Update- Haven't been here in a while

[Peter B]

Friends,
I need to re-cap a bit. A few weeks ago I posted on suicide and depression issues and was, quite honestly, surprised at the heart felt responses I received. I stated that I returned to taking my old anti depressant and after about a week or so, I was feeling monumentally better. Well, I spoke way too soon. I didn't want to come back and recant my perceived success because I think I would come off as a bit of an arse. The deep darkness was still pulling me down. The AD was working sporadically. I believe this means a dose adjustment needs to be made.
The ensuing weeks were absolutely miserable at times. Not a great time of year to be keeping company with the 'monster'.

Well, I made the adjustment and things are evening out, for the most part. So, my dear, life saving friends I just want to take this opportunity to let everyone who gave me congratulations before, I can NOW accept them. Things are by far not good but they ARE better.

Ironically today while feeling pretty good I come home from the testing I've been doing with the Division of Vocational Rehabilitation so I might return to work thru the financial help they provide for schooling. I bent over to pick up a christmas ornament that had fallen off the tree and my back stopped me with the most excruciating pain I haven't felt in about 3 years. I wound up face down on the floor in horror. I speak the truth when I tell you that if I had a gun in my hand, I would have put a bullet in my head.
Luckily the phone wasn't far and I called an ambulance. They took me in and promptly gave me 2 mg. of Dilaudid. I've heard of this med but I have never taken it. I immediately felt the warmth of the med but no pain relief. They wanted to run some tests, take pictures etc. but I said no. Not until I think you can move me with as much comfort as possible. Well, three other injections later plus 2 ativan and 1 toradol and the move to x-ray was made. I won't find out how they all turned out until tommorrow probably.

So. the last few weeks have been eventful to say the least and I thought I'd keep you all up to speed.

Someone once said that the true measure of a person is NOT what they have accomplished in life but what he or she has overcome. I sure hope that this is true because overcoming crap seems to be my forte. I'm sure most of you can sympathize with this.

Pain free days,
Pete

[BrokenBladder]

"Quote" by Peter B
Someone once said that the true measure of a person is NOT what they have accomplished in life but what he or she has overcome. I sure hope that this is true because overcoming crap seems to be my forte. I'm sure most of you can sympathize with this.

Peter,

I have a dear friend of mine that has told me basically this same thing most of my life. He's known me since I was 19 years old and has seen all of the things that I had to overcome.

I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling better. I know all about that deep dark hole and I'm planning on making an appointment with a chronic pain therapist on the 14th of Jan. I've put it off long enough and I know now that it's way overdue!! Thanks to you and your thread that you posted a few weeks back it really helped me to finally realize what I needed to do. I owe you a big thanks!!
Take Care and remember we overcome obstacles everyday, but the most important one is to take care of ourselves first before anything else.

[Lil E]

Did they give you the dilaudid IV? 2mg is their starting dose. Its a pretty good med I've been using it for quite awhile but when I'm in severe pain 2mg isn't enough. It's pretty much in the delivery system how well its going to work. Getting it IV is faster delivery but faster to leave your system. IM you can take more but it takes longer to act. Oral is not the best due to bio-availability, it has to go too many places before it gets to where its going.

Good luck I hope everything turns out o.k.

[Mark N]

Peter, it is good to hear that you have now got the AD at the right level for you. Terrible news about your back, it scares you when you have been through it before and you think this may be a return to the bad days.

Your saying is a good description of your life and the fact that you keep going on doing the best you can. I have been blessed in my life but have never know anything but overcoming obstacles to get there. I think most of our lives will be judge on what we overcome because most of us don't have things handed to us.

It is good to hear you are doing better now and I hope your painful back was an isolated episode.

[BrokenBladder]

Peter,

I forgot to ask about your back. What did they find if anything? I can imagine how horrible it must've felt to lay on the floor and not be able to move!! Give us an update on what the hospital found out. Thanks!!!

