I am so frustrated and upset!!

[cheyriver]

I had my surgery May 1st and haven't been on the boards much due to experiencing surgery complications which are ongoing. I posted about it in the peripheral neuropathy section.

I'm really started to despise doctors because the majority of my health problems are abuse related.

I feel like I'm getting the runaround and not the help I need.

I don't feel comfy with the surgeon I go to because I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall.

I saw my other doctor today and asked for a referral to another surgeon but was told no. I have problems with my pinky finger. It doesn't bend to the palm of my hand and if I push it down it pops back up. Its been ongoing for a few years now and pain is coming back. Its hard to pick up an object when your pinky doesn't want to cooperate. I've had at least 10 injuries to this finger from my abusive exbf.

Doctors say its related to my elbow, nerve compression with ulnar nerve. I know some of it is but many of these problems started after my finger injuries but they don't seem to listen!!

The doctor (not the surgeon) today said to me "your pinky finger is not an important finger on your hand." What the heck!

The surgeon, I spoke to him about this finger and he examined it for like 2 seconds and nothing said. I brought it up again months later and was told 'you already talked about this!!'

I use to hide my injuries and pain but now I'm trying to get help but nobody seems to listen!

I try to help myself, tried physio, not working.

If I could get a second opinion it would be great and if a surgeon can't help me I will learn to live with it but at least let me see one to find out!!

Anyone else experience problems with new or old abuse injuries being looked after?

[Kashis]

I had the ulnar surgery and carpal tunnel too I know where your at with this what i sugesst is do a search on the internet for hand surgeons in your area like hand arm surgeon mpls mn but with your city and state and start getting more opinons you don't have to see your doctor what I had to do as I got the same thing was find a new doctor totally different clinic and flat out said if I am going to be judged then i want nothing to do with you and will walk right out the door this is the same doc I have now and knows of the abuse i was sure to let them know if there critizing me for someone abusing me I am out I was afraid but after all the reasearch and trial and error i found someone who cared and understood so don't let a dr stress you out they tend to forget you pay them they get a paycheck thanks to you and must be reminded of that don't keep someone who don't give a damn thats like and abuser himself a mental abuser find a dr who cares what you have to say even if you have to see 10 and judge them by bedside manner as lots of them need to go back to school just to learn this topic trust me been there
I was looked at as crazy till they found I had a brain injury then who was crazy them so do search and find the right person for you email them if on there web page there is a contact thing see what they think of people who were abused and need treatment from past injuries you pay them remember that hugs Krissi

[blossom4th]

cheyriver,
I just wanted to pop in and lend you some support...sure sounds like you need it!!! :rolleyes: Like Krissi said,these smart aleck Drs seem to forget (and think you'll forget!) that you're paying them for a service and that you expect something accomplished to your satisfaction! So don't give up and settle for what they're trying to do to you!!! That is in itself a form of abuse!
I'm sure you've had your fill of abuse! Now just remind yourself of that everytime some Dr tries to ignore your concerns! Best wishes! :)

[cheyriver]

Update..

I did see the surgeon late last week. Another waste of time. I'm still bleeding from 4-5 small areas along the incision line. I was told once again 'I don't know." I said "I don't know either but this has been ongoing for two months." I was told again "I don't know." This is the same response I received at my last 4-5 follow ups. Plus another area, my wrist, the symptoms are back, which I brought up and the surgeon became abrupt about it saying to me do you think your symptoms have anything to do with the surgery I did!? I said I never said that, I'm just describing the symptoms (same symptoms I had before surgery).

I plan on seeing a family doctor for a referral to another surgeon. I live in Canada so in order to see a surgeon or specialist a family doctor has to refer you. I hope I will get a referral otherwise I'm stuck.

I haven't been on the computer much lately since I am so ticked off and frustrated. I will be back soon and post more, respond to others threads as well.

Thank you everyone for the support. :)

[blossom4th]

cheyriver,
Well goodness! The surgeon ought to atleast give you the dignity of showing some concern! :( He's probably more concerned about the possibility of a malpractice lawsuit! :rolleyes:

I'm sorry to hear that you've had to go through all of this frustration after having had the surgery and thinking it would solve your problem! I hope you can get the help that you need!

