Advice Please?????

[Aleahstone]

I am writting this forum today as a very concerned and worried sister. I am looking for any help possible with my situation. I have a brother, a brother that means the world to me. When I was five years old I prayed to God to bless me with a brother, when I was gifted him I made a promise to God that I would never let anything happen to him. I am 26 and he is now 20. He is bright and an amazing person. However Oxycontin has taken over his life. He currently has a 1 year old daughter and him and his girlfriend who is also addicted live from house to house. He has been addicted for over 2 years. He came to me Jan.1st for help. He lived with me for 60 days and he became clean off oxycontins on his own for 56 days. I was never so proud in my life. The withdraw symptoms was somthing I could of never imagined but we did it togeather and through alot of prayers. About a month ago he left my house to travel 45 min to see his girlfriend that he felt was cheating on him, since then he has been back on oxycontin. His intake on these pills is horrible he takes approx. 4 80mg of oxy's a day. I can't sleep and worry constantly. My fear is that he will die. I have basically raised him his whole life, he's not only a brother but like a son also. My family has told me let him go. Within the last month I have had over 300 dollars stolen along with my car. Again, the forgiving sister I am, I just want him to stop this drug and live a life for his daughter. He is not talking to me and I am out of options on what to do to help him. I don't want a dead brother, but thats all I see. I worry constantly about my niece who is only one, I'm so afraid she is being put in these situations where she could be dead also. I want to take temporary custody of her, but do not have the financial needs to do so. My family is scattered and everyone but myself has given up on him, His girlfriends family is all drug addicts except for the mother who works 3 jobs just to survive. I guess I am just looking for any kind of advice. I know what I hear from everyone around me and its just let him go. But what if I cant? Please anyone that has had any expierence with this please let me know. Numerous friends of his have died off this pill. ~Thank You~

[houghchrst]

Aleahstone, hi and welcome. Though the circumstances are very painful. I am really sorry you need to be here. While your family is right, to a point. I would not so much just let him go per se but you may need to distance your self from him. You obviously know what he, as an addict, is capable of doing and as long as you continue to help him while he is in his addiction then you are making it easier for him to use. You may want to join a local support group in your area that helps relatives and friends I believe it is called Nar-Anon. You can also call 1800-99-DETOX, they might be able to help. Let him know that you are there for him when he is ready to get clean but until then for his and your sake he needs to keep his distance. You know you cannot force him to get clean. If you believe that the child is in danger then you must do what you know is right and that will make her safe. If you have to then call protective services or else maybe another family member take her temporarily. I really hope you find some help and maybe someone else will come along with something more useful so say.

Keep in touch.

[Amber]

Hi Aleah, your brother has to really want to get sober before anyone can help him. My story is a little like his. My sister called me one day and asked if I was addicted to pain pills, I confessed and told her everything. I told her I wanted to be free of this addiction but was afraid to go through withdrawal again, since I had tried once before on my own to stop and the withdrawal was horrible. She said she would help but on the condition that everyone in the family be told. She said this was a disease and if I was going to beat it I would need help from everyone who cared about me.

As I told different family members one thing became clear, they would do all they could to help me through withdrawals but using was not an option. If I continued to use they would report my abuse to dept. of family and have my daughter taken away. If I continued to use they would cut all ties with me. So the choice for me was pretty simple either 1) accept the help that I desperately needed to get and stay clean or 2) lose everything that mattered to me. I chose to get clean with their help. I guess my point in sharing this story with you is to let you know that all you can do is let your brother know that when he is ready to lead a healthy lifestyle you will help him get into recovery, he doesn't have to go through this alone. This may mean a rehab center or an outpatient detox, or cold turkey at your house again (whichever method to getting clean it is vital that he enter a 12 step program). Until that day comes don't enable him by accepting his addictive behavior. Let him know you love him and will be by his side while he fights this disease, but you will not watch him do nothing and kill himself.

I wish you all the best, and hope that your brother appreciates how blessed he is to have such a caring sister.

Amber

[Aleahstone]

Aleahstone, hi and welcome. Though the circumstances are very painful. I am really sorry you need to be here. While your family is right, to a point. I would not so much just let him go per se but you may need to distance your self from him. You obviously know what he, as an addict, is capable of doing and as long as you continue to help him while he is in his addiction then you are making it easier for him to use. You may want to join a local support group in your area that helps relatives and friends I believe it is called Nar-Anon. You can also call 1800-99-DETOX, they might be able to help. Let him know that you are there for him when he is ready to get clean but until then for his and your sake he needs to keep his distance. You know you cannot force him to get clean. If you believe that the child is in danger then you must do what you know is right and that will make her safe. If you have to then call protective services or else maybe another family member take her temporarily. I really hope you find some help and maybe someone else will come along with something more useful so say.

Keep in touch.



