Storm a coming

[houghchrst]

Morning all. I hope you all had a good night and will have a great day. I really hope the sun is shining somewhere. I can't even remember when the sun shone last, that is how bad it is here in Michigan.

I am a big knot of tension, waiting for the proverbial "poop" to hit the fan this weekend. Last week I was served papers stating that my ex husband wanted me to pay him child support because my son was living with him. So I filed a Response to Motion with the court, our date to see the referee is Jan. 7th. I told them everything. My son has been staying with his paternal grandmother pretty much since August to go to school from there and because he is bipolar and our house is too chaotic for him to do well emotionally, 2 bipolars under one roof a happy does not make. His grandmother had no problem with this. In the meantime my ex had to move in because he lost his girlfriend, job, trailer because of his crack addiction. He drinks and smokes pot too but the crack is his worst. He is so bad that even the addicts avoid him. He has worked as a waiter for quite a few years because that way he can spend his tips on drugs and no one can question where his money went because no one knows how much he makes. He only makes $2 and something an hour so all of that money goes to child support and it is not enough to even meet his payment obligation. His mother who is a b***h in her own right has been scheming to get him to do this and she also tried to report me for welfare fraud but what she doesn't know is that I don't get any money from them, only medicaid which my son is covered under and some foodstamps depending on how much income comes in. I already called my caseworker in Sept. to let her know what was going on and to make sure I wasn't doing anything illegal. And I called the Child support Worker and let them know and they have no problem with it. I tried to give her a child support payment that I recieved from him, $13.90, but she wouldn't accept it. She wigged out on the phone and said she wanted to make it legal. I have no idea what that means unless she is trying to get Dave to get custody. She has no idea of the extent of his drug use but she will this weekend so custody will never happen. There are no grounds. Besides my son is 15, a little late for that.

So anyway, I put all this info and more in my response and had a copy filed and had my brother mail my ex his copy. So I am sure I will be getting call this weekend. I feel kind of bad for the ex, his world is about to come crashing down around him. His mother with be flaming mad and if she hired a lawyer to get involved in all this then she has wasted her money. I am not worried just feel like I am bracing myself for a storm. I will not let them do this to me and the only one hurt in the long run if it continues will be my son. He already knows that his dad is a drug addict but he loves him, I mean after all he is his dad.

By the way I am at my mother's on her laptop. I will do a bit of Xmas shopping for her. Was out yesterday and over did it a bit. Knee hurt so bad I could barely walk last night. My head hurts almost everyday now when I wake up, sometimes bad and sometimes just that mild achey feeling like I am on the edge of a major migraine. I am tired of it. I wake constantly during the night because I can feel it and I am afraid that I will get a bad one and am thinking that maybe am clenching my jaw or laying wrong. I so need a new bed and would love to have a pillowtop sleep number but no way I can afford two grand or more for a bed. Feeling kind of crappy too almost like I have the body flu without all the extra symptoms. Need some sunshine desperately.

Well that is it for now. I will keep yous updated.

[joy]

Christina I see why you are bracing yourself. I think that you have done all that you can to prepare for this it sounds. If that mother started all this I hope she feels remorse when it is all over. I agree about your son, he will likley have a bit of apprehension over all this but he has sounded like a fairly good hearted boy every time you spoke of him. I'm sure he knows what this is all about and knows he is loved. That's what is important.

A lot of new changes are coming after the first of the year for many, mine may be just a bit before so I'll keep you in mind while I'm milling over my troubles. I am glad you will keep us updated, misery loves company. ;) Seriously having support from people on this board means a great deal to me, I don't feel so all alone.

[Buttons2]

Christina, it sounds like you have done all that you can do about this situation. Now just wait for the courtdate & see what happens?

Now my brain doesn't always work right....I thought you had a wee one at home with you?

You MIL will find out the truth of her son's drug use,if she has an open mind that is! She could be one of these people that likes to live in total denial?

