always-aching
04-20-2008, 05:51 AM
I am beyond being desparate -- my husband has some type of anxiety disorder. Four years ago, he finally agreed to see a doctor because he said his heart was beating out of his chest and he was freaking out. I was at work, he was on his way to work when this happened. I called and pleaded with the doctor to see him and he did.
The doctor evaluated him and placed him on Xanax, Lexapro and Toprol. My husband has high blood pressure and that's why the Toprol was prescribed. He was instructed to start taking the Lexapro on daily basis and not to stop unless he developed some serious side affects. He was also informed he could take the Xanax whenever an anxiety attack started. The doctor essentially said the Xanax would only mask my husband's symptoms, while the Lexapro, if taken properly would treat the anxiety and/or depression he is experiencing.
Well, here's the problem, when my husband takes the Lexapro as it was prescribed, he apperas to be fine. No outbreaks, no anxiety, he's able to cope with just about anything. But, and this is a big but, my husband will decide on whim he doesn't need the medication anymore and will abrubtly stop taking it. And when this occurs, there is no living with this man.
He'll get ticked off at the stupidest of things and go for weeks and I do mean weeks stewing over whatever triggered him. In the meantime, while he's stewing, more things will set him off and it turns into a very ugly situation. I will be the blame for everything he's experiencing.
I'll give you a perfect example of what I'm talking about. On Friday, my son indicated that he was going to stop over after work to help me do some work in the bathroom. My son said he would stop on his way over to the house and pick up some pizza for all of us. He also stated that his wife would probably meet us at the house. Friday was a busy day for me at work and I didn't have a chance to tell my husband that he was going to be stopping over. I went to get my haircut and while I was getting my haircut, my son called and I wasn't able to take the call. He then called my husband and said he was on his way over and what kind of pizza would he like. Of course, my husband chuckled along with my son and told him he looked forward to seeing him.
We drive to work together and when I got into the car after getting my haircut, he demanded to know why I hadn't told him my son was stopping over after work. He said by me not telling him I made him look like an a$$hole when he was talking to my son. Then he went on to say that I enjoy making him look like an a$$hole and his feelings are never taken into consideration. While he's telling me this, he tells me to call my son back immediately so that he knows what kind of pizza to pick up.
Well, I called my son back and told him we would be home within 20 minutes and that whatever he picked up would be fine. After hanging up with my son, I asked my husband what was really bothering him. He kept repeating how he looked like an a$$hole and he likes to be informed about everything so that he's not blindsided. I'm like, what? I can't begin to tell you how many times he's made plans to do something or have someone stop over and I'm never informed. Stuff like that does not bother me and it's not like I didn't tell him about my son on purpose.
Well, this just gets even better, my and his wife met us at the house. We sat down and started eating the pizza. Afterwards, we cleaned up the dishes and were going to start working on the bathroom. My son states, hey looky there, what kind of sign is that hanging on your door knob. The sign said some thing like "I hope we're the grandparents our grandchild would like us to be." I knew immediately what that meant -- they were pregnant and that's really the reason they wanted to stop over. My husband read the sign and didn't have the first clue what it meant until I asked how far along my daughter-in-law was. At the point, my husband congratulated both of them on their pregnancy.
My son and daughter-in-law picked up on my husband's strange reaction and his behavior and they wanted to know what was wrong. I didn't want to spoil the joyfulness and just told them he was having a bad day.
After they left, do you think my husband apologized for the way he acted. That would be a flat out no. Am I being ignored? You bet I am. Am I upset that he put a damper on what was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of my son's and daughter-in-law's life, well yes I am. And for that matter I am angry that he put a damper on the joy I should have felt with the news about being a grandmother.
I know he's not taking his Lexapro or Xanax. When I've asked him about it, he gets angry and refuses to talk about it. And when he finally admits that he's not taking the Lexapro, he tells me the reason is because it affects his sex life. Trust me as I write this, Lexapro does not affect his sex life because when he's taking it as prescribed, we have a very healthy sex life. When he stops taking it, that's when our sex life goes down the drain.
