Flashbacks

[Kashis]

Flashbacks us survivors get them all the time why and victims are getting them going back and thinking what they did wrong and flashing back when in all reality they didn't do anything nor did we survivors

the flashbacks for alot of people are just terrible you can be listing to a song a tv commercial or someone will just say something and we flashback to an awful abusive day even though some of us survived for so long

We flinch when someone walks behind us or just bumps us and says excuse me and sorry thinking back and tightining up inside afraid once again like some one is out to hurt us once again

Why can't we let this go because we are always on guard we may have broke the abuse cycle but not what happen it doesn't go away you can be out with friends and someone goes to slap yah on the back or hug you and you jump i had and incident in the hosp that someone pretended to throw an apple and i ducked almost into fetal position he knew I was abused right away and apoligized so many times over and over again for what happen to me and i looked at him and as usual and said don't apologize I AM A SURVIVOR!!!!!


How do we deprogram the flashbacks why should we keep remembering the past why can't we let it go WE ARE ON THE DEFENSIVE now always trying to defend ourselfs from what may be cause of what was we have to now find a way to let this go

its easy to say its in the past let go but its simply not that simple some are starting new relashonships and are afraid of what could happen is it going to be the same thing over do I dare get close I am afraid of this happining again is what some would say and can be with the greatest person in the world but because of the past greatest who turned out to be the worst ever we can't move on

This makes life tough for us to go on now what can we do

1. Remid ourselfs we are ok
2. we have done nothing wrong
3. not everyone is out to hurt us
4.but we can not keep our eyes wide shut

as for victims you will have worse flashbacks until the cycle is broken daily as i recall everytime the door shut and he came home i was waiting for it that is part of the programming that goes with the abuse you now suffer when you become a survivor the flashbacks will come and go and not be daily Im sorry means nothing thats the time we flashback and forgive instead of say enough as a victim flashback is a reminder of what could and most likely will happen again


I still flashback everytime my head swells each pain I can tell you each beating i recieved my back etc.... it never goes away but we must fight that as survivors and continue to tell ourselves its over we made a change and we must leave the flashbacks behind somehow its terribly hard but I am getting alot better at it yet never forgetting what happen to me



letting go and moving on flashbacks don't help that at all either we will always remember the sad part is once in awhile there is a good flashback of when times were good which makes our heads say i forgive you this is where victims get stuck and can't break the cycle as they so badly want what was before what is now

but we as survivors know better as on one hand we can see what was good and need our whole bodies to remember what was we see things differently
victims see this to but in a different way


I am gonna try this when a flashback comes to remind me of the awful I am going to gently tell myself its over I am going to pray to take the awful thoughts away and remind myself I love me and nothing will i ever let happen to me that awful as its all i can come up with

this is a touchy subject and I really have no answers but thoughts simple thoughts is all but it needs to be addressed I think and maybe working together we can all move on and become flashback free


We can go talk to dr's psych's etc,.... but unless they lived it I don't think they truely understand if I went to a psych again I would want to know if they were abused as in my heart i feel they should have abused psychs who now made a difference to help others


I guess thats what counslers are for in the abuse centers I just don't know its so hard to address this topic and I would never recommend not seeking help ever this is just my opinion


We have to learn to move on though and learn to make these flashbacks go away so we can learn to live normal again whatever normal really is I guess the flashbacks also gives the abuser away to remind us of what could be which for a survivor keeps us strong but a victim stuck in fear

I so wish I had answers and thats why I decided to do this post as together we may just be able to make them flashbacks go away so we can continue to move on in life stay strong and live large and show victims its ok to be a survivor there are hurtles like flashbacks but we can move on and grow strong

Hugs Krissi

[Kashis]

sometimes flashbacks really can ruin my life as it is now per say my sexual life as sometimes I get flashbacks of being raped and can't let that go even though my husband never forced himself on me after 22 yrs I have a hard time letting this go even all the old abuse sits quietly till you want to do something meaningful such as being in love and making love sometimes them flashbacks just pop up again and again you try so hard to let them go but just can't and just want to get it over I try so hard to make this go away this is the hardest of all my flashbacks I guess more so then the abuse

I can only imagine those that are being forced now to have sex where such a beautiful thing is turned into a night mare which if ever they get out of the situation they will suffer just as i do

I just wanted to add this to the topic as flashbacks come in all forms in all ways at all different times its all kinds of mental abuse that still lingeres and without even knowing it flashbacks are mentally abusing our minds terribly I so hope we can work together and come to a conclusion of making them stop

