Christmas Letters

[LauraP]

Gack. I hate these annual "how cool are we?" brag sheets that seem to keep coming. Maybe I'm jealous that we didn't (1) buy a town (I'm not kidding--a former close friend of mine has bought a town in Colorado); (2) compose and perform my own opera; (3) publish a book that my brilliant child wrote on her own; (4) go skiing in Austria, you get the picture.

Every year, I try to get through these things without gestating my own green-eyed monster, but I think I'm just going to have Matt read and condense the important things (graduation, marriage, divorce, illness and death) that I need to know in subsequent post-Christmas letters. We got a slew of these in the last week (guess they were all busy living perfect lives, in freakin' ASPEN!!!), and I have been down all week because of this. I mean, what could I possibly write to compete with that, and why do I even feel like I have to compete? I am usually content with our lives, until I read about my friends (who, hello!--have no time to answer my emails during the rest of the year).

I should ask Miss Manners if it's okay to request that people NOT include a Christmas letter to me, and if we can instead maybe correspond like we aren't total strangers the remainder of the year.

Obviously, feeling a wee bit b!tchy today/....

[LIZARD]

I abhor Christmas letters and mourn the trees that are wasted on them. I refuse to read them and toss any I receive straight into the trash. (They're generally from people I barely know, anyway.) As for the jealousy, I got over that a long time ago. :rolleyes: My whole life has been spent struggling, so I take heart in knowing that if 10% of my life ever visited any of these clods, it would kill them. :D It's the sweetest revenge. :)


LIZARD :)

[RathyKay]

Just wanted to say, that I *do* like Christmas letters. We moved across the country from where I grew up and this is about the only time I hear from my childhood friends. I get annoyed with a store-bought card and signature from someone I haven't seen in over a year. I like to know what is happening in their lives.

I try to keep ours from sounding so braggy. This year's letter and last year's letter were written with our diet nuttiness as big highlights. While it could be construed as bragging:rolleyes:, I tried to write it more from the "aren't we nuts? Good thing we live in California:p" standpoint.

We've had years where I haven't written because times were rough. When we almost lost Tom at birth, I waited until Valentine's Day to send greetings (and birth announcements for my Thanksgiving boy). I do talk about his epilepsy and how he's doing, the same as I talk about the girls activities. Sometimes, I only send a short, half-page.

Anyway, I'm sorry you don't enjoy reading them. I kind of figure if you don't like them, don't read them. But, I like them! So... for any lurkers out there, don't quit writing!

[Kristen (ColeysMom)]

I like letters too, and always feel like I should do one so people I haven't connected with would get a little update on us too...

But I don't get ones that have the type of news you got Laura...I get stuff like, guess who's enrolled in college this year? Which sometimes makes me sad cuz I haven't seen that person since they were 12 and get po'd that my life gets so hectic or whatever that I can't even visit people I love, or even make routine phone calls to hear about thier kids years in High School and end up missing the whole frikkin thing! Course they aren't calling me either...

So from that respect sometimes I hate them...

I don't know what I would do getting those types...it is bragging, but I guess they probably think you'd be happy for them, which I guess if things were different, you probably would...I dunno.

I could think of a couple kinda nasty responses...but that's hardly in the spirit...but it does seem like they are very out of touch sending something like that to you...which is pretty shameful, but maybe instead of being jealous you could see if there was some way to take advantage of these things...like maybe a camping trip to Colorado where you wouldn't have to worry about 'strangers' not understanding AND a chance to reconnect and have some adult fun yourself??????

Or are they not that close? If not, then I'd trash them without reading too.

[frogmama]

Dear Everyone,

Well, the year sure has crawled by. Am I ever glad 2007 is FINALLY here. I can’t wait to throw away all my 2006 calendars!

Just like last year, my life is pretty dull. When I am not shopping at Wal Mart for toothpaste and toilet brushes, I sit around and eat bonbons. Then I take a nap.

My dear hubby works everyday. He leaves the house in the morning. He does some work and then he comes home in the afternoon. He did not go anywhere or do anything interesting with work this year.

