Finding Love

[Meikster]

Hi, do you guys find it harder to get a boyfriend/girlfriend with Moebius. A lot of people tend to put a lot of emphasis on appearance and so it might be more difficult. What do you think?

[Sean]

I have to say it depends on the individual. Some care TONS about appearance...some care about the matters inside a person. My wife, a non-Moebian, loves me for who I am. I'm going to say this too, because it's true. There are some people in this world, sadly, that CLAIM to not care about appearance...but once they get a photo of you, or you show up in front of them, they're going to start distancing their self away from you. So be careful. And take it slow. Use your instincts.

[xxx Kac]

Yeah it is harder, why would you even ask such a thing? i mean, its not hard to know when people accept you and when people dont, and its not hard to see what people lyk out of a person and what they think is weird and dont like... it is hard, really hard lol............reallllyyy hard......., but it beats me, i dont care, and i give up... but if u dont want to give up...go ahead and be friend them, then lyk yeah blah blah...what ever else happens after that..if they really lyk u for who u are personality over rules everything bla bla somethn on the lines of that stuff.....alwell, its THEIR LOSS stf all those people who think they are to cool for us, just get a pet, they make good companions right??? cause i want one ...woot....i guess.....y...ay.... -_-

[Hannah Elizabeth]

Yeah, it's alot harder to find someone when you have Moebius. And even if you do find someone who accepts you and wants to be with you, their friends and/or family may not. I was really close to this guy not long ago and he seemed to really like me, but when his mother thought we might be going somewhere, she put a stop to our whole relationship.
But, you know, there's someone out there for all of us. They are just going to be harder to find.

[grace19]

It is much more of a challenge for us. However the reward is sweeter when we do find it because it won't be based on surface things ya know?! I believe that there's someone for everyone. It just might take longer to find them.

[Alice13]

Life is so unfair! We're waiting for someone to see how great we are (not less than other people at least) and to want to save us from sentimental loneliness, but all that they see is that they're not attracted so full stop! Men are said to be "visual creatures", more than women. I don't know if this is true (everyone can be shallow) but they probably decide faster if they're excited by someone or not. And if they're not, there can just be "friendship". This kills me so much. This may be less and less relevant as they grow old. I hope.

[Sean]

but you guys are just down on love when I'm married and there are friends of mine who want me to go out with them while married. lol "Why are you married?" So, I'm gonna say this...it STINKS sometimes to be an uplifting smart open minded helpful generous not too attractive guy like myself.

[Meikster]

All you need is love!

[Alice13]

And understanding! Another song, but as relevant, isn't it?
Being married must be so hard... Someone that bothers you touching you when all you want is to be isolated, away from human warmth to be able to depress as much as you want :).
I know hearing people complaining must be tiring but this is a fairly logical source of disappointment and anxiety!

[equilibrium2006]

Well i suppose it matters more about personality and style. The way you carry yourself, etc. Just because you have moebius syndrome doesnt count you out, however, being a realist - it does lower your chances somewhat, and thats why i concentrate on my strengths and try to keep my condition in the back of my mind.

[Sean]

2006 knows how it should be done!

[Alice13]

Yeah, this is surely the way to go. However, I think that your "personality and style" can be damaged by circumstances, and those "circumstances" (such as poor social integration, sentimental disappointments, additional psychologically or physically hard stuff), vary from one person to another, so there may not be strong people that know how to cope with their problems on one side and weaker that abandon themselves to crying on the other. I'm not saying at all that people that deal very well with Moebius do so because their life is easier than the others' one, be it for the degree at which they're affected or their... I don't know, luck in life, but I think that attributing success to your personality somewhat accuses others of being not strong enough, while no one can see the WHOLE picture of their lives.

