The Hardest thing I ever did

[Kashis]

http://www.myspace.com/speakupspeakoutstopdv

go to myspace.com you shouldn't have to sign up at all and look for this link if you can't find it use the email address kashisart@comcast.net and search for me there will be a blue ribbon like the one in my avatar

It was tough I cried as I did the whole thing but I did it and there is still more to come I don't want to say hope you enjoy it but I do want to say I hope your as touched as I was doing it This has helped me heal more then I know and brought back more memories then you will ever now alot of pain but so much relief please take the time to look at all of it

and as I promised none of you are mentioned at all

[Kashis]

just click the link and it should take you right to the page

[CrystalSword]

Awesome page! I cried all the way through it, it brought back those memories, but now I have a husband who treats me like gold, in 20 years he has never raised a hand to me.

Thank you

[tic chick]

krissi...

it truly is an awesome page! you did a GREAT job on it!

your poems are really heartbreaking. as a survivor of child abuse, i know NO ONE has the right to leave marks on your body and your soul.

the loss of one's potential will never be known, but, you have come out of this stronger and you know you can overcome anything now.

stay strong,
jeannie

[Kashis]

I made a mistake as far as the ribbion its suppose to be purple and black I went purple and white on the page but the blue and white is child abuse so I will leave that on too and add the new one I feel so bad

I am glad you all loved the page and its growing I started it yesterday and already have 27 memebers it was tough but helped me heal even more so I am really proud of me for my accomplishment I have made changes to it now you can read the words better and its all purple

I just want to raise awareness and this is my way of doing this and its working the hardest part was watching the videos and remided me of what was and what still is for others and I hope all check the page out
to see there are people who care and much more will be added
its a one day at a time thing and hours of work

I made the page from scratch including the backround its all me I didn't add that to the layout page as I want to keep that mine kinda like my own kreation so to say is that selfish there are dv pages but there all black and purple and I want to spread awareness I know it has a dark side but if you get help an become a suvivor it also has a bright side so to say

I am having a awful day I don't know why just one of them days

[tic chick]

sorry you are having a bad day krissi.

sometimes when you start talking about your abuse, and you relive it and cry over it, you get an empty feeling after you do that. to me it was asking myself, "how many more times do i have to relive this before i can forget it?"

then i realized that i will never forget it. but each time i cried about it, some of the pain and anger went away with the tears. you have to fill that empty spot with something positive. doing the page will help you fill that spot.

do something that pleases YOU each day. it helps you validate yourself as a normal person who likes certain things. abuse can strip your identity. it's a long hourney back to finding out who you are, but it's so worth it.

take care of yourself*smallrose,
jeannie

[Kashis]

That page was the best thing I ever did for me I can honestly say that i felt so good inside its finished now so if you go back you will see my finished work things changed and were added and I think I did an awesome job and hoping to help others by what I did now I have to get different links and such things like that support groups like here but won't tell any of our posts that is a promise but want to let people know there are support groups to go to where people won't know who you are and you can talk just as we do and if your on the page and click on pics you can see who I am my face with a name I am happy to say that why because I am a survivor and a survivor needs a face so to say LOL so hope you go back not to reread or nothing but just to look at the change

I tried doing the purple ribbon and once again having a hard time can't even paste it to her tried that but I will keep trying I don't want to put the link on as its giving half of a ribbon so that don't help and as I said blue is for child abuse and I was abused as a child so that will do for now till I can figure things out thanks for all the support

That empty feeling has went away now that I am finished and I added more songs to including bag pipes playing amazing grace for those that were lost to dv also a saying by the candle and another candle so lots more to see

if you have myspace add yourself the more the merrier so to say if not you can always sign up and again can remain annoymos as no one would ever know your from the group here unless you mention it so its late so must go to bed my babysitter is coming early tomorrow as I am alone till 3 so has to be set up till I go to doc on the 19th
I know its for my safety but sure can drive one bonkers Hugs Krissi

[Kashis]

The page is growing bigger everyday and awareness is being spread lots of changes and lots of celebrities helping me out on this one so I am really happy about this as I have always said I wanted to make a difference and I think this way I truely am the awarness is really being raised and I feel really good about that as I needed to do something

please check back on the page every once in awhile to see what is newly added I started it 4 days ago and I have 59 friends joined that is almost more then what is on my brain injury page and I have had that forever so I am really greatful to be able to help others this way at least

its been along journey for me and this page has really helped me to look back and move on more then ever there is one video that is hard to watch it is the girl with the coffee pot if you get a chance to watch this one I jump to this day still as I was once that girl so it really gets to me

