Pinching and Biting

[Salsa]

Hi,
I usually post on the epilepsy forum, but have an Asperger question-- and people rarely post on the Asperger board, so I thought I'd ask here.

I work in a preschool and there is a 3yo boy in our classroom with all the classic characteristics of Asperger Syndrome. He is off in his own world, doesn't like to be touched, walks with very odd gait/skips instead of walking, shows very little empathy (or it at least appears so-- going by his behavior), poor eye contact, prefers to play by self-- though I think he's actually getting better with interaction, odd inflection of voice and very loud when not appropriate-- which is most of the time, a couple seizures as an infant, sensitive to loud noise, and so many more signs. I can't list them all here. He actually is interacting more with the kids since the beginning of the year. I think that's great and I give credit for it as it doesn't seem to come naturally to him.

The problem that's gotten worse lately, though, is physical. He's been hitting, pinching and now biting. He took a look at my arm yesterday and I pulled it away because he was about to give it a chomp. He doesn't seem to understand that he's hurting other people when he does this. (Theory of mind-- I'm supposing).

He pinched a little boy in the room yesterday and the other boy was really hurt by it. Not just physically either. It made him feel really bad and the little boy was telling the student who pinched him that he hated him. We discourage this, but I didn't say much about the comment because the boy that he bit was really upset and very sincere when he said it.

I somewhat understand the "theory of mind." I have a daughter with autism and had another dd with AS. I see many Asperger characteristics of it in myself. I do get it that he has a hard time grasping the concept of empathy. Still, we want to teach him appropriate behaviors-- and of course, the biting has got to go. He has nobody working with him one-on-one as he's not yet on an IEP.

I've posted here before for ideas to handle these behaviors, but as I said above, a big part of the problem is that a dx has not been made and so methods that might be helpful like ABA, TEACCH, diet alteration, OT/PT therapy, etc. are not being considered-- and of course, since there is no IEP, nobody is working with him one-on-one.

I'm here asking for more practical advice in handling these problems. How do you teach appropriate behaviors when dealing with a (seemingly) uncaring child with Asperger Syndrome/Autism?

~Sandy (Salsa)

PS The picture up above (my avatar), is of my daughter (who has autism) taking a horseback ride on me-- which she loves to do.

[milivica]

Just so you know, empathy is a neurological response that happens when your mirror neurons are working properly. Empathy has nothing to do with being a 'good person' or anything like that, it's not a choice. Mother Theresa and a Con Artist both have empathy and theory of mind, however, each chooses to do something very different - one good one bad. But the ability to have empathy is neurological, nothing more. A man who beats his wife during her pregnancy can get false morning sickness when she is sick...doesn't mean he's a good guy, but it does mean his mirror neurons are working.

Look up or google mirror neurons, and learn about them. It's nothing hard (or I couldn't have learned it, trust me).

Second, I've seen you post here before, given your situation I can't tell you with merely words how strongly I advise you to look into RDI. Look on www.rdiconnect.com .

When you learn what it is to be neurotypical (being nt doesn't mean you understand what your brain is doing on a 'conscious' level) you can learn what people with autism need to develop in order to no longer have autism. Though there are a few benefits to being on the spectrum (like all the dirty looks I never saw, etc...) by far there is nothing so great about being on the spectrum that justifies a life parallel to this world, rather than being a part of it and a part of all those in it.

Make sense?

I'm pretty petered out on 'preaching' about RDI, it is absolutely the answer to autism...I thought finding the answer would be the hardest thing I'd ever do, turns out getting people to believe me is the hardest part.

All children with autism need first to develop that 'natural' guide/apprentice relationship, called Guided Participation Relationship (GPR). All children with autism need to develop that urge to be your 'apprentice'....you likely are already a willing guide, you need a willing apprentice, a child that enjoys being underfoot, doing what you do, feeling you are the leader and with you around they are safe and secure, etc... If a child was a willing apprentice, they wouldn't have autism - think about it. If a child was eager and willing and ready to be 'guided' by you (as nt children are) then how would that child have autism...they wouldn't. See?

The other option, do everything rote. If the kid bites you, create a consequence he does not enjoy. Maybe spray something that tastes bad on your arm like bitter apple. Create charts and schedules and all things that stereotypically are done with autistic kids even though they don't do anything to help the autism - actually it keeps the child autistic. Sorry if that sounds depressing, but when I think of what it will take for children with autism to no longer have it, and realize no one seems willing or able or both, to do that, it just crushes me. Maybe you will be the one willing and eager to come into the 21st century and use RDI. Learning isn't easy, but living with autism is a thousand times harder, I think.

All children with autism need resilience - in most cases of the 'behaviors' that harm others, resilience will preempt the behaviors you spoke of.

See if you can find Dr. Ed Tronick's paper on what lack of resilience would cause people to act like - sounds just like what autistic kids do to cope. Autistic kids don't have resilience, I know etiology of autism can be diverse, but not pathogenesis (hope I spelled that right). Restore the GPR, and go from there so flexible thinking and the ability to borrow another's perspective, and self awareness, etc etc can be developed finally by the child with autism.

