi...

you made it through a rough time.

(((((HUGS))))))

jeannie

cheyriver

09-11-2008, 01:49 AM

Krissi,

Sorry you went through a rough time with your mother while she was visiting. I find my parents to be worse as in emotionally abusive as they get older.

Your a strong person Krissi! Hugs to you. :)

Kashis

09-18-2008, 12:45 AM

I am still having flashbacks and I am trying not to answer her calls I just came home from milw and didn't even contact her when she called last she was yelling at me cause she can't get her answering machine to work well the lady unplugs her phone at night so I just emailed instructions and left it at that she recently told me in a conversation as I gave her a new phone that has a answer machine she has my sis and my niece right there to help her she calls me then tells me I dont' have a brain injury its all in my head and only when she calls tells me if I stop thinking about it then it will go away my brain could blow up and this lady thinks nothing of it I could care less now that she stayed due to the fact I expect this out of her the coldhearted bia she is this would come out her mouth

my jaw is locked once again change of season asthma so been coughing but she don't care she makes fun of my talking as it sounds like I got all my teeth pulled when I talk I want no part of this I don't deserve it I just hope my childhood flashbacks start to go away soon they started when she was here I am coping with them fine but it needs to end and I need to move on from it totally and in due time I will but when it gets bad I know I can come here write what is going through my head and move on

Hugs To All of you Krissi

Buttons2

09-18-2008, 12:37 PM

Krissi,have you tried keeping busy with something to help banish the thoughts? I just returned from my annual visit with my folks & it went so badly I'm swearing I'll never go back again. I understand all the ugly thoughts that take over our minds & how hard it is to get them out.

Your mother pretty much takes the cake as far as I know. Why talk to her at all? Might as well go slap yourself in the face in front of a mirror! Frankly she's a horrid human being from what I've read about her & you certainly don't deserve anymore of her crap.

Yeah,I know-easy for me to say just don't let her,it's entirely up to you. The little girl inside us will always crave a loving mommy huh?

(((((HUGS)))))

joy

09-18-2008, 12:49 PM

You have plenty of surrogate mothers here Krissi. I gave some straight talk to Buttons after her visit to her folks. I imagine it would apply to you as well.

{{{HUGS}}} Krissi you are such a good person, hang in there, keep avoiding her. You more than deserve a chance at happiness and all you have is what you have worked so hard to get. Don't let ties to a woman without any good emotions destroy you.

Kashis

09-20-2008, 12:58 PM

I am doing very well at keeping away from her calls and mails I did send the new family pic to her to show i was in town last weekend and oops forgot to see her but man it felt so good knowing I didn't have to anymore then to see her car gone was even better she is right down the road from where I was I didn't even call she isn't worth my time and I am greatful for my loving surrogate mom's here as they take the time to understand me and the child within me who never got to come out she was to afraid and now that child inside me is able to do as she wants if she wants to come out and play hey I may grow old that don't mean I have to grow up LOL thanks all I will keep posting here I am sure as more drama is sure to come but as of right now I am doing great staying away from her calls she no longer is a part of my life she is a stranger and as i have talked to my cousin come to find I was always shipped by someones home as a child so she didn't raise me everyone else did I just took punishment from her and I have come to the conclusion the reason I was punished so bad is she never wanted me to begin with and she I am sure wanted to make sure that I knew this well she did a great job Hugs Krissi

Buttons2

09-20-2008, 06:35 PM

Krissi,your biological mother is only one person in the entire universe. She's the one losing out-not you. You have many other people to love & appreciate you. Love yourself first.

We're always here for you. (((((HUGS)))))

tic chick

09-20-2008, 09:46 PM

(((((krissi))))).

yes, it feels wonderful when you no longer have to be the punching bag for somebody else's anger. you did not have to see your mother, even though you were so close to her in distance.

what a nice thing joy said by calling us your surrogate moms :).

you know, when you are abused as a child, the most important thing you should learn is, IT STOPS WITH ME!!

that means you do not abuse your children and then they have less chance of abusing their children. you don't perpetuate violence as a lifestyle. and i think it helps us heal a lot when we do not abuse our children, when we give them the love that we wanted ourselves and never received.

i know you are a wonderful mom and your kids love you.

and i love supporting you here, cause it's kind of like taking care of you.

sometimes i wonder who's getting the better deal...lol. it is nice that we both benefit from being a part of this forum and knowing each other.

2111 jeannie

Kashis

09-21-2008, 02:37 PM

I am grateful to have all of you I can't express that enough due to my injury I have no friends as everyone is to afraid to take me anywhere for fear of me suffering terribly just having a conversation the pain it causes me so I am now finding I have found a new family here and I am not alone I have somewhere to go and I know someone will always care and show love for me and that means more then any of you could ever know I may feel alone but know that coming here I am not I live secluded but yet am brought to life talking to all of you and that is so important to me it keeps me strong and keeps me going Hugs Krissi

Buttons2

09-22-2008, 01:32 PM

Krissi, many of us here find comfort in having our BT cyber companions. I know I do. And it also helps to know we won't be judged or abused emotionally no matter what.

I'm glad you have "found" us (and many other's on different forums I'm sure). I'm also very reclusive & know that we must have some form of communication everyday in order to maintain our sanity & dignity we have lost by no longer being able to get out in the public,work outside the home,etc.

((((((HUGS always))))))

Kashis

09-24-2008, 03:26 PM

I had another night mare about this lady again she was at my home and there was a storm a bad storm so I asked her to watch someones child for a moment while I got the yard ready for the storm when I came back she cooked the baby in the oven I woke terrified I don't know why I would have such a dream but it was the worst ever and she in the dream acted like it was no big deal it was a mistake I was so upset when I woke I can't take the nightmares with her in them anymore I am doing the best I can but I swear the lady is haunting me while alive its crazy Krissi

joy

09-25-2008, 12:24 AM

Krissi I don't know how to banish those bad dreams. My oldest grand child has bad dreams as well. They are more like terror dreams it sounds like to me. We try just about everything and all I know to do is offer her comfort when it happens. It is distressing to know that there is not much we can do long distance. I just keep telling my little one to think of happier things.

{{{{HUGS}}}}

Buttons2

09-25-2008, 03:38 PM

(((((HUGS))))) Krissi,hope the nighmares are banished from your mind soon.

Kashis

09-30-2008, 02:59 PM

SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
THANKS ALL MY HEAD IS GONNA BLOW MY BRAINS ARE GOING TO COME OUT MY EARS IF THIS MIGRAINE DON'T STOP OFF TO THE DR ONCE AGAIN GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SO JUST NEEDED A MOMENT TO SCREAM HUGS KRISSI*pow

joy

09-30-2008, 10:57 PM

That was the topic last time I was with friends. One put a friend down for three days. Mine got better after menopause but that's an awful long time to have to wait. I hope you are much much better now. {{{{HUGS}}}}

Kashis

10-04-2008, 01:26 PM

doing better but decided to quit smoking now great hey I am having the hardest time in the morning thats the worst for me and the nicotrol inhaler is swelling my tounge so I am going to see about chantix come tue as my dr is off I am going to do this but its hard especially when you have nothing to do really and if I craft I am stuck with a bunch of stuff going no where so I just am in a stump I have been walking as I have been watching the neighbors dog but she is leaving today so I am stuck I want to walk to the gas station and get 1 pack so bad who knows I am just disturbed my hubby quit cold turkey and is doing fine he has a life though thats making things hard on me I have just the comp and cleaning and crafting nothing changes for me and soon it will be too cold for me to walk due to asthma so I am hanging in as best I can all ashtrays are clean but I am still a bit crazy right now so decided to come here and vent for a bit

I can do this its just going to take a lil more time if I could get through the morning I would be great Hugs Krissi

joy

10-04-2008, 11:30 PM

It is now 9:30 at night & I'm sure hoping you made it today without a cigarette Krissi! My son trid the Chantix for awhile. He said that if you are careful as to when you eat that it works better. He was having some naseau with his. For some reason he gave it up & went back to smoking. I'm praying that you won't do that Krissi.

In fact, I'm counting on you to not give up! You are a fighter so hang in there. You will feel so much better once the smoke is out of your life.

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

Kashis

10-06-2008, 02:30 PM

Bad News I didn't give up I gave up for a few days till I can get chantix my tounge started swelling and blistering from the nicotrol inhaler I had a bad reaction but will be back on board as soon as I get the meds the hubby is doing a great job of quitting though so its a good thing as he was the reasons I never quit before

I can't go cold turkey the panic attacks were awful so that is in the can so to say but I am still gung ho about all this so I will keep you posted

My mother still wants me to call her I am having a hard time not doing it as nice as I am but I am holding my ground as best I can for now Hugs Krissi

Buttons2

10-06-2008, 08:20 PM

If you want to torture yourself just "envision" a phone conversation with your mom. Seriously,pretend you called & then see in your mind how it would go.......and then don't let yourself actually make the call!

Hang in there with the smoking,give yourself credit for trying & so glad to hear your hubby has quit!

((((HUGS)))))

joy

10-07-2008, 02:09 PM

Hi Krissi. I'm having a hard time this morning. I've been off line for a few days but am trying to get back but with my glasses. I need new ones as I don't put in my contacts everyday.

I heard a new product today, something like a mouth lozenger that tastes like cappacunio or something. Gum hewing? maybe anything.

Just don't beat yourself up Krissi. It is a very hard habit to break and I feel you've broke the most important ones already.

Do like Buttons says about that phone call. If she has a phone recorder, try late at night when you think she won't answer and leave a message or something. Or worse yet, if you do call, plead a headache, tummy ache, ANYTHING but leave this thought in HER head, YOU are SICK.. YOU WILL BE TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF!!

{{{HUGS}}}

Kashis

10-09-2008, 04:55 PM

I am doing better at quitting started chantix and then also I smoke a half a cig maybe every 2 hours and trying to keep busy while doing this changing my routine and no smoking in the house nor any ashtrays etc... so its a start and I am determined as ever as I am tired of being stinky LOL

I still haven't called her and really choose not to as its all about my sister I have her convinced change of season has locked my jaw and I have a terrible cold which is true so I will leave it like that an she won't call me as it costs money so thats a + but I just said that so we all know the phone will be ringing

I do know when she goes to the sr center so If I call it will be then but the prob with that is her calling back so as long as I don't have to talk to her I won't
she is emailing me the please please please call me no way she is gonna learn this time
Hugs To all I am so far behind that I have to catch up on emails and such

Oh yes Joy Thanks for the gum Idea but due to damaged nerves in my face its not allowed nor is hard candy either but I appreciate the help and hope you get them glasses soon

and Pati Thanks for the advice Hugs Krissi

joy

10-09-2008, 07:16 PM

Sounds to me like you have a good start Krissi. Just more {{{HUGS}}}}

keep resisting that phone call!

Kashis

10-10-2008, 02:42 PM

This is a email I sent to my mother as she is trying to involve me in my sisters problems 5 kids and all screwed up well guess that is what happens when I raised them while she locked herself in a room the whole time they grew up and left them for days anyway long story short things have hit the fan back home and I finally had to stand my ground I can't take it no more I wanted to go on about when she was here but decided to let things lie its in the past and I want to leave it there Hugs Krissi

ps she called I never called back Krissi

I can't do anything for any of Karen's kids and please stop telling me about what is going on they made there beds and must lie in them and until they find GOD nothing will change you can't change things and neither can I so please if you want to email me that's fine but I don't want to hear about the drama back there

I love my jazz but until she comes home I don't want details about any of them kids haidon and ang are ok as there isn't much stress with them but the rest I want to hear nothing about I can't tolerate worrying about something I have no control of I have plenty going on with my health and I don't need my brain swelling due to all this drama and ending in the hosp and hope you can consider that

I don't want to die on the account of someone else's problems cause your freaking out and my brain is swelling due to this its not fair to me nor my health an yet no one has seemed to think that my brain could swell and I could die just as you with your blood pressure I seem to always be forgotten as far as my brain injury goes and it seems not to matter to any and Its about time I stand up for me and my feelings and watch as I am suppose to avoid trigger points yet no one thinks of this either as far as it seems no one believes that I have this brain injury and I am just faking now that hurts as I can't take this I moved this far away for a reason and now that I am sick I need to stay away from this

Don't take this personally but I want nothing to do with any of this Love Kris

tic chick

10-10-2008, 04:53 PM

2146
krissi,

krissi, i am so proud of you for not getting sucked up into your sister's drama and your mother's pleas to act on it.

as you said, they made their beds.

you DO have to take care of yourself. it's a shame they don't realize that brain trauma, even though they can't see it, is still part of your life and always will be.

you will have to keep standing up for yourself, cause it's like they want to hook you into their drama. i know it seems like you should only have to tell them once, but they will still keep trying.

you are doing the right thing!!! don't ever doubt that. it's like another form of abuse when they try to get you involved, knowing you can't cause you will get sick.

keep on trying to give up smoking. sometimes it takes awhile, but i know if anybody can do it, YOU CAN, krissi.