[cheyriver]

I did see my family doctor today. Ugh. My incision is still bleeding. I said "I did see the surgeon last week and he doesn't know what is causing the bleeding. The past four to five appointment I get the same response. I'm not saying she is a bad surgeon but I feel uncomfortable with his and would like to see someone else. I know everyone has bad days including doctors but his bedside manners I feel uncomfy with."

He said " He is a good surgeon. I know most of the plastic surgeons and they are a tight knit group. They are understaffed and tend to be hyper, different bedside manners."

He then said "Go see him at your next appointment (which is two and half weeks from now) and see what he says. Then come back and see me a week later and maybeI will refer you to someone else."

So this is where I'm at. I found out there is a new surgeon that is moving to our city. He is not a new graduate, been practicing for awhile but has decided to relocate to our city. Apparently he is or will be taking new patients and I would need a referral to see him. I phoned one of the other hospitals to inquire about surgeons and was told this. So maybe I will be able to see him and won't have to wait long.

[Kashis]

my gosh do they want you to bleed to death what a holes excuse my language look for another clinic if possible or maybe a university or something you need to get away from that dr and fast ewww I am so erked right now and I thanks to you have another topic for the magazine no I will not involve any of you at all just the subject and the topic of how awful this is I promised to make a difference and I will till the day I die things are gonna change with the way dr treat dv paitents I have just had it this is wrong and discriminating and man I am ready to blow
I am learning and I am so sorry you have to hurt but I am going to touch on this subject I will do all I can to make this stop I don't know how but I know I have the good Lord on myside to do all I can I feel so awful for you I just can't tell you this is ridiculious and MUST STOP WE PAY THERE BILLS DANGIT

Sorry but I see that Cheyriver deserves to be treated like a human being and its about time she is grrrrrrrrrrrrrrGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR grrrrrrrr Hugs Krissi

[cheyriver]

Thank Kashis for your support and wanting to get the word out there.

I've been going to my family doctor for about a year. He is aware of some of the abuse. He's never made any bad comments but I have such a fear of doctors due to past judgement I clam up sometimes.

I use to hide my injuries, problems and not want to discuss it. Now I'm trying to get medical help because these injuries etc affect me now.

Even though they don't say anything out loud, I just get the feeling sometimes they must think I'm this or that because of the abuse. I know I do feel depressed off and on and probably have ptsd. Or at least anxiety issues from the abuse. But why should that get in the way of me receiving the medical care I need. There are times I feel like throwing in the towel and not bothering seeing doctors.

Whenever I bring up some other issues about my arm, they seem to get ignored or the surgeon doesn't listen or gets ornery.

I have a hard time telling doctors about pain. I have a high pain tolerance and when I say I'm in pain I look and act normal and don't get it across easily. I still numb some physical pain out because that is the way I coped when I was abused. I try to tell them but either it doesn't come across or there not listening. I guess I will have to tell the surgeon that I don't feel pain easily and when I say I'm in pain I mean it.

There has to be a reason why my incision keeps bleeding. I'm not on blood thinner medications, not diabetic, no heart problems etc.

I would like to see another surgeon but I have to get a referral from a family doctor otherwise I won't be able to see one. If someone were to walk into an ER with a bad injury or problem and was considered urgent a surgeon would see you immediately but otherwise if its non urgent you wait many months.

My bleeding may not be an emergency but its ongoing and I would hope I would be seen a bit faster.

The family doctor also told me he is not worried about the bleeding so when I've had one or two doctors tell me that I begin to think maybe its nothing, I'm overworrying. But at the same time this is odd and never experienced this before and wondering what is going on with my incision.