Let me please also add that there may be a gender difference. I mean that you know how women are treated, it's all about appearance, this has already been written in another thread, but psychologically, women may grant a stronger importance to finding a partner and suffer from staying single because of their conditioning. I read lots of fairy tales, then watched hundreds of stupid sitcoms or romantic movies. It's all about love, poor girls that find a prince... Yeah I know, toads wait for a kiss too. A girl with Moebius may be more often reminded of her difference when she's with her girl friends. Make up! "Oh, look at my new shiny gloss"... Endless chats about boys, who's going out with whom... How do you want to stop being concerned about it?

[Sean]

both sexes are equally shallow in the area of finding a mate. Boys can be shallow just as much as girls. Boys look for appearance just as much as girls do.

[Alice13]

You may talk slightly less about make up though :).

[equilibrium2006]

Yeah, this is surely the way to go. However, I think that your "personality and style" can be damaged by circumstances, and those "circumstances" (such as poor social integration, sentimental disappointments, additional psychologically or physically hard stuff), vary from one person to another, so there may not be strong people that know how to cope with their problems on one side and weaker that abandon themselves to crying on the other. I'm not saying at all that people that deal very well with Moebius do so because their life is easier than the others' one, be it for the degree at which they're affected or their... I don't know, luck in life, but I think that attributing success to your personality somewhat accuses others of being not strong enough, while no one can see the WHOLE picture of their lives.

Let me please also add that there may be a gender difference. I mean that you know how women are treated, it's all about appearance, this has already been written in another thread, but psychologically, women may grant a stronger importance to finding a partner and suffer from staying single because of their conditioning. I read lots of fairy tales, then watched hundreds of stupid sitcoms or romantic movies. It's all about love, poor girls that find a prince... Yeah I know, toads wait for a kiss too. A girl with Moebius may be more often reminded of her difference when she's with her girl friends. Make up! "Oh, look at my new shiny gloss"... Endless chats about boys, who's going out with whom... How do you want to stop being concerned about it?

Although you made a pretty good point, its easier to make excuses rather then fix the problem. What do you expect? Just to walk up to someone hold out your hand and say "Want to be my mate?" and things will go down? No there will be hard work involved. Though some will have to work harder then others..

[Alice13]

Well I personally might try this approach if I had a proper hand to hold out. It might work, you never know!
Hard work is fun but sometimes rather... hard. But all of this does not lack of interesting psychological depth, huh?

[amancalledalex]

Hi!

I'm single and have been for three years but it doesn't really bother me much anymore. If people go on what I look like it's really up to them. I'm actually a member of a social group for disabled people called Outsiders here in the UK so we'll have to see what that brings.

To be honest I love my own space and I'm not 100% sure if I'd want to share my space with anyone else........

I just think this is a real issue not just for disabled people but for a lot of people who have real difficulty finding that special person......

[equilibrium2006]

Well I personally might try this approach if I had a proper hand to hold out. It might work, you never know!
Hard work is fun but sometimes rather... hard. But all of this does not lack of interesting psychological depth, huh?


I suppose so.. since we are way off track of subject i have to ask. You seem so pessimistic and bitter in your posts in this topic. Perhaps you gotta story or two to get off your chest?

[Alice13]

The one where I seduce a gay or the one where I try to joke in front of someone that feels the need to explain to me what he meant, slower? Lol. I'm sorry I put bitterness here. I'm new to these get togethers of Moeblitians (why not) and glad to see my anxieties are shared but I agree that as relieving and comforting all of this may be, writing two lines messages of pure "this is too hard" is not very constructive.
In fact I've gone through a big depressive period probably due to loneliness, exhaustion and, (let's go back to the subject) sentimental disappointments, and am still easily brought down, so that is why I do tend to be bitter and pessimistic. I more or less realized that I was handicapped (I've never played the "game" of handicap, no specialized school, no group, nothing), and made a long introspection to study all that came with it, putting words on more and more things, and depressing hugely of lacking of... tools to seduce the men I fall in love with. I did not do it just for the pleasure of suffering and enjoying crying on my fate, it was compulsive. Like you're running, then things don't go the way you'd like them to, then there's too much and then you crash.
What's terrible is that this is the best way to miss opportunities, to let time go by without doing much of it! (well, yes, hard work inside)
So that's why I ask for compassion for depressed fellows... because I think I understand!