(((((HUGS)))))
jeannie

Kashis

10-11-2008, 11:00 AM

I will keep all posted on what happens here on out with this email who knows for once the lady might get it YAH RIGHT and my smoking I have cut down alot and its making me sick lately which isn't so pretty but if thats what it takes so be it my final quit day is this wednesday but I am down to maybe a pack every 2 days Hugs Krissi

Kashis

10-12-2008, 02:40 PM

I may be leaving for awhile where I am going I am not sure yet but my 19 yr old has moved back home I am tired of her bs and her father doing nothing about it I won't tolerate it and he is gonna learn real quick she is calling me retarded ugly fake etc... this I will not tolerate telling me I was not there to raise her and such things as this on top of all that she is starting drama with my family that I am trying to avoid at this time and of course we all know who gets the short end of the stick on all this

She told me she is just gonna ignore me as she always does she won't even sweep up a pile of dirt for me I asked a week ago I am not taking this he won't stand up to her so they can be together with me out of the pic I am not playing these lil games anymore between either of them I am his wife not his child with a brain injury and he should be there for me I have been through this before and will NOT do it again this is mental abuse and I am not gonna take it

So If you don't hear from me for a bit I have left you with alot of information plus the web page for now I am not done fighting for victims and keeping survivors just that but for now I need to make me Happy so if you don't see me for awhile don't worry I am taking care of me

I was leaving during the football game we will see if he leaves as then I am out of here and may go to my bro's in Milw I am truely hurt right now and need to go my tears are flowing and I can't stop them I love you all Hugs Krissi

tic chick

10-12-2008, 04:14 PM

krissi,

i am sorry that this is happening and that YOU have to leave the house!

you live in minneapolis, a big city. call your local police department and ask what you have to do to have an adult child evicted from your home.

if your name is on the house as co-owner, you DO NOT have to let your adult daughter walk in and walk all over you. you might have to go to court and ask to have her evicted. she would get a notice and probably have a certain amount of time to leave. if she doesn't leave, then the county sheriff or police could remove her from your home.

you should not be the one leaving.

(((hugs and take care of yourself, wherever you go)))
jeannie

joy

10-13-2008, 08:10 AM

So I will be here hopefully to welcome you back. And just in case I will send a PM in hopes you do return by logging in elsewhere.

Much love to you.

You can do it girl!!

Buttons2

10-13-2008, 01:05 PM

Krissi,I'd kick the adult daughter out! Geez,it's your home right? Don't let them win......you are a survivor & seems to me everyone must resent that?

As for your mom & her refusal to turn around & see the truth.....next time ask what SHE is doing to help the situation?

Take care whatever you decide to do Krissi, ((((HUGS))))))

Kashis

10-14-2008, 10:32 AM

I am here for 2 more weeks I would love to kick my daughter out but her daddy is all for her and her grandparents own the house so me leaving is best I will leave on my anniversary if things don't change which will be nov 2nd No I shouldn't have to leave my home but since my inlaws own in what choice do I have really she will come first

For the time being I will not look at her I am ignoring her and paying no attention to her and staying as far away from her as possible

The hubby best make a stand for me or were done its sad he has to choose between his wife and child but for years this kid has been trying to rip us apart and well she is gonna succeed this time as I said I didn't want her back she is an adult but no daddys girl gets what she wants and I ain't putting up with it anymore for any reason she wants to act like a child I will treat her like one

I shouldn't have to leave no but its my choice its seems for me eaiser to walk out and walk away then ever have to go through any bs again in my situation anyway thats what I call surviving and I have pleanty of places to go I came this far and ain't no stopping me now I also qualify for assisted living due to my tbi so I will be ok

Its in the hubbys hands and my bags are staying packed to remind him there is still a chance of me leaving like I said my choice why argue anymore its just not worth it to me I suffer enough pain I don't need anymore

So Nov 2nd I plan on ordering my train ticket and leaving with what I can and then I will go from there and start life new I am still young I will be ok I can get a place like I said in gov housing and don't have to worry about this anymore its so hard to explain why I am doing what I am but my hands are pretty much tied and my home won't be paid off for 2 yrs I have no access to my house at all till then so she can stay

I have already told her to go to grandmas house and get out but of course daddy says no he started this letting her back when I told him no in the first place

anyway the good news my mother was very nice about my letter I was shocked and as far as smoking tomorrow is the big day and I am all ready for it the stress won't stop me

bear with me in my decisions for now I have a plan I am in no danger but my tbi flares and I know where I am going to get away and with a one way train ticket and no cell phone I won't be found I can guarntee that if and when I have to leave

This should be my home and I should make the rules but nope not with her here she asks me for things I don't hear her I refuse to ask her for anything and I don't want her here a mother should love there child and this I do and always will but when my husband abused me she also abused her mind and this is why she treats me like this and its wrong and I don't and won't take it I love you all and I thank you for your support so much I will be here for 2 more weeks on Nov 1st I will post what will go on Hugs Krissi

Buttons2

10-14-2008, 03:07 PM

Krissi you have to do what's right for you. We'll be behind you no matter what. Sad to hear your hubby seems to have blinders on but that's HIS problem right? Glad to hear your mom was nice for a change!

Better days ahead for you!
{{{{HUGS}}}}

joy

10-14-2008, 03:46 PM

What Buttons said. You hold your ground.

When our daughter was home and grown I kept wanting to set a time frame for when she would have to move out. Hubby did not see it that way.

Of course it ended badly as it usually does. But my daughter still talks to me and she knows the worst stuff about me that a person can know.

NOT THAT I'D advise that, telling all. It has to be with an understanding it will be accepted well and put to use correctly.

Way too much info, I know.

You are a strong person & are here on earth for a reason. It's not to be continually abused either!!

So hold your ground as Buttons said.

And especially, take care of YOURSELF.

{{{{HUGS}}}}

Kashis

10-14-2008, 11:35 PM

I thank you all and for the time being tomorrow is my quit date so I am focasing on that I think you are the only friends I have and its ok I don't know what I would do without all of you sometimes

this will be a good test for me to coping with stress and getting through without a smoke and i am ready trash is out of the house and ashtrays are washed and put up so I am good to go Yeah Me

Right now I am on strike and its all about me strike and its gonna stay that way for now I am me I love me and dammit me is worth something and I know it

And now for closing as I took 2 sleeping pills and they eyes are getting heavy NEW POST TOMORROW thinking of what I went through in life I thought it would be great

Also I don't know if I will be allowed to go but on the 16th I want to find out about being a guest speaker at a dv confrence in town and seeing about making a change but because I want to leave home well to get there is gonna be tough as he is afraid I am leaving for good so we will see Hugs Krissi

tic chick

10-15-2008, 01:01 AM

((((krissi)))),

krissi, i hope your quit smoking date is successful tomorrow!

you said that "you have 2 years before the home will be paid off." okay, that suggests to me that you and hubby are paying a mortgage. that still would make the house part yours. i would still check this out with a lawyer. probably a half hour consultation is all you need. if you are going to file for divorce, that might make your hubby think twice about letting your daughter stay. but, that's another decision you don't have to make right now.

however, krissi, i respect your decision and i have confidence in what you are doing. if this is what feels the best for YOU, then do it.

i just wanted to tell you some options that you might have.

this seems so UNFAIR to you and i feel sad for you *heart.

take care of yourself, krissi, please. we are all supporting you here, you know that!

(((BIG HUGS)))
jeannie

joy

10-15-2008, 01:09 AM

Krissi - Lawyers can help protect YOU as well!! If any of you helped pay for that house, no matter whose name is on the title, I am with tic chick on this, A LAWYER. Wouldn't hurt to hear what one has to say.

Only if you think you can handle it tho'. I'm putting my trust in you that you will do what is best for you.

I am so glad we have friends of all ages everywhere looking out for us. It does help tremendously for me as well.

Kashis

10-16-2008, 02:03 PM

Thanks for the support all I am doing the best I can for right now I made it my first day no cigarettes its tough but I know withdrawls are only 5 min long so go me

As far as a lawyer I just don't want to do this right now I can't take the stress there are also other things I could do too but I am looking out for my kids career so I haven't taken that measure but it could come to that long storie I have things up my sleeve and if she wants to hate me I will give her reason to this time around I want my husband to stand up and be a parent with me not one says this and one that its a partnership and should be that way he is off 3rd shift as of mon so we will see what goes from there as when he is on 2nd thats when all heck breaks loose and this time as I said my stuff is packed still

Its either he stands by me or not thats his choice I have left that up to him it is his choice that I stay or go

I am suppose to go to the meeting tonight he goes in at 3 this afternoon so it doesn't help as I have no way there I will check into next month I really want to be a speaker at this I am just trying to focaus on me for now and I think she got the point I want nothing to do with her at all I haven't talked to her since sat nite her last words to me were I will ignore you like I always do well the game is on her this time why waste my time with words then

I will not go shopping for food as I am not feeding her now I see she bought ramen noodles and nothing we needed I will not buy laundry soap and if so it will be hidden I will start putting away tp I have started to delete her shows off cable as she don't pay the bill I am making big changes around here she don't pay she gets nothing

And the hubby is gonna suffer too Right now I am finding me its all about me and I am me I AM ON STRIKE TOTALLY she thinks cause she isn't here now she don't have to help in the house well then she gets nothing I have had it and I am gonna stand my ground for now

and if he wants a divorce so be it he made me disabled and will have to pay me anyway so I am not worried one bit but he has been on 3rd shift so we haven't talked either so I am waiting right now its me alone and I want to keep it that way I get my time my home and now I must clean the rest of the house to get the smoke smell out its driving me nuts

All right Thanks again all now I must do my new post Hugs Krissi

Buttons2

10-16-2008, 02:51 PM

Krissi good for you to quit smoking! Sounds like you have a plan. Hope everything works out for you!

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

tic chick

10-16-2008, 03:04 PM

krissi!

good for you! it's great that you're doing something to show your daughter she can't just walk in and walk all over you.

going on strike, hiding toilet paper and detergent, not cooking, deleting her cable shows are GREAT!!! ways of showing exactly who is boss in your house and who pays the bills!

good for you!

i'll be hoping that your hubby sees where his loyalty should go to!

take care of yourself, krissi and ((((hugs))))
jeannie

joy

10-16-2008, 03:39 PM

Go going Krissi!. Right now I am chewing gum so fiercly it's unreal. I hate gum poppers. That sound of smaking gum drives me nuts. People will sit in meetings, church, anywhere and smack their gum. I hate it! So today I am practicing trying to make mine smack myself so I can give it back to them, LOL.

So proud of you with the cigarettes. You will be so much better off without smokes. You health will be so much better. I'm hoping you can kick that habit. I'm rooting for you girl. Be sure to tell us any more stratigies you come up with. My daughter may need to try some of them on her husband. She is unappreciated too.

take care & HUGS

Kashis

10-16-2008, 04:59 PM

I so wish I could chew gum it would make things so much eaiser for me but now its water just water water and more water but last night it was 3 peanut butter and chocolate chip sandwiches I have no clue why but I ate them all and a banana and well rice too so yah the eating part is kicking in

The chantix is working greatly but the mood swings at this time dont' help and insomina is worse then ever I take sleeping pills and still can't sleep so thats a problem

In stressfull situations I use meditation deep breathing and when I crave a smoke I tell myself i must get through 5 min count to 5 and I am ok who knows but it works Lol

I am doing my best focasing on this and chantix also has a web page with daily activitys that I do and build a support group etc.. so there is something daily and if it gets to bad there is a number to call

the cravings really aren't so bad though so I am so happy for that but the pill can cause depression so with all I am going through around here I wouldn'tknow the difference so thats the scary part and I won't see no therapist nor will I take anti depressants as I can't I don't like feeling like someone I am not more or less they make me to giddy and I live in a lie so to say

I am hoping tomorrow to get the bathroom clean as thats the last smoky room and then getting my comp inside cleaned up all the smoke in there I can smell that I was going to do that today but to lazy I am sure its the meds and lack of food I am not hungry till at night not a good thing at all so must find something at night to do to keep me full and I am not a eater as my meds steal my appetite so its tough all the way around but I have made it to day 2 and saved 12.00 which don't seem like much but think in 30 days what that will be ok must do meditation now to relax and put myself in relaxation mode no one is here so I am taking and loving it

My kid called 3x's today didn't leave a message and I wasn't answering I still refuse to look at or talk to her it may be childish but eventually she is gonna wonder why she is trying to talk to me and I just look the other way for now

The hubby is starting to kiss my butt and send me love hugs kisses and such kind words but I have told him this time a hug and kiss isn't gonna fix things
she is an adult and its time he thinks of me and thats all I am really asking we raised our kids went through hell and well now its time for us to be the couple we once were in the beginning when we had the house alone and it was just us it was so nice and I want that back I want what was it was like we were dating all over not to mention we were becoming lil rabbits I know tmi but just saying we were totaly into each other again the way it was and always should have been

If I do leave just remember its my choice as I want to be me and here just isn't where I want to be I need time away to get my head straight I was gone 3 weeks in the hospital and it did wonders the same kid didin't call me for 3 weeks just once to get her out of detention at the time I hung up on her so see I need to find me again before I decide how I will deal with her
its wrong I have to leave my own home but right now in my eyes I need to escape all this make them wonder and see how much they really care or if I am just forgotten if that be the case I will already have cried my tears and will be ready for the next step what ever that may be Krissi

joy

10-17-2008, 12:51 AM

I'm with you on this one Krissi. I agree about how to treat both daughter & husband too. It seems they can ignore you if it's convient for them. ;).

Do what you gotta do!

