? for everyone

[Mark N]

What have you done to maintain connected with the world as your activities levels have become more restricted. I find that it is difficult to keep up with people now that I am lucky to get out of the house once a day. I know I have made some changes to stay connected to the world but I was wondering what have you done as I may pick up some ideas to not be as isolated.

[simby]

excellent question, Mark. I wish i could help.
I tend to keep to myself for the most part.

I will think on this and, hopefully, post more.

hugs,
sims

[911]

i agree a good question , since we moved to florida this has become more of an issue as we basicly do not know anyone here cept a couple of neighbors , i use the net alot , i look in here atleast 3 times a day to see if theres anything i need to see , i also have another depresion chat roon i go to every morning they basicly got me thru some really bad times and are a bunch of awsome folks alot of them deal with chronic pain aswell , if anyone is interested i would be happy to give the link , other than that we get out if it is just to look around and window shop , i try to keep my activity as high as i can despite the pain issues and next month were going home for a week so for now thats where i am at besides a boat load of docs appts thats it , thanks for asking i would really like to hear others sugestions , and again please if interested in the chat site i go to please ask up ,,,,,,,,,,,,, Dave

[debhun]

Mark I didn't come out of my house for about 2 years. My family Doc was doing what he could but not really. I don't think he knew just how bad my pain was till I went to PM. He seen what they put me on and said { this is very powerfully stuff you have here} I told well it helps alot with my pain. He never gave out any more then perc was the highest I think. But any way after I got into pain PM it has took about 9 months to get my right meds. I have done things I haven't done in years. I have a very small garden and my yard I do a little in. The big thing is NOW DON'T FALL OUT OF YOU CHAIR YOU ALL. But I have been hangings out my wash. The light bill is so high and going higher as gas goes up so does my light bill. I tryed to go up and down the steps but I just couldn't do that. I just about killed me. So Hubby made a pull line so I wouldn't have to go up and down the steps and left the heavy basket. Works great. Now we got 1 window AC we need 1 more for the living room. The Big AC and heating cost us $200.+ more on our light bill. No reason to cool the whole house when I am the only one here in the day time. I cut off the hot water heater too. then turn it back on at night.
But I don't really get out much as far as going into town or out to eat etc... Just in my yard.I don't have any friends here so one come over.I have you all and that is it. But I am glad to be where I am right now. I know it will not last long. But I will do what I can till I have to stop again for good. I know I push myself to much. But I am trying not to let it get the best of me again.
Mark I Pray that you will be able to get out some. if it is nothing but a walk in your yard.

I lost my modem for DIAL waiting for new one. On dial up GGGRRRRR.

Hugs
Deb

[Nana4&cntn]

Great Question Mark! It is difficult to maintain a social life when you don't know how you will feel the day you have something planned.

Since most of my Family is here, we have gatherings about monthly sometimes more often. Of course the Grandchildren keep me busy.

My biggest concern when I had to stop working was just how would I be able to continue to be of service to others and keep in touch with my co-workers. I am a volunteer Court Appointed Guardian for 5 Mentally Disabled/Ill adults. I attend meeting for each 2x yearly and either they visit me here or I at their home. I also talk w/staff and others re:my wards. We also have weekly phone calls.

I have lunch with some co-workers several times a year. My best friend (we met at work about 20 years ago) and I go to church together and I usually have spent Saturday night at her house. We would cook a nice dinner and talk to catch up. Both of us are single, so this is usually the nicest dinner we have all week. I haven't been to church or to Carol's for months due to the levels of pain and other commitments. This is something that needs to happen again!

Mostly my time is spent with family or talking to friends on the phone. I also visit with the neighbors. I visit with friends when I am in town by stopping by my old work place or after they get off work. I also find I spend a lot of time visiting people I know in the grocery store, strange I know!

To be very honest, I spend most of my time talking to my BT friends:D

Thanks for asking,
Kathy

[Ponygirl]

:DComputers & phones!!:o...LOL

Phyllis

[Kathi49]

Mark,

You pretty much know what I do most every day and/or when I can. :) But I was reading some pain management strategies in the PM's office today...focus on what you CAN do rather than what you CAN'T do. So, that's just pretty much sums up how I deal with it. I know you are speaking more of socialization. But I guess I am more like Kathy since at least half of my large family is here along with friends; and of course the friends here. :) But I should do something she mentioned. Which is church. I used to go alot but in later years slacked off. I would really like to go back and should. The last time I went I could barely stand it because being Catholic there is a lot kneeling. :eek::D And I DO remember thinking my back wouldn't take it much longer. :eek: Isn't that awful to be thinking that way while in church. :o And I like what Phyllis said...very true...there is always the phone. :)

[Mark N]

Thanks everyone for the answers. Some of the things I have done is to try and get out each day even though it is only for 20 minutes or so. I see people I know and talk to them for a short time. I have a church member that comes around once a month to keep me up on what is happening. The internet forums and email really help me keep in touch with people. I also use my cell phone to keep in touch with friends and family.

