JCarmin
01-02-2008, 11:35 PM
Hi guys!
I am not new here really. It has just been forever since I have ventured onto the site. I am here again seeking some advice. I am afraid you may be in for a long post.lol But I hope if you can stand to read this you can realize I'm stuck and this feels like the only place I can turn right now.
A little about myself. I am 28, female, Spina Bifida, hydro, and chiari malfor. I have been married for about 1 year and a half.
I feel like I'm being pulled in 3 different directions. I'm stumped with what to do. I have come to a point in my life that I feel I need to make some changes. I have become negative (again) with most things in my life. My marriage is not at its best. My husband does not understand me as a women, and the spina bifida makes it worse. The only person that I feel knows me and understands me is my mom and that of course causes issues in my marriage. I have had social development issues as many of the sb community has and it is affecting me greatly. I work from home just babysitting for family and friends but all of the kids I watch are getting older and getting ready to go to school. I want to do something different but I'd have to go to school and my husband feels that I won't have time for that with the schedule I keep. We are also trying to get pregnant and I have been trying to get advice from my mom about my hormones and such and my hsuband just thinks I am copping out and giving up on him. That isn't it. I cry a lot lately and my first response is I'm depressed. I was on Paxil about 7 years ago at there was a point that it was not working and I found myself more depressed than ever to the point I stopped taking the pills daily and my mind was so lost and I felt so horrible about myself that I wanted to take the rest of the pills. Lucklily I came to my senses. But the problem is I am at that point again that I feel that my only help would be to be put on something but my hsuband is afriad I'd hoard my pills again and then want to kill myself. I see his concern. I was always talking to my mom and she tells me that yes she agress I am depressed but she does not understand why I cant just snap out of it and make myself happy again, just to do the things I used to. My husbands also agrees that I just need to stop feeling this way.
How do I cope with this? How do I figure out if I am depressed or just stressed out about wanting to get pregnant and not knowing what to do for a job?
I'm sorry if this doesnt make sense but I just kind of vented. lol I have a lot more built up but I'm sure if I kept going things would get confusing for anyone reading this. lol If you have any questions please feel free to ask. ANY advice will be accepted.
thnx in advance
I am not new here really. It has just been forever since I have ventured onto the site. I am here again seeking some advice. I am afraid you may be in for a long post.lol But I hope if you can stand to read this you can realize I'm stuck and this feels like the only place I can turn right now.
A little about myself. I am 28, female, Spina Bifida, hydro, and chiari malfor. I have been married for about 1 year and a half.
I feel like I'm being pulled in 3 different directions. I'm stumped with what to do. I have come to a point in my life that I feel I need to make some changes. I have become negative (again) with most things in my life. My marriage is not at its best. My husband does not understand me as a women, and the spina bifida makes it worse. The only person that I feel knows me and understands me is my mom and that of course causes issues in my marriage. I have had social development issues as many of the sb community has and it is affecting me greatly. I work from home just babysitting for family and friends but all of the kids I watch are getting older and getting ready to go to school. I want to do something different but I'd have to go to school and my husband feels that I won't have time for that with the schedule I keep. We are also trying to get pregnant and I have been trying to get advice from my mom about my hormones and such and my hsuband just thinks I am copping out and giving up on him. That isn't it. I cry a lot lately and my first response is I'm depressed. I was on Paxil about 7 years ago at there was a point that it was not working and I found myself more depressed than ever to the point I stopped taking the pills daily and my mind was so lost and I felt so horrible about myself that I wanted to take the rest of the pills. Lucklily I came to my senses. But the problem is I am at that point again that I feel that my only help would be to be put on something but my hsuband is afriad I'd hoard my pills again and then want to kill myself. I see his concern. I was always talking to my mom and she tells me that yes she agress I am depressed but she does not understand why I cant just snap out of it and make myself happy again, just to do the things I used to. My husbands also agrees that I just need to stop feeling this way.
How do I cope with this? How do I figure out if I am depressed or just stressed out about wanting to get pregnant and not knowing what to do for a job?
I'm sorry if this doesnt make sense but I just kind of vented. lol I have a lot more built up but I'm sure if I kept going things would get confusing for anyone reading this. lol If you have any questions please feel free to ask. ANY advice will be accepted.
thnx in advance