[Ponygirl]

What, exactly, is Moebius?? :eek:Please, noOne feel, like, you NEED to
reply to this!:) I was just, wondering, if, someone wouldn't mind,
sharing??:)

Phyllis

[equilibrium2006]

What, exactly, is Moebius?? :eek:Please, noOne feel, like, you NEED to
reply to this!:) I was just, wondering, if, someone wouldn't mind,
sharing??:)

Phyllis

1. Google is a powerful tool if used wisely.

2. Easy on the emoticons.

3. Mobius Syndrome in short has something to do with paralysis of the face and hinders development.. if developed at all.. of some of the cranial nerves which control movement/balance..etc.

[Ponygirl]

For taking the time to reply!

Phyllis

[mark92]

yeah, it can be harder..i'm 18, still in high school, but i've gone on tons of dates. sure, never kissed a girl. they were friend dates, but the fact is that those people saw who i was inside.

[Ponygirl]

:)Apparently, they were very special & few and far, between!!

Phyllis

[xxx Kac]

people are freakn shallow....who ever has meobuis be prepared to live a sh1t life emotional...[not sayin ul live a sh1t life] but just in case toughen yourself up until words dont hurt u as much as they once did...
just casue i hadd meobuis, the other day this guy yelled at me you dog. I was thinking..how can a man sl_t possibly call me a dog?
=_=

[Feelrich]

My daughter is 13 and trying to deal with all of these issues. I sometimes am at a loss to help other than to listen to her vent. She has already experience boys willing to be "steady" with her friends that have less appealing qualites than she does, and she believes it is directly related to her differences.

I am hopeful that after high school she will see a shift in these attitudes and may be able to find someone who cares for her because of who she is and not avoid her because of the differences. That is at least what I am telling her. I don't want her to lose hope at this young age.

[xxx Kac]

I think to me, at the age of 13, it was the suddern realization that i was different from everyone else...then I restrained myself from going out, making friends, showing any interest in anything for about 5 years? then here I am now, I'm getting use to it now, although its not privilage... I think your daughter is just realising all this stuff now, its going to be hard for her, it truely is...but she has to learn how cruewl people are, and how left out she feels to be able to truely get in touch with herself and be able to sort out her feelings.

To become stable first you have to be unstable.

X D

[equilibrium2006]

My daughter is 13 and trying to deal with all of these issues. I sometimes am at a loss to help other than to listen to her vent. She has already experience boys willing to be "steady" with her friends that have less appealing qualites than she does, and she believes it is directly related to her differences.

I am hopeful that after high school she will see a shift in these attitudes and may be able to find someone who cares for her because of who she is and not avoid her because of the differences. That is at least what I am telling her. I don't want her to lose hope at this young age.

Yeah.. puberty sucks. I guess all you can do is talk to her.. or atleast try anyways. I have faith in her, she should be alright if she has close friends, but hey, even "normal" people can get stuck in groups where they are the only one single.

[Sean]

Kac, I think your opinions are rather pessimistic. Maybe if you look at life a little brighter than u do at the moment, you'd experience better things. I think people who are down & out bout life, don't get far in it.

[equilibrium2006]

Kac, I think your opinions are rather pessimistic. Maybe if you look at life a little brighter than u do at the moment, you'd experience better things. I think people who are down & out bout life, don't get far in it.

Word, there seems to be a lot of pessimistic people on this board trying to throw around advice.. i am kind of having a hard time not talking ****, its pretty frustrating actually.

[equilibrium2006]

while i am ranting, is there anyone who is pissed off as much as I am knowing that this years NBA finals is the Celtics/Lakers? I wouldve rather seen a Pistons/Spurs rematch but whatever. Just give Kobe his one ring without Shaq and let the lakers suck again.. please.