[Peter B]

Hey guys,
I hope everyone is feeling well today. It's going on 3 o'clock and I'm still waiting for a phone call from the radiologist's office. It's quite nerve racking. If I don't hear from them by 4, I'm going to call them. I sure don't want to wait until Monday.

Lil, they started me with the 2 mg. of dilaudid plus the toradol and ativan. I'm not sure about the amounts of those two. I can honestly say that with all of my experience with hospitals and the people who provide care, (mainly nurses), I have never been treated so promptly. I don't think 15 minutes passed between the time they rolled me over the threshold to the time I was being injected. IV meds work so so so much quicker AND better than any other means of administration be they IM, transdermal, transmucol or oral.
They told me that they wanted to take pictures but I told them to wait until I was as comfortable as possible. After the fall I laid on my stomach and transported me that way. They entertained the idea of flipping me over but decided, quite wisely, to just leave me on my belly. It was horrible enough to be moved laterally nevermind turning me over. It was out of the question.

Upon my arrival the doctor came over and asked if I would rather be on my back. Well, I answered yes, I would rather be on my back but I don't want to be moved onto my back. He understood what I meant. I decided to let them flip me because at this point I had been slobbering all over my face and was quite wet on it. Besides, the doc said it shouldn't be so bad because there was a sheet on the board I was laying on and they would just flip me by grabbing the sheet etc. The doc was right. Don't get me wrong; it was bad but the other moves I had made over the past half hour were absolutely excruciating.

Just as an aside, when ever I am asked to rate my pain on the 1 - 10 scale, I qualify my answer by telling the doc that a level 10 to me is if I had to endure such pain for more than 60 seconds I would commit suicide. That said, I have never told anyone the I have a "10". Sometimes I'll go as high as an 8. A 9 is where I would be uncontrollably screaming in agony. I mention all of this because 2 or three times during the move off my floor on to the gurney into the ambulance, the drive and subsequent move into the hospital I had a level 10. I hope to God I never have to go thru anything like that again.

Anyway, to make a long story longer, I don't think 5 minutes passed between requesting more dilaudid and being given it. Again, I have never experienced such promptness in any hospital, ever. I've had 23 operations so my body of experience is pretty vast.

I was given a total of 10 mgs. of Dilaudid. When it was time to go to radiology the doc came over to me and expressed surprise that I was still awake. He said " Mr. Bugbee, I expected you to be sleeping given the amount of dilaudid we have given you. You only weigh 130 pounds". I said I expected the ativan to put me to sleep. I have no experience with dilaudid so I had no preconceived notions about anything. Ativan, however, I have taken and it promptly knocks me out. Not this time. It probably speaks to the level of pain I was in. What also lends credence to how much pain there was, was my blood pressure. The first reading was ridiculously high. Having a death grip on the bed hand rail probably had something to do with that, the one nurse noted. They waited a few minutes and took it again and it was still quite high. I'm not sure, but it was in the area of 190 over 100.

So, after a couple of hours I calmed down a bit and was able to move, albeit very deliberately and leave the hospital. I need to remember to mail the first aid squad a check. Is $100.00 enough? Too much? It's all volunteer.

That's the end of my story. I apologize if I bored you. I'm usually not that garrulous. Usually I try to be brief. I could probably edit it to cut some of the words out but that would take too long and I'm too lazy. LOL

Mark, I think that you've overcome so much that it's almost second nature for you. You're an 'automatic obstacle over-comer'.

Lisa, I'm glad that you recognize an area of your life that might possibly be treated.

I hope everyone who has pain has it relieved to maximum effect.

Heartfelt best wishes,
Pete

[Mark N]

Pete, it is good to see you sounding better. I hope your back is improving and don't have to go through that pain again. I have been there before my lumbar fusion so I know what you mean about the level of pain. I hope you have a good weekend and this episode becomes nothing but a memory.