To report or not to report...that is my question

[skigirl1689]

Many of you have probably read my previous thread concerning the issues I am having with my aide. If not the thread is titled "Can't take much more," I just don't feel like retyping all that has gone on. A couple of people I've talked to who provide me awesome advice say that I should report her behavior to the administration after I graduate in 6 weeks and after I'm finished having to put up with her. Part of me says to do it because after I'm gone she might do this to another child who cannot handle it as I have been able to. Then there's the nice, kind person inside of me who wants to just let it go because she is nice and friendly some of the time and I kinda don't want to get her into trouble or have her hold it against my mom who also works in the same school district.

Have any of you reported bad conduct of a school (or any other agency) employee, especially an aide, and what was the outcome? What is the correct route to take? How did the district handle it and were there any implications in doing so that affected you or your child? One person told me to wait and see if it got worse and then decide but I need some more insights from people who have experienced being in the position of having a disability or from the parents of children with special needs.

Thanks again to all of you who give me such great support and advice:) I truly appreciate it.

Becca

[jul97]

Hi Becca,

I am reading this board for the first time in like a month, sorry for the late response.

I feel so bad that this happened to you, cause I went through it to for five years and I know it sucks!! Trust me, been there, my aide for 6Th and 7Th was soo so dumb-she acted like I was a horrible person for doing stuff all my peers where doing. It was so embarrassing. And then she acted like the teachers were all gods-she and this other teacher would actually talk about me during independent work time. About how my mom was wrong for letting me skip 8Th grade and how I'd never be able to keep up in HS, while they were having their little chat time I was getting harassed by another girl in the class they did nothing.

And then in 9Th new school, new aide. I tried hard to be friendly with her, cause I didn't want to go thru what I had the year prior ever again! My efforts didn't work. By 11th grade she was so crazy, calling me names, trashing me family, storming out on my in front of my whole class so I would be so humiliated. I ended up having to go to the hospital because of increased spasms due to her. By the end of 11th I had had it. I had to decided that I had to refuse to have an aide for more then two periods. It took me till August to get the issue resolved since I had to both convince mom and get the IEP signed. My mom and I had the normal 20 min IE in May and that just decended into the two of us fighting with my aide and the child study team, simalar to my 10th grade IEP. They threatened to take us to court if we couldn't resolve it in the next meeting. I was almost positive that they weren't but still, I was 16 and had only 100 dollars to my name how would I afford legal counsel? Finally in August my case worker called us in and , my aide and her boss wasn't there being summer, so it was less hostile. My case worker caved and I finally was free having a full time aide! I was so happy but also hopped I wasn't making a mistake. I was scared I'd fall flat on my face giving them infinite satisfaction. Thankfully that didn't happen-5 A's, 1 B my first semester of 12Th, way better then my 11Th grades.

I think you should report her unless your mom says that will cause her problems. I had one vice principal that was supportive of me through my drama. She got involved after one of the teachers witnessed what I called a **** freak out toward me and reported me to her. She really listened and ultimately, to my total sup rise, was on my side. I regret, not asking her how I'd file a complaint about a staff member in 12Th grade when I had a different aide. I just didn't know how to go about it since the Special Ed dept was on her side and was glad that the situation was over. I wanted to put it behind me and focus on college plans, just as I had felt in middle school. Hindsight, I should have tried to pursue it more!

May your last little bit of HS goes smoothly. Everyone just takes up space toward the end of senior year if you know what I mean. I hope she leaves you alone and lets you enjoy the this time cause you deserve to!

Cograts on Graduation!!!!!!!

[Paul from Australia]

Dear Becca,

I am a bit short for time unfortunately so can't say that much.

If you decide to report the aide, please make sure that you get all the facts right and document all correspondence, so that any follow up can be done with transparency and clarity.

Best wishes for your decision making.

Paul, Alison and Grant the champ.

[jul97]

Paul is right. to expand on his idea, keep a log where you record all instances of conflict with your aide. When you get home, record the date, time and if their were any witnesses. Of course, do not tell your aide you're doing this!

Also: I remember when I was in the mist of it I felt as if it would never end, but I have never had to see or deal with her after I graduated.:) Just remember ths to shall pass and you are almost done!

[skigirl1689]

I am documenting everything when I get home so it's on my home computer and not on my school laptop. Jul97, thanks for sharing you're story, that's horrible what you went through. I'm still torn on what to do. I mean she can be so nice and then be so mean within a matter of minutes. My uncle thinks she's bipolar, she sure exhibits the symptoms. Part of me says to let it go, I have 18 1/2 more school days till graduation but then I think, what is going to happen to the next child she works with? I feel like it's my responsibility to try to prevent her from doing this to other children.

On a happy note, I got full tuition and fees scholarship for my first year of college because I'm the student with the highest gpa in my class attending my college. I'm actually 2nd in my class but my friend who is first is attending Michigan Tech, a really good engineering college.

