Time For Another Check In On Everyone!!!

[BrokenBladder]

I'm sitting here this morning trying to catch up on everyone since I've been MIA and I decided to start a roll call.;) I thought this would be the perfect way for me to catch up and vent a little about what's been going on in my life.

As most of you know I went MIA the day after Valentine's Day. I had way too many things hitting me at once and woke the day after Valentine's Day sick, which would later prove to be the flu.:( My bladder has been giving me alot of problems lately and got so bad at one point that I had to self cath in order to void. What a nightmare. My urologist had warned me a little over a month ago that he had done all that he could, but somehow I talked myself into believing it would be okay. So basically I had the flu, bladder not working, many legal issues with my oldest son, laptop's drive stopped working, power outages, and I'm saving the worst for last, I was in the deepest depression that I have ever endured. For the first time in my life I completely shut myself off from the world and I couldn't get myself out of it no matter how hard I tried. The truth is I'm still in this deep dark hole of depression but I finally realized that I need to reach out to my friends, which is all of you. For whatever reason I can't seem to shake this feeling of doom, but I finally realized that without all of you helping me I may never come out of it. I know many of you see therapists for depression and I'm trying to get up the courage to look for one that I can start seeing on a regular basis. The problem is the one that my rheumy recommended isn't seeing any new patients and I hate to start looking for one blindly. Maybe someone here knows of a good one in Tampa.

I really could use all the friends I can get right now. I need to be talking about things so that I can at least feel half way normal instead of feeling like my life is completely doomed to be nothing but seeing doctors and feeling constant pain. I guess I'm finally just plain tired of this roller coaster and I've waited far too long to talk to someone professional about it. The truth is I've waited far too long to talk to all of you about it as well.

Well I guess late is better than never so I'm reaching out to all of you now for help. I usually don't post personal information openly on the board, but I'm prepared to answer any and all of your questions so ask away. I will also be checking my PM's if you want to say something to me that you feel is private.

Well thanks for listening and letting me get started on getting all of these horrible feelings out.

Oh and I do really want to catch up on what's going on with everyone so let's make this a nice informative roll call.

[Kathi49]

Lisa,

Bless your heart. I am just glad to see you back and I think everyone here is and will be very supportive. I will send you a private PM later...I found some things out about the bladder yesterday that MIGHT be helpful. I just don't know if it will help you or not. But it makes sense. Anyway, glad you are back and I hope you can find a good therapist as well.

[BrokenBladder]

Kathi,

Thanks for being so supportive and understanding. You've always been so good to me and I appreciate your friendship.

I feel so guilty for having disappeared on everyone the way that I did. I know I should've at least posted something, but I just didn't have the ability to do anything. None the less I feel so bad about not having reached out to all of you.

[Nana4&cntn]

Lisa,

I truly know all too well what you are going through. I have been battling the dark demon (as I call it) for the past 25 years. It is for sure impacted and caused by chronic pain. The past month and a half have been the worst I can remember while medicated. Just yesterday I called to find a new therapist as mine retired almost 2 years ago. I find it scary to open up to a new person face to face. I also know if I don't all types of fun NOT things not mess with my mind. The more I stay in the harder it is to get out. I have a PM appt this am, and have been stressing about it for days. That may seem silly to some, I don't know? I am always freaked the docs will tell me something else is wrong with me.
Oh Lisa, I am sorry, I just want you to know you are not alone. Thank you for starting this. I think it will be beneficial for a lot of us.
Btw is -17 with the wind chill today, wish I was in Florida!

I will check in later, Take care,
Kathy

[Cats Meow]

Morning Lisa,

Boy do I never know how you’re feeling! The funny thing is at the beginning of this year I told my husband this year has to be a great year but as the days went on I got this odd feeling. I finally confided to one of my friends (whom is about to move out of state :() about the gut feeling I was having that something was going to go wrong (this was in end of Jan beginning of Feb I had these feelings). I wont go into detail about what I told her but well sure enough Feb 22 is when my husband flipped his truck then shortly after had a mental break down (baker acted :eek:) and well you know when it rains it pours. I’m trying so hard not to be angry at myself because I knew something was going to go wrong I finally told my husband a few days ago and he asked why I didn’t mention something to him sooner. The thing is I don’t think it would have changed the events.