Kashis

10-17-2008, 05:11 PM

Things have finally changed for the better for me finally I finished talking with the hubby and think I got my point across and on top of that my daughter is now working 2 jobs one during the day and one at night so I have the house to myself

I have told him I still choose not to talk to her for awhile he told me to as he talked to her and things have been discussed but I still don't want to talk to her and take the chance of being ignored or screamed at for no reason its just better off that for now I do this so your all stuck with me for a bit longer

I have made it to day 3 of no smokes I woke this morning could have pulled my hair out due to the fact forgot to take 2 doses of meds last night and the talk this morning didn't help much either but I stood my ground and focused on me all about me one dose of meds was for my brain and face and the other for smoking you can tell were I have been stress wise as my memory gets bad when I get this bad

anyway she did the dishes last night made dinner I just went to bed I just would rather keep my distance from her for now till I can figure out things she has always been one to lie and play games I know this being her mom and well for my sake and health I am just going one day at a time with everything

I still am packed but since I have the whole house to myself all night and day I mise well stay now Hugs and I give one big one to each of you your always there for me you always listen and you always help me walk myself through the things that i need to walk through and without you all I would be alone

I go no where and do nothing my last time out of the house was sat and then that was it last time I saw a friend last sat last time someone called me I can't remember so now you see why I get so frustrated I have no one to reach out to in real life so to say so I have only the internet and I hate it nothing against you but I am alone alot more then one should be and it stinks Hugs Krissi

joy

10-17-2008, 06:35 PM

Krissi I think maybe your memory being bad is a good thing! I know when I was at my worst worrying about my kids, I did not know if it was morning or night when I woke up. For that matter, what day it was either. I think our body & minds can take just so much. To me this just says your mind was focusing on the most important thing YOU.

I hope things improve all around even more. I think it will. Even my own son knows deep down I love him & so does your daughter. They just want their cake & all the trimmings, their way. And we can just do without. The monsters!!

;)

Keep it up. You are a smart woman. Your daughter is no match for you either. :D.. Husband better shape up too I suspect, LOL.

You go woman. Your are strong where you need to be, in the heart & head.

I hope you have a great weekend & look forward to hearin from you next time.
take care

Kashis

10-19-2008, 01:41 PM

Things are going well 5 days no smoking Yah Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! as far as home life me and the hubby are getting along well now I am thinking alot has to do with my birthday being Tuesday and our 23 anniversary following Nov 2nd but who knows

My daughter asked me to drive my car yesterday and I wouldn't answer her just shook my head no and left it at that I am not doing anything she asks for no reason and still don't feel like talking to her

The hubby is shaping up I think he is terrified of loosing me he didn't say it in so many words but his whole attitude changed and when I finally talk to my kid I am going to say until you respect my feelings and me and what I have to say without battle then we can talk again until then there is no roundabout way

I don't have to respect her in anyway as she lives in my house under my roof and pays nothing so I feel I am the mother and what I say goes she is not gonna ever walk over me and stomp me ever again I will never allow this to happen and ignoring her is the best thing I have ever done wish I would have thought of it years ago with her I did it for 3 weeks with my oldest and she couldn't take it no more so yah a bit late but still I am doing this for me and its working

ok gonna go I got floaters in my eyes today there driving me cuckoo I can't see as my eyes are like going blurry its driving me nuts Hugs Krissi

Kashis

10-21-2008, 07:32 PM

Well today I have 2 reasons to celebrate I am still 30 something AHHHH SIGH and I am smoke free for my first week I am getting energy slowly not really ready for that long or short walk outside though anyway so its a nice day I had strawberry pancakes sausage and hasbrowns for breakfeast thanks to the hubby so now I am sitting at home alone so thats kinda sad so I made broccoli cheese soup for the first time and mmmm its actually good so I am proud of me for alot of things today

I have been looking back on my life and I think with all the relesing I have done here I have now blocked alot out and left it here but beyond that I am looking for a new beginning this year Its 40 next year so I am gonna soak up 30

By the way things are quite quite around here so that is also nice I guess cause I am the only one here

me and the hubby since my blow up have been watching movies together and holding hands and talking honestly working together as we both quit smoking talking about things of how the day went so its been nice and joking around laughing an smiling and yah know sometimes when your a survivor you have to yell out and remind yourself I am not taking no crap no more for no reason I have been hurt one to many times to suffer any more and I have a choice to open up and say what I feel I am somebody and I will make sure I am heard not just someone who cooks cleans and victims someday you will know what I mean all you have to do is make the choice to become a survior Hugs Krissi

Kashis

10-26-2008, 02:00 PM

Just dropping by to say 12 days and still going not that I am not craving smoking like mad but I am ok eating alot of chocolate just has to be halloween doesn't it LOL

My stress levels are high with my husband going cold turkey as he is being just that plain cold and its killing me first he was nice an sweet now just a jerk so I can't wait till all this craving for cigs is over

otherwise its been pretty quite around here just me when I am just here its not so bad but anyone else thats when I want a cigarette most so I guess my biggest cause to want to smoke is stress but I am hanging in there

I am still on strike and finally after 3 months my husband asked my kid for rent I couldn't belive it I say it was about time she is working 2 jobs why I am pulling up change for a gallon of milk or TP so yah I upped her rent from the last time she was here too cause this time I threw in all the bills so she wasn't happy oh well I am we don't live here free and neither should she well guys I am going to keep up the work of no smoking and being a non smoker as best I can its tough but at least I got 12 days in aleady Hugs Krissi

Buttons2

10-27-2008, 01:55 PM

Good for you Krissi! Keep it up,things seem to be turning in your favor for a change. Tough love with daughter & no crap from hubby! Yeah!! And I admire you for quitting the cig habit.....perhaps someday I will do that also.

((((HUGS)))))

joy

10-28-2008, 05:38 AM

Krissi you are one strong willed person. I am so thankful you kicked that bad habit. But more so am I glad that you are sticking to your guns and expecting your family to give you some support and strength.

That's the least they can do. You keep at it. I am so proud of you Krissi.

Kashis

10-28-2008, 05:12 PM

I am glad your all proud of me as I came here today to see if what I am doing is right cause I messed up one dinner out of 23 yrs its probally the 4th he got all mean telling me I f'd up the dinner and I forgot the water etc... just being an ars totally so I told him fine I will not cook no more so he comments back then don't so I haven't today he asks are you making chili I said no you told me I don't have to cook no more and I am not gonna mess up another meal to be tourchered with awful words all he has to do is say 2 words to me Im sorry this time it has nothing to do with violence so it be ok to admit its ok sometimes we make mistakes but until then I am not cooking I can live on grill cheese so anyway I am sticking to my guns and he isn't likeing it and I have such a migraine today and he complains that I don't ask how he is doing why would i he don't talk to me anyway

Times are tough for us right now so I asked him deposit a check in the bank he says no it would have saved on a od fee but he don't think like that so the check is still here then I have another one coming where I could have bought food with but now it will go for the fee so I know I am not the f up here and won't be either today I asked the kid to take the trash out she threw a fit she does nothing here so I didn't care but I have to stick to my guns I won't be walked over no one reads the fridge about my tbi and its that time that it flares on top of that its change of season which makes things worse for me and they think nothing of my symptoms my forgeting and such things my confusion etc.... there treating me like I am normal again and if it don't stop there will be a rude awakinging things are so bad right now I can't remember if I got my shots this month for my migraines as I am allowed one a month at the er its awful so I just stopped by to release so I can continue to stand my ground my memory is getting really bad lately so bad I have to try and remember when I last bathed and thats wrong so wrong as that is my favorite thing and its scaring me terribly I make lists and loose them or forget where I put them so I am having alot of trouble and no one seems to listen to a word I say and I am sick of it totally I don't have the money for the 4th to leave but the following week I will and its still in my head big time why stay where I am not wanted taken care of nor accepted for making mistakes

Anyway I am 14 days smoke free today so I am still doing this even under stress but with my memory being so bad the days are like 1 day to me as every day sometimes is the same so they go by without me even knowing crazy Hugs Krissi

Kashis

11-03-2008, 03:21 PM

Finally things are going my way the strike worked wonders the hubby is on the kids butt like flys on poo and I know he doesn't want me to leave so I did the right thing he started cooking she started cleaning so I am so happy finally as I told him I did still plan on leaving before all this happen he could hire a maid a cook and well have lots of money without me but he chose me and to fight for me and dang it ITS ABOUT TIME he got the hint I was serious Hugs Krissi;)

tic chick

11-03-2008, 04:02 PM

good for you, krissi!

i agree, sometimes we do say things in the heat of the moment that we later regret. your hubby should have said, "i'm sorry" right away, but i guess some people have to learn the hard way :confused:!

krissi, i have a calendar on my refrigerator. i buy one with big squares for the day and change it every month. i write down everybody's appointments and stuff to remember to do. you could put a calendar up anywhere and just circle the days you want to shower, or whatever you want to do. it has been a timesaver for me, because everybody looks at the calendar now instead of me reminding them what they have to do!

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK OF NOT SMOKING!!

krissi, you are so strong. when you know you are right, stick to your guns, like you did. when you feel things are too much for you, tell your family that you won't be doing this or that because you have to take care of YOURSELF, first!

have a great week, krissi!

(((((HUGS)))))
jeannie

Kashis

11-03-2008, 04:32 PM

Thanks hun and I am gonna get me one of them calenders I have seen them my inlaws get them all the time so I will ask them

TODAY IS 20 DAYS NO SMOKES the hubby fell I told him no smoking in the house though so he best not I feel so good that I can keep it up I keep telling myself I am not gonna stand outside when its -30 smoking thats whats keeping me going with winter coming come spring though well one day at a time for now

well today is the first day I am going to cook so gonna make this short but thanks all for all your support your an awesome surrogate family i know I can always come too Hugs Krissi

cheyriver

11-03-2008, 07:50 PM

Congratulations Krissi on stopping smoking. I'm not a smoker but had friends that were. It doesn't sound easy but you can do it.

Good for you for standing up to your husband and family about the household chores and cooking.

Your a strong woman. :)

Kashis

11-04-2008, 05:43 PM

I think I have just came to that point in life wher I have chosen not to take crap from anyone anymore I have been hurt enough and my guard will come down but on my terms I am at a don't mess with me stage as if you hurt me its gonna come back at you worse I have to as I am no longer going to be a door mat for anyone and that also means family I have grown strong from all my trials and troubles an I will not let that go I have 21 days today YAH ME I just keep telling myself winter is coming do I really want to go outside and freeze and then do I want my new furniture smelling like smoke I dont think so which means I am comprimising with myself in a way LOL Hugs Krissi

Kashis

11-04-2008, 05:46 PM

I reported a post last time they took points away from me and gave them back I really hope it don't happen again as I worked so hard to help others and would be devestated if all was lost due to an error on the sight so that stinks just wondering if all will be lost cause I tried to help the sight out from spammers but if all my work dissappears I have it all saved the begining posts I just want to add this incase I dissapear from the sight its cause I can't log on due to there error so lets keep our fingers crossed Hugs Krissi

joy

11-04-2008, 08:22 PM

I don't understand what you are saying, losing points? I just hope you get to keep posting wherever you want to Krissi. Remember our e-mail address if you have to use them, do so. In other words, keep in touch!!

Congratulations on not smoking. I am so proud of you Krissi!

Kashis

11-06-2008, 03:52 PM

this sight has a point system of some sort I don't understand it but I got a pm I lost 100points they gave them back due to there error but yah I found this out and I can't explain it either

I am hoping if ever there is another error like this though it don't affect all my posts wish I could explain more

Still on the non smoking wagon I have realized that now my only trigger is my kid go figure otherwise I am good

but I must say I have been eating like a big pig when I first started I didn't but now wow I can't even start to say how much I eat oh well P.H.A.T pretty hot and thick LOL Have a great day I must rest I am so out of it daylight savings the shot for the migraine the other day and my meds I am just not myself Hugs krissi

joy

11-06-2008, 03:58 PM

I hope the shot works and you feel better, in all things that you can feel better in.

We like to chew that green kind of gum Stride I think. Would gum chewing help dissipate that smoking feeling?

I also like to chew almonds when I'm hungry. I know not smoking and not wanting to eat too much now must be a battle all the time.

I'm picking YOU the winner in every fight!

