Let Doctor Know of Abuse?

[ingrass]

Has anyone ever let their doc know of their abuse? Some places give you a form with a box to check which says something like "I fear for my safety at home". I'm sure answering positively goes into your permanent medical file. Has anyne done this? What was the outcome? Are the physicians obligated to report it to authorities?

Thanks.

[RustyD]

Some hospitals and states have laws where doctors have to report suspected abuse.. But in any case..

Tell anyone, someone... Life is not meant to be lived like that.. Love does not leave scars..

[Laura]

Abuse involving children must be reported. Also homicidal threats must also be reported. I have never been aware of any requirements that adult abuse must be reported, unless it involves somebody who is mentally incompetent (as in elder abuse). I have worked as a health professional in three different states. Some states are starting to mandate counseling when abuse is suspected however, which means your physician may spend a couple of minutes talking to you about it and letting you know of available resources in your area.

One of the worst things about abuse is the secrecy and resulting isolation. Women want to protect the abusers and feel ashamed as well. It sounds like you want to break the code of silence. Have you considered seeking counseling at your local domestic violence shelter? They are bound by anonymity as well and are better equipped to deal with your feelings. If you are not ready to leave, they won't pressure you, just help you sort out what you need to do for now.

[Silver Swan]

Hi Laura:

I live in Minnesota, and doctors always ask if one is being abused - this is before surgery, in clinic visits, etc. It is my understanding that in this state certain professionals are legally required to report such abuse. There are others such as police that are required to report abuse. I don't know what others are included in the "must report" list.

Shirley H.

[Laura]

Thanks Shirley.

I stand corrected. According to the website from the Family Violence Prevention Fund: http://endabuse.org/statereport/criteria.php3

<<Thirteen states have enacted domestic violence reporting laws or reporting laws for gunshot and/or life threatening injuries only. They are California, Colorado, Florida, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Minnesota, Missouri, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Texas, Vermont and Washington state.>>

In addition, California, Colorado, and Kentucky have:
<<enacted a law mandates that health care professionals report to law enforcement (or other governmental entity) any person whom he or she knows or reasonably suspects is suffering from any “wound or physical injury that is the result of abusive or assaultive conduct,” without informing the victim or obtaining the victim’s consent>>

[ingrass]

Thanks, all, for your replies.

Shirley, I wonder if Minnesota doctors only have to report it if they see physical signs of it. I will be visiting Mayo in a few weeks.

Laura, thanks for the link. My computer is being dumb right now and won't let me click on any of the links on that site. Must be the pop-up blocker. I have bookmarked it though, and will return when I have more time.

[Laura]

From what that site said, Minnesota healthcare workers are only required to report if they see signs of "gunshot wounds or other life threatening injuries". If there are no physical signs, then you would not fall into that category. If you tell the doctor of episodes where you life has been in imminent danger, perhaps the doctor would consider that a case worth reporting although technically it would not fall into the statute by the letter of the law as subjective reports are not considered "signs" (instead "symptoms"). With these things, there is always some latitude as to how they are interpreted and placed into practice. I am not sure why you would choose to tell a doctor at Mayo as opposed to somebody at a local shelter who would be in a better position to counsel you. Most doctors have received little to no training in this area.

[ingrass]

Thanks, Laura. I appreciate you going back to the site for me.

Actually, I was just wondering because I see a nurse practioner there who I like, but who is a little pushy about these things.

I don't go there just to see her. Mayo is monitoring my spinal cord compression and I see her while I'm there for my annual pap and also get a mammogram. I'm just always scared I'll slip and say too much.

It also occured to me that there really isn't much they could do for someone who is not a local resident, anyway.

I'll just try to be careful about what I say. I have already taken steps to help myself here at home.

