What Can We Do?

[chkonwhls]

My fiance's grandmother is 90 years old. For the most part she does pretty good considering her age, however, over the past few months we've noticed some abnormal mental issues going on with her. She thinks that people on the television can see in her house. She has this constant paranoia that there is something physically wrong with her grandson, when we have told her many times that he is fine. Most of what we are seeing would probably come under the heading of dementia, but here's the problem. Since she doesn't think she has a problem, she refuses to go to the doctor and be tested. I know that as long is she is in her right might at least most of the time, we cannot force her to go get checked, but what else can we do?

[suede]

Hi,
I read an article the other day about this.

http://www.johnshopkinshealthalerts.com/alerts/memory/JohnsHopkinsHealthAlertsMemory_1437-1.html?ET=johnshopkins:e4483:179436a:&st=email&st=email&s=W3R_080216_005

If you follow some of the links on this site it hopefully will be helpful in getting answers for you.

Good Luck,
Linda

[Daisy]

If you have a senior center or agency for seniors in the City/town she lives in I'd call them and find out if there is a senior social worker assigned to your city/town or the county, etc. We found invaluable resources in working with the local senior social worker in finding resources to help our Gram and it even helped us later in going out of state to connect with a counter part to help my father get resources he needed.

One of the things we realized is it is often hard for the person we love to hear from people they consider to be their children or grandchildren that they have issues that need to be addressed. Having a third party who can intervene and try to help the family to negotiate issues like whether to see the doctor, etc. helps insure the right of the elderly person to be protected from undue interference and helps the caring family members also to make sure the person has access to the services and help they really need.

[Buttons2]

Well you didn't mention other family members. Are you & the grandson the only ones around? How is her physical health? Does she have a social life? Are there neighbors to keep an eye on her? Does she live alone?

I'm tending to think that at the age of 90 she should be left alone,if she wants to see a doctor let her make that choice. As long as she's not in danger what will a doctor do for her anyway? So she repeats stuff,I bet you will too if you live that long! She sees the TV as reality? Well so do many young kids!On the other hand,if she's becomes afraid of the TV & it upsets her,that's another issue.

Is she taking any medication? Does she have any thyroid issues? Thyroid desease can cause dementia & paranoia if not treated properly.She most likely doesn't eat enough at her age to get all the nutrients her body needs,she might be encouraged to have her B12 level checked. Her brain still needs food to keep the mind going as it should. And some medications can cause harm to the brain cells.

I want to welcome you to BT. You might benefit from posting on other forums wherever you feel is appropriate.

Also the more information you provide the better we can get a picture of the entire situation. I've learned from my own mother's increasing dementia to let it go,she's not alone however, so each circumstance is different! I got a big dose of reality when I tried to intervene.......basically was told to mind my own business! We have to aboveall show respect for the elderly,as long as they are capable of making decisions about their own life,we need to back off.

This is just my 2 cents, wishing you well,Buttons

[Daisy]

I would say it is worth researching your options. One thing we discovered as Gram progressed is when something needs to be done without help it is often too late to be starting the process.

My Gram lived until her late 90's in her own apartment. As time progressed we added services from visting nurse, coordinated through the hospital's social worker program, to meals on wheels, home health, etc. I truly wish we had known we had other people to talk to about her options because when she really needed more care and was turning away the home health people we were waiting and waiting for the lists we had put her on to come through, she was two years out on all of them. We found out later we could have gotten help years earlier in having the social worker coordinate her services and check in to make sure she was getting them, etc. We both lived about an hour away from her and she often wasn't letting the people in or sent them home because she wanted them to be home with their children, etc.

Had we been working with the social worker her quality of care would have been higher and they were really helpful when we did have to make a move. We had a placement in a few days not 2 years like we were being told.

So it's worth doing your research even if you don't access the services now. You'll know what's available and how to get there when you need to.