Sorry I’m rambling but I want to let you know I hope things begin to change for many people on here. I know I am not the only one going through challenges but wow sometimes it does feel like I am alone. I know there is a reason for everything and I’m doing my best not to dwell on “Why Me”. I am also in the process of getting my husband a physiologist but he is trying to fight me about it currently.

The most important thing is I can’t give up and there have been many times that the thoughts have ran through my head I could easily load up my car and pack up and take our son and just leave and start over but I know that is not the answer I gave my husband my word I would do everything I possibly could to help him but he needs to meet me half way too. I have had every range of emotion but most of all I’m embarrassed and angry about how I let things get out of control (I know I have to stop blaming myself). Not only that but I also have the feeling that when people hear about my personal life I feel like a failure but I am determined to prove to everyone even through tragedy I can pull through strong…..

I hope you feel better soon! My thoughts are with you….. Along with being every other place at the same time too! I’m doing the best to be the same goofy person I normally am :p!

Kathy,

The weather is nasty today in Florida (NE). Tons of rain and chance of hail and tornado’s….Oh my! I’ll just have to be extra careful driving while I love to fly I prefer it not be behind the wheel of my vehicle!

[BrokenBladder]

Kathy,

Now that is what I call cold!! Well our high today will be 80, but it will starts raining this afternoon as a cold front approaches Tomorrow night it's supposed to get down to 39, which is very cold to me.
Thanks for sharing with me your difficulties with depression. I think the majority of people wih CP also have depression, but I've had CP for a long time and it's never been like this. Suicide is not something I would consider, but being totally alone with no one to bother me is something that I dream about and I've never wanted anything like this before. I'm hoping to find a good therapist and soon. Boy does he/she have their work cut out for them!! LOL!!

[BrokenBladder]

CM,

Well you made me laugh for the first time in weeks. The comment you made about your thoughts being in so many places at once hit home with me11
Like you, I just want to move and be alone.
I'll tell you this much this depression that I'm going through now is the worst thing I've ever exprienced.

[Cats Meow]

I’m glad to be able to make you laugh! It gives me the warm fuzzies *grin* :D

I do try to keep myself in a positive attitude and there are plenty of times were I will sulk and dwell on the events that have happened.

But I always tell myself hey it could be worse…. I mean could you imagine if you were to pull up next to a cute guy in your car and he caught you picking your nose :eek:! Talk about being embarrassed :o! (Being goofy is the only way I can keep myself sane :p)

The worst is when my husband pulled up to this guy and he had the windows rolled down and the sunroof up and he was scanning the radio station and Brittney Spears was on. He turned it all the way up and started singing and trying to be this awkward seductive idiot! The guy looked over with the most confused and horrified look. I was mortified but boy did it ever make my day! :D

[Eppy]

Hi Lisa,
You are definitely NOT alone about the way you are feeling. I have been there myself so many times and even tried to you know. Anyway, my life is no picnic although on the outside some people may think it is idealic. It is a far cry from that. I do have a wonderful husband who loves me so much but I hold so much from him because I can't stand to tell him how I am feeling everyday because I feel like all I ever do is complain.

I do see a psychiatrist but mainly just for meds. My PM referred me to a pain psychologist so I can talk about everything that is happening. Maybe there is one in your area. I have an appt. on March 13th. I'll let you know what happens.

I don't post much on here mainly because I was a regular chatter in the chat room and I made such wonderful friends and then when all the problems with the original BT happened, all of them, almost all, disappeared and I was left floundering. So now, I am a little more reserved because I can't go through the loss again.

I really hope things get better for you. I have a saying that I use alot to get me through the difficult times and it seems to work most of the time. Maybe it will help you too. It goes like this..."you have 2 choices in life. You can either lie in bed and wallow all day and say woe is me or get busy living your life as best you can." I choose to live my life. No matter how bad I have it, there is always someone else who is so much worse than me.

One day, I hope there comes a time where so many of us can reach a point in our lives where the pain can no longer determine our happiness and that we can say that the physical pain that we endure only makes us stronger and that one day, we no longer have to live our lives in pain either emotional or physical. Hang on to hope Lisa for without it, the darkness will consume your every thought. ((((((((((Lisa))))))))))


Luanne

[Mark N]

Lisa, with all you have going on it is no wonder you are in a dark place wondering if you will ever get out. Just know that all you need to do is reach out a little bit and we will carry you as far as you need us to.

