Pattylyn
03-02-2008, 01:28 PM
Dear Forum Friends,
The past few months the symptoms that started approx 2 years ago, numbness in my left toes, has progressed immensely, causing me much distress. Constant fears run through my mind, thoughts of "what is truly wrong" Distress from the "pain." Pain that leads to loss of sleep. Distress from the several doctors different opinions, tests, and therapies. All of the above is wearing me down, and I am finding it hard to keep on track and stay on top of it all, finding a answer, if there is one. It seems as though a diagnose must be somewhere, but why does it have to be so complex. Frustration comes to me, I want doctors to care, to put it together for me, why am I looking things up, asking for certain tests, why why!!
Along with this strange disorder I suffer from migraines, and when I "diet" my gallbladder acts up, I have had severe palpitations, and a doctor stated that it was due to my vagus nerve acts up at times. Whats with my nerves anyway?
In the past year I have had several life changes, and other medical problems.
My daughter, (only child) got engaged, I started walking the treadmill to get into shape, wanting to look nice for her wedding, in doing so, injured my heals from walking to harshly, and ended up needing PT for my feet.
My daughter married young, age 23, very she is very happy, but she moved 50 miles away, and I miss her very much, we live in WNY, much snow in our neck of the woods. :D My daughter also lives in the mountains, making it even harder to drive to see each other.
After she moved I did not continue going to the church that we always attended together, so I miss going to church too, my husband does not go to church.
My husband and I decided to buy snowmobiles, since our winters are so snowy, and we could ride in the mountains near our daughter and her husband. Due to circumstance I will mention below, it has been difficult for us to be able to enjoy them.
My husband was caught up in the WNY auto ordeal, and took early an early retirement, causing us much financial stress, and also depression for him, he is now working one day a week for a friend, but he is drastically getting more and more angry, depressed, and its been very hard. We have been married 26 years.
Sadly my dad passed away,:( after an illness and major surgery. It has been very hard on my elderly mother, she is 83 and lives alone, 25 miles away from my husband and I. She is in not in the best of health, diabetes, and severe arthritis, although she maintains healthy weight, walks at the mall, and has all her Witt's about her, we are mainly the soul care givers for her, my siblings and all other relatives live out of state.
This has been a drastic change for me, going back and forth to her home, doing her shopping, laundry, taking her to appts., and for rides to get her out ,when I do not feel good myself. She is active in church groups, and has good neighbors since she has lived in her home in a suburban area for over 50 years.
Adding to my hardship, I had an excellent county job as a social worker for years, and during my fathers illness the agency I worked for director retired, and the new director, was saying it kindly, a very cruel, sick lady. She made things so difficult for me while my father was in the hospital, trying to purposely upset me and make things hard on me. Then she had the nerve to send me a letter while I was off on bereavement telling me not to come back. The entire ordeal made me sick.
I sought out legal advice, but the cost to fight the situation was costly, then possibly the result being, getting my job back and working with her, I decided to not fight, and I did not go back.
Now money was an issue, since both my husband I were not making the income we were a custom too, with a wedding to pay off, our daughter's college, and so on, you get the picture.
In March we helped a friend of ours who had a cleaning business. While stripping floors I tour ligaments in my shoulder, and needed PT for 6 months, I still have pain with the shoulder, so have to be consecrative with it. That is why its hard for me to help my mother, all the things I do for her, I try not to do at my home, and have my husband do it, such as lifting and so on.. but I don't want to make my mom feel badly, so I just do not mention to her that I am not well.
The numbness in the back of my legs started one year ago, although I already had numbness and pain in the left foot for over a year. I thought the pain was due to gaining weight, so I started walking a mile a day. All was well, and I started to lose weight, the numbness did not let up though, but.....then I broke my ankle walking the path on our back property, and ended up in a cast the summer months, and gained the weight back.