[chkonwhls]

Thank you all for all your responses and useful information. Grandma lives with us. I am her grandson's fiance. She lives with he and I. She is on several blood pressure meds. Both of her grandsons promised their mom before she passed away in 2003 that they would never put grandma in a nursing home. Grandma doesn't trust anybody but Steve and I and Steve's brother Ron. She eats fairly well for someone her age, and I am in charge of making sure that she takes her meds, so we don't think it's that. The problem is that we think from what we've researched that she is having TIA's. (mini strokes) but she won't let us take her for tests.

[Daisy]

I would still consult with the social worker to find out if she has any ideas about how to proceed. I found when we talked to Gram she was having none of it, when someone outside spoke to her she'd consider it. It isn't a bad idea to find out what options are available. As far as a nursing home goes there is lots of help available long before you get to a nursing home and it's important to know what there is before you need it.

[Buttons2]

Daisy has provided some excellent info. I agree with her,be prepared. As for the promise to never put gram in a NH,that's a promise that might be impossible to keep & everyone should face that reality.

Question: how does she get her RX's if she refuses to see a doctor? She has to have blood tests taken right? You might consider calling her doc,explaining your concerns,and suggesting an early appointment to have the next blood tests (unless of course she's sharp enough to know this might be "trick" to get her to the doc. Just an idea!

Good luck

[chkonwhls]

Grandma knows that she has to go to the doctor at least every 6 months and have her blood pressure checked and let her doctor sign for her new meds. Other than that though, she won't go for tests of any kind. She was supposed to have a blood test done when she became a new patient for the doctor she is currently going to, but she never went.

[Buttons2]

OK, since she lives with you,might try explaining that you feel responsible for her well being. And to ease YOUR mind, ask her to let the blood tests be taken. All her meds will have to pass through her kidneys or her liver. Meds can sometimes do damage,that's why it's so important she has those tests every 6 mos. Bribe her if you have to!And she needs to be taking B12,it might help with her paranoia & memory. We have an excellent vitamin forum here,check out the proper use of B12.

I didn't read those links provided for you but I'm assuming they have suggestions on how to help her?

also, you should be checking her BP either at home or at a pharmacy,far more often than just every 6 mos at the doc! Didn't you say she's on 3 meds for that? Mind letting us know what the meds are? I do have some experience with that. Lisinopril seems to be prescribed alot,is she on that? And one must be a diuretic I'm thinking? What was her last reading? It should be 140/70,a lower tope number is even better-130. Does she consume alot of sodium? Such as canned food,especially soup. Very high in sodium!!

[chkonwhls]

We don't phyically see her check her BP, but supposedly she checks in at least every other day. She was on Lisinopril, but her doctor took her off of it because it was causing her to cough. She is on Atenolol and Cartia for blood pressure. She takes a water pill and Ibuprofen to keep down the swelling in her legs. She also takes an Ecotrin every night before bed so she wont get a headache. She is extremely careful about her sodium. So much sometimes to the point that we can't find anything she'll eat.

[Buttons2]

I'm not familiar with Cartia so can't comment on that. Her doc gets a plus from me for taking her off the Lisinopril,many docs refuse to switch even when the coughing is horrendous!

Low sodium diet is very difficult,I know cause I'm trying to do it myself.

How is her mobility? Can she walk for exercise?

And I have to wonder how she checks her own blood pressure? I sure can't do it myself & I'm alot younger than she is.Maybe she has a different kind of machine? I suggest you borrow her machine to try it on yourself,let her help you......kinda a tricky way to find out if indeed she's doing it. Then you can ask to "practice" on her.

My grandfather lived to 96,never sick,walked 1-2 miles everyday. Doc put him on BP meds,he died in his sleep within a few weeks,and he claimed those pills made him "wacky". This has always stuck in my mind. I thought Atenolol was for gout? My housemate takes that also. All these drugs have me confused!

Good luck to you,and hope your gram is OK.

[chkonwhls]

Grandma walks with a cane and has an electronic BP machine.