Hello Group

[Jo6]

I haven't been able to post much. Life is rough these last few weeks. MIL is very low. Refusing everthing. Oh how I wish I cou;ld help her. Tootsie, Joy, Jennifer and all the others that have been so herlful,,,,thank you with all my heart.
I'm having BP problems too. that is nothing compared to MIL and the other LO's. I am having a hard time posting, do others have this too? I pray all are well. love ya, Jo

[rumpled]

Well, as hard as it is... um, her body is slowing down as part of the natural progression of this and she does not need anything right now. Just be with her but not to the detriment of your own health.
Have you attended any support groups in person?
How is your hubby?
Please take care of yourself... you are missing her now and mourning already and it is taking a toll on you...

[Tootsie]

Jo, I was so glad to see a brief note from you. I have been worried that your own health is being affected by this long, slow, and emotionally painful process that your MIL is experiencing. Please know that you are very much in our thoughts, and keep you and your family in our own prayers. Right now, I know that you need all your strength and stamina to deal with daily life. Shalom.

[joy]

Hi Jo. I really appreciate your posting now too. i know it is very hard to have to put it down on paper, even say the words. but glad you did as we know your spirits are low but just need to know that you are hanging in there yourself.

i know this won't be a comfort but i will try and tell what happened with my own mother after she broke her hip. my mind was not working that well and she was not eating. but she never looked distressed at all. otherwise i might have snapped out of my non thinking mind set and acted upon her troubles better. so i can only assume she was not in that much pain with it. my mother was not an alzhemimer's patient as much as old age dementia and depression perhaps combined with her low b12. and not a peep, just i can't eat. so i pray your mil is not all that stressed. all this happened in less than 2 weeks as best i remember. she ate well enough at hospital, it was just when she was in healthsouth tha she did not do well at all. and after we arranged for her to be in nursing home.

even when they called and said they had took her back to hospital, emergency room, i did not realise just how bad she was by looking at her.

may your mil go to sleep peacfully and the family hold up as well as can be expected. from the sound of things, i thought she was much frailer than she apparently is. but without food they don't last long.

you are in my thoughts and prayers

much love to you and yours jo.

[Jo6]

hello Tootsie and joy. Much is happening and I can't seem to catch up. Feel like I am on one of those cups you see like DisneyLand, you know, going every which way and it won't stop.

joy, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression earlier, but I can't seem to figure out what I did. You said something about MIL not being as frail as you were lead to believe.

I'm not sure what frail even is anymore. MIL can not move, can not talk, has refused any liquid,just bearly move her head stays in the Gerry chair ALL the time, can't sit up straight and bed time they lift the Hoyer over her bed and lay her down gently, but not flat.She stays on the Hoyer thing.They pick her up the same way. She has to have someone giver her thickend water, swallow at least 3 times before the offer of another.

They can not get her up out of the chair or bed. As I said, they can only let her lay at an angle, never flat. How she is still alive I can not imagine. Someone, maybe tootsie told me that when a patient got to a certain point they did not feel pain. I can believe this.

I am just so weary, not for me so much as I do for Hubby. Everyday he comes in he is not pleasant to be around. I have had a hard time getting and keeping my BP up or down. Ken takes it twice a day, keeps logged at dr.s request. The last few days it has beed more normal than it has in a long time. Actually I'm wondering if part of the BP problem is the stress that Ken carrys around. I'm working hard to do everything the Dr. tells me to do. Hypertension is rampant in my family. that also could be a factor. The Dr. demanded the Drug store give me the Brand instead of generic. It did show some progress this week. Yes, weary is not even close to my feelings.

Girls, I'm so sorry to unload here, everybody have thier problems and I need to be encouraging them instead of moaning about my problems. I see some that have dropped back in that I haven't seen in a long time. I was glad to see them check in. We're kind of like a family, at least to me. I love and appreciate every one of you.

Take care all, I have no hard feelings and if I have caused any please forgive me.
Jo

[rumpled]

Take care, Jo...

[joy]

I am so sorry Jo. I was just thinking to myself that she was really already frail and when you mentioned her not eating I associated her to my mother. and I KNOW my mother was not as frail as your MIL. My mother only sat around all day and sometimes did get up and prowl at night. But after she stopped eating much of anything, she was gone in 3 weeks time!

I just did not see how she could last much longer but apparently she is getting more liquids etc down than my own mother would do. I did not have the good sense to call in our doctor or do anything about it I was so stressed by everything at that time. I probably mentioned my husband's aunt and her accident and her being much older than my mother. And she is still alive. See I should learn to not ever compare one older person to another. My own mother was fairly strong and went fast without food and water, hence I expected your MIL to not last much longer either.


Please don't stop sharing your feelings here . I feel like anyone that is a caregiver or have been one, will understand and maybe even feel more comfortable of saying what they are feeling themselves. I think it is good to have a place where anyone can do that. It helped me tremendously to be able to come here and post my troubles back then. I'm just not that good at conveying my feelings. I have been at home too long and never was a good conversationalist and being house bound so much hasn't helped.

