Woke up this morning and

[houghchrst]

my knee and my back hurt like hlel. I just stood there and cried saying over and over again I don't want to do this anymore. Where is that dman referral for the PM. Didn't come in the mail today. Do I take a couple of the Percocet that were given to me for my stupid ankle. Which is getting better by the day. The bone that sticks out on the outside still hurts but not as bad. Everything hurts or aches today. I am so tired. I am sick of waiting for relief. Going back to old habits occurs to me out of desperation but my god I so don't want to do that. How long is a person supposed to be like this. No I don't expect an answer. Just ranting and hurting. I will go to myspace and blog for a bit. Crap.

:eek::mad::(:eek::mad::(:eek::mad::( LOL okay that made me smile. Had to find one somewhere.

[debhun]

hey Christina go to my profile and you will see the link to myspace.
We can chat if you like

[Mark N]

Christina, sorry to hear you are hurting so much today. Rant all you need to and I hope you get some relief soon.

[BrokenBladder]

Christina,

I'm sorry to hear that things aren't getting any better. The flares from FMS are so bad sometimes that I understand how those thoughts can creep into your head, but keep in mind that the flare can go away just as fast as it came on.

Although you know you shouldn't tale anything that your doctor didn'r give you I know how the pain can cloud your judgement, but you need to have only the meds that you've been prescribed in your system when you see the new PM.

P.S. If you like the My Space you can look me up through my email address, which you have. Don't laugh at my friends list as most of them are friends of my son's. I never really got into it, but my son insisted that I wasn't cool without one. LOL!! Gotta love our teenagers.

[Kathi49]

Christina,

I am sorry you are hurting so badly. :( And I hope the referral comes asap! I was like that yesterday too...only with my feet. Same thing again this morning. They just feel like they have been hit with a baseball bat. Yet, when I get up and walk around, all that pain subsides for the most part. The worst of it is ALWAYS in the morning...right when I wake up. Ugh, it is frustrating! How are you feeling today by the way? And let us all know when you get the referral. Oh, and as Mark said, rant as much as you want to. I have cried like that before and said the same exact things you did. And I wish I had known about this site at that time but I didn't. So, there was really no one to talk to about all of it except my docs and my husband. It can get very tiring and frustrating.

[Peter B]

Christina,
I know you really don't want to hear this but have you even thought about how strong you are. Given your past, it would probably very easy for you to slip back to old habits if for no other reason but just to get some relief from the hell you're in. You are one strong woman.
How much misery is a person supposed to go thru? You deserve more credit than I could give.
I'm sure this all sounds pretty feeble to you but lady, you are one tough broad.
You truly impress me.

Pete

[houghchrst]

Good Lord Pete but I had to laugh, thank you. I think this is the first time I can remember being called a broad, at least to my face, LOL, and I will accept the compliment thank you. Today I hurt, even the ankle, more ice, laying around, playing my Nintendo DS :D, maybe some PS2 with my youngest, he is pretty sick, and a bit of watching tv. Saving myself for making dinner. My lower back is the worst culprit right now. Those sacral injections must have done something because my lower back hasn't hurt this bad since before I had them done.

I did get the referrals, all three, neuro, PM and ortho. No PM until May 1st:eek:, ridiculous I know. They had me scheduled for March the 7th to see someone else in the same office but 4 different people that I know warned me about him and they didn't even know that they had all seen him and some don't even know the others. So in order for me to see who I had originally requested I have to wait. They did put me on the list for cancellations so I am sure I will get in sooner. It is about a half an hour drive but from what I am hearing it should be worth it. In the meantime I will talk to my ortho and explain everything to him and see if he will be willing to help me in the meantime. The Percocet that I have is from him and the intention was for ankle pain but I have taken them twice for my back. Twice for my ankle, so they are by scrip. I also have a full scrip of Darvocet that was called in by the doc at the ER clinic, he faxed the scrip while I was there and when I went to pick up my other scrip they gave me that one too. I don't know why they didn't say anything when I went to pick them up. Usually they ask me about stuff like that or let me know if my meds will interfere with others but they didn't say anything. I don't like them so they will probably sit there until I get desperate. Which may be never that desperate LOL.

Kathi my feet use to do the same thing. I went to the podiatrist and they said I had heel spurs and plantar fasciitis. I had 3 surgeries to correct it. A friend of mine just had her surgery, without the bone spur removal, for the same thing.

I feel a little better mentally today but the sun was shining when I woke and I got to sleep in today, didn't sleep well during the night. It is odd but I sleep better in early morning than whole night.

Thank you everyone for your support and have a great afternoon.

[debhun]

I hope you are feeling a little better today.

Hugs
Deb

[Mark N]

Christina, I hope you have a better tomorrow. It is good to hear you are in a better mental state today. It is common that unrelenting pain not only hurts us physically but also takes a mental toll on us. I hope your meds help get your pain under control.