The kids? Dumb as bricks. They didn’t seem to grow at all this year, which is nice since I don’t have to spend money on new clothes for them. They do not play soccer or softball. They do not take dance or art classes. They also do not play any instruments.

We did not go on vacation this year, nor did we spend a lot of money on anything exciting.

Here’s to a slow 2007.

Love,
Us

[MomOTwins]

We used to get a lot of those letters, especially after the boys were first diagnosed. They made me want to spit, putting it mildly. Those "look how great our kids are doing, they are cheerleaders, football stars" and "look how successful we are as parents and business owners". Yech... However, I'm off most of those card lists (thank goodness), because we just never responded to them other than to send a holiday card. For the folks who still insist on sending them, I'm now getting the "kids off to expensive private colleges and we can't retire 'cause we are supporting them" letters.

I have learned to just shrug them off. That old "choose your battles" mantra starts to kick in when I get those kinds of things now. I wish the folks well and move on. I know, Laura, it sucks to not be the superstars on the "look what we did this year list"!

Of course, I then remember this year's letter from a really great friend. She and her husband traveled around the world on vacation every year and love to talk about it; they have no kids, so got to spend money on fun stuff (and love to talk about it), and I did once get vicarious pleasure reading their letter (while sourly feeling left out of all the fun). Then the bad news letters started coming - last Christmas' letter included information on her recent colon cancer diagnosis (she is 45) and I was hoping that her holiday letter this year would be a happy one. She and her husband tried to put a great spin on the year, talking about trips (short and local) that they had taken, friends who had visited, and then wrapped up with a short paragraph on the fact that the cancer has metastasized to her liver. Yeah......this is the gal I was so jealous of, the one who had everything soooo bloody easy while I was wrestling with autism and Asperger's diagnoses, IEPs, special ed meetings, no vacation alone with my DH. Perspective shifted? Oh yeah....

[Kristen (ColeysMom)]

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_33_20.gif

eeek, didn't want my laughing to look like it was at your friend MOT...I think we were posting at the same time.

I would never want to wish ill on someone, but you are right, somehow things DO sorta even out in the end. But I'm sure she would have traded with you long before the cancer dx. I've heard (on more than one occation from more than one person) that those without little ones would take 'unhealthy' over none...without getting into a big discussion over what that means and how they would, like us, have moments of 'why me' or whatever...in the grand scheme of things many of these gals do want kids badly and are jealous right back...

Sometimes it helps me to step back and count blessings where they are. I know it's easy to get caught up in things...I could rattle off a few good ones too...we could start with getting married while Coley was in the NICU and having barely a smile in my wedding pics, to not being able to drink because I had to pump, to not getting a honeymoon, nor any vacation since....

But you know what, I've got a little superstar that only people like you, the REAL super-moms would be able to appreciate...and DH & I have FINALLY been able to figure out how to manage life so that we're able to incorporate my little chunka-lunka...on & on...THESE are accomplishments!

Try that Laura, just walk back 10 years, then 9, then 8 then 7....and just see how much YOU have been able to accomplish...and I'm sure owning a town or whatnot doesn't come close...I mean what did they do, write a check??? and how far away is their closest neighbor anyway?

[MomOTwins]

Drat, Frogmama beat me to it while I was writing my "feel better" note.

Here is my version:

Happy Holidays everyone!

As you know, it has been a challenging year for us here in upstate NY. The drought took all our lawn away, along with the topsoil. At least Tom Hanks stopped by to evaluate the possibility of filming a new version of THE GRAPES OF WRATH using our property for the Joad's family farm. Sorry to say, we didn't look quite destitute enough to win the job and he refused to give autographs or have his picture taken with us!

We made it through another year without any national or international awards for the business, but at least we didn't have to sell the business or put the house up for sale. However, if Donald Trump calls, I'm seriously considering taking any and all offers for the office furniture.

DH didn't win the Nobel Prize this year (darn that Al Gore), but we are hoping that his cold fusion/perpetual motion machine idea will interest the judges next year.

