Ever felt judged by the medical community because of abuse?

[cheyriver]

I am out of my situation now but when I was still with my abusive now exbf there were plenty of times I felt judged or blamed.

I had one doctor tell me "You must enjoy being slapped around." I overheard a nurse say "I get tired of dealing with abuse victims." Even my family doctor (found a new one finally) judged me at times.

They may think their comments are helpful but they are not. You know what.. it only made me feel more hesitant to seek medical help. I would have rather have physical pain compared to judgement. Often my ex wouldn't allow me to seek medical help but there were also times when I had the chance to get help, I didn't. All do to the fear of judgement, blame. Sometimes they didn't have to make comments, I could tell by the looks on their faces.

It's not just the medical field, there are all kinds out there who judge us. Family, friends, and neighbours.

So for those of you out there who are quick to judge and blame, please don't. Victims and survivors need support and care.

Even though I am out of my situation, I continue to have medical problems from the past abuse. To this day sometimes I feel like I am being scrutinized by some medical professionals even if they don't say the words.

[Kashis]

i went through this when I had my back broke I was to afraid to tell I was like 18 or so remember I married at 16 so I was still young I was seeing a doctor for my back and lied didn't tell him I was abused for fear of being judged and just as you didn't trust the medical system but they couldn't figure out how my back was fractured the way it was by my storie I had to break down and tell them finally that my husband threw me up against a car door and the top of my back snapped as it was open and I was bent over the top of it and I was held there in that position and when I got home I got thrown to the floor and again hit the same spot on the closet door anyway back to the doctor because I lied to him he asked why didn't I tell him I said I didn't want to be judged or hurt anymore to scarred so to say he STOPED TREATEMENT immediatly cause I lied to him I asked him what would you have done he told me well take a spoon ful of molasases and it will be all better from that day on I always told I was in an abuse situtation I was sent to psycologists who threatend to take my kids cause I was the abused not to help me but to abuse me some more I felt I finally found a woman doctor who understood the situation and didn't judge me

When I moved to MN I told the doc I was abused and his thereoy was that I was and alcoholic addict looking for attention well you know where that doc went right out the door

and now my new doctor I think he was a blessing in disguise I didn't want to tell him about the abuse but my migraines were getting worse and worse from all the head beatings and I had no choice he didn't judge me he called me a survivor that I was lucky to be alive and did every thing he could to find out what was wrong it was only less then a year after abuse I went to see him I have been with him seven years now he went out of his way to help me and didn't stop till he did and succeeded other docs would have given up he didn't it was him who found the right place to send me to find out I had a complicated brain injury of course I was afraid of all the docs I had to see and be honest with of course who wouldn't be but if I didn't admit it I felt I was letting myself down when I told the docs 40 head injurys well they asked how yah I stuttered a few times then told them but they all helped they didn't judge me my biofeedback dr was the one who found that my mothers voice was a trigger in the brain pain by trying sound therapy to help me and the tones that were simalar to hers were causing some migraines

When I was in the hosp for rehab treatment for chronic pain they tried in group to treat things as a regular injury quite a few times I had to remind them I wasn't the norm hurt at work person they wanted me to keep that hush hush HELL NO I will never hide it again maybe in someways that doc telling me a teaspoon of molasess did me a fav as now I don't care I will be a victim to no one anymore ever again and hope no one else does either if you find a doc that you feel is making fun of or judging you move on someone out there cares and you would think everyone in the medical field would have compassion sometimes if i wonder there abused themselves but never had the guts to admit it the men like be a man and take your punishment and the women to afraid men were raised to take it like a man thats why i put it that way as that how alot of older me grew up the women is a whole different stories

SURVIORS AN VICTIMS GOT BALLS WE CAN ADMIT WE WERE AND ARE ABUSED THOSE WHO JUDGE I THINK CAN"T

[Kashis]

oh ya now when I have to see a new dr and they ask what happen I hand them a list of my head injuries and everything else that happen to me so they read this and have not a moment to judge as that list blows them away Krissi

[Kashis]

I feel anyone who judges us I mean ANYONE needs to take a course on what abuse is I will lay down in there tracks and set them straight I will not allow friends family or anyone take advantage of me again ever and its time we all put them in there places this exists and instead of turning your head and shaking it speak up speak out and stop domeestic violence don't just stop caring or wondering make a difference I can say I did and I am greatful click on my link read the blogs I will do anything I can to make a stop to this awful habit of abuse I am now trying to get on tv shows to get laws changed to get help needed I want no one to ever suffer again no I don't want my 15 min of fame but its time people see abuse the way we do I am just so upset by this topic as it urks me as I know people like this

[cheyriver]

Krissi,

You are a very strong and courageous woman. I am so sorry you had to endure all that abuse and have doctors ill treat you.

I also had one doctor who was there for me, never judged or blamed me. He did everything possible to help both my medical problems and emotional health. Always offered a listening ear. If it wasn't for him I probably wouldnt be here today.

I am starting to become more assertive and realize I shouldn't put up with people who judge and blame. For awhile I didn't care about my health, my injuries from the abuse. I thought if doctors don't want to help me maybe there is no hope. I am realizing now that I have to deal with my health and get the treatment I deserve.

My new family doctor is better compared to the one I no longer go to. I don't know him that well. I did tell him I was abused and he seemed good about it but I am still cautious right now.

[blossom4th]

There are those in the medical field who are abusers and victims of abuse...as well as some who are in the medical field strictly for the prestige and benefits,and then there are those who are compassionate and choose to be educated about issues such as domestic abuse! Unfortunately,we have to 'make tracks' through alot of wrong doors before we find the right one! :rolleyes:


As for people needing to understand what victims of domestic abuse are going
through or have been through;I couldn't agree more!!! :rolleyes: It's so easy to make flippant judgements and comments when you're not the victim and you have no idea what their life is like!!! It's not just the bruises,black eyes and broken bones....oh no!!! :mad: It's everything that is done to break your spirit,your feeling that you can confide in anyone (Thanks Doc! :( );even your judgement in making decisions is messed up!!! :eek:

[cheyriver]

I agree with you blossom. There needs to be more education about abuse. True that some in the medical field are just in it for the money and others really want to help people.

I can relate to breaking your spirit and judgement being messed up. Mine has from years of abuse.

I often have trouble trusting doctors because of past judgement. It takes me awhile to warm up to them. I'm not mean to them but I don't come across as too friendly. Once I feel I can trust them my wall slowly lowers.