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Fayelle
10-28-2006, 12:11 PM
This morning at 6:40 my father passed away after a 4 day battle within himself.....He had a rough time because of some problems with some of the less experienced nurses not administering his medications correctly....So he would come out of his medication induced vegetative state and be in pain as well as frightened....

He was not breathing correctly because his lungs were so full of fluid, and because there was disease in them......He was toxic and uncomfortable.....

Monday night he started having significant breathing difficulties, by Tuesday morning he was pretty much out of it and on his way into the death process.....He hung on until this morning but only after 1 nurse we had for two eight hour shifts saw he was resting comfortably and peaceful so she neglected to see the importance of keeping his meds in his system so he came to in extreme distress....Last night come to find out because of her not understanding the process she cut his medication in half, all of his medications were cut in half of what they were when he was comfortable and she did not understand why he kept slipping back into conciousness and distress....She just didn't get it.....

Plus I asked the doctor who saw him yesterday to change the orders on his morphine from 1/2 ro 1cc every hour to 1cc to 2cc's every hour. The doctor was happy to oblige and wrote his script that way. The nurse was giving him 1 cc an hour.....I noticed him becoming uncomfortable and asked for another 1/2cc in order to stay on top of his pain.....Then 20 minutes later (still in the same hour) I asked for the final half cc to carry him through until his next dose....She was hesitant and I had to remind her that the doctor had written it that way in order to keep him comfortable and that I was not asking anything untoward only for what he was allowed.....The first night she did not give him ANY sedatives or antianxiety meds and right after her shift he went into major crisis, then the next night it was nearly the same thing....Luckily 2 of the nurses were fantastic with him, and one CNA was very good with him.....I was really outraged at this nurse though.....I was pretty vocal about it too.....With 24 hour nursing care it is not my job to monitor meds, and the need for increases.....She did not seem interested at all in the fact that he was showing signs the only way he could of distress....

At any rate it was the fastest and most intense life experience......So now things can slide back to normal once again.....

OK sorry for the long vent I needed to talk about it......

Fay

KAYLINDA
10-28-2006, 04:20 PM
God bless you Fay. I'm sorry the end had to be so stressful. Know that your father is in peace now.

trekker
10-28-2006, 10:15 PM
Dear Fay, so sorry to hear that you and your Dad had such a hard time. He is at peace and knows that you did all you could for him when he was alive and will do all you can now. He was lucky to have you for a daughter and I'm sure felt that for the few days that he was in your care.

Please don't apologize for venting, you certainly are entitled to under the circumstances. Let usknow how you are doing over the course time. You might find that you are surprised by emotions that come over you for some time and we are ready to help you if we can or at the very least be virtual shoulders to lean on.

joy
10-29-2006, 10:27 AM
I want to add my thoughts as well and they echo that of those above. I'm sad that for you and your father to have had such a stressful last days when it could have been less traumatic. Let's hope that by your voicing the obvious it will help some other family. And do come back and let us know how you and your family are doing anytime you want.

Buttons2
10-29-2006, 01:16 PM
Fay, you feel free to vent away OK? I'm thinking of you & hoping you'll find some relief soon from all this stress.

Your father isn't in pain anymore & he was blessed to have you there with him.

Take care & know that you have support here whenever you need it!

BIG HUG,Buttons

Tootsie
10-29-2006, 07:11 PM
Fay, I sent my thoughts via personal message. Cheerio.

Fayelle
10-31-2006, 12:39 AM
Thank you :) !

Today I picked up his cremains as the funeral home called them.....I picked out a one of a kind local made Urn to keep half of his ashes in....Some of the rest will be going to the rest of the family and I think I will take some with me when I travel and sort of just scatter him here and there....It would probably suit him best....

The nice thing is that people are coming out from all over after finding out he had passed, he was well loved evidently....I wish he had known that.....It does not surprise me at all, he was such a gentle soul who tried to keep from harming anyone....unfortunately he was not taught all that well how to keep from hurting people inadvertantly.......

The last person I really wanted to know about it, his full brother, posted on his online obituary guestbook today. I broke down mostly in relief and happiness that his brother reached out and was made aware of his passing.....I am not sure if someone found him, or if he saw the obit.....People from decades ago remember him well and are making themselves known to us......

My sisters finally feel somewhat better since my mother and thier mother got together with them and talked about our dad truthfully....I think they made it ok to be angry with his past actions but love him anyway.....It was hard to be his child most of the time because he simply did not understand what it took to be a parent....It was never a lack of love, it was simply a lack of not understanding....I suppose I was always lucky enough to understand what drove him, and what caused his self destructive nature.....It made it easier to not take things personally, or feel rejected.....I think they never quite understood what a tortured human being he really was.....My empathy kept me able to let it go.....

At any rate it was a tough day as I got together some music he used to listen to and sing to us kids......I felt sad, I felt some guilt for signing his DNR.....I understand logically that it was best, I understand it was really what he wanted and needed. But I still felt like I signed away his life.....The what if's popped up....I felt bad that I wont be able to go back out west to his service...I know I have done a whole lot, but it would be nice to be near people who did love and understand him......Plus I would like to be near my sisters, and brother.....But I can't right now, it simply is not feasible.....So I will be at home that day painting through my feelings I believe.....

I do have to say I made the right choice on his Urn, it is unique.....I am certain there will never be another like it and I am going to personalize it with his name and birth/death dates....Along with his St. Michael medallion....I do not believe he was catholic but along the way he was given both a St. Christopher and St. Michael medallion....The St. Christopher medallion I gave to my daughter, and the other I am going to put on his Urn.....

I am glad I got to have him here because he brought what he treasured with him, and I got to see what he found special to him....I got an inside view of a man not many got to see.....

At any rate I could go on all day long.....But I suppose I should go to bed soon!

Thanks for the support, I certainly appreciate it!

Fay

joy
10-31-2006, 09:05 AM
I am glad I got to have him here because he brought what he treasured with him, and I got to see what he found special to him....I got an inside view of a man not many got to see.....

You made it through a difficult day and that's how it is done. Being the one to sign the DNR myself for my mother and also the one that was in the room with my daddy as a young person and had to be told what that was, well it has weighed on my mind at times also. But in the end I have to tell myself that I wasn't a perfect person myself and that at the time, I did what I truly thought was best. And that's about all one can do. Come back anytime you want. There is always an understanding person around.

The Dude
11-04-2006, 06:59 AM
God bless you my friend!!!

Im so sorry for your loss!!!! -- Sounds like the staff wasnt treating him as well as they could of!!!!

http://img138.**********.us/img138/435/grouphugym7.gif

Boopers
01-16-2007, 06:46 AM
Oh Fay,
I feel so bad, I was going down the posts as they were and didn't get to this one until last. I am so sorry for your loss.
I hope that you can find peace now and know that you did everything possible to make his last days as pleasant as you could.
In my other posts to you, I said that the memories will carry you through the rough spots and they will.
At least, the hospice nurse gave your dad the meds. They made me do it for my Mother and when she went into the coma, well, needless to say, I had to administer them where a daughter shouldn't have to go, as she was laying there dying.
Anyways, I wanted to let you know that I have been there and know what you are going through.
Hugs to you,
Linda