I also take a walk most days and make sure I go around the corner to eat at the local hole in the wall small diner. I find it is still hard to hold on to my old friends as time goes by. They try hard to keep up with me but we don't have much in common any more. I still hang on to a few close friends but it is tough losing others because I can't keep up with them. I find that I lose track of time and with my uneven schedule I am not able to call when others can take calls. It is hard to establish anything when you don't know from day to day what you will be able to do or when you can do it. I am trying to set an appointment up to get in the VA medical program but so far I haven't been able to make the connection. At least they will come to my house if I can't make it in to the appointment.

There are a few things we can do but it is difficult to stay active. Thanks for all the suggestions and I hope I get many more as others come and post here.

[Boxerlover]

Geez! I just wrote a long answer to this post and just when I was going to write my name I got kicked out! I love computers*ack!

Anyway to make a long story short, we moved out of state right about the time my illness was making itself known, so when we lived there, I pretty much was isolated. We were over-joyed to find out we were going home, but in Florida the housing market was insane and we were lucky to break even when we sold our house in Alabama.

We ultimately had to move an hour away from where I had hoped to move to as we had been there 10 years before we moved to Alabama, but it wasn't meant to be. So again we were in a new town and didn't know anyone and as I was very sick the first two years here, again I was pretty isolated.

The last 18 months I have tried to make some connections and do some things, especially with my husband as what we both loved doing was working on our home and in the yard while the dogs ran. As I cannot do that anymore we had to find things less strenuous.

Last year my husband got season tickets to the football games and we have just love it. We've also met some people this way and get to socialize more. Plus we got involved in boxer rescue as I wanted to give back in some way. Other than that, it's just going out to dinner once in awhile or church. Going to the games really wipes me out, but it is worth it to be there with my husband.

Melissa

[welsh]

Mark Ive gotta be honest I too am pretty much isolated here in Wales too, and can go for days without talking to another soul!!! Where I live is very much rural and I live right out in the country,with no neighbours, unless ya count the sheep lol. I use the net a lot just to keep up with things and I do have a couple of e-mail penpals from all over the world, contacts I made through various support forums, and I really look foward to those mails. Im a very avid reader and just cant get enough input lol and just love my books. I have lost a few "so called friends" since becoming disabled,and I theres nothing really around here for me to go out n try make new ones,plus as you n many others I never know what or how Im gonna be like from one day to the next in terms of pain and being able to move etc.... Im confined to my wheelchair and basically need care 24/7, not excactly fun is it lol. Mark if you or anyone else in this position or suituation would like an e-mail friend then please feel free to pm me and I will give you my e-mail addy so we can make contact and help each other keep occupied lol. Also Id like to ask Dave 911 if ya could pm me the depression site details please mate so I can take a look see if its summat that might help me n my depression, thats if I can join in seeing as Im actually from Wales........ Anyway keep sharing what you do guys n gals love to you all *** Demi aka welsh xx

[911]

none of my old freind seem to exsist anymore , when i got ill none wanted anything too do to me , no calls , e-mails, or visits unless i went over and there were more times than not i couldnt go over , now it is sandra and i and her 13 y/o daughter thats my world as my family is also included in the above list though i will say my kids and i stay intouch ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Dave

[Mark N]

Demi and Dave, my friends have generally left me too. They did make an effort to stay in contact me but we just stopped having anything in common. As I couldn't do things they were involved with I just wasn't in their daily lives and eventually dropped out. Even with the best intentions they eventually move on with their lives and I am not in it any more. I understand why I lose them even if I try to maintain contact. I have been surprised how long they have stayed in contact with me but almost all of them are now not contacting me or returning my emails.

I am glad for the internet and the ability to keep up with people along with meeting new people.

[911]

mark i hear ya the part that hurt worst i think was my family abandoning me ,,, but now i have a new family , sandra and i will get married when we can , her being catholic complicates things alot and would require her doing things i cant ask her to do because i love her and there very painful for her so it is what it is and when we do finally get " legaly married" it will be just that on paper , we consider ourselves married as we stand so all is good ,,,,,,,,,,,,, Dave

[GardeniaGirl]

I am still managing to work about part-time, so that is a big part of my social contact. I have one co-worker who I share an office with and we have shared an office for 7 years. She is older than me, but we get along great with each other and I consider her a good friend. I was able to tell her about my health issues and she doesn't share that info with anyone else, so it really helps for me to have a confidante like that at work. I can tell her when I am having a bad day and it just helps lower my stress level a lot.