[Kashis]

during the time of finding out what was wrong before my brain injury was found I went through this I had a nero that told me it was from being and ex addict and I got judged on that its been 12 yrs so I pretty much told him where to go and your right alot of clinics stick together thats a big problem I had a doc on tape telling me something was wrong with my knee once and denied it all to work comp so yah I know just how your feeling an that is why I say I wouldn't take it look up different surgerons on hand in your area and read there bios see if you can find out about them the younger the dr the better the bedside matter it seems or this is what I found my dr belive it ornot is my age and the best bed side manner so I was blessed but I would start digging and demand a referal for a dr you find fitting not they find even if you need a different city in your area I wish you luck hun when I came clean when I broke my back they didn't want to help me no more as I lied to them so I went that same boat also to afraid to tell and now I would never let nothing hold me back from fighting back as I AM A SURVIVOR ain't NO ONE EVER GONNA TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME OR YOU hugs Krissi

[cheyriver]

Krissi, I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. I'm glad you found a compassionate doctor. :)

Where I live there is only one main city. There are other smaller cities but they don't have specialists so most of them come to where I live for treatment, to see specialists.

I did some searching on the internet and emailed a doctor and asked for his help via email. He offered to look at photos of my incision wound and operative reports. He gave me an answer to what the problem most likely is and said I would need the wound fixed. I think similar to a skin graft. So after all this fussing with doctors where I live in person, a doctor over the internet gave me an answer!

The only thing is if I tell the current surgeon I sought help through someone else and this is what they came up with, the surgeon will likely flip.

I go back in a weeks time. If I don't get answers or help, then I will have to ask my family doctor for a referral, push it more.

My family doctor is in the same age range as me. He's never judged me but I don't know him that well yet. So far so good but at times I admit I worry is he next etc. I've had a few bad experiences with doctors judging, blaming me in the past so I get anxious.

[Kashis]

You go girl don't worry about the surgeon flipping out he messed up and thats why he is flippin to begin with I knew if you searched you would find the right dr to help and really I say get there he gave you the answer you needed to hear and didn't judge you so I am so happy for you and if the dr won't refer you remind him you pay the bill and you want answers or for him to open the medical book and start studying again LOL Hugs Krissi

[cheyriver]

Unfortunately the doctor I spoke to over the internet lives in the USA. I live in Canada and can't afford to see him.

I see the surgeon I currently go to next week. I will attempt once more and if I don't get the help I will have to see someone else.

My family doctor I see a week later, after the surgeon appointment. If I'm still bleeding I will have to tell him again I don't feel comfortable with the current surgeon and see someone else.

I hope this bleeding clears soon. In Canada if you want to see a specialist you have to get a referral through a family doctor.

I use to hide all my injuries, medical problems because I experienced a few doctors who judged me plus at the time my now exbf wouldn't allow me to see a doctor for abuse injuries. Now I'm trying to get help for these abuse medical issues and feel like I'm not being listened to at times. Sometimes it makes me not want to go to doctors when this happens.

[Kashis]

sweetie my heart and prayers are with you I really thought we had something good there if I can find any information for you I will definatly post it here for you

I was blessed by an angel today I couldn't afford meds I need to pretty much live day by day and she donated the money I needed for the meds I went a week without thought I could do the no med thing boy was I wrong but put my life on the line so I could have food gas etc..... I can't thank that person enough and just wanted to share that not that it has anything to do with this but I am greatful I am no longer crying tears of pain but happy tears the pain was so bad I couldn't talk and it sounded like I had all my teeth pullled this is what happens when I don'[t have these meds I just thought I could be tough Never again I know I need these meds and well thanks to a myspace friend I got a donation

But this isn't about me its getting help for cheyriver so lets all pull together and start searching for canda surgeons that may be able to help her as thats what friends are for Hugs Krissi

[cheyriver]

Thanks Kashis for your support and prayers. I really appreciate it :) That is wonderful and sweet of your myspace friend to donate money to help you with your meds. I know how expensive meds can cost, takes a chunk out of your income.

Update..

I had an appointment with the surgeon earlier last week. A surgical resident saw me first and he was really nice and thorough. I'm still bleeding and he said there are special bandages they can put on that help heal. I also brought up my wrist which was operated on the past by the same surgeon. Problem is coming back. He said I likely need surgery again and will discuss it with the surgeon. The surgeon came in and agreed about the bandages. The stitches I had were dissolvable so they would be long gone now. I was told I may have had a reaction to the stitches. It's rare but can occur. The applied a different bandage and I hope it starts working.

