Mentally Drained

[Tsmommy]

I have an 11 year old son with Tourettes,NVLD,OCD,Speech Articulation Disorder and Borderline Mentally Retarted.I started to homeschool him in Oct.last year.I feel like I am a mental wreck right now.My every moment is spent teaching him or reading about all his disorders.I need to find an even balance before I break down.I wish I could stop obsessing over him,but what else could I do,he's my boy!Well thank you for listening to me and I hope everyone finds the answers they need.

[Buttons2]

Hi, and welcome to BT. Sounds like you need some support.....how can we help?

I have a few questions: are you a single mother or do you have support @ home? Are there siblings? Did you make the decision to home school because you weren't able to find a school with the aids he needs? Does this mean you are with him 24/7??

I don't have any experience with your son's disabilities but hope you will find encouragement & support on the different forums here.

Now, about you & a possible landslide into a total meltdown. You HAVE to look after yourself! Have time alone or with people who's company you enjoy. I'd think at least one day a week if possible. Get out of the house,see a matinee,go out for lunch,get a massage (this is the BEST suggestion I can make,trust me-you need to relax if just for an hour!)

You will become a physical as well as mental wreck if you don't balance the childcare with a life for yourself. Maybe you could make a list of things you enjoy doing. Then try to make the time to do them. Even if it's just soaking in a tub with music to block out the outside world,some scented candles,perhaps a glass of wine,maybe a book you never find time to read?

I have no idea where you live,but if possible taking a drive to see a nice view,visiting a zoo,shopping.....these are all ways to get away from the stress & fill you mind with other visions. I think when we realize we are obessed with anything in particular,we need to swing off that path for a bit & release the tension.

It's good you found BT. Wonderful support here when needed. Hopefully you'll feel free to share more of your story with us.

HUGS to you,Buttons

[Tsmommy]

I am married to a wonderful man but he often thinks that I over analize things to much.I have a 13 year old daughter who is perfectly fine.I do get some time alone it's just that I can't seem to quit thinking about my son.Like I said it consumes my everythought.I think it's because I don't work and have few things to talk about out side of my family.I chose to homeschool because the public schools were not doing a good job in my opinion.It was very stressful for him and they would always call me instead of working it out.I use an online program for kids with Autism as his schooling.It is working well but I need some other resources as well.I find it hard to meet others that are homeschooling a child with diorders like his.I want to do the best by him and give him every chance at a positive future.

Thank you for your intrest and time.I think I will like it here just fine!

[Buttons2]

OK, I'm certainly not a shrink but I'd say from what I know so far that you are putting this child first (like a mother tiger),you have to let go somewhat......this is just my opinion. If you live in an area with support groups you should join one. Getting together with other parents dealing with similiar issues might open your eyes to things you've not yet considered.

You say even when you have alone time you constantly think of your son. Can you admit this is not healthy? Not for you,the rest of your family,or your son. He might become too dependent on you for one thing. And you have a teenage daughter,that must require some time/energy also.

Does your son have any friends? He's 11 now,what happens when those hormones begin raging soon? I realize your resources might be very limited unless you live in a large city,but please pursue everything possible to broaden his horizons.....he will need to develop social skills that you cannot provide with home schooling (again,just my opinion).

I admire you,I was fortunate for the most part with my own sons. One is schizophrenic, but he's a grown man now, & trust me I know the fear of the future!

You will come to rely on BT I'm sure,lots of great folks here!
Take care,Buttons

[Nana4&cntn]

TSmommy,

Wow,you do have alot on your plate. I hope I can help out a little. I worked with adults and adolescents with autisum and mental retardation along with a host of other disabilities. I am also familiar with ocd and speech problems. I worked directly with the folks and the became a services coordinator, basically a social worker.
The Federal Government is responsible to provide you with speech specialists, you may need to go to the school with him.
If you were to enroll into school,and there are some advantages to him being in a social school environment. The school is required by law to have an indivualized educational program. You as a team member and mom have great deal to say as to what your son needs. I am so sorry I started out being the a##y advocate.
I have a feeling he may had a bad experience in school. I know you are doing what you need to so. I don't know where you live, but if I did I may be able to find some help for you. Most cities have ARC's Association for retarded citizens. I hate the name but there are families who may in the same boat you are in. you may ask your pediatrician or psychiatrist if they know of any support groups. There is alot of moms who are having the same issues. Please feel free to contact me if you just need a shoulder or for some help or ideas.

take a hot bath, read a book for fun, and get a good nights sleep.

