A Beautiful Mind ... A Brilliant Madness... Yours, too?

[GlimmeringGirl]

Has anybody seen one or both of these movies (shows)? I watched A Beautiful Mind yesterday for the first time, and it was so hard to sit through the whole thing. I had to keep muting and pausing! especially during the parts where Nash acts so strangely. It just cut so close that I couldn't bear it.

I was overwhelmed.

Perhaps it hurt so much because I am - was - a professor who lost a university post when the bipolar became so intrusive that i could no longer function. But so many other parts of it rang true to me as well. Am I alone?

Were there parts of Nash's life that seemed familiar to you too?

[markpilnick]

I saw the movie several years ago and although I rarely have hallucinations, the film poignantly reminded me of what I'd lost as a result of this illness. A friend of mine, who became my friend when we were roomies on a psych ward at NIH, can't watch it at all because it's almost his life story. Now I generally steer away from movies that resemble my life. I don't need to be reminded of how difficult my life has become and of the uncertainties that are out there. Keep on truckin'; that's my adivce.

[GlimmeringGirl]

Welcome! and thank you for responding. I understand what you mean about not wanting to watch anything that reminds you of how much you have lost. I kind of forced myself to watch the movie as part of forcing myself to accept that I have this disease. I have been in denial about it for so long, refusing treatment, and therefore making the lives of everyone around me extremely miserable, that part of my program for healing is to accept the disease and learn how other people live with it.

I thought that because the movie was about schizophrenia rather than bipolar disorder that it would be sufficiently different from my life that it would not seem "biographical." I was wrong! Ouch! The part about how he always said the wrong thing in social situations and work settings seemed the most familiar to me, and the lashing out. oh and so much more ...

There must be a less painful way of elarning abou tthis? I don't want to pick apart my own life because it's like a nuclear winter ... I don't think I could survive a walk through the landscape.