Come Sept. I started a new job, working with severely behavioral teens, as a teachers assistant, totally different line of work for me. I did not like the job at all, I started feeling very light headed during work, my ankle still bothered me and I had to walk a lot at this job. Daily I started feeling anxious. I was asked to resign, due to anxiety.
Again this was a very stressful ordeal, knowing my rights, I knew I could not be asked to leave a position due to anxiety, so they transferred me to a different location. Now I work with mentally challenged students, still stressful, learning a new job, but better than the last school.
This year I have seen doctors, some knowing my unfortunate situations brush of my symptoms all as "nerves"" due to situation. Hey that could be funny if I was not so depressed, couldn't it?:)
However, my symptoms started before my unfortunate situations, so I do not credit their opinions about my PN, or pinched nerve, or what ever it is due to stressful situations.
True. I am an anxious person in nature, so it appears to lead doctors to believe that part of my symptoms are due to anxiety, and they don't take me seriously, beat around the bush, want me to take sedatives, anti-depressants, and are not excepting that I have some sort of neurological thing going on!
I am not stating that I do not have other "issues" that contribute to me not feeling better, such as a severe "Phobia" to medicine, and I do tend to obsess over things.
My husband and I have gone riding on our snowmobiles a few times this winter, but I pay the price after, my shoulder bothers me, and if I do indeed have a pinched nerve in my back, Hummm, I wonder if it aggravates that too. DARN, it makes me angry!
During the day my symptoms are with me, but the business of the day, being at work, may distract me from the annoying symptoms. I take aspirin and Tylenol each day.
Early evening when I settle down, the haunting symptoms come to haunt me, the extreme sharp stabbing pains in my feet start, then tingling and burning, then I truly remember, "Oh gosh I have something wrong!"
Once in a while I have a day that I amazingly feel "ok." On these days, I notice I am so optimistic, happy, motivated, and feel "normal."
Trying to stay mentally and physically able to carry on daily, has been very difficult, my symptoms appear to be getting worse, and the disorder so complex, I am scared, and feel at times I just don't know what to do.
Thanks for reading my post.:D
Patty
The past few months the symptoms that started approx 2 years ago, numbness in my left toes, has progressed immensely, causing me much distress. Constant fears run through my mind, thoughts of "what is truly wrong" Distress from the "pain." Pain that leads to loss of sleep. Distress from the several doctors different opinions, tests, and therapies. All of the above is wearing me down, and I am finding it hard to keep on track and stay on top of it all, finding a answer, if there is one. It seems as though a diagnose must be somewhere, but why does it have to be so complex. Frustration comes to me, I want doctors to care, to put it together for me, why am I looking things up, asking for certain tests, why why!!
Along with this strange disorder I suffer from migraines, and when I "diet" my gallbladder acts up, I have had severe palpitations, and a doctor stated that it was due to my vagus nerve acts up at times. Whats with my nerves anyway?
In the past year I have had several life changes, and other medical problems.
My daughter, (only child) got engaged, I started walking the treadmill to get into shape, wanting to look nice for her wedding, in doing so, injured my heals from walking to harshly, and ended up needing PT for my feet.
My daughter married young, age 23, very she is very happy, but she moved 50 miles away, and I miss her very much, we live in WNY, much snow in our neck of the woods. :D My daughter also lives in the mountains, making it even harder to drive to see each other.
After she moved I did not continue going to the church that we always attended together, so I miss going to church too, my husband does not go to church.
My husband and I decided to buy snowmobiles, since our winters are so snowy, and we could ride in the mountains near our daughter and her husband. Due to circumstance I will mention below, it has been difficult for us to be able to enjoy them.
My husband was caught up in the WNY auto ordeal, and took early an early retirement, causing us much financial stress, and also depression for him, he is now working one day a week for a friend, but he is drastically getting more and more angry, depressed, and its been very hard. We have been married 26 years.