Please keep in touch, call even if you need to. I know you and a few others helped get me back into trying to get past my lonley and troubled times. I called on my two remaining aunts more often and even looked up older cousins that I really didn't know all that well, I just needed to connect to someone.

I believe this forum is the best place to say some of the things we feel. I know my own husband is uncommucative and I have learned to not look to him for any kind of conversations about anyone's illness much. He is a good person but is depressed himself and it is even harder for me to share my feelings about some things with him than it is to this group here.


((((HUGS to you JO and all here))))

[Tootsie]

Jo, it's good to see you posting again. I agree with you that stress could be a big part of your blood pressure problem, especially since your genetic code seems to be prone to such problems. My BP has been stable for many years but I began taking medication for it when I was 23. It's been 40 years since I stopped using table salt.

I'm sorry your husband is still unable to share any of his worries and concerns so he is less irascible. Do you, husband and MIL all have the same doctor? Sometimes that can be helpful as they truly understand the situation. Cheerio.

[Jo6]

Ken and I have the same family Dr, but MIL has all new Dr.'s after she went to this last NH. Our family Dr. has tried to talk with him, but he knows how he is. Tootsie, K can't fix his mom so he tries to help all the little patients. I guess that is kind of stupid,eh? He has come home all week in a really bad mood. I finally told him he HAD to let up on me or I would be with his Mom or worse.. He's been some better. good # of people have told me of their talks with K. Well O Happy Day!! I hopefully pray this will give him some peace.

You girls have been so kind to me and I will never forget it. I care about you all and one day I hope I can help others. I feels so useless right know. Please say a prayer for all of us, please?

thank you, Jo

[Tootsie]

Jo, it is such a relief to see you post once in a while. I do worry about you but there isn't much I can do except let you know, here in cyberspace, that what you and Ken are dealing with, is happening to so many others also. I hope that before I leave this life, that there will be better way of offering support and encouragement to those who deal with chronic illness and the stress of these, "long goodbyes."

When I needed day care for my mother, while I was at work, no one wanted to talk to me. All the programs were in the wrong place, at the wrong times, and had no flexibility to meet the needs of caregivers. That has improved somewhat, and is so very encouraging. Cheerio.

[rumpled]

I understand about the "feeling useless" only... please know that it is not you that is useless at all but that the circumstances are pretty much, well, set, and that no action on the part of you or your husband is going to change it. When you can come to terms with it, it is not useless, but rather sadness, guilt, anger and a lot of other things mixed in there that are all normal. Hard to see when you are in the middle of it though. And the feelings run high. I hope your husband can back off and I hope you also can take a break and also do something for yourselves.
I remember that my husband and I said we needed a break from all this and lets go see a movie to try to cheer us up. We just picked a movie at random - which happened to be Will Smith's I am Legend... boy was that a mistake as it made us more depressed but then we laughed about it later as how could we be so out of it to pick that movie and now we just laugh.

[Jo6]

Thank you Jennifer. I may have already said this, but some things you share sounds just like K ! Is it a "man thing"?:p Probably so.;) Thay can be good, but when they aren't, they are horrid. I think that may be part of a nursery rynm. the state I'm in it could be most anything:p thank you Jennifer, Jo

[tic chick]

jo,

the nursery rhyme is:

there was a little girl
who had a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead
when she was good
she was very, very good
and when she was bad
she was horrid.

jeannie*smallrose

[rumpled]

Oh man.. my dad used to recite that to me as a kid... my hair was straight except for one curl...
I do hope, Jo... you can find some peace and not tear up everything as these situations are so fraught with emotions... I know it was super tough on me and my husband... as you know from my posts, we were fighting but I was in agony over the decisions they made (or did not make) that made his mom well, go faster.

[Jo6]

Thanks girls for the rhyme. that sums it up, eh? I hope all are doing ok, your LO is doing well too. I know all too well our LO's will not be here long, but whos to say how long.
MIL is still hanging on. Somehow I feel she is fighting hard for some reason. Probably my imiganation, it does run wild some days.

I'm still fighting the BP thing. It is better, but I have to keep a check on it until I can keep a steady reading. I feel like crap, I guess its all things going on here. K is better, not in the talking sharing, just more pleasant. I'll take anything over what was going on. I do believe he is trying to come to terms with his Mom's death.

I will accord him that. I went thru this same things about 10 years ago with my Mom. The next RANT he gets on I'm going to remind him I had been down that road and still trying to fight the depression that gets worse at times. Also my brother Ben. I think about him so often. he was not only my big brother, he was my best friend.:(

I'm concerned as to how all of you are. I know it is not possible to stay on the computer. Also just can't find the words. I think of all of you even when I am not here. I also think of your LO's.

Blessings to all of you

[Tootsie]

Hi Jo,
I was glad to see your post, and know that things are a little better, health wise, for you. It is hard to deal with all the stress of MIL, DH and keep your blood pressure under control. I think of you often and hope that you and your husband find common ground in your shared love for his mother. Cheerio.

[rumpled]

Take care... all of you.

[joy]

I hope everyone is doing as well as they can under their particular circumstances. I am hoping to be away for maybe two weeks soon.

Wishing for restful nights and some peaceful times during the days for everyone.