I am recovering from my long trip that should have been sad but the change in my wife has really raised my hopes up. I hope I don't get smacked down again but she really is facing up to things she never would before. She is still afraid to take a chance and come back yet so we have a ways to go. I have been getting some sleep in the past two days to catch up with all that I have been missing. Right now the snow is coming down and we are supposed to have 6-8" by tomorrow but it will get back into the 50s Monday so it won't last long.

Lisa, I can't really give you an answer about how I avoid depression, especially with my wife leaving, my BIL's death, and the impending death of my brother; but if I knew the magic formula I would tell you. I know dealing with my wife depression isn't something you can keep from having and I hope you are able to find a therapist that can help. We all need someone we can open up to and let out the things that are weighing us down. I hope you start to get some sunshine in your life again. Watch out for those tornadoes down your way.

[Jo6]

I really was worried about you Lisa. Being the Queen of worry that I am it was about all I could do to help you. I did come out of my cave long enough to join in the "hunt for Lisa".

I also know about the deep dark hole that trips us up when we least expect it. Psychitrist are not what they used to be. Mine had to retire after many years because of illness. My current shrink told me he had died. The doc that retired was a REAL dr. He would listen to me for 45 or 50 min. He was kind, he helped me see I still had a mind. He saw me thru so many bad times and I will be forever grateful.

I had to hunt a new Dr. He gives me 10 min. of his time while he writes my scripts. 10 mins., how gracious he is. At least he made it clear from the start what his Dr.ing entiled He had several Psycholegist. Can't even spell the dang words!! I went thru 2 councelors and dicided I would find my own. I was lucky that I found this last one. He has been a great help to me.

So, the saga of Drs. I am facing some things concerning one of my sons. I won't type this out, but if you want to talk Lisa, just pm me and I will give you my address. It's a long lonely road sometimes. People do not understand unless they have been thru crises after crises. I'm glad your are finding someone to talk to. Sometimes it takes more than 1 until you get the right one. That is most important, finding the right one.

I feel for all of you and I wish I could help you. I guess one of you will have to get me right before I can help others.:p

Eppy, it is good to see you. I'm not sure which chat room you meant. but I spent a lot of time in the Classic Chat on the old server. I remember you no matter where I knew you from. It is nice to see you again:)

Take care all, Jo

[jimac]

I am alive.... and here too. I have been reading and trying to keep up.:)
Not much has changed in my life....same old pain.:(

I hope that everyone has a great weekend and let it be as painless as possible.:D

Take care everybody....
Jim

[GardeniaGirl]

Hi Lisa - sorry to hear you have been so depressed.

Like many here, I have definitely had some VERY dark times over the past years.

Severe pain is almost like a guaranteed trigger for severe depression for me.

So, I know what its like to be down in the hole.

I hope you are able to find some things to help get out of it - I know its different for everyone as to "what works".

Glad you are posting again - I haven't been posting too much lately, but I read here every day.

Take good care!
GG

[Cervie Barb]

Sorry to hear about your depression, Lisa, and I hope you feel better soon. I think chronic pain causes depression, and not visa versa. I'm glad you're reaching out, because it sounds like you may have gotten to a dangerous level.

It hurts when your kids get into trouble, and you think you can't do enough to help them. I'm dealing with that lately, too. Sometimes you have to let them know you are there for them, but it's really up to them now to deal with thier own mess. Seems like it never ends! Hope I live long enough to feel like my kids will be okay...

My pain has been horrible. I'm blaming the incoming storms and cold and winter. Come on spring!

Take care everyone!

[Mark N]

I thought I would check in again today and say hi to everyone. My brother made it to my mom's for one last visit and we will be going up tomorrow to see him for a few hours. He doesn't want any talk about his cancer so it will just be a regular visit. I wish he would talk about what is going on but I will do as he wishes. I will be sure to have a good time and reminisce about the fun times we had.

My wife came over to help out and let me do her laundry. Even though we are getting along great it is clear she still has a lot of anxiety issues to deal with. I wish I could help her work through it but it is something she has to do by herself for now. She did take my son for his haircut. I am having another tired day but I am trying to get my rest as my body is trying to recovery from the hard trip last week. I have had a couple of really bad spasms as my body reacts to what I have put it through.

For those of you dealing with depression I wish I could give you my upbeat spirit but I know it isn't something you can control. I hope everyone has a way to get themselves out of the dark hole.

CM, it is easy to want to take off and be free of all this but you know that isn't the way life should be. I hope your DH does meet you part way as I know what that was like for a while with my wife. It really hurts when you are willing to seek help to make things better and our spouse doesn't think they need to get any help.