Hugs Krissi

glad to be posting again I have more to come but tomorrow hopefully I will be addressing another deep subject these things linger in my mind as I lived through the pain and now living with flashbacks and other topics that i feel are important to bring out in the open

[tic chick]

krissi *smallheart,

what we have is called "post traumatic stress disorder" or "ptsd". this happens to many people. you can get it from a single traumatic incident, like an auto accident, to being subjected to years of abuse, mental or physical.

the symptoms are what you describe:

-getting flashbacks of the actual incident
-feeling like you are going to be hurt when you feel someone is treating you badly
-feeling like you need protection when you imagine you are going to be hurt (like your hospital incident where you thought someone was going to throw an apple at you)
-a high startle reflex (when i am in the basement and concentrating on something and someone comes downstairs without saying anything and then starts talking to me, i scream)

the problem with some people is they try and talk you out of your feelings, by saying things like, "oh, you know i wouldn't hurt you", "you know nobody is in the house but me, why do you scream?". what we are doing is reliving the FEELING of being helpless, scared, not in control. it's an automatic response to the imagined hurt that is coming. we cannot help it, our bodies and minds have already ingrained the abuse and when something resembling the abuse is happening, our bodies go into protection mode.

for victims of physical and sexual abuse, it takes a long time before we can trust people. for victims of sexual abuse, it is very hard because of the nature of that type of abuse. REMEMBER:

-RAPE IS NOT AN EXPRESSION OF LOVE
-RAPE IS AN EXPRESSION OF POWER

when you have normal, loving sexual relationships, love is a give and take issue. either person should feel free to decline having sexual relations at any time. there are other ways, short of having intercourse, that you can express your love; holding, touching, cuddling are all acceptable ways of showing love.

i think the longer you are in a relationship that is non-abusive and loving, the easier it will be to not have the flashbacks of the abuse. i think if you are still having vivid flashbacks that upset you for days, if you cannot have sexual relations with someone you really love, then it is time to seek therapy, because it is affecting your life and keeping love out of it.

NEVER feel guilty for being a victim of abuse if you are a child or an adult. YOU ARE ALIVE, YOU HAVE SURVIVED!

that is the most important thing, surviving. you can always find a better way to live, without abuse and with love.

life is a wonderful journey. find your path to happiness.

(((HUGS)))
jeannie

[blossom4th]

Hi Krissi & Jeannie,
I understand being easily startled and suffering flashbacks;I've certainly done my share of both! I'm doing much better now.I have alot of good friends and I've slowly built my self-esteem back to where it was.I've regained my zest for life.It's been a long and tough road,though. For I've suffered different forms of abuse throughout my life.As for flashbacks...well....just when you think your mind is all healed and "all done with that"....along comes a flashback!!! :( Just today I was sitting at the table when my mind suddenly directed itself to where I lived before leaving my husband.I was remembering how much I enjoyed working in the yard (when I still had the health to do so!);I was remembering the trees and shrubs I'd loved so much and had to leave behind! Now,I hadn't hardly thought about that in these more than four years....but here I sat seeing it clearly and crying!!! :confused: So,not all flashbacks are violent and brutal;but they're emotionally draining nonetheless!

[tic chick]

blossom4th...you are grieving for what you lost. all your love and time went into that yard and now you don't have it. i'm sorry for that loss.

yeah, memories come back whether we want them to or not.

(((hugs)))
jeannie

[Kashis]

I am glad I started this topic as I knew we would all be here to help each other on this and so many suffer from this flashback syndrome I am doing reasearch on the topic also to see what else I can find we all suffer but Thank GOD we all have each other Hugs Krissi

[Kashis]

What Helps

Source: 'Flashbacks' By: Laurieann Chutis, A.C.S.W.

The 'What Helps' Information below is gathered from a very credible source written by Laurieann Chutis. I decided to put this here because it speaks to every Survivor including myself. Please click on the link above for more information.

"Tell yourself that you are having a flashback."

"Remind yourself that the worst is over. The feelings and sensations you are experiencing are memories of the past. The actual event took place long ago when you were [younger] and you survived. Now it is time to let out that terror, rage, hurt and/or panic. Now is the time to honor your experience."

"Get grounded. This means stamping your feet on the ground so that the little one knows you have feet and can get away if you need to. ([If the trauma occurred as a child]. . . you couldn't get away: Now you can.}"

"Breathe. When we get scared we stop normal breathing. As a result, our body begins to panic from the lack of oxygen. Lack of oxygen in itself causes a great deal of panic feelings: pounding in the head, tightness, sweating, feeling faint, shakiness, dizziness. When we breathe deeply enough, a lot of the panic feeling can decrease. Breathing deeply means putting your hand on your diaphragm and breathing deeply enough so that your diaphragm pushes against your hand and then exhaling so that the diaphragm goes in."