The boys have no new trophies or awards from school to display, but I did save money on frames and shelves to store all that stuff they didn't win!

The cat made it through another year without a major surgical procedure or being squished by the snow plow or garbage truck, a major achievement on his part (Remember 1997, when he needed major reconstructive surgery and appeared on EXTREME PET MAKEOVERS to have that tummy tuck and those new teeth installed?).

Other than those exciting developments, life here on the farm is pretty dull, and I'm really glad we don't have high-speed internet access, or I'd spend all my time learning stuff, selling stuff, and talking to friends online.

Hope your next year is just as much fun as ours!

[Kristen (ColeysMom)]

You guys are good!

Ok, gotta wipe the tears and go make dinner now....thanks for the laughs!

[LauraP]

OK, I'm cracking up now--I like the way you guys are helping me turn this around (from a pity party into a much better one). When I pick myself off the floor, I'll write about the clothes dryer catching on fire and my husband totalling the old reliable Subaru on adjacent days the week before Christmas. It might seem funnier if I channel Frog and MomO Twins and Mili (can't wait to see what she writes):eek:

Grapes of Wrath...Lord have mercy! I get to play Rosasharn if they are doing a movie version!

[peglem]

Its really all relative, Laura. Just thought I'd remind you of your blessings...

http://brain.hastypastry.net/forums/showthread.php?t=25339

which are things far beyond anything we can do!

[The Pogue]

Before I quit doing Christmas altogether (well almost), I'd prune my card list every few years. If I hadn't heard from a non-relative other than at christmas, within the previous 2-3 years, they got the axe. After a year or two of unreciprocated cards/letters, they eventually get the hint, and drop me too. No regrets.

I never did the impersonal letter thing. If I cared enough about a person to send a card at all, I care enough to write a few paragraphs sharing relevant information, and asking about their lives. I tailored the message to the recipient.

Do I sound like a bitter old recluse? Far from it! I have many friends all over the world, and stay in frequent touch with many of them. As for jealousy, I concur with Lizard. Who has time? Life isn't fair, but it's still pretty darn good if you want it to be.

Aspen sucks. Where else can you pay $90 for a mediocre Chinese dinner for 2, with tea and rice NOT included? I'll ski Michigan, where nobody sneers because I'm wearing last year's jacket, and the $90 will buy steak dinners for four plus drinks.

:)

[The Pogue]

If I were to write a holiday letter, this years' might have read thus:

Greetings and Salutations during this Holiday Season

As 2007 draws to a close, I hope all are happy and healthy. In 2008, let's resolve to maintain closer contact. We all are busy, we are all stressed, but what really is more important than friends and family? I'd love to hear from everyone, or better yet, have a visit. If you are in my neck of the woods, we'll gladly make room at the table, or meet at one of the hundreds of restaurants along the way.

We do have some news to report. Our darling daughter has become engaged to her high school sweetheart. When his family responded by disowning him, we welcomed him into our home. With all resources cut off, his only college option became the community college. In a show of solidarity, darling daughter refused her scholarship from ****** and is also attending the community college. You can imagine my and ***'s reaction.
I continue to work for ***** while idly talking about getting my doctorate. My dear husband completed his 10th year in his deadend job at ******. We find comfort in mediocrity; the refuge of the ordinary. We still dream of the exotic travels and glamourous lifestyles enjoyed by so many of our friends. Please continue sending the postcards and blog updates, so we can continue living vicariously through you.

[Kristen (ColeysMom)]

Nice job Pogue! Basically, Merry Christmas & F-off! All in one beautiful greeting...:D

Someone please resurect this thread early enough next year to actually use these!

I just send out a card with their faces and a merry christmas wish... which screams: "I have no life...but they're cute" :p

[MomOTwins]

Oh Kristen, don't feel bad!

We don't have a life worth really reporting to others either!