Luanne, it is tough when things look so good on the outside but it is tough on the inside. Sometimes it seems like it would be better if we had a sign letting others know what we are going through.

Jo, glad you found a counselor you can work with as it isn't easy to find the right on.

Jim, sorry you have the same old pain. I always hope we will all get better some day.

GG, it is good to see you respond to Lisa's post. I hope you are feeling better now as I remember your dark times over past years.

Cervie Barb, I hope spring relieves your pain and it comes around soon. In spite of our snow storm it will be in the fifties this next week around here.

Lisa, I hope you are feeling better today and keep in touch with us.

[ErinENj]

Well, I'm here and accounted for. Still busy, still working my butt off, and now even more unsure of my job and if I'll still have it tomorrow than ever before. My boss gave someone a writing test (basically, sent him out on an assignment) on Friday, which is the same thing he did with me when I was interviewing for the job. And it just happened to be on the same day when he told me that I wasn't producing enough stories and that I'm not living up to what the job requires. I tried to tell him that I hadn't been producing that much because he keeps stopping me or pulling me off a story to work on something I thought I had finished as new things come to light, but he just said that he didn't want to hear excuses and that it's what is expected of someone in the position. He has such a short-term memory. Just a month ago, I was producing more than enough, and had been for more than five months. I've fallen off these past three weeks because he keeps telling me to focus on other things, that certain stories should be my priorities and that I need to continue to work on them as more information comes out. Those stories have been constantly changing to where I re-wrote them more than two or three times each. And that's what he told me to do. But he doesn't remember that. He only remembers that I wasn't giving him 5-6 stories each week, and that's all that matters. When I try to remind him of what he himself said, he tells me not to, that I'm making excuses. Talk about selective memory. I call it the 'bipolar pendulum.' Between his selective memory and his ever changing mood, and how he tells me to do something one way and then an hour later, reams me out for doing it the way he told me (and when I say that that's how he told me to do it, he denies it completely) it creates a totally hostile working environment. It's hard to work well when I'm constantly worried that he's going to fire me. But enough of my petty work woes....

I do have some amazing news. I leave on March 29th for Crazy Mountain Ranch in Montana, where I will spend 4 days, 3 nights enjoying all it has to offer. I won a trip there!! I hate to say it, but I won it through Marlboro, but it's still a free trip (and a nice $1250 check to cover the tax liability, and some other things that I just want... I'm going to use half of it and put the other half in some interest bearing account so that by the time I need to pay the taxes next April, it'll be back to $1250 or even more). My best friend Jaime and I are going, and we are totally excited. They have dogsledding, a wildlife tour through Yellowstone, snowmobiling, skiing, you name it, and all for free! I can't wait for the dogsledding and the wildlife tour! I'm probably an idiot for thinking about skiing, but I used to be pretty good at it. Still, I'm terrified about being across the country from my mom and my doctors. The fear of falling and becoming completely paralyzed or doing some other drastic damage is really weighing on me, but we'll see when I get there.

Lisa, I just wanted to say that like others, I suffer from depression, and have for more than a decade. It was diagnosed as clinical when I was 12, and has had its ups and downs. I had some really bad times in my teen years with a very complicated and damaging home life, and had my worst time when I was a sophmore in college. It was the first time I actually felt hopeless, to the point where I threatened suicide. I wasn't going to do it myself - it was more like I was going to go step out in to traffic or find some gang member and provoke him in to shooting me. But I still ended up on suicide watch for a month, and through that, I met the best friends I could ever wish for, including Jaime, who has continued to be my rock, right along with my friend Ross, who was my first friend at college and remains so to this day.

My CP, understandably, hasn't exactly helped it any. I went through a really dark time when I just felt I couldn't feel any more hopeless. It was a lot of the 'why me' and 'what did I do to deserve this.' I kept trying to figure out what I had done that was so bad or what I had done to piss God off so much that He would set this upon me. I still wonder about that, but not nearly as much. I'm now to where I'm trying to just live with it instead of trying to figure out why I deserve this nightmare. I currently see a psychologist, who is trained as a drug counselor and who sees other CP patients, by choice. She's great. Things have been substantially better since I graduated and since I got a job (some of my issues were directly linked to me being in school and not working, and not doing anything during breaks - it's that whole living off of my parents thing, which was just magnified by the extended family who kept reminding me how much of a mooch I was and how I was draining my mother emotionally and financially, and how my mom's life would be so much better if I just quit school and got a job and moved out. Yeah, they weren't exactly supportive of me. And you know what's funny? Now that I have a job, they have begun ridiculing me because I'm overweight and calling me a drug addict, and have pretty much stopped talking to me all together. None of them have ever asked me how things are going at work. At Thanksgiving and Christmas, I didn't even get addressed directly or even asked a direct question relating to anything. great people, really loving.......) so I have cut back my visits to once every two weeks instead of once a week and may even go down to once a month. I think sometimes that I'm too busy and exhausted to be depressed.