I had a hard time watching the videos but yesterday a friend sat down with me and watched with me so I could get through them all and I was greatful as most I watched half way those are tough on anyone who is abused or was abused but really shows what happens

thanks all my friends here for inspiring me to make a differernce Hugs Krissi

[tic chick]

wow!

you are really becoming a positive force to get more people aware of domestic violence.

i think a lot of women are ashamed to admit they were abused, because people say, "why didn't you just leave?", and make it sound like it was the woman's fault for staying and taking it. they don't understand the fear of being alone or worrying if you are going to have shelter or even the lack of self-esteem that an abused woman feels after abuse.

keep spreading your message. you have a story of hope to tell.

hope today is a good day,*smallheart
jeannie

there is another song about domestic violence if you want more music to add to your playlist on your website. it's called, "never again" and it's by nickelback. it's a rock tempo. you can check out the lyrics at http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/nickelback/neveragain.html if you're interested. *smallrose

[Kashis]

the video with the words show the reason why a woman don't leave as I wanted to make sure them facts were known and in my blog I think there is one addresing that issue if not I will get one

I had a new poem going through my head today then fell asleep before I wrote it down and well now its gone so that stinks as it was a good one

I will look up that song and see if I can get it for the page notice amazing grace bag pipes is on there for those who have died from dv I put it at the end for when you get to the lit candle at the end of the page

I did add the sight to my signature too as they wouldn't let me have both so I had to choose the ribbon or the sight so that stunk

oh shoot did quick reply and forgot all of your message so I will end on that note I am sorry but the brain damage does this to me alot and it really gets frustrating thats why sometimes you see like 3 posts from me in a row cause of that

[Kashis]

I did love the song I am afraid if I add it though it may spread the word of shooting your abuser and stopping it and then again we suffer as much as I would love to but I will add nickelback to the page

I really loved they lyrics but again afraid of someone taking things in there own hands and living a life sentence for taking a life I just watched a storie on tv of someone who did this couldn't take it no more she kept calling police and they did nothing he broke his restraining order she let him in things were calm and she shot him

she is now serving a life sentence when she is the victim so it stinks as in my eyes it was self defence I am hoping nickelback has that on there page or I will request they add it

I feel so bad as the lyrics are awesome thanks hun Krissi

[Kashis]

I even watched the video hoping I could put that on the page but there in concert instead of the video showing just what there talking about instead of a concert cause I could have added the video but I did add them to the page

[tic chick]

hey krissi *bunch

i'm up kinda late catching up on stuff.

i found this video on you tube that plays "never again" in the background and shows pictures of domestic violence and has facts about domestic violence and the number of women it affects. it also shows how a man can control a woman many ways while abusing her, like controlling who she sees, making her ask for money, etc. check out the video here: http://youtube.com/watch?v=8-1SZEGCRBI

i agree that killing your abuser is also violence. but, i also think if the situation is that he's going to kill you or any of your children, you have the right to protect yourself.

that's why it's so important to support women who want to leave the abuser with shelters and protection for them and their children.

i understand about your problems and don't worry about how many times you post. i'm just glad you do *smallrose.

goodnight,
jeannie

[Kashis]

in just 5 days now I have 88 members thats 88 people that care and want to help us survive I now know I did the right thing and will continue my mission to speak up speak out and help stop domestic violence and who knows someday just might change the laws that after there first offence they sit and rot in jail for a long time to learn a lesson and if they get out and hurt again they will sit for life thats my goal next give me time I am on a mission to stop DV dead in its tracks Hugs

[Kashis]

the video is now posted on the page thanks tic chick for the help I appreciate it as like I said I am on a mission to stop the war and make the consequences for abusers alot worse then they are thats the only way to stop it I am in the mode if the victim is to scared to press charges it will be a law that either you do or we do that was the option I had and I want that to be an option for all not just looking the other way were going to win this war one way or another its my biggest goal in life until the day I die and never by the hand of an abuser Hugs

[tic chick]

hey krissi!

just checked out your updated page. looks really great!

yeah. i feel sorry for the kids who see domestic violence, too. they are likely to think it's normal and another generation of abusers and victims goes on.