Take care
Kathy

[Buttons2]

Another idea: this morning I was watching an animal show,the boy featured had Asperger's (sp) syndrome. He had a horrible time in school. Then he got a regular psycologist that helped him by using animals,the boy especially bonded with the birds (so much so that the doc gave him one). The bird helped with his anger,kept him calm-plus gave him a steady companion.

Just a thought.
Kathy,that's wonderful what you do! Good resource for all of us now.....Buttons

[Tsmommy]

I'm going to a support group for Tourettes tomorrow.I hope I will meet some people that are dealing with some of the things that I am.I really just need someone near by that understands.My family is great with him but They don't have the slightest idea what I go through.They just see a sweet and lovable kid that needs a little understanding.Never realizing all the work it takes to keep him that way.

[tic chick]

welcome aboard, tsmommy*bunch

if you scroll down the list of communities on this site, there is one for tourette syndrome. a lot of people there have children in similar situations as yours, children with multiple problems.

http://brain.hastypastry.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=267 (click on that)

all these people here have given you good advice. there is only one thing i would like to add.

i have had tourette syndrome for 43 years, along with ocd and panic attacks. there came a point when i realized that there are no drugs that are going to cure tourette syndrome. my ocd is somewhat controlled by medication and my panic attacks are almost completely gone because of medication.

so, i identified what i was willing to live with. surprisingly, the tourette syndrome was at the top of the list. since my other 2 problems are controlled, i think i am pretty happy with my quality of life.

educating yourself about your sons problems is a good idea. pretty soon you will know more about tourette syndrome than your local neurologist, but, you have to find a balance between taking care of yourself, your son and the rest of your family. if you get burnt out by all the emotional stress of dealing with only problems, you will not have any energy for yourself or others.

identify what kind of things you want your son to be able to do and what is possible to teach him. have some fun. lessons are learned at the zoo or on the bus, too. there are no medications that will cure your son's problems either. if you go that route, be aware that the side effects of some meds are worse than the problem they are prescribed for. settle for less relief and less side effects.

and the most important thing to remember is that your sons problems do not define who he is. he is a sweet child who needs a little extra understanding. focus on his good qualities. hone in on his interests and what he does well and run with that.

best wishes,
jeannie

[Tootsie]

I really don't have anything else to add to the excellent advice that has already been given. I do have a thought that may be helpful. Might you, also, have some difficulties with OCD, which might account for the way you seem to be so entirely focused on your son? Cheerio.

[Tsmommy]

I never felt as though I had OCD.I went to the supportgroup on Sunday.There was ontl 3 other people there but I was good.My son is changing everyday.Last night my husband was playing around with him like he always does and my son freaked out and crurled into my stomache.He wouldn't let him even say good night.We are starting to really get concerned.

[houghchrst]

Do you do any kind of family counseling? Maybe finding a specialist who deals in the kinds of problems your son has and also can help with the psychological aspects that affect the entire family may probably be very helpful. You are doing a very tough job, I can't imagine. You deserve some emotional breaks. The entire family does. Some places have homes where your child can go and spend the day, they specialize in cases such as his and that way your family can take a break and go spend the day together, your daughter would surely benefit from such time. I really hope your group helps you, I am sure they will have many ideas. It is only natural that you obsess over him, I did the same when my son was diagnosed as BiPolar and was suicidal but there comes a point where unless you take care of yourself you no longer can take care of anyone else and your family needs you whole. Good luck.

[Buttons2]

Well that's very good that you found a support group! And I agree family counseling is a good idea. This is a family issue afterall. Please keep posting,sometimes just knowing people out there care makes a big difference. BT has certainly been a lifeline for me!

Take care,Buttons

[cheyriver]

It sounds like you are a wonderful loving mom who truly loves her son. But it also sounds very stressful for you. I agree that talking in the tourette's board on brain talk or other online support groups would be helpful. But even more helpful would be to find a support group in your area so you can speak to and have support of other parents in person. Maybe your husband or a trusted family member can stay with your son while you attend a meeting? Also do you have neighbours, relatives that could come over or go out for a short time for coffee while someone you trust watches your son? Please keep us updated. :)