Joy,you hang in there,we will be here for you when the bad stuff comes.....

And we are having another storm coming our way here in the NW. I simply hate winter! Thinking ahead to spring is about all I can do to get through these ugly overcast days. Snow might be a welcome change of scenery here at least!

[houghchrst]

Hi buttons, yes I have a 6/7 year with by my current fiance of 9 years, yes long engagement, but my 15 year old is from a previous marriage. (that's probably why I am still engaged LOL) As for my mil and her believing about her son's abuse I have no clue as to whether or not she will believe. I can't believe she hasn't suspected it by now, he looks really terrible.

[houghchrst]

WEll they had to have gotten the response and yet I have heard nothing. I figure either he has not shown his mother or he has convinced her that it is all lies. I did talk to his brother, do quite frequently, and while he has no idea about the response he did tell me that his mother had asked him if she could file taxes and claim Brandon. If this is what all this is about then I have no problem with that. When I explained what was going on, he said she thinks I am getting all this money from the state for my 15yr old and about $200-$300 a month in child support and he has not been staying here. She is badly mistaken, I get no money from the state at all. She even went so far as to call DHS and try to get me in trouble for welfare fraud. Luckily for me I had already spoke to my case worker and explained everything back in Sept. so she remembered when I called her again. My ex probably has his mother believing he is paying all that child support but he can't even meet his weekly obligation. My ex BIL said she has asked his advice on a few things a couple of times but he had no idea of what was going on at my end. So he said that he will tell her what is going on and that she is making a mistake and we will see what happens. This seriously has reached a point with me where I have started obsessing about it. I lay in bed at night and have to deliberately make my brain shut up, I wake in the middle of the night twirling my hair and brain racing again. I can't wait until this is over.

So I just try to go moment by moment and not think of it too much and know that it will all work out in the end. Thanks guys for letting me rant and rave.

Have a great New Year.

[tic chick]

hey christina!

i was just downstairs, mindlessly doing laundry, kinda letting my mind freefall.

and i had one of those "uh-huh" moments thinking about your post.

we used to get our mail delivered about 4:30 in the afternoon. i would go through the mail and sometimes would come upon a bill, or something, that somebody had screwed up something on, and, of course, i couldn't do anything about it until the next day because most government offices, bureaucracies, etc., close at 5PM. so, i would walk around, all agitated, unable to do anything, thinking about what i WOULD do when i got a hold of the so and so's. i would also sleep poorly, still angry that i could do nothing about it, yet.

so, in the laundryroom, i thought...this inability to let go of something we have NO control over at the moment, leaves us unable to do the things that we DO have control over. it keeps us from living and enjoying the present. it robs us of sleep, peace, etc.,...the things that help us function throughout the day and be available for ourselves and for the people we love.

letting go of control.

letting go of fear.

letting go of anger.

letting go.

"i have done all i can. the rest will unfold."

have a peaceful new year, christina,
jeannie

[Buttons2]

Well here's how my mind works: unless you sent the reply by certified mail you really have no way of knowing it was received right?

Court date is on the 7th? Can you try your best to put this out of your mind & wait to see what happens?

Logically you know better than to waste precious thoughts/energy on the ex,but emotionally he still pulls your strings. Don't let him have that control over your thoughts. Easier said than done I know. But he could care less if you lose sleep right? In fact he probably doesn't care about anything but his next high.

About your MIL, I'm thinking anyone would have done what she did (contact DHS),under the circumstances......because her son simply has to be lying to her don't ya think?

You've done nothing wrong,you've covered all bases,now just try to find some joy in each day & to heck with ex & his problems until you have to take further action.

Nine year engagement huh? I doubt that's a record but it might be up there pretty near the top! Hehe-none of our business!

I'm curious if the vit D is helping you? I must need some also,no sunshine here in ages! In fact the entire summer was pretty dreary!

Let's all hope for a better year ahead!
Take care,Buttons