GooD LucK KrissI

Buttons2

11-06-2008, 06:11 PM

Well Krissi you are doing great in my eyes! I'm overweight and I smoke! DUH. Hope the shot helps you......((((((HUGS))))))

Kashis

11-07-2008, 12:58 PM

Its day 24 wow I didn't even think i would make it this long I am living on mints as I can't have gum due to nerve damage in my face so spearmints all the way as long as I don't bite them and thats hard sometimes LOL I am like a lil kid when it comes to candy LOL

Thanks I need all the support I can get its means alot to me staying smoke free Krissi:D

Kashis

11-07-2008, 12:59 PM

oh yah the shot has knocked me out for 2 days but the migraines keep waking me in the night but there going to put me in early menopause possibly to stop them so won't know till dec 4th I will keep yah'll posted Krissi

Kashis

11-07-2008, 10:52 PM

Well we got a new roomate today I sure need the money but he is a barfly just what i fricken need of course the hubby is out too does he not know he is still on thin ice what an ars
my head is still in pain and I think I took more meds then I was suppose to I can't remember if I took 2 or 3 valium I have a med pac but I took meds this morning so I am lost cause I fill the container on fri but I am pretty relaxed ticked off but relaxed

I am so tired of being sick and tired and so tired of putting up with stuff I just don't need to I keep asking myself why didn't I just order that ticket and go if this bar stuff keeps up I have no choice but to leave I will no longer live that life again EVER

I am hanging in there for now but this isn't over yet us women are great at waiting till the perfect time to blow and if I have to do it again its the last time I know he is going to be torked trying to suck up and I think I am just going to bed I am not going to be hurt on his account for any reason anymore I don't deserve it at all and I don't have to take it

I am here killing time the stress is making me want a cig so bad but I am hanging in there 6 days and it will be a month I can't stop now and I have saved 240.00 as of the 13th thats great I must keep patting myself on the back I must not go back I must stay strong and not let things destroy the awesome job that I am doing to keep smoke free

I even put a no smoking sign on my house front door I am strong and I can do anything I choose to do I am done putting up with peoples BS I am tired of being stomped on like I dont' matter unless its a suck up thing

23 yrs and it seems nothing clicks in his head I am just lost right now trying to think out loud I have put my foot down and wrote letters he just hears for a day he will suck up tomorrow and I will just be hurt and angry I think I am going to get a pedicure not that I can afford one but yah know I need something for me for all the crap I put up with don't yah all think so to bad we can't all get together and just talk have coffee and pedicures

Thanks for the moment I needed it I can take meds and go rest now I am who I am and came way to far for anyone to ever bring me down again go figure the kid is gone all night and the ars has to go drinking oh well he will pay I will make sure of that will wait till the right time

the bank overdrew me for 220.00 and won't even budge on helping me out too that was just great today too cause they helped me back in january by reversing charges what jerks I have been dealing with jerks all day today this just stinks tomorrow is another day

And yah know I am gonna do everything in my power to make me happy I deserve it and gonna make some homeade potpies mmmmmm Hugs all thanks for just letting me speak my mind and what is on it but if I have brought in a drunk belive me its not gonna last more then a week as he paid and I do need the money

My home my way My way or the Highway GO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kashis

11-07-2008, 11:00 PM

http://cdn-img1.imagechef.com/w/081107/samp439ba864a2b1d7fd.jpg

Kashis

11-08-2008, 01:05 PM

of course I was right what a suck up I could get anything I wanted bout now so predictable I did get the I'm sorry and really didn't care but it felt good to talk last night as thats what i consider this sight my talking page as in real life I can't really do that so well due to pain Hugs Krissi

tic chick

11-08-2008, 01:50 PM

(((krissi))),

DON"T WORRY ABOUT THE POINTS!!!

the moderator made a mistake on one of my posts and a finger slip on the keyboard got me 100 points. the moderator sent me a note saying it was a mistake and they removed the points.

you will still be able to post here!!! don't worry about it.

the moderators are GREAT here. they are quick about removing all the spam posts we have been getting here in this forum lately. but, sometimes, like us, they do make a mistake, but they realize it quickly and make it okay. so, like i said, don't worry about the points and not being able to post!

krissi...congratulations on 24 days of not smoking!!!! i know it's hard to replace that "putting something into your mouth" feeling that cigarettes give you. they have altoids, chocolate covered mints. you can suck on them for several minutes. what about things like sugar-free popsicles, sugar free hard candy...etc. to help you get through that immediate urge to eat? cut up fresh veggies? a slice of ham or turkey lunchmeat? 100 calorie cups of yogurt? sugar free instant pudding made with fat-free milk?

just trying to give you healthy alternatives to eating heavy foods and that carb craving you have.

i understand what you're going through and i am betting krissi will win!!

(((((hugs)))))
jeannie

Kashis

11-08-2008, 02:04 PM

My activity for today is to write a letter to cigarettes so I am going to post it here its 25 days so what a better place but my support group my surogate family so here goes

Dear cigarrette
you have caused me to be sick for along time my clothes to smell and me to just feel rotten yet still crave you like and ex lover of some sort caused me to go insane when you went away but as the days went by I started getting over you little by little and now its 25 days later and I rarely think of you at all once in awhile you come to mind but quickly I find something else to think about and seem to do ok without you totally and I am really glad your gone I can see the money I have saved I can smell the fresh scent of shampoo and soap taste great meals and just enjoy my home smelling fresh and clean I enjoy you not being around me at all its actually awesome

Without you I smile more as my teeth aren't all brown and yellow and icky my breath is fresh and its awesome so I am glad your gone

I can never say that you will never come back I am still getting over you one day at a time but for right now I am winning the battle against your come on's and urges I still have a hard time looking at you in the gas station but once I smell you coming out of anothers mouth your so not for me

So thank you cigarette for helping me not want you no more and getting rid of you totally I am so glad your gone Krissi

Thanks for the advice jeannie I appreciate it I am stuck in a chocolate mode right now something firerce but its ok I will eventually start exercising and start taking the pounds off as I am getting energy now lil by lil I overdid it the other day though and hurt my face really bad and my head cause I did to much but I am in a clean home and it works for me I am so glad your all here cause when I am down an stressed I can come here and know I am with friends and I am ok that I have all the support I need Hugs Krissii

tic chick

11-08-2008, 04:39 PM

krissi...they have sugar free fudgesicles at the grocery stores. they are about 75-100 calories apiece, but you can lick them slowly and they last quite a while. also the altoids mints covered with chocolate are in every drugstore.

i know what you mean about chocolate mode...lol. it's that and ice cream for me...thats why the fudgesicles kill both those cravings :).

i like your letter to the cigarettes :). i quit smoking for good about 25 years ago. cigarettes were about $1 a pack and i thought that was high. now they have added all sorts of taxes to them. are you putting the money you would spend on a pack of cigarettes in a cookie jar or something? that might give you added incentive to keep up the good work! and then you would have money for christmas or whatever else you wanted to use it for!

jeannie

Buttons2

11-08-2008, 04:56 PM

Krissi,that was a great letter to cigs! I was wondering if you still have your bags packed? Maybe the new roommate will appreciate having a roof over his head & not mess it up by drinking? And a clean house too!

Treat yourself to a pedicure,you deserve it!

(((((HUGS)))))

Kashis

11-08-2008, 04:57 PM

mmmmmmmmm fudgecicles I haven't had them in years so I will try that the chocolate altoids nope then get eaten way to quick LOL thanks for likeing my cigarette letter everyday on the chantix program you have to do an activity so that was todays

The money I am saving I want to buy a new computer for me thats for the first 3 months of quitting but with what my meds cost that may be hard

I have another web page with all my crafts and for donations and people help out but they can only help so much by the way if your intrested in seeing them its myspace.com/karokekrissi if anyone would like to check my Kreations out

anyway beyond that after get a comp then I will start saving till I can decide what i really want being a trip to alcapolco or tahiti somewhere where the waters are so blue the serenity just takes over you

I dream alot but at least saving the money I will have the chance I would love to have a harley davidson thats 5 yrs of no smoking so big goal who knows right now

I have to focaus on meds first and a comp is my goal for 3 months as mine is getting old and even dsl is still doing slow so its time its 10 yrs old and its built up as I have a friend who taught me how to rebuild them so its in good shape I could just replace the memory and harddrive or buy vista and then take out the old who knows there are ways around

but I have a old monitor that don't match so that must be replaced soon its a big white one and my tower is black so I want a 17 in black monitor but am leary as my double vison and a clear picture may be a problem its like a video game they cause me to spin so we will see right now I am in who knows mode just focasing on one day at a time the money I saved this months has went for bills but I will get there and as far as christmas well I think I should get a big present LOL Hugs Krissi;):p

Kashis

11-08-2008, 05:15 PM

There is a note on my computer to check for train tickets so the letters are huge and its sitting as a reminder right now I am gettting my butt kissed as the big game is tomorrow so its making me ill but I just made a homeade pot pie and as far as the pedicure well I haven't done it yet due to my head and face hurting I can't drive today but yes thats my plan I deserve something for all the drama I go through around here I did all my cleaning today so gonna go lay on the clean sheets and take a meditation break to destress I am just glad I am alive today as forgetting what meds I take isn't very smart fridays I fill my container and take some in the morning and forget I put that days dose in the container already and took sleeping pills as I didn't want to deal with drunks

The roomate paid us but hasn't slept here and if he just pays for storage so be it as long as I am getting money from him for something I am good that way it will pull me out of the hole

but a mini pedi hey if the ol man can go drinking I can take me time in the hole or not I need that

I added my other sight to my signature for those who want to see my other page I have a new dv ribbon I want to add to my signature but there telling me invalid and it worked once today so I am working on that and you can only have 120 characters I don't know why I tell yah but I must rest now Hugs and Luv to all Krissi

joy

11-08-2008, 06:19 PM

I keep forgetting about you not being able to do many things because of pain. I have weird pains myself so it's unexcusable that I forget.

Now just if you like coconut flavor and just a bit of tiny coconut pieces, really tiny, try Edy's coconut popcycles or frozen treats or whatever it is. I love them! Might not be for you but since I've bragged how much I love them elewhere on this frum, I tho' I add it here.

Speaking of yapping on this forum, if I'd do less here, I might could sit longer & visit your other places as well as the other people's that I have MySpace and the other names of something plus evena new one that I haven't replied too. One is from a cousin that I've met only twice but I just an sit at computer so long. I should try as hers has pics. I'll hae to think about giving up even more computer time as I am having just so much pain from sitting & even reading here.

I do want to congratulate you on leaving off those nasty for you cigs! They killed my daddy, you know? Maybe you didn't but I DO! I hate the smell, not only for that reason but because I have asthma. I should call it arsema ;): meaning you know what cause sometimes I sure can make an arse of myself cause the smoke makes me batty & mad all at the same time with relatives & inlaws that KNOW. IN any case, those peole that can't seem to give it up are no lobger invited to my house, LOL. & I don't have to visit them either, inluding my SisIL, LOL.

Keep up the good stuff & I'll not even mention just how much money you could save if you shared the rent with friend or relative. Well maybe I just did. I say, don't spend another year after you've tried many to reform someone who doden't want reformed for YOUR sake.

I'd say some of those I might be speaking of clearly have not enough brain cells. They must have lost them to liquor, if that's possible, and I believe it is. I have a sonIL that drinks beer like water and has the unforgiving kind of smokes & illegal :p ;). I shouldn't keep saying that here as they might take the time to track him down ( u think?)

anyway Good luck and keep a stiff upper lip as well as keep your heart under wraps, make them mind their manner the only way you know how. I'd go as far as saying, if you leave, never go back. If you do reeconsider, just read this for a long time before you do. I'd say read this for as long as you think his determination to win you back will last.

And have you ever noticed that an X can always find another? I have in many cases, including my brother. He wanted his first wife back so bad & it was her doing the dirty!

Woops I'm telling way to much so must close & I'm hurting in several places anyway.

{{{{HUGS}}}} lots of them in case I'm not back soon.

Kashis

11-09-2008, 02:51 PM

I started this post to talk so joy go right ahead and speak up about whatever is on your mind hun my computer is my life and yes I spend way to much time here but its my only socialization

The girl who wanted me to write for the magazine wants to be my friend on my craft page wow hey I did accept her and sent a slide show of my pics to thank her its advertisment so we will see

Anyway I made the homeade pot pie last night and broke down made fudge rocky road - the nuts as I can't have them I am eating it like a pig LOL I tied it in lil ribbions so I didn't have the whole tray to eat yah that sure worked LOL

I am enjoying a nice quite house today its awesome I am going to try to rest as weekends on my pages are slow and I am going to try to figure out how to put the dv ribbon on my signature if not today within the next few

Well all I am going to eat and rest some its snowing and windy and cold and its making my face miserable so I have to do meditation to just relax and stay as calm as one can be to keep the pain at a minimum then I started and oil painting and I am having fun with it but it causes migraines but I am going to still do it I know if it causes pain why cause I get bored so a lil at a time its huge so I have lots of work on it to do an the dr forgot to call in my migraine meds so that stinks but I will manage its in the dark resting if things get to bad in my nice quite home Hugs Krissi

JAVISI

11-09-2008, 05:17 PM

Krissi,
I have been wondering about you. I have been off line for such a long time, I will never be able to catch up on what has all happened since I have been gone. I have been in the hospital too many times to count. I have finally been put on a duragesic patch it has helped. I don't have to lay around all of the time now.

My ex has moved out of State, I am so happy about that. I still have not gotten married. I was on Steroids for 6 months talk about a weight gain. I will not get married until I am back to my normal size or close to it. Is that stupid?

I now have 3 grandchildren, what blessings they are! My kids and I are so much closer since my ex left. That makes me so happy!

Otherwise I hav been so down in the dumps, The smallest things will make me cry. I swear I don't know what is wrong with me. I am hoping that opening up and getting things out will help, I was usually happy when I posted on a daily basis!

Many Hugs to all of you! Dream Big and Reach for the Stars, Laurie

Buttons2

11-09-2008, 07:08 PM

Maybe BT should add a survivor's of abuse thread? Well anyway Krissi you are doing great! Not smoking is something I admire. I know a gal that ate pickle's to help her quit. If you need fudge then I say go for it. I had to laugh about you cutting the pieces & wrapping them up to keep from eating the entire pan......a little does go a long way with chocolate ya know?

You have a goal,buying a new computer-that's a good goal I think. I'm like you my computer is my only "social" activity for the most part & I really hope my old one doesn't clunk out on me! Might be slow but better than nothing.