Christina, Thanks a bunch for your honesty. I would love to take care of my niece, I know I need to contact children services, however at this point in order for me to even have her temporary I will need an attorney. I don't have the money for that. I do however want to have her and give her a wonderful home, I have been searching for other resources. ThanX again for everything.

[Aleahstone]

Amber,

Thank you so much for your reply. How did you do it? He and his girflriend both don't care if they are reported. I am so sick, Its so hard to deal with this whole thing. I know life is hard but there is other options other then pills. I just want my niece to be okay and for him to get better. But as of saturday, he is fine and refuses to talk to me. However, we all know that his fine is not fine. He admits he's an addict, swore if he went back he would die. he has went back and strongly fear the death of my brother. Thanx so much for your story it does really mean alot and if you have any other advice please feel free to give it, Its awesome to know people out there do listen.

[Amber]

How did I do it? I wanted to stop the cycle of addiction. I hated being dependent on those stupid pills just to feel normal. I hated worrying where my next prescription was going to come from or if I was going to run out before I got my next one. I hated the mini withdrawals of constantly trying to stop on my own and failing. I hated everything about it and I even hated myself for not being strong enough to just stop.

When my sister called me that day she spoke to me in a non judgemental way, in a caring way that let me know I could be honest with her, that she just wanted to help. I was desperate for help and am thankful that she offered. When she insisted on telling everyone in the family I did feel betrayed but now realize she was the one thinking clearly. My parents got involved and we sat down as a family and talked over all my options for getting clean. They all realized this was a disease that had me in its grip and they were going to stand by my side and see me through it. What they would not do is stand by my side if I chose to do nothing. They made it perfectly clear that they would take my daughter from me and cut me off if I chose to continue killing myself. They wanted to put me into inpatient hospital rehab. I was terrified of detox and being away from my young daughter (I'm a single parent). So we agreed that I could taper off of the pain meds at home with a few conditions: 1) My parents would hold the pills and give me my doses each day reducing the amount until off. 2) I would have to see a doctor for my taper schedule to be medically monitored. 3) I would attend NA meetings 4) When my taper was done and I was off the pills I would go for a drug test. 5) If I was unable to taper off at home I would go into inpatient rehab for a min. of 30 days. I agreed to all of the above. In return they checked on me every day, rotated schedules so that someone was always available to watch my daughter while I went to NA meetings. Gave me support, love and care while I was detoxing. It was difficult for all involved but I new I was loved and no longer having to fight this horrible disease on my own. Now as wonderful as my family was I credit my sobriety to those NA meetings. I would not be clean today if I had not gone to those meetings, learned the tools of recovery and worked the steps. My family helped me get clean NA helped me learn to stay clean.

I guess the bottom line is that your brother has to want to get clean, really want it. He has to be willing to do whatever it takes. When I walked into that first NA meeting I thought they were all a bunch of junkies that I would never be able to relate to but while I sat there I realized that all of them had been were I was and yet they were sober and here's the kicker THEYWERE HAPPY. These "junkies" were holding down jobs, taking care of their responsibilities, laughing and enjoying life all without drugs or alcohol. I wanted what they had and I would of done anything they told me to get it. So I kept coming back. I hope your brother gets there, to that point where he realizes that there is a better life waiting for him and makes the decision to take you up on your offer and do whatever it takes to find recovery.

[Aleahstone]

Amber,


It, sounds like you are extremely brave. The only person my brother really has is me, we have a pretty dysfunctional family. There are 8 of us and we are spread out all over, my parents are all about themselves. I have tried speaking with all my family members and everyone has washed their hands of him or just wants to stay out of the whole thing. Its, hard being the oldest child having a family that could care less to what really happens to you. I believe my brother has a chance at life its up to him to take it. I would love to help him again.I just want him to see clearly for the first time in probably 8 years. I guess when I helped him the first time, I probably gave him to much freedom. I babied him and I allowed him to do what he wanted as long as it did not include going to ashtabula, where the drugs are. He had no friends living with me in cleveland, he was doing okay. It was a struggle for the both of us but from his words he would say he was never going back. Well, when he eventually found out that the mother of his child was cheating on him, he went back home and didn't return for days at this point I knew he was back on drugs. I don't even know how to talk to him, he's emberassed to talk to me because he stole my car and his girlfriend called me every name in the book, I guess I will try to send him a myspace message. I really appreciate everything you have said, its helped tremendously, and if you do not mind me asking what kind of pills where you on?

[MizBarbie]

Aleah,

There does come a point where you cannot help someone more without simply delaying the inevitable. Your brother needs to figure this mess out for himself, and that may be by hitting bottom. His problems are not really your problems.

You can give him emotional support, and support him in prayer, but put his fate in God's hands. God knows what to do.

[annabel]

From an addict's standpoint, what I can tell you is to maybe try Al-Anon or Narc-anon. The people there are all going through the same thing and you will get wonderful advice and feedback from them. It's always comforting to be around people in the same situation.