I've been on a bunch of different anti-depressants, but I've found that the Wellbutrin I'm on now works the best, just in case you're thinking of adding one to your medication cocktail.

Lisa, you are an amazingly strong woman and I know you'll make it through this. It's hard to see any hope right now, but I know that soon, the dark tunnel you're traveling through will open back up into the sunshine. I sent you a PM, but I want you to know that you are an important part of this board. However, do not ever feel guilty for not posting. It's understandable with what you have been dealing with. I'm very glad to see you back posting though, and think you are really brave for coming out and being honest about what you are going through right now.

[Kandra]

*hug Lisa...I already wrote you :)

Mark, I'm glad your brother will make it up to visit your mom for the last time...

For everyone else..well, it certainly sounds like for the most part we know how depression can affect us! I'm really happy when meds and counseling help many :)

[Nana4&cntn]

Mark, I hope this finds you as well as can be after your visit with your brother. There are no words to express how sorry I am your brother and your family had to face this. I understand him not wanting to talk about the cancer. I am sure he wants to spend as "normal" a visit as possible. I am sure he doesn't want to see pity in anyone eyes.

Lisa, as you can see from all the posts, depression is something most pain patients suffer from. I hope you find a good Shrink to prescribe anti depressants. Therapy is where you learn how to deal with it and how to catch yourself before you hit rock bottom. I finally found a new therapist to see weekly starting the end of the month. Although, it is difficult to spill your guts so to speak, it really does give you tools to help. It is also good to see someone weekly, as they will become a lifeline and also see the difference in you moods/depression.

Erin, you made some good points re:depression. I am so sorry your boss is where he is instead of a janitor.lol I had a boss similar and asked her to send me emails so I could have a hard copy of what my directions were. I am not sure this will work for you. I spent most of my time out of the office, so it made sense for the emails. Then when she changed her mind I had the printout to show her I did as requested.

Take care all,
Kathy

[suede]

I almost feel as if I don't have the right to post any longer, it seems it has been a very long time since I have been available to be of any help or support to the others here.

Please know that even when I don't post you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

DH and the grand son have spent the week-end digging us out of the 20inches of snow that dropped on us in about a 24 hour span, I read earlier that in I believe it was in a 13 county span the State Highway Patrol responded to 2,166 crashes, that isn't counting what city police have responded to... I was grateful DH made it home it was touch and go for awhile for him as he is an OTR trucker..

I can't really describe what is going on with me, I can't put my finger on it to say, my pain has been fairly under control but I can't seem to regain any strength after the bout with the flu and my hands and arms are losing strength it seems daily, not only are the so very weak, they fumble and drop about everything..

I'm sorry to hear so many of us are in the dark dungeon, hopefully once winter passes the sun and signs of spring will help us all to find our way out of the darkness.

In the meantime know that not a day passes that you are not in my thoughts.

Linda

[Mark N]

Kathy, we had a good visit with my brother other than my wife taking us several steps backwards from the progress we have been making. Everyone had a good time and we could talk about current and past things. He looked in good shape and with his bipolar disease it is difficult to know exactly what his condition is. My wife openly questioned his condition on the way home. To be fair, he isn't as bad as what you would expect from someone in the final stages of cancer. He could very well be in the final stages as he does exhibit shortness of breath and lack of energy.

I hope everyone has a good week and it starts out better than mine has.

[Kathi49]

Linda,

I agree and was thinking the same thing. Once the dreary days lift perhaps we will all feel a bit better. I know I am looking forward to and waiting for a break as in...where is the sun??!

Mark,

I am sorry that your wife has regressed. I sent you a PM too. And VERY sorry about your brother. :( I want to say I hope your week gets better. But that sounds so cliche. But you know what I mean...I just wish things would ease up for you.