Sadly my dad passed away,:( after an illness and major surgery. It has been very hard on my elderly mother, she is 83 and lives alone, 25 miles away from my husband and I. She is in not in the best of health, diabetes, and severe arthritis, although she maintains healthy weight, walks at the mall, and has all her Witt's about her, we are mainly the soul care givers for her, my siblings and all other relatives live out of state.
This has been a drastic change for me, going back and forth to her home, doing her shopping, laundry, taking her to appts., and for rides to get her out ,when I do not feel good myself. She is active in church groups, and has good neighbors since she has lived in her home in a suburban area for over 50 years.
Adding to my hardship, I had an excellent county job as a social worker for years, and during my fathers illness the agency I worked for director retired, and the new director, was saying it kindly, a very cruel, sick lady. She made things so difficult for me while my father was in the hospital, trying to purposely upset me and make things hard on me. Then she had the nerve to send me a letter while I was off on bereavement telling me not to come back. The entire ordeal made me sick.
I sought out legal advice, but the cost to fight the situation was costly, then possibly the result being, getting my job back and working with her, I decided to not fight, and I did not go back.
Now money was an issue, since both my husband I were not making the income we were a custom too, with a wedding to pay off, our daughter's college, and so on, you get the picture.
In March we helped a friend of ours who had a cleaning business. While stripping floors I tour ligaments in my shoulder, and needed PT for 6 months, I still have pain with the shoulder, so have to be consecrative with it. That is why its hard for me to help my mother, all the things I do for her, I try not to do at my home, and have my husband do it, such as lifting and so on.. but I don't want to make my mom feel badly, so I just do not mention to her that I am not well.
The numbness in the back of my legs started one year ago, although I already had numbness and pain in the left foot for over a year. I thought the pain was due to gaining weight, so I started walking a mile a day. All was well, and I started to lose weight, the numbness did not let up though, but.....then I broke my ankle walking the path on our back property, and ended up in a cast the summer months, and gained the weight back.
Come Sept. I started a new job, working with severely behavioral teens, as a teachers assistant, totally different line of work for me. I did not like the job at all, I started feeling very light headed during work, my ankle still bothered me and I had to walk a lot at this job. Daily I started feeling anxious. I was asked to resign, due to anxiety.
Again this was a very stressful ordeal, knowing my rights, I knew I could not be asked to leave a position due to anxiety, so they transferred me to a different location. Now I work with mentally challenged students, still stressful, learning a new job, but better than the last school.
This year I have seen doctors, some knowing my unfortunate situations brush of my symptoms all as "nerves"" due to situation. Hey that could be funny if I was not so depressed, couldn't it?:)
However, my symptoms started before my unfortunate situations, so I do not credit their opinions about my PN, or pinched nerve, or what ever it is due to stressful situations.
True. I am an anxious person in nature, so it appears to lead doctors to believe that part of my symptoms are due to anxiety, and they don't take me seriously, beat around the bush, want me to take sedatives, anti-depressants, and are not excepting that I have some sort of neurological thing going on!
I am not stating that I do not have other "issues" that contribute to me not feeling better, such as a severe "Phobia" to medicine, and I do tend to obsess over things.
My husband and I have gone riding on our snowmobiles a few times this winter, but I pay the price after, my shoulder bothers me, and if I do indeed have a pinched nerve in my back, Hummm, I wonder if it aggravates that too. DARN, it makes me angry!
During the day my symptoms are with me, but the business of the day, being at work, may distract me from the annoying symptoms. I take aspirin and Tylenol each day.
Early evening when I settle down, the haunting symptoms come to haunt me, the extreme sharp stabbing pains in my feet start, then tingling and burning, then I truly remember, "Oh gosh I have something wrong!"
Once in a while I have a day that I amazingly feel "ok." On these days, I notice I am so optimistic, happy, motivated, and feel "normal."
Trying to stay mentally and physically able to carry on daily, has been very difficult, my symptoms appear to be getting worse, and the disorder so complex, I am scared, and feel at times I just don't know what to do.
Thanks for reading my post.:D
Patty