[spiritwomyn]

In any home where there are children and there is domestic violence there is Child Abuse. As a Law Enforcement Advocate we would report child abuse in all domestic vilonce cases when children were present in the home at the time of the offense. Don't wait to find a place on the form, tell the nurse during initial intake as some Dr.s don't look over the forms prior to examining you. Tell a minister, rabbi, priest, tell a friend, leave a paper trail.
As a survivor of Domestic Violence I knwo that that is the farthest thing from love and abusers rarely change their spots unless they go through extensive counseling. It is eaasy for people to tell us how to escape, but having been there I know first hand its easier said then done. First thing, stop seeing them as your spouse, and see them for what they are, your jailer and possible executioner. In this way you will have a greater internal strength to motivate you to do what it takes to escape. Now lying is not hard, and hiding things for later use in escaping is easy. And ducking when they try to hit you and accidentally breaking their hand....well it was funny later but I wouldn't recommend it. There are many of us who have been there, find more and ask them how they did it. Sometimes the real experts are the survivors.

[Laura]

SpiritWoman,
I am glad you came forward and posted. You are right. If there are children in the home, child abuse is occurring. Here in Florida, some judges will consider it child abuse whether the children witness the actual violence or not. Domestic violence is considered sufficient cause to have children removed. Ingrass did not mention any children, and it did not occur to me to ask. But I would think it preferable she share it with her physician, if he/she is the only one she currently feels comfortable with, and get an appropriate referral than maintain secrecy (and possibly get a knock on the door from children's services and have the children removed). Then, with luck, she could go on to get support from trained counselors and survivors of domestic abuse like yourself.

Kudos to you for escaping and wanting to help others. I myself was in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship for 23 years before I got out. And yes, my children paid a price. I was too ashamed to tell anybody, so I lived in denial........ it wasn't that bad. Finally my second therapist helped validate it really was that bad. I never shared it with my first, told him I had a perfect marriage. What a load of crap. I am currently working with these same children.

[toban11]

I know the laws in the USA are probably different compared to Canada where I live. I know here that doctors are not required by law to report domestic abuse of an adult, only child abuse. That could change if there are children in the home, but not sure on that, since I don't have children. I was in an abusive relationship for almost 4 years.

My surgeon/specialist sensed something was wrong. Well I ended up in the ER because I was ill but also my bf had hurt me that night, even though the bruises etc had not shown up yet. I just had surgery two weeks prior on my arm and it was sore from him hurting it. Anyways the ER doc, when looking back probably suspected something, spoke to the surgeon, who in turn phoned me at home. I couldn't talk because my bf was around and just said I am fine.

I came back to the surgeons office a few weeks later, and he asked how I was feeling since I left the ER. I said "Oh I am still feeling somewhat ill but better." I could tell by the look on his face, that I didn't answer him right, he looked upset/disappointed, but I still tried to hide. Something told me to trust him, but at that appt I was too tightlipped and scared. About one month later I came back and told him. I was totally prepared for judgement, blame,because many other people did judge me. This doctor was a godsend. He supported and protected me throughout all of it. He gave me the courage to leave my now exbf. If it wasn't for him, I would be dead now. This doctor was always checking on me during my appts to see how I was and told me if I have problems to come and see him. I couldn't thank him enough for his help. I was lucky to have found him.

Unfortunately I have experienced alot of judgement from medical doctors, beeen judged, blamed, told I must enjoy being slapped around. I really started to distrust doctors, only one I trusted was the above one. To this day I still have health problems from the abuse, and have trouble and anxiety seeing doctors. Unfortunately the nice doctor I had retired.

So I would go with your gut instinct. If you are ready to tell the doctor and trust him/her I would go for it. But only do it when you are ready.

[suzq]

Things have really changed, 13 yrs ago when I was horribly abused by my now ex, there weren't any such forms

I am now very safely married to a loving man, about 3 yrs ago I got in a car accident and on the way in the ambulance I said, " my fiance is going to kill me, he loved this car" and the first thing they asked me was I being abused?
my poor fiance-everyone looked at him kinda strange-the thing is he has never abused me-he's a social worker who works with abused people! suzq