As for myself, just status quo. I see my PM today for a consult and have my list of questions ready. Ugh, I wish they would just take this coccyx out. But I also know...that would be a bad move. PT helps with it...but there are times it aches pretty bad; maybe he will want to do another injection since it has been a long time since the last one. And what kills me is that it is just the very tip of it. Geez, I wish they could shave that off or something. :eek::) Or it could just be that the L5/S1 is referring pain there...who knows? All I know is that it aches and pains.

[ejskennedy]

Hey, it's the "new" Erin. I hate checking in because I certainly have not been much support to anyone here, but I guess I need to get a few things off my chest so I'll be a little selfish. Here goes.

Not good news for me. Recently I learned that the current diagnosis for me is atypical trigeminal neuralgia caused by my aneurysm, or perhaps atypical face pain. I have recently been rejected by another pm, the best pain surgeon in the mid-atlantic region (in addition to ben carson, among others), been advised to get a lupron shot that might help with my menstrual migraines but costs 1800 dollars a shot, and my head pain is acting out as a sleazy r eal estate developer and taking over previously pristine land, ie, my cheek and ear, as well as other eye. I'm kind of depressed. My oldest sister (who essentially is my mom) keeps telling me I need to work to get my mind off things.....:confused:. I actually have worked a few days as a substitute in my kids school (we're so broke!) and then I'm in bed for 2 to 5 days with a migraine.....Goodness, I always feel like I sound like Debbie Downer from Saturday Night live....Missed the deadline for reapp to disability because I can't get it together. I just want to be better. When I first had the aneurysm coiled they told me "wait a year, it'll atrophy and the pain will subside." Said the same thing year two, and now no one will guess what my outcome will be, but from my research, it's not anything to get happy about. There is little chance of medicine or surgery helping me, if nothing has helped by now, and the pain will probably get worse as time goes on.

My dad is also in a coma in hospice. And the circus freaks are swarming his room. That's my way of saying my family's insane (except for my sibs--well a few of us anyway!).

My prayers are reduced to just begging God to deliver me from my negative thoughts. At least that prayer has a chance in h*** :D. My prayers for you all are reduced pain (physical and emotional), sunshine (if you crave it), and to be as loving to yourself as you are to all on this board (that's a shout out to all you sad brothers and sisters out there).

Blessings to you all,
Erin in MD

[Cats Meow]

Mark,

You are correct running away from problems defiantly is no solution and I know for a fact I could never do that I have a tendency to get myself overwhelmed and when that happens that “Fight of Flight” kicks in. I’m currently trying to keep everything together and organized (something I’m not great at :p) but I think I’ve done pretty well I have kept all his records together and I have kept track of his appointments while still trying to maintain I semi normal household :rolleyes:. It’s a huge challenge to keep calm and collected in front of a child because kids easily feed off of their parents when they are stressed.

I was rather surprised when my husband mentioned to me the other day that yes he would be willing to go and get counseling and it really shocked me but we will see what happens once I make that appointment for him. I have a feeling the first time he gets in there it will be some awkward silent moments.

Well I defiantly have to say I really admire how you come on here and support others with everything you are currently dealing with. As far as from your wife’s stand point I hope in time she will come to realize the mistake she is making. And as her questioning your brothers condition I’m not sure in which manner she asked if it was in a harsh condescending way or more of a curiosity but I hope that just because he was not showing typical signs in the presence of company does not mean that is how things always are. I hope your brother does pull through this.


As for everyone else I hope things do get better I do my best to lend support I know I’m very new here and I read up on everyone but at times “The cat has my tongue” (I’m a dork sorry! :p). I have a tendency to have an odd sense of humor and I don’t ever want to come across the wrong way to anyone.:o

[Cervie Barb]

Thanks for the prayers "new Erin" (ejskennedy), we could all use them! Don't feel bad about coming on here bumming as we all do it from time to time (myself many a time!). It sounds like you have many a reason to be down, and I hope things level out for you soon.

I told someone the other day that my purpose in life is to make other people feel better about thiers when they look at mine. lol.

Take care of yourselves everybody.

[Mary Diane]

We don't know each other, but I've always figured strangers were just friends we haven't met yet. I used to post here on the old forums alll the time, and have just recently returned. My CP stems from RSD, which is rapidly spreading, hugely helped by the fact that I have been re-elected President of our local Klutz Club for many, many years. (The original injury was NOT my fault!!! LOL)

As far as the depression goes, I can so relate. I was taking Cymbalta, and had to stop because it made me suicidal. I started taking Welbutrin, and started planning my suicide 2 years in the future, so now I also take Prozac. I take these meds with Topomax. Now, I never felt that I was depressed, even though my dr said that I was probably suffering some degree of it because I had been in pain for so long. I was taking these meds to try to control nerve pain, now they have added Neurontin to the mix.

