Firehorse
03-23-2008, 12:32 AM
Aura Awakening
for the members of BrainTalk Communities Epilepsy forum.
3/22/08
in the beginning naive, if they'd come presently
awareness extreme, suddenly as if not by me
In terror first understood, the warning I faced
"That's the key!" I realized, as my mind raced
Eureka! I felt, taking pause to rejoice
attempting a scream, but it came, stole my voice
as my mind lost all reason, the world turned to black
I fell to the floor, knowing when they'd come back
armed with a wisdom, acquired that day
yearning to battle, to keep them at bay
lessons from years past, still holding so true
at times feeling frightened, not sure what to do
to know when they'll come, a help to be sure
not being a victim, not having endure
my goal in the end, not for me but for all
a means to be found, for us not to fall
arrest, distract, subdue, or dispel?
how does one fight what controls touch, & smell?
a mountain to climb, its peak clouded by mist
unknown to the eye, recognized by its fist
it hits; captured; you know; what to do?
eyes opened, crowd asking, "How are you?"
ourselves the victims, of terrors unseen
longing for life, where all is serene
at contest against them, I shall rely
in raising my inner-self, in battle cry
for I am determined, to silence my fear
each time I feel them, as they draw near
to fight them each time, make them leave the scene
aren't they the monsters, aren't they being mean?
taking control of ones nerves, acting "sans" consent
this type of behavior, surely not heaven sent
our bodies! our minds! ours to direct!
in keeping with this, I aim to protect!
thousands of monsters, have stared in my eyes
and taken my consciousness, with their cold guise
decades have past, since the first look
but never have I, closed a page on this book
a fight to the end, it was then and shall be
after twenty five years, I find something for me
it ends not there, my goal not complete
there yet remains, a huge task at my feet
yes! it seems now I find, that it can be
most times I can make, that monster flee
still feeling that terror, all as before
now practiced feeling, each tactic more
I play his game, of chess "of the mind"
and kick him in his, "proverbial behind"
somehow I do this, in my own way
I'm closer to knowing, I can not yet say
this blessing, a miracle come true
out of an aura, a journey grew
journey continuing, goal unabated
withhold to, what others have waited?
nay! a peak left to climb, one task to fulfill
struggle ends not here, and finish I will
one thing remains, I give my solemn vow
the adventure is over, when I can explain how
*fire*rodeo
This poem (coincidently my first as well) was inspired by the events I remember from the first time I realized I was having an aura about 25 years ago, and from that, my attempt & eventual success at learning to find a cognitive way to fight simple partial seizures from becoming larger seizures. Though that "aura" described in the first stanza of the poem actually only lasted less than ten seconds... I can remember it in perfect detail like yesterday. I was a teenager at dinner with my family, felt the "aura", & for the first time realized I was going to have a seizure beforehand. I rushed to stand up & yell but could not get out intelligible speech. I then fell back down in a tonic clonic seizure.
for the members of BrainTalk Communities Epilepsy forum.
3/22/08
in the beginning naive, if they'd come presently
awareness extreme, suddenly as if not by me
In terror first understood, the warning I faced
"That's the key!" I realized, as my mind raced
Eureka! I felt, taking pause to rejoice
attempting a scream, but it came, stole my voice
as my mind lost all reason, the world turned to black
I fell to the floor, knowing when they'd come back
armed with a wisdom, acquired that day
yearning to battle, to keep them at bay
lessons from years past, still holding so true
at times feeling frightened, not sure what to do
to know when they'll come, a help to be sure
not being a victim, not having endure
my goal in the end, not for me but for all
a means to be found, for us not to fall
arrest, distract, subdue, or dispel?
how does one fight what controls touch, & smell?
a mountain to climb, its peak clouded by mist
unknown to the eye, recognized by its fist
it hits; captured; you know; what to do?
eyes opened, crowd asking, "How are you?"
ourselves the victims, of terrors unseen
longing for life, where all is serene
at contest against them, I shall rely
in raising my inner-self, in battle cry
for I am determined, to silence my fear
each time I feel them, as they draw near
to fight them each time, make them leave the scene
aren't they the monsters, aren't they being mean?
taking control of ones nerves, acting "sans" consent
this type of behavior, surely not heaven sent
our bodies! our minds! ours to direct!
in keeping with this, I aim to protect!
thousands of monsters, have stared in my eyes
and taken my consciousness, with their cold guise
decades have past, since the first look
but never have I, closed a page on this book
a fight to the end, it was then and shall be
after twenty five years, I find something for me
it ends not there, my goal not complete
there yet remains, a huge task at my feet
yes! it seems now I find, that it can be
most times I can make, that monster flee
still feeling that terror, all as before
now practiced feeling, each tactic more
I play his game, of chess "of the mind"
and kick him in his, "proverbial behind"
somehow I do this, in my own way
I'm closer to knowing, I can not yet say
this blessing, a miracle come true
out of an aura, a journey grew
journey continuing, goal unabated
withhold to, what others have waited?
nay! a peak left to climb, one task to fulfill
struggle ends not here, and finish I will
one thing remains, I give my solemn vow
the adventure is over, when I can explain how
*fire*rodeo
This poem (coincidently my first as well) was inspired by the events I remember from the first time I realized I was having an aura about 25 years ago, and from that, my attempt & eventual success at learning to find a cognitive way to fight simple partial seizures from becoming larger seizures. Though that "aura" described in the first stanza of the poem actually only lasted less than ten seconds... I can remember it in perfect detail like yesterday. I was a teenager at dinner with my family, felt the "aura", & for the first time realized I was going to have a seizure beforehand. I rushed to stand up & yell but could not get out intelligible speech. I then fell back down in a tonic clonic seizure.