Kashis

11-10-2008, 01:09 PM

i am glad bt had the dv group though as I am glad to be a survivor and be able to share stories and help victims I have seen the numbers on posts and never thought there would be so many readers I have watched the change an then again we always have pm

Well the fudge is almost gone thanks to me but it took longer to wrap it and unwrap to eat it lol I will make about 3 more lbs before christmas its a given

What I would like to see started on here is a migraine group I run one and would love to add the information here just as I have for dv

The pickle talk was funny as I was going to buy some at the store and put them back so I found it funny you said that

Laurie aka javisi Hang in there were all a family here and always here for all so many things have happen to me and I am still unsure but good news is I quit smoking 27 days today and still fighting to get dv laws changed the I need support topic would probally fill you in on me totally I am glad your ex is gone that is best for you

Down in the dumps look at all you have been through times have been tough of course things are going to make you cry out of no where I would cry be careful with duragesic I was on that for along time it grew in my skin I started falling asleep with cigarrettes and burning me and other things and I wasn't allowed to drive as I was out of it pretty bad I was on 75mg so please be careful and yes these can adjust your mood too and make you happy yet sad all at once there great for pain but 80x's stronger then morphine so remember that

I will be praying for you and your happiness as far as getting to your normal size I think its a self esteem thing now don't get me wrong I would never say that to hurt you but its a I want to look like my old self before I get married I say go for it cause he loves you no matter what I was a size 2 when I started dating my husband I am now a size 12 stretch which means like a 14 with a flat butt and a muffin tummy but I just look at what is pretty about me and it helps but if I keep eating fudge thats all gonna change LOL but no I am loved for who I am I love me for who I am and I think you can do the same but its up to you

you are beautiful no matter what you just had some changes in your life as we all do but I know you will be ok you have been through hell and back and its time for you to live life to the fullest an enjoy it with your new fiancae/hubby soon to bee I just want you to be happy thats all you don't deserve anymore misery

Well tonight its lasgana pending on my head and facepain its sunny and 27 out heat wave lol but I plan on cooking pulled out the stuff already and your all invited LOL I have been cooking since I quit smoking except the strike and sure wish I still was on strike dang it why did he have to apologize and tell me he would never say nothing about my cooking again not good last time I got on a scale its showing I must start and exercise plan but by time I am done doing the house cleaning I just don't want to and hate walking alone and can't find my walkman so this stinks but I will get the old jane fonda video out soon if I have to lol Hugs Krissi:p

Kashis

11-10-2008, 01:11 PM

ps if I am not on for awhile I am fixing a computer the guy says if I can't fix it he is tossing it told him I want it as I know what is wrong and it would cost 40.00 thats it so he knew we will see but I will check in as much as I can no I wouldn't leave town without telling you all and I still have the train note up and it won't come down at least not for awhile Hugs Krissi

Kashis

11-13-2008, 11:35 AM

I DID IT 30 DAYS SMOKE FREE GO MEEEEEEEE
HUGS KRISSI

Buttons2

11-13-2008, 11:42 AM

Good for you! Keep it up......
((((HUGS))))

joy

11-14-2008, 02:00 PM

http://bestsmileys.com/angles/1.gif

Krissi I hope you never get that nasty old C word. I think as young as you are, the chances are mighty good.

Great going girl!! Keep it up. No need to ever look back now. Keep planning on spending that money on good things. I could see me getting into that in a big way. Saving money, then getting to spend it. That's a great plan and good for your health.

Kashis

11-15-2008, 02:41 AM

well I saved 200$ in one month its me only as the hubby is smoking but outside and well that money went for bills but its ok I feel great inside I had a big fit today when I was fixing that comp but I took a pen and put it between my fingers and knowing there were cigs here it was a big accomplishment

I keep telling the hubby he is killing our dreams by smoking he wanted to quit an now just won't and I got him the chantix I am holding on I tell myself I will not go outside when its -20 just for a cig no thanks its not worth it

I am eating better too then when I smoked alot of sweets but alot of real food too which I didn't do much of before so thats going great

Oh yea got a wonderful mom letter this one I never do nothing for here and she is tired of hearing I have no money and I never buy her a gift etc... wha wha wha I am the only one who thinks of her so she emails me again are we sick again or just mad I just deleted its not worth my time and told her I am going out of town since I started this post an she went home I have talked to her maybe 4 times she don't deserve a daughter like me

And on top of all I am a new great auntie of a baby girl but hey I knew I was a great auntie they didn't need to give me a title LOL

I am bubbly tonight LOL

I got so mad at them spammers today I had to do that post they urked me spam anywhere but not here this sight is for those who suffer and its wrong I hope it works for now

Well I think I am finally tired enough to go to sleep I hope its not one of those hit the pillow nights and wake up just as I do I hate that but tonight I am just staying up as late as my body wants me too and hoping to sleep my sleeping pills are keeping me awake which is weird so I am trying my hardest but some nights I am up all night as if I can't sleep in 15 min I get up because otherwise I toss and turn so we will see how it goes

Well tomorrow is another day I was late on my meds today but didn't have the normal cig craving around the med time it was later in the night so I have learned when I want a cig for stress grab something and put it between my fingers it helps so thanks all for sticking with me you truley are my support group and I sure need that as around here I have none

I have more to say about the kid but for tonite I am going to leave that an write about it tomorrow as if I write tonite its all I will think of in bed and I am still peeved but I did buy laundry soap and hide it go Me Hugs Krissi

OOOOHHHH SHOOOT I keep forgeting I have to add that purple ribbon to my signature one of these days I will get it together so much going on to keep me busy I always forget something

Have a great night all and remember its the weekend kick back relax and count to 10 don't ask I am sleepy Hugs

Kashis

11-21-2008, 02:26 AM

Well all I slipped up I found out I am having my hysterectmy on dec 2nd with no compassion from this family whatsoever its not the surgery that bothers me its the hormones I am allergic to that make me very sick anyway I had just one cig no more and it made me sick and I am crying due to this I have no intention of going back to smoking but having cigs in the house when I am this stressed isn't helping me one bit I am a day away from 40 days I have looked at what has been saved and well thats keeping me going I don't want my home to smell no more and I sure don't want to stand outside and freeze to have a cig so I am ok that way I just lost it I wish he would be more considerate and put them in the car at least and I will have a talk with him tomorrow

I am trying to get a ride for my testing and my oldest has to spend time with her boyfriend she can't take me I can't count on my youngest and well I know the hubby has to work so thats a given why is it so hard just to get help

I have asked that none of them be there for the surgery as I don't want to be there burden and there will be no signs of love or caring or compassion of any sort I will be in the hospital overnight thats if things go well with the hormones and I am not getting sick or I will be kept a few days and again thinking about how I will lay there alone as no one gives a damn around here I am just really hurt right now about everything

I am more heartbroken I had a cig then anything now thats sad when my youngest found out about my surgery she was like aren't you happy I mean really and there is no one to take care of me after as thre is no bending no lifting etc... and no housework yah right I can just imagine what this place will look like in 6-8 weeks I don't know how long it will be till I can get back here after surgery depends on my sitting abilitys

I am just so lost right now I have been on the phone with my cousin non stop but she is far away so it don't help either but she really understands how I feel so it helps I will not tell my mother till its over when she thinks I am going to get checked at the Dr as I don't want her showing up here to take care of me we all know what that can cause so thats the news

Its late going to try to get some rest and forgive myself for having a cig I can say it tasted nasty and now my mouth tastes nasty and I can smell it an its grose but I went right to my smoking page and they said its ok to slip but just don't relapse and I don't plan too Hugs Krissi

Buttons2

11-21-2008, 12:18 PM

You're doing great Krissi,don't look back.....go forward! Hopefully your surgery will go fine & you'll have a short recovery. I never had anyone there with me whenever I had surgery either,guess that makes us stronger women eh?

((((hugs))))

Kashis

11-21-2008, 02:00 PM

They say cause women are built to have babies there built to be stronger I didn't wake with the urge for a smoke and I don't feel like having one so I am back on track so this is a good thing for me and I am happy for this as far as surgery we all know I am going to go through my moments but I know your all here to listen to me so I know going in surgery I really am not alone I have all of you to come back to you just can't be here physically but you will be mentally and I will keep that in my head when I feel bad Hugs Krissi

tic chick

11-21-2008, 06:14 PM

((((krissi))))

krissi, i'm glad that one cigarette made you sick and smell gross and get that nasty taste in your mouth! it does remind you that you do not ever want to go back to smoking and just how NASTY it makes you feel!!!

it is okay...you had a slip. we all do. just get back up on your feet and keep walking. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!!!

i'm sorry youy have to have a hysterectomy. are they taking your ovaries out, too? usually if you just have a hysterectomy, it's just like menopause. some people have no probs. you don't necessarily need hormones unless you are having bad symptoms. i am almost 2 years into menopause, never had any problems during the change and feel great and take no hormones.

i hope your surgery goes well. call your cousin from the hospital. i agree, you don't need your mom to come :(.

best wishes, krissi and i will say prayers for your recovery!

(((((HUGS)))))
jeannie

Kashis

11-22-2008, 12:12 AM

Thanks Jeannie Good news is NO CIGS TODAY I was ok so back on track and your right a slip up so it can happen I did contact chantix and its ok it happens I am ok I did have a talk with the hubby asking him please to not keep them in the house or at least be kind enough to hide them once I get to around 6 months it may be eaiser but right now I am new at this and want to succeed and just need a little bit of his help if he continues to smoke so we will see what happens

so Hugs to my surrogate family Krissi

joy

11-22-2008, 12:18 PM

Krissi * :o I however had hubby make a stop at my favorite place Andy's. Every time I taste that creamy stuff, I can't help but think of my mother. She'd love that stuff as much as I. Maybe she is enjoying much better things where she's at.

Keep up the good work. You sound as determined as I used to be back when I was young & determined to save money. I did by cooking chicken backs & making good things out of the white meat that came on the,. Daughter loved the dumplings & has since learned how to do them herself. She uses already boneless tho', LOL.

Nothing wrong with that either. I doubt I'll ever cut up a chicken from scratch again myself. We'll smoke that thing whole or it will not get cooked.

Stay on track, you always have & think positive thoughts. Keep that cousin's name close by. I think she would be very helpful in all your needs. I still rely on mine often when I get blue, they give me a boost just by yaping with me.

Kashis

11-25-2008, 01:32 PM

Well I am still not smoking but have been having slip ups where I am having a smoke a day and a few drags my stress levels are very high between christmas shopping and no money and thanksgiving on top of ready I haven't said this yet

I am Having surgery in 7 days and will be in the hosp for a short amount of time it depends on how I am affected by the meds I will be having a hysterectmy to see if it will help stop the migraines so I won't be on for awhile but I just looked and I think I have posted so much information that people have a place to go and things to read to get them to where they need to be I feel bad I can't be here for them days to post more I see mental abuse is very close to 5000 and no cake LOL as I always post when it hits another thousand

Life is tough for me right now I am having a hard time coping my head is in a tizzy I have been spinning alot and in alot of pain with my face and migraines so I am suffering alot and not smoking on top of all this it couldn't have came at a worse time

I am cooking for turkey day with stuff I bought cause my kid gave her free turkey away so did her boy and well guess where there coming for dinner you got it so its just nuts

I have a wreath to make and get out before surgery and christmas stuff to get with no money at all I just can't take much more I am trying to put me first but as you all know thats not who I am so its tough so I will be here for a few more days but then so you know why I am not here Dec 2nd is the date I have told no one in my family at all I don't want mom thinking she can come here I think I posted this already but not sure and just can't read right now so Hugs To You all Krissi

Kashis

11-25-2008, 01:35 PM

By the way its a full hysterectmy there taking all out hopefully they can take some fat out with it and I can drop 50lbs sorry I just needed a smile a happy thought as well without them I just am not gonna make it

Kashis

11-26-2008, 01:24 PM

I am slowly loosing my mind here I wanted to get up and write last night I am not sleeping at all I have so many things going on in my head its crazy
I have no mother to comfort me nor a family member for that member to them its no big deal pretty much every one has it done Yes this is true but not everyone is allergic to hormones

I did break down yesterday and cry and my husband did hold me for a momebnt then told me I should call and talk to my mother I couldn't belive him that was just wrong he knows what would happen then he says call your sister she could care less and my poor cousin I feel for her as she has to keep all of this a secrect and see my sister the day after surgery

So I am so lost and feeling so alone I just need to be comforted so bad and wherever I turn it seems there is not a real person in sight

I sat in the dr office and just cried as I am so lost inside can I blame this one on abuse I don't know really its going to be cause of the migraines but them are menstral as a kid I suffered from them all the time was it from abuse did I have my brain injury back then I will never know

All I do know is if I don't get some sleep soon I am going to collapse completly and they won't have to put me under which is another thing if I don't get rest how long is it goning to take me in recovery I am just at a loss

I need to be comforted so bad it hurts and there is none usually I have no clue what day it is but I know today is day 6 for sure I am going to call my cousin again today she is huggable but so far away I would love to have her here

there are alot of caring people I would love to have here but can't be if I asked my mother in law to be here I would be told to stop beng such a baby so not worth my time at all its not the surgery its all hormones being allergic its a high risk after the surgery that terrifies me more then ever

I am so lost just hanging by a thread so to say trying to find my way someone who cares enough to just give a damn around here not the day of but up until the day to show me hey I am there for you someone in human form as you all are always here for me at all times IM SCARED Krissi

Kashis

11-26-2008, 01:27 PM

and laying in the hospital all alone thats just going to be wonderful for me again so sad and so lonely krissi

joy

11-27-2008, 12:37 AM

i read all of this, just not tonight, i did on my subscription i get every day. can you not take a computer to hospital? or is there not one there to use? I wish you could connect with us, that'd be great! if you could. is ther anybody that will come check on you at all?

i wish we had a phone number to check up on you. what hospital will you be in? can you tell us?

