family issues with chronic pain

[norcalmom]

My husband has supported me 100 percent with my chronic pain issues. But recently he has been saying that I sleep alot and thinks it is due to my pain meds. Ive been on pain meds for some time and what Ive noticed is that when I do alot more than usual I get drained to the point of laying down and difficult to wake up easily. Normally I am a light sleeper and just calling my name out awakens me. For the most part I still am that way, but when I am just beat my body just shuts down. He doesnt seem to understand that. I havent taken more meds than usual when I get that way, but when I am stressed or did too much I get that way. He has issues with taking medication and when he does have to take them I have to lock them up and give him what is prescribed. So he compares me to him when he takes too many pills than prescribed and that is maybe how he feels. Hes been the the doctors appts with me and knows I will have to be on my meds maybe forever but he has a hard time understanding the difference with addiction and maybe what I have which might be tolerance to medications that I thought would knock me flat out before I started taking them. I am small framed and he is much bigger than me and he sees what Im taking and just thinks it is too much. I also have the similar problems with my other family members they see me as the normal active person and when I try to help them they dont understand that it takes alot of me and they too think the meds are bad. My parents are old fashion and think tylenol or motrin is the pain answer to all. Now it makes me think that maybe I do have a problem even though I dont abuse the meds. I only take them as prescribed. Infact at times I forget to take my meds and have never had to ask for an early refill. The support I get I feel is not 100 percent and it makes me doubt myself and feel like a bad person for taking my medication. Even going to the pharmacy I feel like people look at me like why is she taking this medication. I use to work in the medical field and know what the workers think about people on pain meds for chronic pain. In the beginging I felt the same, but after going through my problem I had sympathy for all those who had pain everyday. I just wanted to see if anyone had comments on how to tell if I am addicted to these medications or if it a tolerance to them and what the difference in the two. My husband knows if I didnt have my medications I would be unbearable to live with and my quality of life would be at a stand still. I still have kids to take care of as well as taking care of myself. Thank you all for any comments.

[Mark N]

I want to address two of the points you made me think of with your post. I describe my problem [I am like you about sleep] as I can go and do more than I should by staying awake and being active but it is like draining the battery on your cell phone. There comes a day that my energy is drained all the way down like a battery and I will have a day or two of recharging my battery. I hope that makes it clearer but that is the best way to describe what happens to me.

The other thing you could do is ask your husband if he wants to see what it would be like if you cut your medicine back. If you do, don't hold back act just the way you feel. My mother was like your husband and she found out one weekend when I was low on my meds. She said she never wants to see me hurting like that again and she no longer bugs me about my meds or sleep.

It is difficult for our families because they want the old us back as much as we want to be the old us. They need to understand that we have little option about what our lives are like now. If we had another way to be like we used to be we would do it right now.

I hope one way or another that you can get him to understand. It is easy to see why an recovered addict would be very concerned about your condition especially if he doesn't understand the difference in addiction and dependency. He needs to understand your motivation for taking your meds is not for anhy pleasure but to control the pain as we can't eliminate our pain.

[Nana4&cntn]

Norcalmom,

Welcome, although I have no husband, I do understand the problems you have with your husband and family. I had, past tense, a boyfriend who was of the same mind set as your Husband. My family with the exception of my mom have felt the same way. I finally had to educate them the difference between physical addiction and psychological addiction. That failed and I had the my PM give me web sources and pamphlets and gave then to my family and said "choose to believe what you will, or educate yourselves" "If you choose to judge me fine, do me the courtesy of judging quietly" I have finally received some respect and apologies for past beliefs. They have also seen me struggle with my grandchildren and pass out from exhaustion not wanting to take meds while around small children. I have told them I WILL NOT tolerate ignorance from my family. A diabetic takes meds for their disease, as does a Epileptic, Therefore there is no difference. Your husband sounds as though he has had a problem with drugs? Is that why you have to lock them up and give them as prescribed? Is it possible that is where his problem with your meds come from? I would take your meds as prescribed and let the others believe what they will. You have to look out for yourself as it doesn't seem as if anyone else is. I am sorry if I sound rabid, I am so tired of seeing others being put down for taking care of themselves. I hope I haven't come across as unfeeling. I do care, please feel free to come here to vent, we all do from time to time. I am sure others will be along to listen and provide help probably with more finess than I did.

Hugs,
Kathy

[911]

first off i want to say welcome , i have had nearly exactly the same problems with what used to be my family , in anycase i am very sorry that this is going on for you and just wanted you to know your not alone in this issues ,,,,,,,,,,,, Dave

[norcalmom]

Thank You all for your comments. It is nice to hear I am not alone. I feel soooo guilty especially when it comes to my children. I try not to show them my weakness, but sometimes I just got to tell them I need to rest. It is funny my daughter who is 13 understands me and is such a great helper and I do show her how much it means to me and when I do feel better I try to do special things for her. I dont want her to have to take care of me and take her childhood away from her. There is alot of guilt for me when I cant keep up with my normal schedule and sometimes I feel it causes more problems for me.
Yes my husband has had problems with taking prescription drugs as prescribed so that is why I lock them up and have to give them to him when it is time. Recently I found out he broke into the lock and took my medication. One time I was out medication for almost a whole month because the doctors wouldnt give me a refill of my medication even with the confession he gave them along with his psychologist. It is an illness for him and want to trust him but I cant anymore and that has added extra stress to me. I feel guilty for being able to take medication when he cannot. He use to also be an alcholic, but this April 2008 will be one year since his last drink. I feel he has given up one addiction for another and not sure which one was worse.