Anyway, now, if I miss my daily meds for some reason, or if my life gets too stressful, or if I am overtired, or in alot of pain, I tend to become more depressed. I haven't decided to choose a counselor yet, but when I do, I will go through our local mental health department. They should be able to find a pretty good match. I don't know what they have in FL, but they should have something similar that could help you.

I'd like to thank you for your roll call, it's a nice way to meet people and get to know one another.


One-armed hugs,

Mary Diane
*cg06

[Mark N]

Mary Diane, it is good to have you join us and sorry to hear about the troubles with the ADs. I take Cymbalta for my neuropathic pain and it does a good job for me along with keeping me pretty level headed. I hope you do better with Prozac as it made my wife suicidal and she had to get off it.

Barb, you do a good job making the rest of us feel better and I hope your new cervical problems get solved soon.

CM, my wife said it in a nice way and I agreed with her. It is difficult with his bipolar disease and his wanting to keep things to himself to know the real extent of his problem. He does show signs of major illness but looks good on the outside. Most of us know how deceiving that can be and I am glad he got to come back home before cancer takes him away from us. Your DH may surprise you and really open up as often we [men] don't feel like society lets us express our concerns. I hope it helps and it makes life better for both of you.

Erin, sorry to hear about your dad and your condition. I understand how hard it is to get it together to file all the paperwork needed to start the process for your SSDI. It doesn't help when our relatives tell us to work and forget our pain. They just don't know how much we would love to work and be rid of all this pain. Hang in there and don't let them get you down.

Kathi, thanks for the PM. Things have gotten a bit better and it was good to see my brother one more time.

[cindybear]

Lisa,
I know, that hole...I try so very hard to stay away from it..If I see I'm geeting close to the edge..I do something drastic...Go spend some money, works for awhile...Get out of the house...But I have often realized that there are people worse off then me..It makes me humble..
"new Erin "- I wrote you a pm..But I feel for you, cause I have a inoperable brain aneurysm...And intractable pain for over 7 years...A very long headache, you could say (actually a very bad 7 year horrible migrainebut worse ) How can a person decribe there head pain, as horrible as it is...The one thing I am thankful for, is all my family is supportive, from my parents, hubby, sisters ,brothers, etcc...I guess, brain aneurysm scares most people..It has my family..It did me...Now It is accepptted as a part of me...As it can not be operated on, at this time...I found my old CTA from 04..It states-aneurymsmal dilatation of the left middle cerebral artery at the origin of the left sylvian fissure. This is situated anteriorly in the middle cranial fossa. Thats the location-exact...It goes to ell about slight progression overall of the size of the ectatic vessels. Then it states there are a few prominent draining veins in the left frontopariatal region..Anyway, I did have a stent placed in 05..but no coils...I had a MRA recently and it states it is patent..Which is very good news..But would not give size cause of the metal causing problems around the stent...But overall, it is happy findings...So I will have MRa's for 2 more years in Jan..and then we will go from there...But the pain is here to stay, and my double vision is just getting worse -n- worse...But I have a great pain docter..And a great NS..So life is good...I can not complain...
Mark, You have been in my prayers...
Suede..You are allways welcomed here...I am glad to hear that your pain is not so bad,,But am worried about your other symptoms..Hugs HUn...
Everyone else..I don't get on hear as much as I would like...But I come here daily and read and know you all are in my thoughts and prayers...
WE also still have 22 inches of white stuff all over the place..And I am wondering where is SPRING...I want to mushroom hunting...I only go in our woods..But it is the most peaceful thing in the world to do this time of year..Did I say how beautiful everything is also...Everything blooming..I think thats what we all need..Get out of hybernation and start enjoying the sun...Hugs, All.., Cindy

[ejskennedy]

Thanks everyone for your support. My dad passed away yesterday, so I'm going to be short.

I appreciate your kind words and encouragement. This is the only place I feel like I'm taken seriously, and though my husband is wonderful, I don't like to burden him with everything I'm going through.

Maybe one day I'll be up to a proper response. :o

Erin in MD

[Cervie Barb]

Sorry about your Dad, ejs. Take care of yourself and talk to us soon.