I hope you have a good day tomorrow, a happy, peaceful thanksgiving.

we will be thinking about you Krissi.

many {{{{HUGS}}}}

Kashis

11-30-2008, 11:29 PM

Well things have just changed in my life drasticly my husband had a heartattack on thanksgiving I stayed by his side day and night terrified he would die it was his main artery that closed and all the lil things just didn't matter

I was alone with him when this all happen we thought the flu at first then I felt him he was cold and clammy just like my dad was when he died I was terrified I had taken all my meds including sleeping pills but he didn't want an ambulance so I drove him got to the er and within 10 min was told he was having a heart attack and being transfered to another hospital I lost it and being alone didn't help I got ahold of one daughter not the other I had to run home so I could get a few things then waited to be picked up right away my oldest got here and we flew to the hosp

I was shaking dizzy just in shock disorented etc... he was put in icu I stayed with him slept in a chair and haven't had a chance to cry till now as I write this pretty much no one to hold me to say its going to be ok it was me alone and talk about staying strong and I still am my surgery is in 2 days now we just got home today I am trying to get things done but don't want to leave his side I am so afraid of him dying right now even though he is doing well he is with his parents so I have sometime to cry

My cousin was on the phone with me when she could be an of course she is long distance and I didn't have my cell charger so couldn't talk long to her at all

when he got put in a room he went to therapy and my inlaws grilled me like this was my fault mind you my father in law had a quad bypass and my mother in law isn't much of a healthy cook and I seen him eat so there was no reason and telling me I was going to kill him if I showed any signs of pain after my surgery that I am to act like nothing hurts and I am fine and he is not to be at the hosp with me

Well it ended up they left and my oldest was there and I told her and my husband what happen my inlaws also used my youngest as a pawn as she tells them all but my hubby and oldest told me in one ear out the other so I did

a few hours later my mother in law asked me if she should stay for my surgery I so wanted to say no but knew what would have came next it would have been well he can't take care of you so I think I will stay anyway I know how she works predictable so to say so now she is staying at my home because I can't take care of my husband supposedly she is to leave when I get out of the hosp and if its up to the hubby this will happen asap

but instead of holding me and saying we will get through this together no it was all my fault is what they were doing I won't belive that ever my cousin talked me out of that by telling me heart disease don't just come on its not taking care of yourself

Then there telling me to tell him what to do finally the nurse told them he is a big boy he can make is own desicons its not up to her she can't make him change someone finally on my side

My cousin told me if there accusing me of killing there son by a heart attack then I should pat myself on the back and start charging women who want to kill there husbands by heartattack how she made me smile and I felt her warm hugs over the phone

We have also lost our only income now I don't know what will happen there I know there will be no christmas yet I will still decorate and even if its mac an cheese I will make it a christmas there is no money for gifts now nothing for bills and I have to act like he don't know this yah right hes not stupid he knows and its going to put more stress on him and yet that will again somehow be my fault as I can't work cause once upon a time he gave me a brain injury which also isn't my fault I am lost so lost right now being strong is getting harder and harder

I am afraid of surgery as I don't want to leave his side I don't want him away from me for any reason parent or no parent

As I am sure you have all guessed the quit smoking stopped for a bit there is just to much at once for me to deal with and that too but I am still on track to be a non smoker after my surgery I am not craving cigs its all stress and trying to not fall in the old habits of waking and having one and eating etc.... what I already went through I am doing my best still its all I can do

I just need someone to finally hold me and tell me its gonna be ok and not let go for a bit my lil niece she is 6 at the hospital did want to give me a 10 hour hug so that was sweet

So as you can all see I am falling apart but holding up strong thats what a survivor does thats what maks me who I am but yah'll know I am not superwoman I can only take so much before I am going to collapse

I am now trying to get all the house work done all the beds made all the decos up etc... by tomorrow night having all this finished just focasing on what I can to stay somewhat sain I don't even have money for pads for after surgery this is really hard and I am confused

I won't tell my family till were through all of this last time my husband had chest pains my sis also blamed me told me I can't be sick all the time yah ok I have a brain injury here when you gonna get it oh yah your still in denial dumb bia sorry so I don't need her input and of course my surgery has not been leaked either
all they want to do is critizie and tell me how I keep running to dr's for nothing and if bill had a heart attack what the he** am I doing going in for surgery he should come first I would postpone I so would but right now our insurane covers it 100% and if I don't do it now my dr is on vac for 2 weeks then christmas then jan so there is no time to waste or I would have cancelled already so I am once again lost

My only fam memeber that knows is my cousin and its between us as we don't want them to know we talk she has eplilepsy an the family treats her like she is stupid so yah together since I was a little girl she has taken care of me with anything I said to be between just us so I know she is there for me I do feel bad the day after my surgery she will see my sis and a few days after that she has to get together with my whole family so I know she won't talk about things but still I feel bad

and if my sister finds out from my page I will simply say oh you have alot going on in your fam I didn't want to bother you with it an truth being she never has time for me anyway

I am glad you will all be concerned for me I need to know I am loved right now and you all will hold me together as ususal as I can say what I need to get it all out and it helps so much

I am hoping to get on a comp as soon as I can I have dv to fight and can't stop just cause of my surgery right now I dont' want to focas on me its too hard so I am sure you will see me on sooner then I am suppose to be but just to drop by and say I am ok and what happen Thank you all for being here at one of the toughest times in my life

If anyone is interested I can't do any Kreation's but I am taking donations on my page its the karoke krissi one I do have a paypal account set up on that page the economy is bad it couldn't be a worse time but if I have to paint a picture on canvas which I have or make a gift for my kids so be it thats what Christmas is all about the thought of giving not the price so I understand if no one donates but I must ask right now as I said I need pads for after surgery and can't even afford that but I will use toilet paper if I have to I have kleenex from the hosp I will stuff that with stuffing from my craft room and use 2 sided tape from my craft roon if thats what i have to do so lets hope the hosp is giving this season and sends many home

Hugs To All and Thanks so much for caring about me and letting me take the time I needed to cry it helped alot as I haven't had a chance nor that hug and I won't get it around here anytime soon by the way i am still cry and will be on tomorrow a few times to check in I am a nervous wreck right now so I must keep busy Hugs Krissi

joy

12-01-2008, 12:43 PM

sent message by pm, i am sorry husband is having a bit of trouble. his family will treat him royally.

i wish they would do the same for you. you deserve only the best treatment from people for the rest of your life. so wishing you and cousin were living closer together.

i know i depend on mine just for an occasional pick me up by phone, but it helps every time i ask and get it by phone. you need an person by your side if possible krissi. i hope someone comes through there for you.

you know we will be with you in spirit. keep in touch as much as you can. need that name just in case i did not record it down ;) in another place, can't remember when computer crashed last. i know it is acting wonky again tho'.

Kashis

12-01-2008, 11:31 PM

Tomorrow is the day so I say Thanks All for caring me like a family member even though were all worlds apart its like your right here with me If I can't sleep I may be back tonight once again Nervous well I guess I would be lying before no but to much has happen for me not to be so love to all and for those that need information I hope that I did a good job in suppling enough until I can return Hugs Krissi

CanRelate

12-01-2008, 11:48 PM

K:

Prayers and good thoughts being offered to lift you up and hold you.....

You left MUCH good info and resources for anyone needing them....

Rest well, be well, and come back when you are able.....don't do too much too fast....be gentle with yourself.....

Warm regards and good energy,
CanRelate

Kashis

03-31-2009, 04:20 PM

Well I have done a recap of the last time Mom was here and I am refreshed I will keep her as far away as possible I won't go through that again at all whew glad I did that cause it really shined a light for me Krissi

joy

03-31-2009, 07:12 PM

hi sweety, i'm sorry that i am not around as much as i use to be. it is good to come back when i can for a few minutes andf see that you still are being leveled headed about things. just keep that up as well as your head and that way you will not only protect your head but your hrart also. it takes both head and heart tyo keep the whole body going in right dirction. i think yo are still on the right path and i couldn't be prouder of you.

you just keep taking care of yourself okay :D

ogf course, do keep us in the look tho! very important so we will know how you are doing.

tic chick

03-31-2009, 07:50 PM

GOOD FOR YOU, KRISSI!

i'm glad you went back and read about those not-so-good days. it does reinforce your strength to not let your mom push you around to do what SHE wants to do.

you have to do what's best for you!

(((HUGS))),
jeannie

Kashis

04-05-2009, 06:40 PM

Hi all just a short note once again I quit smoking I am on day 5 lets hope nothing stressful happens like last time so I can continue the hubby had chest pains again last night as we found out my kids boytoy is cheating on her at her work right under her nose spending her cash on this chic but I have a plan to put a stop to it all in its tracks the news gave the hubby chest pains and I will not tolerate any member of my family suffering anymore we have been through to much already and I am not going to loose my kid as I have decided a picture tells a thousand words and I will get that pic on TUE He is renting a room for my kid and him and taking this girl in there first enough is enough and I am steaming I have tried to keep calm but have been waiting for this day to come if I don't get pics I will tell his lil girl how he has the hpv virus and hope she gets her shots I will confront them and nothing will stop me if I don't get pics as we all know a pic is worth a thousand words and revenge is sweet but in a kill him with kindness attitude as thats the one that scares them worst

I love my daughter and she already had her cervix scrapeed cause of him and I will not let her suffer again enough is enough sorry guys had to get this out I am so upset but know I can't do a thing right now must wait it out paitence is a virtue I have GOD on my side and I know he will guide me in what to do Hugs Krissi PS I really needed you all for this one as I know you can all keep me calm she has torn cartlidge in her knee and works so hard I just am upset as she hasn't a clue sometimes as a mom you just have to do what is neccesary I did a post on her along time ago probally page 3 called what would you do This is just as bad as its emotional abuse and must be stopped Hugs Krissi

Kashis

04-05-2009, 06:49 PM

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to decieve Abe Lincoln this is going through my head right now

Buttons2

04-06-2009, 04:31 PM

Mother tiger to the rescue......look out creepy guy!

Kashis

04-13-2009, 02:09 AM

Well the lil tiger got loose he threaten to hit her and loaded his guns wimp when he was loaded himself he is terrified of a 5*2 19 yr ol lil girl well we won't go there I am the mom she is always a lil girl lets say for now he is thinking of charging me with harrasment for a message I left pretty much said you made my daughter cry one last time game on come find me you sob not in that term but you know what I mean so I go in front of a judge tell him about my hysterectomy my hormones my brain injury and what happens due to it and I am sure I will be ok and I think he plans on ruining my trip but as we all know things don't work that way I will get charged then a court date set and its not going to be in a few days it will take awhile and I will be set Dr papers and all but I have to fill yah in on everything and I must rest and have to stop thinking about it tonight as its took a toll on my and this is why I can't sleep and why I have a migraine so I came here to visit anyway more to come I promise before I leave for vegas 6 days to go VIVA LAS VEGAS been playing that song every day Hugs Krissi

Kashis

04-13-2009, 02:20 PM

well for now lil bits and pieces trying to block them out i guess in away she isn't allowed to talk to me and she can't take me to the airport and she needs permission to go anywhere and well were suppose to go to a concert and he didn't give her permission I guess I should put this under mental abuse

I dated a guy just like this one along time ago would do anything he said give him what he wanted cause I was blind till I got pregnant and my husband told him either you take care of her or I will well now that person is sitting in prison raped a 13 yr old at 40 yrs of age I cried just to think that could have been my child that happen to but she is in the same situation and as blind as I was even after marriage I just wanted to be with him you must realize I married at 15

My kid is mad as I had no pictures she would have denied them and that was the plan problem was my lil tiger who alson ain't talking to me well jumped the gun a week to soon so yah that was out

She is mad that I didn't tell her first and lied to her when she asked I just wanted to protect her I just wanted to make him stop as he was caught I didn't want her to get std's I told her all this on the phone she called to talk to her father and well I happen to answer I was crying as I was making her cheesecake her and her dad fight over it every holiday but her bff was here doing the same thing I still cried but smiled as there still fighing over my cheese cake LOL wow I laughed that felt great

I cried for along time but now I am ok she is right she is an adult but when she denies my husbands chest pain due to the stress of this all when he found out well thats going to far I know if he would end up in the hosp her boy toy would be escorted out he never was nor never will be part of this family married or not I will not except him and I told my kid that and she knows and him I can't stand him as I can see right through him and he knows it

examp he was drunk one night told him to get out of my home he looked at me and asked what you jealous cause you can't have one well sorry to say I col cocked him right in the face he went flying out my door down the stairs yes it was violent and I did feel bad as I know how I suffer with facial pain I did feel guilty violence is never the answer just don't know what got into me at that moment as I have a choice and choose to be sober if I wanted to drink I would then he had a bottle in my kids room she was under 21 I threw it at his head as no alcohol is allowed in my home so yes I guess I got that streak in me but it at the time was a reaction there is no excuse for what I did

I guess that growing up all the violence I just learned fight violence with violence and at the time I was finding out and coping that due to abuse I had my brain injury again not an excuse

Well now that I called and left him a message he has said It threatend his daughter and she slipped and said he might charge me with harassment I say go for it as my hormones are raging right now and my TBI is flaring due to him he isn't worth it but can't control hormones and I will be damned if my husband suffers due to what my kid is doing yes it hurts me but he is in the middle the go between so to say and I don't want him having another heart attack