Thank you all for letting me vent and not being judged. Some day I hope to get off the pain meds, but my doctors seems to think I will always need to be on them.

[Mark N]

Norcal, although it is normal to feel guilty about being able to do less; doing less is something we all have in common as long as we have chronic pain. My kids accepted my limitations and defended me whenever someone questioned my limitations. It is hard to feel decent for a time and then unable to do much other times. Your daughter is a blessing and kids adapt better than many give them credit for.

Sorry to hear of the additional stress with your husband. It is good he is not drinking and with time he can overcome his addictive personality if he chooses to overcome it. You are not taking meds when he can't if he is taking his as prescribed and you are taking your's as prescribed.

Come here and unload any time you need to so you don't unload on the family. This forum has been a blessing to me for the advice and comfort people here have given me.

[Pike]

The family issues are something I will leave to others as with time you will find your way even if it is not easy or exactly as you would wish.

Instead I wanted to share my experience as a person dependent on MSContin and benzodiazapines, each have different effects but I will write about the MS.

When I take my meds then sit down I can easily fall asleep especially when I am tired or wore out from the pain or if I take my meds and go shopping or other chores my pain is controlled for a couple of hours without any drowsy feeling and when I add 10mg of hydrocodone I can get a bit jittery … this energy is the main reason my Dr prescribes the one Lorcet a day as well as the small pain relieving qualities.

When I miss a dose of morphine my first feeling is an urge to sleep; last night was a prime example, I went to bed early and forgot to take the MS, I got up watched TV before going back to bed again without any meds at about 14 hours since my last dose and slept for a few more hours and woke up with the almost forgotten feeling of needling to have a bowel movement, my nose was running … I laughed at myself!

After almost 10 years on 180mg a day I have found that the early signs of W/D is a sleepy feeling yawning a runny nose and the beloved bowel sounds, if I allow myself to keep going without medication I can sleep until my back reminds me that I should take my medications.

I say this as once we are dependent on a stable dose and for whatever reason we miss a dose the sleepy feeling can appear to others as too much medication when in reality it is a lack of meds that cause the sleep; I could understand how family pressures could cause you to put off taking your meds and appear to be drowsy …

Over the years I have taken my meds down to 30mg a day just so I would know the feeling should I ever need to go off of my medications so I do not fear W/D as long as I have control as I know I can do it.

Constipation while not near the problem it once was can be stopped simply by cutting the opiate dose at a time of my choosing, if I add fiber or a mild laxative I have been able to clean the bowel and start over with a renewed awareness about keeping things moving by using the tools at hand.

I would not recommend this to anyone with other health issues such as high blood pressure or consulting a Dr; I can have my BP taken as I live in housing where visiting nurses are around and can have mine taken.

I have a caring family Dr and he prescribes adequate medications so I do not need to worry about more pain than I am able to accept & when I feel better I ask him to write for less; I have done this several times for 6 months or more and when I begin to hurt worse and think about asking to go back to my old dose he has never failed to up the dose on the prescription without any conversation about it … he seems to feel my pain!

I live alone but my family does understand as they have seen me adapt over the years, I get visits and phone calls to inquire about how I am doing or if I would like to come for dinner, shoot pool or go for a swim in the summer.

Your situation is complicated by your husband’s problems, I have no answer for this but I do respect you for standing by him … perhaps with time he will loose the urge to overmedicate but until things change I hope you will be treated with the respect all humans deserve and continue to work with your Dr.

When we do not worry about pain medications it seems that life is easier leading to a better quality of life, it took years before I was treated with pain meds and drank my pain away after work on a nightly basis … in 1996 had to stop working and was given limited pain meds, life was rough but once MSContin was prescribed I stopped drinking and had no worries about agonizing pain … but I did not know how to live, this would take time and work.

When I made a change in family Drs and finally got a firm diagnoses from a pain Dr then an ESI for the sciatic pain … it is so nice to feel that I have a role in learning to live without worries over pills, when I hurt too much I can have an ESI and get relief for almost a year, it makes living with the back pain much easier as it is always there but treatable … I could never have imagined that I would be in this financial and medical condition but I am.

When I see a healthy person groaning about how bad their life is I think that I am better off than he is and I can remember when I was as he is and did not know how well I had it and the changes I would have made … only if I knew how good life was … what I could have done differently if I would have known.

We live today, have patience and try not to change others as they will understand in their own time … or die not trying … a lack of compassion is a flaw or an inability to show love.

Pike