having a rough time....

[stef80]

I am quite depressed lately....and confused....i know i will get something sorted out since i have a docs appointment on tuesday....
but its just tough going through worsening chronic pain for this long (9 years)
and keep adding diagnoses....
I am sore all the time now....and just feelin kinda depressed and lonely...i dunno just havin a pity party or something....
i am just sick of docs and trying to figure out whats wrong and stuff...but i don't think its normal being so sore just walking around the block is a big no-no since that just seems like a whole whack of pain to go through....
and i know i will get my meds sorted out and stuff so hopefully smooth out my moods a bit better....and i have just started iron shots so maybe things will start getting better....
just so sick of over-thinking everything---wheres the nearest bathroom, am i going to throw up or is this just my normal nausea, is this an IC flare comin
on---do i need to take any rescue meds and so on and so on....
i don't remember the last time i just enjoyed myself outside....also have to worry about something....and also don't remember what painfree is.....
i just needed to vent about it....i am going to try harder to work with my doc and smooth out my moods and such....
i know it could be dietary links, need to up a dosage or cut down or whatever but i am just sick of having to go to the doc to figure things out....
i have seen him way too much in the past years and i think hes sick of me comin in too....
argh i dunno.....just all flustered and feelin low....:(
i know things can be way worse but i just been hurtin too long i think....and i want some more of a life then staying with my cats and pigging out on chocolate.....(even though those two things are more fun than some things out there :p)
anyway i don't really know where i am going with this but i just am fed up with how my life has come to....
well i hope all are having a good day
i am just all flustered but i needed to get it all out...
i hope thats ok...:cool::rolleyes:
sometimes i feel like i don't know what i am doing anymore...
well take care everyone
BIG HUGS
;):o

[Tbackpain1]

First off...<<<<HUGS>>>>

Now, we all have days where we're in a funk, so don't feel bad about it. And I can tell you that there are days when I have just thrown up my hands and quit the merry-go-round that gets going in my head. It makes you crazy after a while, which doc says this, which doc wants this test, which doc wants this med....you get the idea.

Its easy for the anxiety and depression to take control of things, and those two alone can make you physically feel like a pile of eww. Add in the physical problems that are causing pain and yeah, going around the block can be equivalent to climbing Mt. Everest...or it least it seems so.

I had ALOT of stomach issues from my meds, and thankfully that's been sorted out, but it does make you feel pretty rotten when you have to carry an extra plastic baggie or two so you have something to puke in. I can totally commiserate with you on that one.

Just hang in there. I'm sure the waiting for appointments in the NHS is only adding to your stress level. Hopefully at your next appointment you'll be able to address some of the issues you're having and get referals to the right specialists to help. Vent away as much as you like...we're here to listen.

Theresa

[Nana4&cntn]

Stef, I can so understand how you are feeling. Chronic pain can beat you into the ground, mess with your head and just make you feel out of control. All of the things you are feeling are normal.

I have been doing this for 12 years and have been where you are now.

Eat your chocolate, enjoy your cats and know it will get better, it may not go away but it won't always be as bad as it is right now.

(((((((((((((((Stef)))))))))))))))

Take care,
Kathy

[stef80]

Its just so nice how you understand....
i am just frazzled about all this stuff.....:eek:
but i have put down some concerns and questions for my doc so we can go over a better treatment plan than i am on now since right now its just sorta deal with whatever pain pops up and thats not a good one since it has not helped me any made me more anxious about what lies ahead for me....:eek:
i thank you for being here for me....
sometimes you just need to get stuff out of your head so its less overwhelming
i am just tuckered and frazzled....those are better words for it....and sore...
my upper back has gotten real sore, i just found out that my upper back isn't normal after all....its crooked too....now i am second guessing stretches i am trying to do and its just so hard to try and get a hold onto thoughts and such and my mind is going all over the place and rrrrrr just frazzled :eek:
thank you for being here though it really does help...i know that my situation isn't that bad but still i am in pain everyday and it just does not make the mind think any clearer....
the only times i have been without pain is sleeping sometimes but sometimes it breaks through and wakes me up.....and before a procedure where they knock me out----i remember laughing before going to sleep at my last laparoscopy since i realized that i was in no pain right before going under and i was laughing since i never felt better....and then i had to wake up after a while after the surgery and BAM pain....well that couple of seconds before the procedure felt so good....would never take that back thats for sure....
and then i space out and not know what i was saying...:rolleyes:
anyway thank you
i hope all are having an all right night....
HUGS ;)

[Diandra]

Hi Stef,
I think many of us with illnesses/injuries on long term prescription pain meds experience what you are going through and often in a cyclic manner every few years or so. Then there will be a dosage change or a new drug and you'll get better and the world will look a bit brighter. I had gone from suicidal to working part time. Honestly, I am in a down swing right now and looking for a med change myself so hope the next change works.