JUST GET ME TO VEGAS ALREADY 5 DAYS OF JUST LETTING ALL THIS GO

I should have this in mental abuse but I started here I will probally copy and paste it soon I am done crying I never see my kid anyway I will miss Mother daughter sun which he made her cry then everytime she took me she is so in denial and its abusive can't tell me any different she can't forgive me now but someday down the road it will all work out I have GOD by my side always and he will always be there for me I will get through this

and the youngest not talking to me is a gift I don't have to put up with her snapping at me peace and quiet she is mad as I want to charge her 200 a month rent hoping it will get her out too and the hubby told her no I bit his head off right in front of her she wouldn't let me use her laptop to check my airline tickets as I didn't feel well her excuse I should have went to bed it ticked me off so much that well I started to charge her rent she uses my elec my cable my gas water boarding parking whatever goes with my home so to say lets say I am tired of people trying to walk over me and I stopped it along time ago now there doing it through my hubby and well he found out real quick I am not putting up with any bs from anyone

yah know I asked my kid if the most religous person I know told her she said no proof the person who told me what was going on saved my life the last time I was abused and I trust her with my life these are people who have no reason to lie to her but in her eyes its people starting s^%$t for no reason

Those who care for her no longer matter but in due time she will come around and I told her yesterday my sis didn't talk to me for 6 yrs and she thought that was wrong well I told her she is doing the same thing all over a controling bas***d sorry them words usually don't flow out of my mouth

He has her thinking he is the only one who cares I will get the proof I need as I said GOD is on my side when I don't know but just have to wait it out

My family abandone me so many times and blamed me for things that weren't my fault that I am so used to it my sis husband beats me and I am kicked out of her life not allowed to talk to her 24 yrs ago hmmmmmmm the cycle is still there she is just like my sis I just hope she don't stay with this jerk that long as I will never accept him he still lives with mommy and now his mom wants her out I pray that she does move as she is the one paying the bills and the only one she makes awesome money an they know it so there stupidity will be to her advantage if she chooses to do whats right

As we all know that first love is the hardest to let go things will change we say nah that never happens we all look back to this day I know I do wonder what if then move on as I can't change things you only have choices and your choices are yours to own no one can take them away well for now I will close copy and paste this to mental abuse as once again its a part of my life but this time I see it know it smell it and won't accept it I broke that cycle along time ago Hugs Krissi*aaaaa*mom1

Kashis

04-18-2009, 10:09 AM

Update on the mental abuse of my oldest daughter but still haven't figured out who she is mentally abusing as well my give a damn's busted and I am going to vegas and shes not so what do I have to think of but that

I am no longer sad the newest thing from my oldest kid now this is ridiculous she tells her friend when she calls the house I should have learned my lesson and not answer the phone when she calls I mean is she really hearing herself Its my phone in my name why wouldn't I answer

So now I just nicely answer and Kill her with kindness and its agravating her so bad I am loving it mentally I am actually happy for a change

I grew up that all people wanted to do was argue and they were happy well thats how I learned to smile and walk I got beat alot for it but hey that part of my life is over and I refuse to even let her try to bring me down

I am having such a happy morning and counting down the hours 29 and the youngest is complainin no food in house too bad she is 19 and can fend for herself hey I did my days of raising her so she can just quit whining oh I dont' have money for food too bad she should have thought bout that on payday

I was told by my husbands aunt yesterday that his family raised me my mother didn't care it was so nice to see that someone realized this and what was going on and it also made me feel good inside

I want to go on and on I am so happy the house is immaculate I even found my craft room after 6 hours LOL I would love to get a room tonight and hightail it out of here but I want to spend that extra saved money there in Vegas

well its VEGAS COUNTDOWN and I will promise you all a souviner one Happy Krissi win or loose I will have a tan an that will make me happy LOL Hugs Krissi

joy

04-18-2009, 05:58 PM

i say yes, if she has a job, she has money. you have made me realise that even when i was at home, i did not do my fair share, tis true. but kids today grow up expecting to have everything met for them untilk the time they want to leave the nest.

and the truth is, they would be better off moving out and trying to fend for things themself before getting mixed up with the wrong person. it is a shame that girls don't see this and move in together and make a life. that doesn always work as even they can't get along together either, my daughter tried that

joy

04-23-2009, 12:36 AM

this thread will do, i have been thinking about you krissi.

i am so hoping you and your husband are having the kind of vacation you were hoping for. have a lot of fun and tell us all about it.

http://bestsmileys.com/fireworks/6.gif

i couldn't find any waterfalls for you

joy

05-01-2009, 04:53 PM

say, I'm wondering if our krissi just decided to stay there myself, LOL. gonna have to check my calendar. i'm not keeping up with much of anything very well these days it seems.

Buttons2

05-01-2009, 06:21 PM

Well I can't even keep up with myself these days......I'm not sure when she left or for how long. Hopefully she's having a great time!

joy

05-02-2009, 01:57 AM

i glanced at my date and see that krissi and husband should be returning very soon. i hope that had a great time. it does a couple good to get away. i know that the last 2 vacations i had did me a world of good. tood bad money is so scarce as i really enjoyed getting away to a different place. aw well, i do have good memories now at least.

Kashis

05-02-2009, 03:40 PM

Hey all well it took me longer to get back here due to 2 sprained ankles from walking strip in sandles note to self (PACK COMFY SHOES ON VACATION this was day one but I was a trooper thank GOD insurance paid for ankle braces and canes as I ended up getting 2 but I was still a trooper and just kept going yes still having a hard time

Then the bruised tail bone went to sit on the toilet at the pool slipped and hit the back silver thing

the flight home well I ended up bruising an eardrum and the other has yet to open as I have fluid on the ear again it was truely a great get away

I seen all I could see did all I could do made a list daily just so I could and still didn't see everything I wanted to or did what I wanted to do but next year for our 25th I will do it all again this time just be a bit careful LOL

I took 182 pics I snapped at everything I could somethings twice as I was just amazed it was so great to just get away and have the hunny to myself
we were happy together just enjoying each others time so that was great

It was 90 no humidity just gorgeous and I managed to get a small tan laying on the lazy river and relaxing

I so needed this as the only place I ever go is back home and sitting for 24-7 I just wanted to go on and on not to stop at all in the city that never sleeps my husband didn't even want to come home I think he realizing the kid must go but now her car broke down so I am stuck for awhile longer but am now charging her rent I think 25 a week is reasonable and it includes food

I will keep adding more as it comes to me thats one small problem due to my brain injury I can't remember much of the trip but the pics remind me thats sad as its only been 2 weeks so I keep looking at the pics to remember what was then when I need to get away

Flying caused alot of facial pain and I also got a migraine the first day but I had meds so that helped so much I wasn't going to stop for nothing as I knew time was short and had to suck in so much at once It was a great time away and I can't wait to get back

But for now I have a new post coming I have to take notes off the Dr Phil show I have taped just haven't had time but its coming soon

And I did stay sober the whole trip also so one will wonder how can someone stone cold sober get hurt like I did LOL now I know what they mean when they say what happens in vegas stays in vegas !!!!!!

I missed all of you I wanted to talk and tell you everything day by day and that way would have had another way to remember but now I am back Hugs Krissi:cool:

Buttons2

05-02-2009, 06:51 PM

Well ouch!! Bigtime ouch!! I'm so glad you had a wonderful time there! Now you have something to look forward to again next year too! And good for you charging daughter rent,maybe she'll find the ide of moving out even more desirable soon? You can hope right?

(((((hugs)))))

joy

05-03-2009, 04:48 AM

krissi i am so glad you and hubby had a good time. i remember my only cruise i took. did what i was told and used the starie and hurt my hips and ruined the rest of my trip! it is hard to push pain aside and have fun but i am oh so glad you did it. hope your ankles get better. that reminds me of walking too much at the big mayo clinic and all i did was wear a hole the size of a guarted down into the bone on my foot!!

i didn't feel a thing but came home with an expensive boot and had to go to therapy for months and months after followed by surgery later to remove that bone.

and that was just for a hospital stay with mayo docotrs that only filled me up with how my life was never going to be as i'd hoped.

wow i sure have enjoy those vacation just for fun better since then.

i hope you get that return visit you are looking forward to.

pictures soon i hope?

Kashis

05-04-2009, 10:12 PM

wow the mayo clinic you could have seen me I am 45 min away to bad we didn't know each other then I am hanging in there taking it easy as best I can for now letting the ankles and ears heal and Great news no the quit smoking is still trial and error and now the chantix may be recalled I had terrible side effects from it anyway the good news is the first time in 7 yrs I can wear glasses that are clear I wanted them before my trip they came the monday later either way its great no more shades day and night I will never take light for granted I am sure some days I will have to block out the light but for now I am in the clear LOL and its the best feeling ever

The surgery worked the headaches are slim and none but now the facial pain is acting up but hey one thing good is better then none

I finally watched the dr phil show on dv and took notes 3 pages full on things I learned and can't wait to share them I have to first firgure out a topic title then how to put everything together to help share the information I learned from the show go figure I taped that one and didn't see that day oprah had the same topic

coming soon a new topic I just need to rest up a bit more the ears are still a bit painful Hugs Krissi

Kashis

05-20-2009, 01:00 PM

well here we go again the only dad I have ever known in my lifetime is going in for open heart surgery he has already had a quad so I pray daily alot if I loose another father it will tear me apart my husband is taking it hard and I have his heart to worry about also so its tough and

I AM ON CRUTCHES !!!!!!

so nothing is getting done around here the hubby is working 3-3 so things have just been crazy around here

So now off to home to spend a week there my husband wants me to go see my mother since she is getting older but I did find she is coming in oct for my b-day but good news I spend one day with her ahhhhhh and she is staying for 2 days at a hotel so its all good one day I can handle

The oldest isn't talking to me but her best friend lives next door so I can keep tabs on her since her best friend calls me mom too so I feel ok about that been listining to Wild World by Cat Stevens just thinking about my girls working on singing it out someday

Otherwise I am actually doing good I have to stay strong for hubby he didn't want to go home due to missing work and loosing money but I told him no amount of money could ever replace his father so were going and get this so is my oldest I asked my hubby if he told her I will be in the car LOL so this is going to be a WILD RIDE LOL

I haven't been working here for a bit due to painting border in my tub and cleaning house but looking at the laundry well hmmmm its slowly falling apart
but its all good I am alive and still capable of doing other things I do have some crafting to do for me to do more for my bathroom and I get to sit on the net ahhh but I hate a messy house so its driving me nuts to the point I just want to clean it but the pain is a bit much and I will get yelled at for being up on my foot I actually want to dance around the house and go for it LOL but will sit here on my butt and boogie in my chair

So how is everyone else I haven't seen anyone on I think about you all I leave next Sun so your stuck with me for a bit longer so I will be checking in daily oh yes my mother in law once again has told me I can't use her comp go figure and I have to spend time with my aunt in law who is the sweetest thing I know and everyone since my uncle died just can't tolerate her and I love her to pieces and am grateful as she has always been there listen to me and was the first to accept me into the family when I was kicked out on thanksgiving day by my brother in law and this was after he beat me my mom kept sending me there go figure anyway I am grateful to have me as she was the first person ever to show me what a real family was so I can't wait to see her last time she stopped over we talked for 3 hours so its awesome as she knows all the family history so its great so much to learn

look at me going on and on I am just stuck in a zone so to say so much going on all at once I am in block out mood the reality of everything I can't change anything that is going to happen so until it gets here I will just be strong and go on I am a survivor in many ways

Abuse can be changed Surviving can be tough but we all have a choice and I choose to keep surviving so on that note over to the migraine group and then off to check mails etc... So all have a happy day and Please let me know how all are I miss you Hugs Krissi

joy

05-21-2009, 12:27 AM

krissi, i do wish i had know you back in 02. it was a ggod thing for me to get to go to mayo but also the finality of hearing from them that there is nothing to be done for my neuropathy was like hearin doom and gloom.

i enjoyed the scenery from my home to there and got to see lake michigan and was thriled to do.

i will keep you in mind during your fil's troubles. it is so good you got to know your aunt. i am so glad she is nice and you have a sense of family with her.

i like wild world by cat stevens too. back in the late 60's he really had a lot of good songs. i hope next time i hear from you it will all be good stuff.

stay off that foot. i had to finally MAKE myself do that for my foot to ever get healed enough so i could have a bone removed myself. stay down. you can catch up later on. cleaning can wait. take care girl

Kashis

05-21-2009, 10:53 AM

Thanks for the kind words dear I am having trouble on the crutches as in the first place on vacation I injured both feet and the left was worse then the right now the right is worse then the left and yet I have to use the left which is now catching up to the right wow that just made my head spin yours too LOL but its such a problem my house is getting worse and worse and I have no help around here

I guess cause I just worked so hard to get it done thats why it bothers me I had it to the point where it was done in 10 min so its hard on me I am not one to do nothing I am so tired of being sick and tired and now the laundry is so bad that my crutches get stuck on it when I am in my room as my basket has all the clean so I am just waiting to hurt myself one way or another I make coffee in the am and rough it but a girl has to have her coffee when there is no one around all I have is me so things are tough

Will be back soon Hugs To all Krissi

Kashis

06-09-2009, 09:33 PM

I am still around and will fill you all in as to what is going on in my life soon I have a case of the flu Not H1N1 just a bug and still exhausted from the week back home but I will be here soon just wanted to stop by and say Hi and I am ok