There's so much more I could write -- I am at my wits end over this situation. There's a part of me that's ready to give him an ultimatum that if he doesn't see the doctor and get some help, we're done. I've lived this roller coaster long enough. Any suggestions?
The doctor evaluated him and placed him on Xanax, Lexapro and Toprol. My husband has high blood pressure and that's why the Toprol was prescribed. He was instructed to start taking the Lexapro on daily basis and not to stop unless he developed some serious side affects. He was also informed he could take the Xanax whenever an anxiety attack started. The doctor essentially said the Xanax would only mask my husband's symptoms, while the Lexapro, if taken properly would treat the anxiety and/or depression he is experiencing.
Well, here's the problem, when my husband takes the Lexapro as it was prescribed, he apperas to be fine. No outbreaks, no anxiety, he's able to cope with just about anything. But, and this is a big but, my husband will decide on whim he doesn't need the medication anymore and will abrubtly stop taking it. And when this occurs, there is no living with this man.
He'll get ticked off at the stupidest of things and go for weeks and I do mean weeks stewing over whatever triggered him. In the meantime, while he's stewing, more things will set him off and it turns into a very ugly situation. I will be the blame for everything he's experiencing.
I'll give you a perfect example of what I'm talking about. On Friday, my son indicated that he was going to stop over after work to help me do some work in the bathroom. My son said he would stop on his way over to the house and pick up some pizza for all of us. He also stated that his wife would probably meet us at the house. Friday was a busy day for me at work and I didn't have a chance to tell my husband that he was going to be stopping over. I went to get my haircut and while I was getting my haircut, my son called and I wasn't able to take the call. He then called my husband and said he was on his way over and what kind of pizza would he like. Of course, my husband chuckled along with my son and told him he looked forward to seeing him.
We drive to work together and when I got into the car after getting my haircut, he demanded to know why I hadn't told him my son was stopping over after work. He said by me not telling him I made him look like an a$$hole when he was talking to my son. Then he went on to say that I enjoy making him look like an a$$hole and his feelings are never taken into consideration. While he's telling me this, he tells me to call my son back immediately so that he knows what kind of pizza to pick up.
Well, I called my son back and told him we would be home within 20 minutes and that whatever he picked up would be fine. After hanging up with my son, I asked my husband what was really bothering him. He kept repeating how he looked like an a$$hole and he likes to be informed about everything so that he's not blindsided. I'm like, what? I can't begin to tell you how many times he's made plans to do something or have someone stop over and I'm never informed. Stuff like that does not bother me and it's not like I didn't tell him about my son on purpose.
Well, this just gets even better, my and his wife met us at the house. We sat down and started eating the pizza. Afterwards, we cleaned up the dishes and were going to start working on the bathroom. My son states, hey looky there, what kind of sign is that hanging on your door knob. The sign said some thing like "I hope we're the grandparents our grandchild would like us to be." I knew immediately what that meant -- they were pregnant and that's really the reason they wanted to stop over. My husband read the sign and didn't have the first clue what it meant until I asked how far along my daughter-in-law was. At the point, my husband congratulated both of them on their pregnancy.
My son and daughter-in-law picked up on my husband's strange reaction and his behavior and they wanted to know what was wrong. I didn't want to spoil the joyfulness and just told them he was having a bad day.
After they left, do you think my husband apologized for the way he acted. That would be a flat out no. Am I being ignored? You bet I am. Am I upset that he put a damper on what was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of my son's and daughter-in-law's life, well yes I am. And for that matter I am angry that he put a damper on the joy I should have felt with the news about being a grandmother.
I know he's not taking his Lexapro or Xanax. When I've asked him about it, he gets angry and refuses to talk about it. And when he finally admits that he's not taking the Lexapro, he tells me the reason is because it affects his sex life. Trust me as I write this, Lexapro does not affect his sex life because when he's taking it as prescribed, we have a very healthy sex life. When he stops taking it, that's when our sex life goes down the drain.
There's so much more I could write -- I am at my wits end over this situation. There's a part of me that's ready to give him an ultimatum that if he doesn't see the doctor and get some help, we're done. I've lived this roller coaster long enough. Any suggestions?