The Fork in the road

[debhun]

I told you all that I have came to the fork in the road in my life. I though I would leave here and try to do things on my own. Will I don't know if I told you what happen or not. To much for me to remember. So I will try a tell you all. Trying to deal with my pain that most think I can go what every I want and trying to do as they want me too. I work in my home very hard. I do things people with no pain wouldn't do. I have done painting my home to re fining. I made eggs to make a little money. But I am still called may things. Lazy what ever. Well Has you know My DH and I have been having trouble. He went back on his word. My son who is 19 and going to school has no job. He couldn't go look for one only on line or phone. The gas in his car was for school only. This was told by my DH. Well for a month DH has this thing about my son staying up at night on the net. I told DH that he was 19 and he can take care of his self. I thought I got though to him But no. Easter Day was the worse day of my life and I have had a very bad life here. I didn't spend the day with my Gran kid cause of DH he was in his mood. He got my money I made from my eggs. But he was still in a mood. So I had to stay in the house to make sure he didn't do or say any thing to my son. My son spent the day at my mom's next door.Well I had gone to bed looking at the news and DH was in there too. Will in walks son from Mom's. Up goes DH to the PC room. Will it went from there. My son said he was going to his friends house for the night he couldn't take it. DH is yelling and Yelling. Well I got dressed and I was going to go for a ride to cool off. OMG You would have thought I had a gun. DH stood in front of me and wouldn't let me by and asked for the key. Told him No it was my key. He stood in my way and got in my face like a crazy man. He told me that he would call the cops and say it was stolen. Some how I got out side on to the deck. He is still yelling to give him the key. then my son told him he better not touch his mom. Man I am tell ing you better not touch her. Then DH asked what you going to do about it little punk. Then back to the key. I seen that I could slide down to the steps if I turned side ways. Well I was wrong. He grabbed me and pinned my arms up in the air trying to get the keys. I was trying to get away and yelling for my son to call 911 or go get my brother. Then the next thing I was thrown on the floor of the deck. My son and DH was in a fist fight. I was yelling then for them to stop. Over and over again stop stop please stop. I was having a very hard time getting up. I did get up and went between them. Told Son to go get my brother or 911. Son went and got my brother. He came over and got my son out of there. He said he seen it coming for some time. Talk it out and he left. I am loved so much. But and how my son moved out the next day. But no one blames DH they said it was every one not just DH. I don't get it. I can not raise my head because of shame that I still have my DH in my home.
But I made a promise to God that if he would let DH live I would take him any way he would give hem to me. But My daughter told me that It was best right now cause my son blacked out and don't remember what happen after he snapped when DH had me in the hold.
I feel that It was all my fault that it went that far. I feel that I have been a very bad mother. I feel ashame to know my DH hit my son. So what do I do.

The next day DH acted as if nothing happen. We did talk and he did tell son he was very sorry and hugged him. DH said that when he gets a job with ins he will go for anger and controlling counseling. I still not back to myself yet.

If DH would leave I don't know what or how I would live. I guess I could go for SSI. But I asked him why and he said he didn't know why. His dad is mean and controlling too. He treats mother inlaw very bad.
Any way that is what happen and that is why I am at the fork in the road. I have to do the right thing. But I can't go back on my work with God either.

Please Please do not take this as a pitty me. I hate that. I am told that alot. My family will say that about my pain. If I tell them I am having a bad day. they go Oh pitty me. GGGGGGRRRRRRRRR

Thank you all to take time to read. I don't know what road I will take. I am taking 1 day at a time right now. With my pain and this on top has me crying alot. and I am not the crying kind. Something in side of me is not right. Why have I caused all this trouble.

Sorry so long
Deb*cg18

[houghchrst]

Deb I am so sorry. Now I understand your additional back pain a little better. None of this trouble is caused by you. If you were on your own I am sure you would find a way to make it just fine. I am pretty sure that God did not mean for you to have to live like this when you made your promise. Your DH is lucky the police were not called because they would not have been as kind and forgiving as your family is and he would have been arrested for spousal abuse and for assaulting your son which is exactly what happened. I hope that he can stand by his word and get help but haven't you heard similar things before? I watched my mother go through the same thing and swore it would never happen to me. Don't let your son learn that that is how you treat a woman.

Whatever you choose to do we are here for you. Believe it or not I know you have the strength to make the best decision.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[Mark N]

Deb, sorry to hear of your troubles. I hope you make a decision that keeps you safe because you are not in a very safe situation right now. I wish you the best.

[Mary Diane]

please choose the fork that will lead you to where you want to go. Don't let anyone browbeat or coerce you, not your husband, (please don't refer to him as DH) your children, your parents, your siblings, your inlaws, your friends. You are the one who has to make the decision, because you are the one who has to look at yourself in the mirror.

I'm sure that there are women's shelter groups who would be more than happy to assist you in finding whatever funding is available for you and your son to ennable you to get out of a really bad situation. Did you know that not very long ago in some states you still couldn't file for a divorce against a disabled person? I don't know if those laws have changed now or not, but they were that way not too long ago.

Anyway, here is where you will always find acceptance, love, caring, and whatever else you need that we can offer up. Prayers, smiles, happy thoughts, pleasant dreams. one-armed hugs,

Mary Diane *cg06

[suede]

Deb,
Reading your post is like reading parts out of my life.