also, the kids who take a hit for mom, cause they can't stand her being hit anymore and think diverting attention to them will make it stop.

it's all so sad, krissi.
jeannie

[Kashis]

wow we so thing alike as soon as my new friends can be found with just a click then I will add more blogs and one is on kids and I can't belive what I put mine through with them having to hear and watch and what they lived to see but in due time its such a big project and with my brain injury well its tough to do to many things at once but I still feel I am making a difference so this is my goal well not really but for now new poems to come new stories and a special sight where those that are ready to tell what happen have a spot for there stories and then of course I want a survivior wall so to say where people can add there names

I also want a wall for those who passed to abuse so yes my brain is flowing but once I start something I have to do something else but I can do it I know I can so there is lots to come I looked this morning and there were 99 people which is more then there is on my kristinas kreations sight but I have no ****** on that one so it makes a difference

Thanks as I am so happy you seen it and have really enjoyed my efforts and support me all the way

[Kashis]

The page is growing big and raising awareness I am doing you can check out the new blogs some on my goal some on what children think and go through and I am adding more and more as I continue to heal making this page

[Kashis]

FOR THOSE THAT HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING THE PAGE I HAVE ADDED ALOT MORE TO THIS SIGHT AND TO THAT ONE SOME THE SAME AND SOME DIFFERENT I will do all I can to contiune the fight against domestic violence and the only way to make it stop I feel is spreading awareness information and to show people care

[Kashis]

The page has grown again please keep watching it My goal is to make sure everyone knows someone out there cares knows have been there and some still are there I feel I am making a differnece

[Kashis]

I posted another new blog about when I wanted help and there was none the cops looked the other way and my opinion on this 18 yrs later

[Kashis]

I am posting angel wings for those who have passed from domestic violence and if you know of someone please I will be honored to put wings on the page for those who suffered as there heros they took it till the end and deserve to be noticed that there going to make a difference from there suffereing I don't know if that was the right wording but I am putting up memorials I will cry for each and everyone and pray for them too and there familys DOMESTIC VIOLENCE MUST BE STOPPED Hugs Krissi :(

[Kashis]

another set of angel wings have went up for someone who passed at the hands of an abuser this is so sad and I know more are coming I have shed tears everytime I have to do this it has to stop there must be away Krissi

[Kashis]

9 more sets of wings have been added to the page to the dv page and some are children shot in a park while being traded over to the other spouse its getting harder and harder but something i must keep doing

[Kashis]

I will be posting another 50 more angel wings on the page of those who died from dv some are children thats the even harder part how children get caught in the cross fire of dv its time to teach kids its ok to tell there are future they can make a differnence in the future teach them 911 to hide and call stop the cycle you know its wrong but are scarred children are also scarred and scared we must put them out of the cycle I am fighting hard to get laws changed but there are so many dying already from this I am glad to be a survivor and each wing means something different to me every beating every angel that was there to keep me alive to make it this far

Victims its ok to get help get out even though were strangers I don't want the next set of wings I put on my page to be yours Hugs

[cheyriver]

Krissi,

I admire you for your courage and determination to stop abuse. As a victim myself I feel the same way you do.

Sadly a young woman passed away earlier this week at the hands of her common in law husband in the city I live. She was beaten to death. Her young child is now being looked after by her parents. If you could please post another set of angel wings in I would be grateful.

[Kashis]

Krissi,

I admire you for your courage and determination to stop abuse. As a victim myself I feel the same way you do.

Sadly a young woman passed away earlier this week at the hands of her common in law husband in the city I live. She was beaten to death. Her young child is now being looked after by her parents. If you could please post another set of angel wings in I would be grateful.


All I need is a name if possible and a date or even a date as I can also put unknown if no name is avalible thats what the page is for and I will be honored to add angel wings as they deserve to be treated as the angels they were in life


The page is growing strong please check it out and I have also added groups with lots of information so if you want to sign up and add yourself to the group feel free otherwise on my page the bottom left you should be able to link yourself to the group and check it out again none of your posts are on there at all I promised that and I am keeping that promise but wanted to share this

[cheyriver]

Krissi,

Sending you a PM with the information.