Becca

[Tigger 76]

congrats on the scholarship.:)

[PaulaScott]

On a happy note, I got full tuition and fees scholarship for my first year of college because I'm the student with the highest gpa in my class attending my college. I'm actually 2nd in my class but my friend who is first is attending Michigan Tech, a really good engineering college.

Becca


CONGRATULATIONS!!!! That's just awesome!

[jul97]

Yeah: My aide in HS also ran so hot and cold. I almost thought that was worse then just being nasty. It's like when they are nice it's really just a way to get you to blame yourself somehow for what they're doing to you. Looking back I have my own theories about why she was soo moody.

On a way more happier note: Congrats on your scholarship and your class rank! That is so awsome girl~you rock!!!!!!!!!!

Do you have to make a speech being you are salutatorian~that's so cool!

[skigirl1689]

My mom doesn't want me to report her even after graduation because my mom fears that she would retaliate and harass not only me but my mom as well. I guess I'll respect my mom's wishes but I'd love to report her in hopes of protecting another innocent child. My mom doesn't think that anyone would do anything even if I did report her but I still feel like I'm doing an injustice to other children if I don't report her. Oh well, I guess after graduation I'll be free and won't have to worry about harrassment either. I have 17 1/2 more school days, she's taking two days off, I have to take one day off for an out-of-town appointment with my surgeon, and she can't be anywhere near me when I take my AP Lit exam next week so I technically only have to put up with her for 13 1/2 days:) Hopefully I can handle it though, I feel like my depression is coming back because she's bringing me down:(

jul97, no, thankfully I don't have to give a speech, they can't even recognize the top students because it's "unfair" to the others. I do have to give a short speech for the National Honor Society induction and I'm afraid I'll have a panic attack, I seem to be having more of them lately:(

Becca

[jul97]

I totally understand not reporting out of fear of retaliation..That's why we did nothing about this teacher I had in middle school. We knew he had ten year and nothing would happen to him. We also knew that my younger sister and brother would have him so I just did not want them to have to deal with my choices, if you what I mean. Bottom line I couldn't live with my siblings having to deal with it so I had to do with what was right for me at the time-just like you do!!!

One piece of advice from my story-If you haven't told your aide about your upcoming surg, I say don't. In between 10Th and 11Th I had a surg. I wanted it to be a lot more low profile as opposed to when I was 11, the whole town knew. I don't know why I told my aide but I did, regret that!! She shows up at the hospital when I am only day two post-op. I am still cathed and only had on a hospital gown for god sakes!! I really didn't even feel like seeing my best friends yet. I was so tired, I so did not want to see her . My poor mom, who I am sure was also tired, sleeping on a cot and taking care of me all weekend, had to deal with her. I don't know why she thought I needed her down there. I felt it was a total invasion for her to show up ther without even calling to ask my mom how's she, is she up to seeing people yet. So hindsight I so regreted telling my aide about my plans for the summer.

BTW-hardware removal surg is easy had it at 12. That was my 2nd and by the next morning I was hungry and was able to transfer and wheel myself to therapy. It was the easiest of my 3 surgeries. My third one, the one in between 10th and 11th, totally ended up being a disaster and really adversely effecting my whole 11th grade year. Another reason why in 12th I didn't feel like looking for more drama by reporting. I just wanted to get my life back together and get into some half way decent college.

College was way better in terms of I did not have to deal with those types ofd situations with my aids or teachers. Way smother going when trying to get what you need.

Just curious what did you decide, are you going away?

[skigirl1689]

Jul97, I did tell her about my surgery but luckily the hospital where my surgeon practices is three hours away and no one is coming to visit even though it should be only a one night stay.

I totally understand why you didn't report the teacher, it's the same situation here. I just want to make a clean break from high school and be totally free from this crap and I don't want my mom dealing with her either. My mom will probably have to go back to part time because my aide will loose her position and will have the right to bump. So my mom will have a lot to deal with next year without having to worry about my aide causing her grief.

I am staying at home for two years and attending the local community college and then transferring to a university two hours away in a moderately big city. I chose this university because their entire campus is interconnected by indoor walkways and even though winters can be nasty, it'll be nice not having to go outside unless I leave campus.

Today's my IEP:( I hate those. My aide asked if my parents were attending!!! Like I would go into a meeting like that alone. It's almost as though she doesn't want them there.

Becca

[jul97]

I totally remember hating my IEPs in high school. I used to joke they rank just below getting a cavity drilled. I was always glad my mom was there! One I was so nervous about cause I knew going in my mom and aide would fight and then I'd have to deal with my aide being pissed at me for that. (Good times-not)

I think your college plans sound great. To tell you the truth I wish I went to a community school for the first two yrs. I didn't feel quit ready to leave home at 18 but my mom wanted me to go and not driving I didn't have an alternate plan to get back and forth.

By 20, when I transfered to a way better Univ. I felt way more ready to go.


You're almost done!!!!!