I have lost many friends over the years due to my health....and it has been very painful.

Like others here, I don't have as much in common with my peers anymore, so its harder to find that common ground for friendships. I have spent many years feeling like there is something wrong with me but I now see that many friendships don't survive when there are major changes in life circumstances.

I do have a bookgroup - 5 of us have turned out to be pretty good friends - I do a few social things with those girls - have dinner, watch a movie, low key stuff.

I have also met friends over the past few years through meditation groups I have been involved in. Those people have tended to be very caring and understanding types, which I need in the people I surround myself with.

Getting together with my boyfriend this past year has been the biggest help to me feeling more connected to the outside world again. I am finding that I am not as concerned about losing friends now that I have him, but I still make an effort to stay connected to the few friends I do have.

I should say that I have one very close male friend of almost 15 years who is very understanding of my health issues and we go out to dinner and movies from time to time. That has meant a lot to me that he can "look past" my health issues and remain a friend - I met him before I got seriously ill.

Oh, and currently, I participate in a number of internet forums on various topics and that is something I greatly enjoy and it helps me feel more socially involved, but I can do it while laying on the couch!

[LindaQuilts]

Like a lot of former military brats, I know lots of people and can talk to anyone. However, like those same brats, I don't make close friends well. My husband is my closest friend and I don't know what I'd do without him. I have six kids, but they're all back east and I don't get to see them nearly enough. My best friend is in Albuquerque now, so I don't see her often. My biggest outlet for socializing is my local quilt shop. The owner has days when she allows any of the quilters to come in and use the classroom for meeting, like a bee. I go on Sunday afternoons and meet with a couple of other women. Well, I haven't done it in several weeks now, but they've kept in touch and are waiting for me to go back.

Other than that, it's email and internet. Thank goodness for hi-tech stuff!

[Cervie Barb]

A few times a week I run into town for the mail and hit the local coffee shop. I've always liked diners and cafes, and wherever I've lived, I've found one to haunt.

No real close friends anymore, but familiar faces willing to discuss local events and national/world happenings. I live in the country, too, so if I become totally immobile, I'm toast!

I don't hate solitude, though. I really don't mind being alone with the dogs for extended periods. (As long as I have the net!)

You're an interesting guy, Mark, and I'm sure you'll spark up the conversation wherever you go. Just look what you do here!

Take care.

[Leeaelle]

Hi Mark ~ I'm like alot of the others. Since I can't work anymore, it's been hard to stay in touch with people, and when my husband died, ALL our friends dumped me ~ lock, stock and barrel. I tried contacting them after his death, but there were no return phone calls, they "weren't home," etc. The village I live in is VERY antagonistic towards outsiders (I wasn't born & raised here, so I'm an outsider), so I haven't made more than 1 acquaintance here. Sounds pitiful doesn't it? But really, I don't mind anymore ~ I have my family, the computer and a car!!! :D The H@#$ with everyone else. ;);) ;)
I'm also getting cranky in my old age!

Good topic Mark. Take care. Hugs, Lee

[Karenica]

This is a good one Mark, I really had to think of this, it really hit home to know just how much my life has changed, like others have said it's so hard to know one day from the next on how we feel, I have days where I don't leave home for several days in a row and then I feel depression starting to kick in, I have a few friends here in my neighborhood, that I keep in contact with and see occasionally, and then I have two close friends that live in other states that I talk to alot, and then mostly being here on the net with all of you this I must say has helped me alot because it's all of you that understand me the most besides my family that is, because sometimes friends know that I'm in pain or not feeling well but they just don't know the whole picture and the stress and mental issues that go with it. My life has changed so much, I used to be a girl on the go all the time, now I don't, and I do feel more isolated at times, it would be nice just nice if someone would just pop on over here and just sit and chat with me from time to time but no one does, I said I have a few friends here don't get me wrong they would do anything for me and they have for me especially during my surgeries with dinners and all, but like I said it would be nice if they would just stop by and just sit and chat with me once in awhile, now that would brighten up my day.
Karenica

[Mark N]

Thanks everyone for responding. Like many of you I am fine with the number of friends I do have. I realize a big part of losing friends is I am not able to maintain the connections myself. Time disappears on me, I don't track well enough any more to keep up with important dates, and any number of things that keep a friendship going I am not able to do. It isn't just others that drop me but my own limitations that cause the breaks.

Everyone has brought such a good attitude about this life change and I have found some ideas I didn't think about ie book clubs. Thanks for bringing your insights and experiences to this post.