I sent you a PM a while back I'm not sure if you got it or not.. either way if you feel like Pm me I feel you are in need of help and understand how hard it is for you to make decisions right now, even if I can't help I am good at listening and keeping your thoughts and words private.

I beg you to please consider finding a domestic violence center near you and get help. There are so many ways they can help, finding and helping with low income housing and applying for SSI or any other benefits available to you, most importantly they offer the counseling that is so important when leaving a violent relationship and keeping you safe.

There is absolutely no shame in seeking help when as badly needed as you do right now, even if your husband does not intend to do serious harm to you, it may very well happen and once it does there is no going back..

I understand how you feel about your son getting involved my 12 year old son at the time tried to protect me and got beat unconscious and still has problems to this day.

I believe it would be of great relief for your son to know you are in a safe place.

Please, please consider getting out while you can, I know all to well first hand what can happen.. As for your promise to God, God is a loving God and does not by any means want or expect you to stay in an environment that is violent and dangerous for you..

Gentle Hugs and God Bless,
Linda

[sandi1016]

Deb,
I'm sorry that you and your son were subjected to your husband's behavior. YOU did not bring it on, and it is NOT your fault, nor is it your son's. Neither one of you should have had to leave your home because your husband chooses to act in a controlling and abusive manner.
The police would have arrested your husband, not you, not your son. Please contact a local women's shelter for domestic violence. They can refer you to resources out there to help you and your son.
What your husband is doing is controlling, emotionally and physically abusive, along with financially abusive as well.
God did not mean for you or your son to have to endure that kind of abuse from your husband or anyone else.
Please take care of yourself and make sure that your son is safe. He was trying to protect his mother. That is not the wrong thing for him to have done.
Best wishes to you and your son,
Sandi M

[Kathi49]

Deb,

I wrote a huge post yesterday to you but then deleted the whole thing. I was just so angry at the time about what you are going through that I was just way too direct in my post. And I didn't want to come across as sounding so mad. I was angry at your husband and I was hurting for you and your son at the same time.

But I have calmed down a bit since then. So, I will just say as everyone else did...get out while you can. For your husband to say he has to wait for a job with insurance just galls me. There is plenty of help available and he needs to seek it out...he doesn't have to have insurance. There are self help groups and meetings out there and plenty of them. There are also plenty of shelters. And I agree with what Linda said about God in her last paragraph...I totally agree with her. And as a talk show host once said...God doesn't choose your spouse, you do. I have always remembered that because I feel as Linda does. There is no way God would expect you to stay with someone who is as abusive as your husband is. Actually, I think He would be saying the same things everyone else is. You mentioned your brother too. Do you think you could stay with him?

I know it isn't easy when you think of the pain and financial hardships. But can you imagine or even want to stay with him for several years? And please don't hang YOUR head in shame. You did nothing wrong. You just need to get out of a very bad situation.

[Peter B]

Deb,

GET OUT WHILE YOU'RE STILL ALIVE. (physically AND mentally) because whether you want to believe it or not, HE IS KILLING YOU.

Pete

P.S. I'm sorry to be so blunt but too many people need you and care about you.

[debhun]

I thank everyone for really caring about me and what happens to me. This is my farm not his. This is my house not his. But because we are married it is his too. Nothing I can do about it till later. I have a plain in my head. I am not dumb. The job he is go for and I pray he gets it and you too pray. #1 It is a very good job with the fed State here in NC. #2 it has ins in which I need.#3 NC has alamony. So I saved him by not calling the cops. But I do have back up when it comes time to put the screws to him. And I will do so. One thing he does like to work and will not quit just so I will not get money. He will come out of this with nothing. And I mean Nothing. All I have to do right now is to keep my cool and play the dumb *** wife. It has been very hard for me to cook and clean for him but I have been taking it out on walpaper. I have done 1 bathroom and working on ours. So pulling at the paper is like ripping his head off. I will file for SSI after he is gone. But I have to play my cards right and so far so good. I know him I know the way he thinks. But he does have a big wakening coming to him. So I will let you all know time to time what is going on. this is not going to be a over night thing. It has been told in front of him if any thing happen to me to make sure he is put away for life. I don't want pitty please. I just need your love and Hugs.

Okay that is my plan.

Now if I can deal with my pain. I go next week to PM and I will let her know how things have been. I know she will up my meds and I don't want to right now. IF see the big IF Hubby get his job my meds will be whiched back to Opana ER. maybe she can do the BT meds. I will ask. I would love to just a shot in my low back and neck but no $$$$. So I will have to wait on that. I go the 10th.


Hug
Deb

[Nana4&cntn]

Deb,

Please be very careful, you are walking on thin ice. I have been where you are and it is very scary. You should probably apply for SSA now if you have worked out side the house. It can take quite awhile to be approved.

I am so sorry you continue to have these problems, he has to go!! I can't imagine any judge would give him anything since you have been abused!! Your son has been beaten, your husband is out of control!! He will only get worse and you could be injured badly!!

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,
Kathy

[Kathi49]

Agree with Kathy. But I believe North Carolina is a "no fault" divorce state.

[Mark N]

Deb, good luck at the PM appointment. I hope you are able to get what you need to get your pain levels down.