surviving?

[mama sue]

Hi all,
Been thinking about all of you. Yesterday marked the 6 month since Bob has been gone. I can't believe it!! Some days it feels like it was yesterday and some days it seems like it was a lifetime ago. Some days it just doesn't feel real at all. I know this is normal having gone through the death of our two beautiful boys, but this is soooooo different.

I don't know if it is because it wasn't expected, or if it is the fact that I can't get over not being there for him. Maybe it is because I'm not able to move passed those last words he said to me. "I know you are not coming home so, find another husband"! NOT how I imagined my life. I thought Bob and I would grow old together and that he has taken that away makes me sad, angry and very confused.

Anyone have any advice on letting go of those last words??? It's hard for me to remember the good things with that hanging over my head. I know this wasn't my fault yet the thought of him dying alone, angry and the fact that he felt he needed to get that last jab in there at me......I can't let it go. I'm just looking for someone whos been there and may have gone through something similar. Anyone???

Hope all is well with each of you. Site seems kinda quiet as of late. Take care.

[Buttons2]

Sue, I know this month is a hard one for you.....I see by the dates of Bobby & Matthew that you have 2 days coming up of memories.

Sue, you have to let those last words said by Bob fall from your mind. He was drinking & he probably said many hurtful things. He betrayed you in the end for sure,but then he began that with the heavy drinking. You will reach a time when you CAN forgive him,but it will take time.He was hurting,but he let the alcohol control his thoughts & actions. It's just plan sad isn't it?

Six months isn't very long in the long term. It might seem like an eternity to you however. You have no choice but to keep plodding along. Make everyday count for something. Don't push yourself to let go of the bad stuff,it's done but the effect it left on you will linger for who knows how long?

There will come a day when the horror will fade. Each day for you is a day toward's the future. Keep busy if possible! Find joy somewhere in your days,just the little things that can bring a smile. Bob let the despair win out,he didn't fight to get past it.....and of course this wasn't anyone's fault! You are a true survivor,of so much pain it breaks my heart to think of it-but you'll be OK,you have to believe that!

So hang in there,and hopefully someone else will come forward & share their story.

HUGS to you,Buttons

[joy]

Hi Sue. I know you don't know me but I try and follow how you are doing. I am rooting for you to get past all the alcohol induced hurtful words that was hurled at you. That is what they were and I'm almost cer6tain if it was not for alcohol, you would never have heard many of those harmful saying. If it were otherwise, he certainly did not deserve your love and devotion.

I am not in your shoes and have not even been close but I'm assuming Bob loved you and if he could advise you himself right now, he'd say forget those awful things you heard me utter. Go forward with your life and try to make a good one, for both of us. It sounds as if he loved you like you did him and if you could just try rewording things in your mind, put those better phrases you know he'd want to say in his better times into words and let your mind start hearing different, encouraging phrases. It will take time, but time has already passed, so it is just another way of getting past the memories, etc. that you must work through anyway. Try your very best to work through them in a way that you know deep down in his heart that If things had been different, been better, he would want to have the chance to say to you at some point. I pray that you can find some way of dealing with all of this. It has to be one of the hardest things. Well truly, knowing what all you have been through anyway, I am amazed at the strength of a human being anyway. All that you have been through and knowing you are still working through things still. Many people you don't even know are hoping for the best for you Sue and I am one of them. Take care and just keep sharing your heart with others.

[mama sue]

thank you. i appreciate your kind words and support. today is bobbys birthday, next week is the anniversary of matthews death.......so much to deal with, but im glad i have friends to talk too.

[Buttons2]

Sue, you'll get through this month of memories,think ahead to spring & the renewal of life. I can't help but smile when the first trees bloom out,the bulbs are sprouting their green stalks,and all those newborn calves,lambs,colts!

What are you doing for yourself these days? How's the new job going?

HUGS,Butons

[mama sue]

Hi my friend. Job is going great!!! Have an offer on the house, should know tomorrow if they will accept my counter offer. Made it through the end of Jan. TOUGH!!! Yesterday would have been mine and Bobs 18 year anniversary as well as 7 months since he passed. GEEZ, when it rains it pours, but I made it. Nothing too exciting with me. Haven't been going to my support group and boy can I tell. I MUST get back to that. How are you?????:)
{{{HUGS}}}Sue

[Buttons2]

Hi Sue,I was just thinking about you!! So glad to hear you like your job! And I'll say a little prayer the house is sold this time,you need to get on with your life afterall! Please keep in touch,and get back to that support group.......HUGS,Buttons

P.S. I'm doing OK,nothing major to report! Waiting for spring to get here!

[Buttons2]

Sue, just want you to know you're in my thoughts & prayers. Did the house sell? Have you made any new friends? I know you've just had a rough month of memories resurfacing,but you got through it! What's that saying: "when the going gets tough,the tough get going". That's you Sue!

Spring is around the corner,we didn't get much snow here.

I hope the ferry service to the pennisula is going to be restored soon! Went to Whidbey a few weeks ago & the businesses are being hurt by the ferry repair,sure can tell what the priorities are in WA eh?

Do you have any bulbs coming up in your new place? Hope the dogs are doing OK also.

HUGS,Buttons