Pamster

[peglem]

Haven't heard from you in awhile. Just wondering how you and Jackie are doing? And wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you!

[Pamster]

Hi peglem,

I am not doing so well, Jackie is really taking it out on me that he's bored to tears. Today he shoved me off the bed (onto my side with no leg) and my back, like hip level hit the dresser, the corner of the dresser and bruised it pretty bad. If it wasn't new year's eve he'd be on his way to the hospital for observation, he might end up going tomorrow or the day after that even. I am really over this senseless violence. Even Jack is saying he's had enough. I think it's just time to let go. He's unfortunately becoming a bully towards me and I just can't take anymore. :(

[Kristen (ColeysMom)]

Oh Pam, I'm sorry!

I'll be praying that this new year brings your family some peace and comfort and well deserved milestones!

God I wish 'they' had more answers! I'll be praying hard for that too!

Not very helpful, I know...

In my thoughts!
KJ

[milivica]

God I wish 'they' had more answers! I'll be praying hard for that too!

Ditto, more answers more quickly. What are parents supposed to do, when the child becomes bigger and stronger - can't wait for milestones to be gained, takes time!

No luck at all with any meds Pam?

I know, you know, he really really doesn't get the impact of what he's doing. I think you've endured more than you ever thought you could! More than most anyone could. I remember how intensely frustrated I felt, getting hurt every single day from Vince, though he didn't mean it. I have no idea how many broken/fractured/twisted fingers I had from him ALWAYS grabbing only one, then twirling it (felt like he wanted to twirl it clean off) not to mention being a living jungle gym. I can't believe no one called the cops when I was in shorts, assuming I was a battered wife. It was just so so frustrating, I was so sick of getting hurt all the d@mn time, like I was some inadement object to Vince.

If you need to go with some alternative for now, so everyone is safe (including YOU) so be it. Just don't tell yourself it's for good, so you can stand leaving the place (if you go). When Vince was inpatient for those 19 days way back when, I can't tell you how shocked I was that even though I gained one kind of peace, I had a whole different kind of stress. Ya know?

You are a wonderful, loving caring excellent mother. Mom's like us don't hear that enough, and if love and effort were counted by the general population we'd all be wearing medals for being great moms.

So what I'm trying to say, is I know you're to a point where your choices ALL suck, but even so I know you will absolutely do what is best, and I'm 100% behind you. Call me tonight if you want, or tomorrow. I don't drink so I'm not doing anything - plus dh is working, so it's not like you have to wonder if your interrupting cause you're not. And you never have either. I promise I will be mindful to try and shut up long enough to be a good friend and listen, before I launch into guinea pig stories (I'm fostering 2 pregnant pigs at the moment).

Love,
Lisa

[milivica]

Hey Pam, actually, if you get a free moment tonight will you call me? I don't want to call if there is chaos going on right when I ring your phone. I have a real quick question.

[peglem]

Sorry to hear things are so rough...like Mili says- all your choices suck. I'll be praying for your family, too.

[JungleWoman]

You are a wonderful, loving caring excellent mother. Mom's like us don't hear that enough, and if love and effort were counted by the general population we'd all be wearing medals for being great moms.


Boy that is the truth-- Pam, you have done such an excellent job with Jackie and I have to agree that sometimes ALL the choices do suck. :(

(((((hugs)))))

Im with Kristen in the prayer arena, hun.

Bless you all.

[milivica]

Hey Pam, just checking to see if you'd posted...just kind of worried about how you're feeling. How things are going.

[Isabelle]

Pamster, I know is tough but is time to search and select some extra support, be living in a group home for weekdays or a tutor to get him busy a few hours a day if that service still exist....:(

[Pamster]

We've had the aide out here maybe four times over the holidays so far and it's just not enough. Jackie has been absolutely awful too. Just acting like he's unaccountable for every whim he gets. It's terrible. Like yesterday he was on a spilling drink kick, went and spilt four drinks during the course of the day. I am really fed up with his horrible attitude. He was fine Thursday until the afternoon, and then he went to heck in a handbasket. Though we had the aide out then and he had fun, he came back and was such a brat. :(

I'm not hopeful at all that we're going to see him up to his next birthday. I expect him to be placed by then. :( I have had such a rough time with him, it's just not fair, my good boy has changed and not for the better. :(

[Pamster]

Had a nice time today, but I am tired and weary. :p

[Kristen (ColeysMom)]

Pam, I'm completely out of my element here, but I'm wondering if there is some way to place him in a hospital type setting to have a doctor assist you with a med change and so that he could be monitored and managed by a more 'expert' group in the meantime.

Is this something that happens?

I mean does it seem reasonable that he has 'outgrown' his current Rx or dose or something? He is at an age where his body chemestry is in flux, right? Is this a totally off the wall notion?

KJ