"Reorient to the present. Begin to use your five senses in the present. Look around and see the colors in the room, the shapes of things, the people near, etc. Listen to the sounds [around you]: your breathing, traffic, birds, people, cars, etc. Feel your body and what is touching it: your clothes, your own arms and hands, the chair or floor supporting you."

"Speak to the little one and reassure him/her. It is very healing to get your adult in the now, that you can get out if you need to, that it is OK to feel the feelings of long ago without reprisal. The child needs to know that it is safe to experience the feelings/sensations and let go of the past."

"Get in touch with your needs for boundaries. Sometimes when we are having a flashback we lose the sense of where we leave off and the world begins; as if we do not have skin. Wrap yourself in a blanket, hold a pillow or stuffed animal, go to bed, sit in a closet... any way that you can feel yourself truly protected from the outside."

"Get support. Depending on your situation, you may need to be alone or may want someone near you. In either case, it is important that your close ones know about flashbacks so they can help with the process, whether that means letting you be by yourself or being there."

"Take time to recover. Sometimes flashbacks are very powerful. Give yourself the time to make the transition from this powerful experience. Don't expect yourself to jump into adult activities right away. Take a nap, or a warm bath, or some quiet time. Do not beat yourself up for having a flashback. Appreciate how much your little one went through. . . ."

"Honor your experience. Appreciate yourself for having survived that horrible time [when you were younger]. Respect your body's need to experience those feelings of long ago."

"Be patient. It takes time to heal the past. It takes time to learn appropriate ways of taking care of self., of being an adult who has feelings, and developing effective ways of coping in the here and now."

"Find a competent therapist. Look for a therapist who understands the processes of healing from [trauma: incest, rape, war.] A therapist can be a guide, a support, a coach in this healing process. You do not have to do it alone . . . ever again."

"Join a self-help group. Survivors are wonderful allies in this process of healing. It is a healing thing to share your process with others who understand so deeply what you are going through."

"Know you are not crazy . . . you are healing!"

- Laurieann Chutis


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[Kashis]

I remember a flashback when I was going through treatment for tbi and was having needles put in my eyebrows and in the back of my neck to stop the head swelling and migraines and to numb my face but anyway when I saw the first needle all the memories came back everyone everybody who hurt me I seen them all in an instant I lost it I was told it was post traumatic stress they wouldn't give me nothing to calm me I cried and cried each time this procedure was done

I felt I was being punished all over again and none of them had to feel my pain and once again I had to be abused to fix the abuse which in reality turned out that dr was mentally abusing me as he was putting the needles in my eyes no sympathy at all I screamed my husband wasn't llowed in the room so there was no comfort I think that was one of the worst flashbacks I ever had I seen it all over again every thing
in some ways it was a good thing yah I said good thing why

because by remembering everything I was able to get the information I needed to write down and figure out then there was something else wrong and I was right I never seen that dr again but the next one had ever beating I ever took on paper before starting biofeedback and knew by the first session I had a complicated brain injury

after that I was asked if I would go back in a chronic pain clinic I was so scarred I said no way and come to find out it was a new place and people understood and cared I knew I was going to be ok but I know the nightmare flashbacks all to well the certain smells flashbacks and being certain places flashbacks but I know its gone now and I can live again and I thank GOD for that but I think them needles in someway helped me to realize what had really happen to me for a reason

I don't get them that bad now as they used to be but still flinch or jump just out of fear that is left over that someday I hope to let go but for now I know after this incident the worst is over Krissi

[blossom4th]

Krissi,
Wow! :eek: That was an awful ordeal to go through in order to be able to express what you'd been through! :rolleyes:

I really liked the information about flashbacks that you posted! :) Without any knowledge or support group(except a bunch of great friends),I had put into action the advise to "Breathe" "Get support" (family & friends) "Take time to recover" "Honor your experience" and last but certainly not least, "Be patient". As I'd mentioned previously,I'd suffered various forms of abuse since childhood.One form of abuse lay buried in my subconcious for years! When it came tumbling out one day,it was so painful and I was literally gasping for breath! The flashbacks were coming at the speed of intense birth contractions....there's no stopping them...ya just gotta deal with it...oh no!!!

[Kashis]

With the support here I am sure we can learn together to help each other get through these awful flashbacks and erase them from our minds just by having the topic we can post a nasty flashbox and leave it here on this page so it never comes back we can lock it up here and never have them again if all goes well and if we choose to open that box its here instead of inside of us haunting and tourchering us Hugs Krissi