Sometimes, aggression is not just a matter of lack of 'empathy' but more a coping strategy...what would you do when you are in a situation of challenge and uncertainty 24/7? The brain is an experience dependent organ, right? So where are the successes of tackling new challenges with a 'mentor' or 'guide' being built in an autistic child...they're not. See?

Well, I hope I came off ok, I'm both passionate about RDI and gutted by autistic kids never getting the chance to make the same gains nt kids get to make automatically. If there was another way than RDI to get the chance to develop all the areas autistic kids don't, I'd be gung ho about that too. RDI is just the only thing I've ever found that works absolutely always, for autism. And I want to see every kid and parent get that chance.

[peglem]

That makes alot of sense Mili. But I need the owner's manual- to Ms. NTme, getting my unwilling child to become a willing participant...I know, I know, get a consultant. In a way though, after my 3 nt kids, that relationship (GPR)came as natural to them as breathing. So, my analogy- how do you teach somebody who has no clue what breathing is, how to breath?

[Salsa]

Mili,
I can appreciate where you're coming from. The problem on my part is that I'm only the teacher aide and so that limits me.

He's 3 years old and to me, this is the perfect age to be addressing it, but I'm not in any sort of position to say much more. The teacher said that if I have some ideas that will help with the behavior problem, that's fine though. So I'm looking for ideas how to help make things more peaceable in the classroom.

For instance, he (I'll call him 'Billy') sits in a small chair next to the wall. That works better than sitting on the rug. It gives him enclosure, I suppose. Yesterday I noticed he was playing with objects on the wall (letters of the alphabet, numbers for the calendar, etc). I suggested to the teacher that we move him away from the wall to an area where there is less distraction/stimulations. She agreed that would be a good idea.

I really do feel for the guy. I think of my daughter Elizabeth (in the avatar up above). She has biting and hitting problems too. That doesn't make her a "bad person." I feel the same way about "Billy." I know he's not a "bad" kid.

That's sort of where it stands. I'm limited in my say and so all I can do is look for little band-aids. Band-aids like redirecting, taking away distractions (like sitting by the wall), giving him a place to sit down and get away when he needs to. Those are the sorts of ideas I'm asking for here at the board.

[milivica]

That makes alot of sense Mili. But I need the owner's manual- to Ms. NTme, getting my unwilling child to become a willing participant...I know, I know, get a consultant. In a way though, after my 3 nt kids, that relationship (GPR)came as natural to them as breathing. So, my analogy- how do you teach somebody who has no clue what breathing is, how to breath?

Tell me about it! I ask myself this every day multiple times. But bit by bit and with guidance I get (hugely important cause I'm not doing this 'alone') I keep setting the stage for Vincent to discover, that he can know how to feel and what to do by referencing me - that using me as a reference is EASIER and a SHORTCUT, eventually his brain is finally building on all the experiences he's had of success (which builds his resilience - and - finally a feeling inside him that he can rely on me for safety and security, ya know?) using me as his reference, his guide, his mommy. It's a million little things you do all day long for a few seconds here, a few minutes there, continually all day every day CONSCIOUSLY that came as naturally as breathing with you and your nt kids. I think my owner's manual comes one page at a time from my consultant (I don't literally get pages just so you know). I put those pages in order in my mommy's brain as best I can, to create a world of 'discovery' for Vince while simultaneously trying to make discoveries myself about how to help him discover. I can't say it's hard, cause seeing progress makes any effort minor. But it does feel always like I'm using way more brain cells than I'm comfortable with. It's like create social IQ opportunities improv all day every day.

Salsa, I love it that there is a caring aide like you at school. If you can't use the information I gave for 'Billy' then why not think about using it for your own child on the spectrum? What you experience with her, you can then lavish on other's kids. Everyone will wonder why you have no behavioral problems with the asd kids...or the hyperactive kids...or the kids with impulsivity...all of that is covered with RDI because RDI is based on typical development. You consciously understand what kids who don't bite and pinch HAVE so you can consciously provide that to the child that does bite and pinch. I mean, the only alternative is creating an environment the child can 'behave' in, and I understand that might seem like a good idea, but it's not helping the underlying problems so the minute you remove the moment Billy isn't in Billyland, the behaviors return. Well anyhow, you sure seem like a great aide, I can't imagine experiencing what you see without being able to change the attitudes around you. I'm sure it's frustrating and depressing, it's great you care and are trying for this child.

[Salsa]

Well, today I tried helping "Billy" to better learn how to handle his frustration. For instance, he tried taking a toy from another student-- who wouldn't let him have it. I told him to ask for the toy instead of grabbing it. I said to him that we don't take toys away from our friends.

Billy did ask for the toy then, but the other student still said no so I showed Billy other toys (alternatives) near by that he could play with instead -- which is what he did. Tactics like that is what I'm trying to learn. That's what I mean by band-aids.

Sandy

BTW: We did move his chair today (less distractions/stims). It seems to have helped him stay on track.

[wallyw1]

Hi, Sandy--Lucky little boy to have you thinking about him. What struck me was his sensitivity to sound? If this is a real problem for him, I can just imagine how much concentration it takes for him to be there. Maybe auditory training would help him.
There are CD's that people can buy in stead of going to an audiologist--much more cost effective.

Wally's Mom

[Salsa]

Sound is not a major problem but when things get a bit louder-- like a toilet flushing, he covers his ears.