I wish you the best...getting in those funks sucks every last ounce of energy from you.
Go treat yourself to something really special.Even if just to the Amazon or the bookstore for a new book you have wanted to read.
Diandra

[Nana4&cntn]

Stef, you are very welcome! As Diandra said we all cycle for whatever reason, sometimes mine is the weather othertime it is screwed up sleep patterns and the list goes on. I have started a pain journal again. I did it for several years and it was helpful. I gave up a few years ago, bad choice for me. It did help to put things in prespective as to how my activities or lack there of could cause more pain. Or even trying to catch myself falling can cause a pain flare. So many variables.

Best of luck to you!
Kathy

[Mary Diane]

I can so relate to that. There are days when I can barely lift my head up from the depression, and days when the pain hurts too much to cry. My ortho dr only keeps seeing me because we have no one in this area who specializes in my problem. He has treated me for over 15 yrs for a different condition, and doesn't want to leave me w/o care, so he keeps searching for drs who can help me, and trying to learn as much as he can. I love him to pieces. :) :) :)

I too, love my cat and chocolate. Plus: cigs, late night tv, early morning tv, talk radio, books, mags, newspapers, music, etc. My sleep is very sporadic, even with the meds. When I take the ms contin like I'm supposed to, I fall asleep at inappropriate times. So, needless to say, I try not to do that, LOL.

BTW, because of the neurontin I take, I have to make lists of things that I have to do or I'll forget them, and then try not to lose the list!!! LOL

Love to all and one-armed hugs,

Mary Diane *cg06

[Mark N]

Stef, it isn't hard to feel the way you do right now when there isn't any let up in the pain especially when sleep is impacted. I hope your doctor can help you get your meds straightened out so you are feeling better.

Have a good appointment today and I hope you are feeling better soon.

[stef80]

Well saw the doc and so i am bumping up one of the antidepressants and going to check my iron to make sure its getting absorbed and trying to stretch and do yoga type stuff to get the blood flowing again and see how it goes...
it is a fair argument since i was severely anemic so i guess this is the most logical way to go....
of course i did make this appointment before i knew i was so anemic....but went anyway.....at least i can stop runnin circles in my head trying to figure it out all on my own....
and he said that if i am the same or worse then we will figure out something else...
since my depression could be shining through a bit and causing some pain too...(since i had severe depression and had effexor up to 275 mgs or something around that area of mgs and i weaned down when i started amitriptyline for pain and i am up to 100mgs of amitriptyline and so i was worried about them interacting but we are trying it slowly to get from 75 mgs to two 75mgs of effexor a day)
who knows??
until we have all the data we can't make a for sure diagnosis...
since i could have fibro in evolution type thing....:rolleyes:
so yeah i feel sorta better since i know now i am taking the logical route but still it doesn't help me this minute and this has been a long run for me....
since i am a month away from my 28th birthday and i have been fighting chronic pain for 9 years and it just keeps on going.....
its just hard ya know??
having the diagnosis of chronic pelvic pain....like how is THAT a diagnosis anyway....:eek:
sure its from some diagnosed things like IC, IBS and mild endo and uterine spasms or something but really....how is THAT a diagnosis....:eek:
i dunno just gets frustrating sometimes.....
well thank you guys for understanding....
its an uphill battle i tell ya....
i hope all are having a good day
take it easy and take care
HUGS
:cool:

[Mark N]

Stef, you are right that CP isn't a diagnosis but a symptom of what is wrong. Unfortunately doctors can't always nail down what is causing the pain nor can they fix what causes our pain. It is very tough when we start dealing with this at a young age but I can tell you from experience that you can still accomplish things you want to while dealing with CP although it may limit how much you can do. I hope the new strategy your doctor is using helps get your pain under control and you start feeling better soon.