Trust the hardest thing to rebuild after abuse

[Kashis]

After being abused all my life I have alot of trust issues I pretty much don't want to trust anyone because I am terrified of someone taking that gift away from me

you always wonder who can you trust or is this person trustworthy
and its so hard to tell who is fake and who is for real there is no easy way to cure this either you will always have your doubts about everyone around you me with family members especially which is awful and it took me along time to trust my hubby not to say I don't still have it set in the back of my head it could happen again if he drinks

Trust is something we give and hope to recieve and being abused once this trust is gone how do we gain it back after and abuser takes over you don't want to trust anyone for anything partly your afraid if you trust

your abuser will ruin a relashonship with that person and second if you trust will they hurt me is the other question there is no easy answer to this except I guess trust your instincts I guess there is a reason we have a gut feeling about things we are programmed by our gut feelings naturally

Its like a child that you trust and then they become teenagers and then you loose all that trust due to knowing what a teenager will do if you trust them so to say something so simple

I am just trying to write the right post on trust and as you all can see this is a really tough issue I can trust all in this group as I don't know anyone nor will I ever see anyone but I can trust them as they have all been in my shoes

but in the real world you just never know this is a confusing topic and I am sure glad there are people who post as you seen I am having alot of trouble how do we regain trust after abuse what are your thoughts on this

How do we trust we won't be hurt we can't really we just have to pray and hope its all we have really and thats were so many problems come in from abuse not only is our ability to move on taken away but trusting issues are set in how can we trust others when we were beaten so bad why do we think this will always happen to us because we were programmed how do we deprogram then and rebuild a trusting relashonship how do we belive in someone else without flashbacks or that knot in the back of your head always telling you not to trust anywone

Because we trusted our abusers and the wronged us they ruined it for us and everyone else but there has to be away to overcome this fear more posts needed for sure on this one and I will really think about this and see what I can find I know time heals all things but never trust why is this

[blossom4th]

Krissi,
You're right....trust becomes the biggest issue in the life of the abused! Bruises heal,hearts mend and find love.....life starts over.But without trust,those 'rose colored glasses' become frosted....can't see clearly,nor think clearly....reflexes tell you to run even if there isn't a good reason! Especially is this true if you've had multiple traumatic experiences in your life,as each one just triggers the previous one....like a nasty Dominoes game!

[JAVISI]

Krissi, and Blossom,
I agree that trust is a big issue after the abuse that we have endured bu ones that supposedly loved us. I don't open my heart to very many people after being burnt so many times. I guess you just learn to stay away from the fire!

I have learned on this long and winding road to trust my instincts, you are right about that! But I hate all of the lost opportunities due to my trust issues. It is hard to open your heart for fear of it being trampled on but we must open our hearts some to help others and I think that is what we are doing. I trust the both of you with my inner thoughts and know that I will not be ridiculed for my feelings. We all have been abused and can relate to this trust problem!

I have high hopes that we can eventually learn to trust again and not always have that wall between us with other people. But trust comes witha proce we must first put our hearts out there and be prepared for the let down but when it doesn't come and we are cared for unconditionally we gain so much from others!

Lets al worl on this. This seems to be a safe place to start. We can open up a little and if you feel the trust slipping away the you can pull back!

Still Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars! HUGS, Javisi;)

[blossom4th]

Javisi,
You are right,one has to learn to trust again.I guess we have to take baby-steps until we can walk and then maybe feel like running someday! :p

[Kashis]

you hit it right on the button blossom with baby steps its hard to trust so hard I still don't trust many and my big thing they didn't call there mad at me or what did I do or are they telling stories always questioning always wondering always doubting ourselves and others I don't think we will ever fully trust anyone because of abuse but our minds so want to try to our hearts so yearn for trust of someone to be able to trust someone but again were so afraid of being let down again that we don't want to open that door

you meet people and get to know them feel you can trust them and there going to be great friends and they just took that trust to hurt you even after abuse you watch what you say to others and are afraid to say anything

its not a good thing though as if we dont' trust we end up secluded within our own worlds trust is a hard issue and a hard topic but I know all of us together wil make this topic work and learn from each other how to trust again and move on

I am really glad I started this topic as we all have trust issues including me were not alone just as in all the other topics this one is just alot harder to talk about and understand

[cheyriver]

Kashis,

I can relate to what you are saying. I was abused in childhood physically and emotionally by my parents. I recently got out of a very violent relationship with a now exbf.

I also have a very hard time trusting others. I found during my relationship with my abusive now exbf, that I had little support. I experienced alot of judgement from family, friends and the medical profession.

Even though I have been out of that relationship for a year now I still find myself not sure of others.

I recall many times hiding my injuries not only because my ex wouldn't allow me to see a doctor but also I was judged by a few doctors if I did seek care. I was told "You must enjoy being slapped around."

I have health problems from the abuse. I am partially deaf in one ear from my ex giving me concussions. I've had three surgeries because of injuries from him and may need another one.

I can relate to what you are saying. It is hard. Like someone else said we need to take baby steps. I'm slowly starting to trust but it isn't easy. I had one person who helped me leave my ex. If it wasn't for this person I probably would still be with him or more than likely dead.

I didn't leave for a long time because I feared him. He was a total monster and although in my mind I wanted to leave, I knew what he would do if I left. He threatened me all the time. I finally had the courage one day to up and leave. Unfortunately that wasn't the end of it. He continued to stalk me etc. I'm starting to breathe again but it's hard.

So I understand what you are talking about.

[blossom4th]

Cheyriver,
First of all,welcome aboard! Sorry that you have a story of abuse to share.
:( "Outsiders" cannot imagine the nightmare we've been through,or were going through at that time,unless they have been abused themselves. We're fortunate to have more people fighting against domestic abuse and other forms of abuse;but there are many people out there,including the medical profession who make poor personal judgements, that show their ignorance of the subject.It is very difficult to 'pick up the pieces' of our shattered lives and try to make sense of it all....try to make a life again.But when you are still coping with fear and lack trust,you really lack 'the mortar to hold the bricks together'! Just as a baby cannot learn to walk or run in a day,we have to take all the time we need to learn to trust again! Yes,we chance getting hurt again,but everyone takes that chance! The thing we must do is learn what to look for to recognize an abuser before becoming involved (whether intimately or otherwise)and also how to recognize what makes us vulnerable people for abuse!

[JAVISI]

Cheyriver,
I too gained the strength to leave my ex. Scars heal but the emotional abuse seems to linger in our minds. It is scarey to put yourself out there only to be hurt again. I am catious about who I trust. I think thalking about i6t and getting it out is the first step in the healing process!

I was a Registered Nurse and worked in the ER frequently. I found that people that have not been abuse do not understand! I have heard those same worde, 'She must like it"!I have tried to educate others about abuse!

They do not understand the fear inside from the brain washing, If I can't have you no one else will! Or I am the only person that loves you! As an abused person I understand the fear and isolation that goes along with the abuse!

So Baby steps it is for all of us! Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Javisi;)

[Kashis]

all I can say is i am really glad I started to post I have been trying to start posts that we can all relate to still abused or surving after abuse either way we know and we care and I just love you all for helping me by answering my posts as when I write I also get things out of me I didn't still know existed and it helps the healing process and the moving on process for me

Were all in this together kinda of a been there done that for some of us and there are people who do understand for others and thats awesome for there is a way to show we all understand and some we aren't alone and we care all of us

Oh yes welcome and hope to see more posts from you