Our Christmas card had the school photos of the boys inserted inside (with their names on the back, just in case our relatives forgot who was who!). My biggest Christmas joy was in getting the cards out the door before Dec 26th, and not having any sent back by the post office because my address book is so outdated (actually, it is because relatives move and "forget" to tell us their new addresses unless they need something).

Kim

[Kristen (ColeysMom)]

Kim, I used Coley's School pic last year too...course I had the great excuse of being pregnant...I was pretty proud of myself this year to get them out before Christmas, I almost bagged the whole thing!:rolleyes:

[milivica]

Hey Laura, I hear ya. I don't know what to say, cause I used to feel that way myself - especially over the simple things like a relative Vincent's age doing typical things Vince couldn't, or complaints that to me seemed so minor I wanted to scream "what are you complaining about, at least he doesn't have autism". I was unable to feel 'joy' or 'sympathy' for any relatives (didn't have friends) that I felt were not in my world, with my asd son. Like, there was this parallel world I was in, and it sure as hell didn't include vacations to ANYWHERE, just meltdowns and sort of having a kid that would now, and always had been, in their terrible twos. For lack of a better description I guess. Not to mention all the side dishes like being judged constantly and told you were a crap mother, and accidentally ignoring your other family members way too much. The collasol EFFORT everything seemed to take.

If it cracks ya up or makes you feel any better, the only Christmas letter I got this year, was from my ma whooooo, not only talks about health issues like all old folks (even if they are 'down south' issues involving plumbing) but also decided it was a good plan to write every closed minded relative and family friend and let them know I went to jail. Not that I'm ashamed, you just have to picture my face, as I read the yule tide stuff, expect eggnog and read encarceration. Just not a memory I want to relive and explain to relatives. When I asked her why she didn't ask me for my mugshot to put on her stationary, she didn't know I WAS KIDDING. I'd have rather she published my pap smear results. It's just not emotions I want to relive, and the way my ma's family (yes I love them!) thinks, I mean, I've still never lived down being in institutions and the last time was almost 30 years ago, hello, I was a kid. Or that I did drugs (not since 1979). Laura, she put my first period in her Christmas newsletter.

I think I WILL go naked with a pineapple on my head to the next family function. One really really nice thing about being 'that' relative, the black sheep or crazy one or whatnot, it's like you have a freedom from the burden of expectation. Kinda nice! So yeah, that pineapple shot will be a real keeper for the photo album.

[LauraP]

Mili--yeah, my mom announced all the private stuff too in her letters "And this year, our son TW got his first nocturnal emission. We couldn't be prouder!"

I also love the concept of "the Pineapple Shot"--like the "money shot", only more vague!

I decided to reread the letters and read between the lines this time, and it was an eye-opener. One of them had this classic "Since XYZ has quit his tenure position at the university to become a full-time knife craftsman...I am now working harder than ever". OK, this is pretty obviously a tense situation--he's gotten some kind of mid-life crisis going on and has quit a great job (which I would have loved--it is so hard to get tenure at a Universiry) to pursue a hobby, and she's now having to shoulder the burden of the family finances, and take on a second job, so they can make ends meet. Considered this way, it really is a very different story...made me think.

Likewise, I also (when not reading with my whole insides flaming in envy) noted that the wonderful trip to Aspen that my friend took involved only her and the kids. Her hubby went ice-fishing in Wisconsin for 3 weeks. SO, no, we can't afford Aspen (and air travel hasn't been fun for years now, esp at holiday time), but at least we went as a family to the smaller Pennsylvania resort within driving distance. And had a nice time! And, Pogue, nobody laughed at my dorky 15-year-old ski jacket (bought at a ski exchange in Laramie Wyoming when we were in grad school!)--AND, it still fits!!! So that is something to be thankful for!

Peg, you sweetie! Thanks for the reminder. We have so much to be grateful for, and coveting what others have is truly no good for us nor for anyone else. I am particularly grateful this year for the fact that I have this group of people who "get it" about autism and parental stress. Thanks everyone!

[Kristen (ColeysMom)]

Glad you feel better knowing that their life sucks too...:D

I'm kidding...glad you're feeling better!

AND counting your blessings!