[Kashis]

Group update
For some reason my groups are no longer listed on my page and I thought I fixed it but guess not so I am giving the links please feel free to join no one will ever know if your a victim or a survivor but you will find information helpful



Group URL: http://groups.myspace.com/DomesticViolenceSurvivorsandVictims

I have posted alot of information hope you find it helpful Krissi

[Kashis]

On my page in my comments you can see a whole slide show of all the crafting I have been doing if anyone is intrested I have another page besides my dv page its the first friend feel free to check it out or if your a member please become a friend I will never know your from here at all in anyway


I have just been trying to keep busy and keeping pain away so I have been crafting up a storm and just wanted to share it with you even though it has nothing to do with dv Hugs Krissi

[Kashis]

please check my blog on the dv page for group informtion for some reason the link isn't working on this page Krissi

[joy]

Hi Krissi, it is nice to finally "see" you. I visited your page and viewed your crafts. Ah the memories, that takes me back as I used to do crafts of all kinds and loved it. Today I am trying to find my kitchen table from letting my grandchild try her hand at painting. I was smart to stick to acrylics, lol as the paint is everywhere. Stay busy as it does help keep a person's mind happier if their hands are busy. Take care.

[Kashis]

Thanks Joy I appreciate the inspiration I know if you go on line there are recipies for homeade finger paints and martha sterwart has a whole craft page for kids and don't forget to make half potatos and then cut designs in them so they can make tato crafts LOL Hugs Krissi

[joy]

I used to use all that stuff when I was licensed by the state when I kept children in my home. I imagine if I looked in my recipe box I'd still have the recipe for peanut butter balls. It called for powderd mild and honey and peanut butter and anything else you wanted to add. I used to just let the kids wash their hands and help with this. It was good for them as well. Take care Krissi.

[Kashis]

Oh I make them with an easy recipie its peanut butter and powder sugar and gram crackers crushed I do this with my fist in a ziploc kids love that part

melt chocolate in a double boiler or as i do 2 pans one top one bottom with water roll peanut butter mixture in balls and dip in chocolate and put on wax paper and add sprinkles and refrigerate I leave them in the fridge must go would love to go on bad storm coming tornado watch need to get to shelter I have to walk I am home alone and my face is in serious pain I took 2 valiums to calm down and ease the facial pain I am trying to wait out 10 min till the hubby gets home will be back after storm rolls through Hugs Krissi

[joy]

Prayers for everyone's safety Krissi. I love your recipe. It sounds like one my eight year old grand child could do. Be safe!

[Kashis]

I am ok and just wanted to let all know that the storm passed pretty quick by time the hubby got home it was gone so it was that quick I just sat away from windows as there was no time to get to the shelter so I am back and in good shape Hugs Krissi

[joy]

That is good to hear Krissi. Take care & keep crafting.

[brainandspinalcord]

I looked at your page and wanted to thank you for putting it up, it's so important to raise awareness. Thanks for being brave enough to do this.

[Kashis]

Its in my heart this page and I will continue to try to make changes as best as I can and I thank you for taking the time to look in and you can always be a friend all of you can I will never know you can join the groups no one will ever know if your a vicitim or survivor but the information is there and I want everyone to have it but if you choose to let me know who you are I won't tell that either as this page and that one are just like a dr confidential because I wouldn't ever hurt anyone by gossip judgement etc.....

I am always here for everyone I do want to post somemore topics I did just post a new one I hope all post to and add to it is a way to help a victim know hey This is what i went through and I know how you feel your not the only one its another way of helping a victim realize there can be a brighter side to life


Its not being brave at all its time we all start to speakup speak out and stop in home terrorisim thats why I am called a survivor I was given the gift of life and had to do something with it something just keep telling me get on that comp you can make a difference and I have been guided by GOD to get through it all and with that page it gives everyone a chance to make a differerence and hopefully see someday there will be change it may not be today or tomorrow but when my grandkids grow there going to be the generation to learn its not ok and make a difference and so on and so forth

as soon as the election is over I will start contacting candidates again as right now there so into themselvs I can't get answers so its coming again the letters will start once again and I will again start fighting and I am not alone I have people on that page writing letters and talking with people to also make changes

Hugs Krissi

[joy]

You spoke of something very important, grandchildren. That is important just as is children. It is awful what poor kids have to live with in many homes isn't it! The thing to do is live and You are doing a good job of helping warn others and give them suggestions and information and that is good Krissi.