The surgical resident brought up the wrist issue. I had a neuroma in my wrist. The surgeon said that maybe they didn't bury the nerve deep enough and will do the operation again. I will likely have the surgery in autumn.

The surgical resident was super nice. Too bad he is not finished training yet because he sounds like a great doctor.

[Kashis]

well at least we all know that soon there will be a decent surgeon out there with great bedside manner as he was so kind to you

I am sorry to hear you have to have surgery again that stinks its just awful and wrong its there mess up not yours and that why I think there treating you like dirt

Its sounds like you and me are alike when it comes to rare they always tell me that rarely there is a reaction 1 in 85% and go figure I am that 1 LOL

But now we know or I am pretty sure your not being mistreated cause you were abused your being mistreated cause the dr made a mistake and is a big idiot not that it makes you feel better but I am pretty sure I just put a smile on your face Hugs Krissi

[cheyriver]

well at least we all know that soon there will be a decent surgeon out there with great bedside manner as he was so kind to you

I am sorry to hear you have to have surgery again that stinks its just awful and wrong its there mess up not yours and that why I think there treating you like dirt

Its sounds like you and me are alike when it comes to rare they always tell me that rarely there is a reaction 1 in 85% and go figure I am that 1 LOL

But now we know or I am pretty sure your not being mistreated cause you were abused your being mistreated cause the dr made a mistake and is a big idiot not that it makes you feel better but I am pretty sure I just put a smile on your face Hugs Krissi


Hi and thanks Kashis. :)

That surgical resident sounds like he will be a great surgeon when he graduates.

I always worry about being mistreated because of the abuse and assume most doctors will. Makes sense about what you said as in they made a mistake and that is the reason why I'm being mistreated. I guess I am always cautious around doctors because of bad experiences in the past. I don't talk about the abuse with the surgeon. I'm generally quiet when I go in for appointments.

I should be having surgery in autumn. Just waiting for a date. Sounds like they may just freeze my arm this time instead of putting me under.

[Kashis]

we both must stop worring about being mistreated due to abuse as we are abusing ourselfs more that way then anything as we are survivors and as long as we stand strong and keep telling ourselfs we survived were gonna be ok we must stop beating ourselfs up because we both took to much in the past as hard as that sounds we must stand our ground

I am always here to listen to you just as you are to me and I am always here to make you smile when ever you need

The good lord is on our side and we can accomplish anything now remember my motto

ITS NONE OF OUR BUISNESS WHAT OTHERS THINK OR SAY ABOUT US

and we will be just fine

when you have surgery in autum you can always one finger type with the good hand so I know your ok LOL Hugs Krissi

[cheyriver]

I did see the surgeon approximately three weeks ago because my pain increased. I was told they would try to get me into surgery within three weeks but can't guarantee. I haven't heard back. I know I'm on a waiting list. I hope they phone me soon. I guess by the end of September if I haven't heard I will call them.

That is true. I shouldn't worry about what others think or say. I still do at times but have to remind myself to ignore the hateful or ignorant people who make judgemental comments.

[Kashis]

I just went back to milw and was critized for my outfits and not wearing clothes so to say its still fricken summer and had to keep telling myself that same thing it makes no difference what others think or say about me I love me I am happy being me and well you either accept me for me or get over it so to say is what I thought I have been around 23 yrs now if they can't accept me for who I am they never will so be it I am who I am took me along time to get here and ain't no one ever gonna bring me down
I came to far to let them


now about the surgery keep me posted and hold your head high they messed up and are being jerks cause of that this is why there treating you wrong we both know this and I am here now in full swing things are back to what I call normal around here Hugs Krissi

[cheyriver]

Hi everyone,

I haven't been on the boards that much due to my wrist. The pain limits my time on the computer. I received a letter from the surgeons office a month ago and I will be having surgery in two and half weeks from now. I will update after my surgery but I will try to post before surgery. Just my wrist gets too painful at times. Anyways I will definitely update as soon as I am able to. I hope everyone is fine. Looking forward to when I can post more often. :)

[Kashis]

I am sure I can say this for all of us our hearts are with you and take care of that wrist so you can start posting again Hugs Krissi