Kashis

06-10-2009, 02:28 AM

once again my mother and sister have been cold hearted and selfish I am getting yelled at cause I didn't spend time with them when I was home I took my mother shopping and to dinner at that

I was there to support my family being my husbands his dad is the only father I ever had and we almost lost him he ended up having a 6 hour surgery and after his lung collapsed we were at the hospital day and night an they took him off life support the day we left just before we left he is doing well now

I am so tired of this that family has been there for me and never treated me like my mother and my sister now my mother is telling me I am putting her through hell and I ruin everything My oldest called my sister when we were there and had some time to visit but because it wasn't around her schedule and her convience she is ticked I told her act like I don't exist it comes easy to her there is so much more to this story the emails were so nasty its pathetic

Then to top it off tonight I kicked my youngest out she had enough gall to call me an alcoholic and a narcotic addict as I needed my meds filled for my brain injury and there narcotics an didn't fill them for me so I am without tonight and in alot of pain and under alot of stress then I told her I want my car key as she goes to a job interview and don't get home till 10 at night thinks of herself I told her she can pack up and move out so she tells me Fyou I told her to leave she won't disrespect me in my home

She got fired and told my husband they let her go she lies so much and he don't see it but things are going to change around here I don't care how many people don't talk to me I am here alone all the time anyway it makes no difference but I want her out

The oldest isn't talking to me since we got back and I could care less I got the hubby and thats all that matters we raised our kids I am done

I am venting right now my mother is telling me I ruined everything by what I did ok taking her shopping and to eat and spending a few hours with her once again wasn't good enough

My inlaws have never done this to me and my father in law is my dad I have been with my husbands family since I was 14 they never kicked me out of there home nor there lives

But come on someone is in the hospital dear to you could have died and thats all I thought about but because I didn't plan it around my sisters schedule she don't want to talk to me I am begining to look at all this as a blessing

I have to stop but needed to vent for a sec my head is spinning and I am not feeling so well I am very light headed and kinda scarred for my health I talked to the hubby and he told me to take it easy as he is at work and doesn't want anything to happen to me

so I will close before I get hurt or have a heart attack from the stress levels I am going to rest I am also having problems with my dr since I have been home and got a nasty message from the nurse who has never been that way to me so I can't take much more

If someone were to just hug me I don't think I would let go I would be held and cry and cry and cry till the tears dry up

Why me the one who cares all the time and gets stompped on the most it hurts so bad I can't even explain I wanted to come back with all the good news then I got to my email from now on its delete delete delete if its from them selfish and heartless isn't what I want nor need

I will write soon and kinda put this all into detail right now I just need to let it out so I can sleep Hugs Krissi

joy

06-10-2009, 02:47 AM

why can't things stay good? it eems as if that is the way it goes. if you ever get something worked out right, everything else will fall to pot it seems.

i say you are doing the right thing krissi. if you and hubby are on the same page, everyone else is grown themselves!!

so hug each other and stay strong together. i do believe that parents do not help their kids by letting them stay at home and sponge off them. never mind the walking all over them and tromping on your heart.

they'll never understand unless they have a couple of kids themself and get the same treatment back. then they'll know just how it should have been.

don't you worry about them getting theirs tho hon, just know they will. take care of yourself. i hope you get your meds straightened out. i know just how hard and scarey that is with doctor's offices. keeps us worried all the time and this shouldn't be that way either.

I hope you feel better sweety, and soon.

sweet dreams tonight for you i hope and will ask for peaceful rest for you at least.

tic chick

06-10-2009, 09:20 AM

hey krissi!bunch

i'm sorry i didn't even see you were posting in this thread! so many spammers are coming around again and of course i report them as soon as i see a spam, but unfortunately, it goes to the top of the forum and i don't notice that you have posted anything. :(

i'm sorry about your father in law! it's good that he is doing well now.

just stand your ground with your daughter. YOU DO NOT have to take any disrespect from her in your house! it is a PRIVIVLEGE to live with your parent's once you can be out on your own, unless you are sick or unable to work for some reason.

your sister and mom are just looking to complain. you have to practice one line, and just keep saying it to them whenver they start complaining that you are not treating them right. here goes:

"i'm so sorry you feel that way."

just keep saying it. you're not admitting you did anything wrong, just sorry they feel that way due to their own bad attitudes and selfishness. hey...maybe get a t-shirt made that says that...lol. no, seriously, keep saying that and eventually they will know they can't get a reaction out of you and you aren't saying anything mean to them, so they can't compalin anymore (i hope).

oh, i love that whole album by cat stevens that has wild world and peace train on it...tea for the tillerman? i think so. great songs. it would be awesome to sing them!

take care of yourself krissi and glad to see you posting again! it's been awhile.

(((((HUGS)))))
jeannie

Buttons2

06-10-2009, 12:11 PM

Krissi,sorry to hear about your FIL. Good that he's doing better! As for sister&mother I wish they'd grow up or whatever......probably jealous of you! Try not to fret too much. Don't let them have that kind of power.

glad you are back! ((((((hugs)))))

joy

06-10-2009, 01:54 PM

you are a survivor and they like to see you down, i am beginning to think. take care of yourself and if hubby does right by you, him too. if not, consentrate only on yourself. you have done so much for yourself already. no one else has helped at any of it either, is what i'm thinking. you go girl!!! stay empowered.

that was an excellent comment. and doesn' say a thing about much of anything either so will have to recall that myself if needed. sorry you feel that way. oh boy. much better than what i hear outta men and women's mouths these days. and boys and girls. there are some i absolutely do not think should be said and it rolls off people's tounges so easily :eek:

Kashis

06-10-2009, 02:47 PM

Thanks all for being here for me once again I did everything I could back home I was there for my mother when she needed me and got no respect nor a thank you and now that another family needs me they get jealous They need to learn to get over it

I took my mom shopping and to lunch the first words out of her mouth were you look like you gained 50lbs I went off big time as I am tired of it an she caught me at a bad time with my father in law being on a ventalator still I would have no such put downs

I am fine with people not talking to me I sit here alone all the time I hurt no one and well they can all disown me for all I care and if my husband lets my daughter stay I am going away for a few days I have a couple free rooms coming and will use them up if need be

She should be kicked out of this house after her disrespect and I will stand to it last night after posting my face was numbe and my arm I was so out of it I was so afraid something was going to happen to me but I am just in alot of pain from stress and the weather

I am so tired of people stomping on me I have came to far in life to allow it anymore and I started standing up to people whether they like it or not the emails that were sent to me were uncalled for and I reminded my sister that she walked away from me so I am used to it

They should have been more concerned with the days and nights we were at the hospital praying for dad then scheduling time with them and the only reason I went to see ma was dad asked me to before he went in for surgery otherwise no one would have seen me

my mother sent my oldest a nasty email and then wonders why she wouldn't talk to her duh if she kept her mouth shut she would learn so to say she calls my 9 yr old niece obese to her face she is 9 for gosh sakes thats the same she did to me and I was anorexic

As far as the youngest calling me an addict I been there done that years ago but she is stuck in the past and I am not going to take it from anyone anymore I had enough

I am glad to be back here but not under theses circumstances I wanted to come back and talk about how things were bad for dad and after many prayers he came back to himself stuff like that not all this jazz

I have only been home for 4 days go figure hey thanks all for caring for me I know your here and won't walk away from me or judge me let alone disrespect me and thats why I am stil here I have built a whole new family here with you all

The rest of my family can go to ( he double hockey sticks ) all they care about is what they want and themselfs no one else matters and thats not me

oh yes my mother told me shame on you for ruining my birthday surprise I ruin everything and put everyone through hell wow what a mom I just want to end now and let it go for today but as we all know there is always more to come with me

I will never understand how can I be here alone all the time and yet so many people jump down my throat for never talking to anyone but me so to say oh well they can get off there high horses someday and realize I am whoi I am K

Buttons2

06-10-2009, 05:57 PM

Krissi,your family needs to follow this rule: if you can't say something nice to someone then keep your mouth shut!

You're doing fine and this too will pass. I thought daughter had already been kicked out but guess not. Well it will be resolved someday right?

Stay positive & strong!

Kashis

06-10-2009, 11:02 PM

Yah she was kicked out but shes a daddys girl the baby and I am tired of him treating her like I did something wrong she said some very nasty things to me and I will not let that go I took my mouse for my comp and hid it so she can't use it I deleted her shows she tapes and my husband asks me who is being childish I flat out told him she don't pay the bills around here

And he isn't talking to me now once again I am the victim here and I am steaming mad and ready to blow and he will hear about it this weekend as this isn't going to blow over

I have 2 free hotel rooms and thinking of taking off and using them just to get away and make them wonder I kicked her out there is no reason she should be here the way she talked to me is way out of line and he isn't going to treat me like this I have had it with everyone on this end and will not tolerate any of it

This is BS and my word should stand I am sure I will be posting more once again I am back to relive stress that I don't need my face is swollen head pounding and now due to the stress I must be in a dark room and I just had enough of all of it

I am sorry if I sound harsh but this is the only place I can talk and vent about whats on my mind so please bare with me while I get through this Hugs Krissi:mad:*badmood*mom1

Kashis

06-10-2009, 11:17 PM

after writing my last post I found a smile in me My daughter was allowed to use the car to go back and forth to work and got fired so she was just using it as her own personal toy so I took my key back I told her months ago to get her own key thats what she gets for not listining but anyway she told her dad she was laid off another lie I always know when she lies but I went outside to have a smoke ( I will be trying to quit again soon to much went on the last month and I just haven't tried) anyway when I did this I seen my bike and I thought well get some air in the tires and she can use that for interviews and to get to a new job which means she better get one in town as everything is a half hour away

Her boyfriend told her to quit her nursing job cause she can't make it to get a fast food job so all her college gone to pot so to say oh well if its up to me she will be out or I will once again I know the hubby has a bad heart but I have to think of me this time

But the bike thing really brought a big smile to my face as she asked me yesterday how she was suppose to get around now I have an answer LOL GO ME now I am smiling and calm and it feels great Hugs All for listining and giving me a chance to get things out so I was able to smile Good Night Krissi

Buttons2

06-11-2009, 11:52 AM

Good for you! Guess I'm grateful I raised my sons alone,never had any dispute's since dad was never in the picture!

tic chick

06-11-2009, 08:16 PM

WAY TO GO, KRISSI!

it's nice when the kids who are snotty to us get a dose of problems back to them...

karma is a b*tch :D

jeannie

joy

06-12-2009, 06:50 PM

there is just one thing that i really wish for you right now girl. and that is i really wish your husband could be supportive of you. i kinda have this feeling that your daughter would not do for you if she was really needed. and that's not like i am saying i think my own would,

for you see, i already know it. i have gone down and helped clean her house when my own foot was in that horrible boot. now she has a housekeeper come in. her hubby does not help her any either. but she has not once really cme out and helped me. and i help keep her kid a lot. but i do keep the kid cause i love her so that part is alright. but dep down, i know that she really should come and help me some and just isn't going to it seems. well, i am fibbing ther. she has came and done a small bit. but small it was.

i wish he would do this, for you. i know you would for him.

you vent here all you want. i hope you feel better soon.

Kashis

06-19-2009, 12:19 PM

Well its been awhile I have been really sick ended up in icu with chest pains but as of right now they can't find nothing serious I think its all the stress

My kid well she is gone now and I packed up her whole room found stuff she stole from everyone and her dad told her she has to find a new place to live she threatened to run me over with a truck and thats what changed his mind I mean really it had to get that far to convince him of what was really going on pathetic

anyway now she has to come and get and the doors will be bolted when she is not here and I told him she threatened my life and I will file charges if need be I have it in black and white her saying she wished I died in ICU and right now I have her set up so well that I have enough to have her locked up if I choose some of the things she said so she best stay away from me all around cause I am not playing games no more and if anyone backs down from her there going to have both ends of the stick from me

She is 19 and I have had enough since my hubby told her to move he isn't much talking to me but oh well I got my wish she calls me the meanest hurt ful things
I caught her by my other daughters friends she kept im'ing her back and forth and we set her up pretty much as we knew she would fall and speak her mind

She is trying to say I took 90 pills in 2 weeks she was in ohio the one and I was in Milw so ok yah sure it was toradol and flexeril I had her fill I had those and then on the 7th of the month I get my pain meds and this is what she is telling people and I am wondering how she knows I had 90 so now I don't know if I am short this month or not
never though to count them

and on top of all this my father n law is very disorented and don't remember the surgery at all so we think when that lung collapsed he lost alot of oxygen and I would love to go back home to be with him for a day or too trying to convince the hubby its a long drive but I am so worried

So I am so sorry I haven't stopped by and of course first thing I see spammers they just don't get it do they grrrrrrrr

So things have been a lil bit nuts here I am once again so far behind that I have alot of catching up to do I don't get to emails anymore either as when I sign in there are so many and my comp is got a funk so to say

Now my other daughter is coming around and talking to me as after what her sister said she was hurt for me so who knows how this is all going to turn out but usually one is talking to me the other isn't so I prefer the oldest she is not cold hearted like the youngest I love them both the same of course but the oldest talks to me like a human being when she isn't mad and well her best friend is right next door so it helps

So for now I have to fill meds and get some house work done while I am feeling a bit better and can see I have been seeing in 4's so a bit freaky its all the stress I just know it

So now all have a good day I am going to work hard on it too as the house really isn't that bad and the neighbor wants me over for coffee so I think its a great day for that as now I am under watch again so Hugs To all I was glad to see you well you know what I mean Krissi