[Kashis]

I have came to the conclusion and don't know just quite how I will pull this one off but just as sex ed is taught in schools I think dv should be taught how wrong it is in schools thats the only way I think we can change for the generations to come

theses kids are seeing this just as some of us did and yet thinking its ok my husband saw it I saw it and so many others and it went on and on the cycle rarely gets broken ever there is away and I am detemined to find it some how some way the good LORD will guide me Krissi

[Kashis]

well the day has come 11 hours and counting I can't really explain what is going on in my head she has ocd obsessive cleaning disorder her picture should be on the front of vinger and amonia I can imagine the smell already ish yuck and I will already hear about her and my sister bickering back home the day before she left as my sisters daughter owes her alot of money so I want nothing to do with any of that and told them both Its none of my buisness what so ever I have told my mother to leave the drama at her house with it locked there I have the funeral on monday will she say there alll here the inlaws due to her being here or is she sympathetic and understanding I have no clue I still feel as if I am going to fall apart confused disorented and lost my hubby will be leaving for 2 weeks to work and I just am spinning all different ways I have a list of things to do that I just don't want to but want to do everything I can to keep her from complaining but she is one unpleaseable woman I am going to hear how the cental air is to cold and yet its for my health then I will hear then stop smoking as now I am going through asthma season so I just ain't ready for it my goal is to try to quit smoking the day after she leaves so thats my goal as i have a whole week with a non smoking home and when my mother is here I have to go outside or in my bathroom so as you can see she is so predictable its pathetic and I hear from my sister that she was at her house and threatend to slap her in the face so great for me I have a schedule for the lady and thank GOD it falls on a day we have nothing planned and I can't tolerate my niece so I said that be the perfect day to see her as I won't be here

I have preplanned made a schedule taped movies and have computer games for her to play but I know I am missing something as always she is never pleaseable no matter how much I try something won't be good enough she will be washing walls cabnits etc....if there is a crumb on the floor its not for long at least this will keep her busy too and well the good news is I end up with a clean house LOL hey I laughed did yah catch that

I am trying to do things as slowly as possible to keep a pace going so I am not over dueing it as I am having black outs and dizzy spells on top of asthma attacks due to the dust I have to get rid of due to the fact of her I am allergic to dust oh yes the smell of comet power which is another problem my asthma can't take that either but it won't matter well I better get going I have lots to do and if I start on the comp I will not leave for hours the good news is her room is done and clean blankets etc..... and matches the room I have dark blue curtains in there cause she needs dark and matching everything so I have also put a gift on the dresser from my daughter for her I can't please everyone as we all know but man when its ma well I can't be happy if she isn't I am sure I will be back when I can to clue all in but will have to do it before she wakes or when she goes to bed she is nosey very nosey and this is my place to be to release as I need that when I took care of her I was orderd by the doc to get away from her a hour a day so I am under dr watch now thats pretty sad all because your mother is coming into town it shouldn't be like this at all I am glad I found my real family as I have been with them longer then my mother and all along they were right in front of me and thats an awesome thought I am more greatful for what I have right now nothing material but Love Hugs Krissi

[joy]

Krissi I thought I gave a good reply on the other thread. It looks like you already had the answer all on your own.

I hope you get a clean house out of it. If she said you are such and such I'd likely say Yep and I ain't gonna change looks like! Just not up to other's standards but at least I'm happier with myself and that's what counts!

You don't have to say by yourself but you can think it. :) And we know who without.

Big Hugs Krissi

[Kashis]

I actually told her the exact things before I even read this good minds think alike now off to post on the other topic Hugs Krissi

[Kashis]

New Revised letter added to blog and to getting the laws changed on here Hugs Krisssi

[joy]

http://bestsmileys.com/flowers/9.gif



Oh great Krissi. I knew you'd work til there was a way!

[Kashis]

Thanks joy I am trying the best I can to do the best for the stopping of in home terrorisim I said I wouldn't stop till the day I die and thats a promise to all survivors and victims Its frustrating sometimes but I do things to the best of my ability

I just wish my stupid brain injury didn't stop me so much as when it gets in the way I have to stop working on what matters so much to me Hugs Krissi

[joy]

Don't be so hard on yourself. You did NOT ask for brain damage. You are doing a great job in spite of brain damage Krissi. So know that and just be happy with what you do accomplish. I am s proud of you already. I really am!

[Kashis]

Hugs A Bunch To All K

[joy]

You will survive it. You know what to do. I believe in you. ;)

Protect yourself at all costs.