Question for Tootsie

[Jo6]

Tootsie, the nurses at the NH was asked how they decided when it was time to call Hospice for an Alzheimers patient. The answer that was given was, "The blood work". If you know more about this would you let me know?

I know you have been a caregiver, you also have much knowledge stored away on just about every thing:) I do appreciate all the help you have sent my way. You have so much to give here at BT, concerning many things. I'll never be able to repay you for the love and concern you have spread all over this site.

thank you, Jo

[Tootsie]

Hi Jo,
Thank you for your kind words! We've changed our access to the Internet provider and have had all sorts of problems which has interfered with my posting here and on other sites. It is so frustrating, and I'm appalled at how dependent I've become on meeting and greeting all my friends here at BT.

I'm not sure if I can answer your question. Just what test do they mean by "blood work?" My MIL, had leukemia, and she simply did not make red blood cells, and became so anemic, she died. Perhaps your MIL is no longer producing red blood cells, or perhaps has stopped renewing her other types of blood cells. They do wear out, deteriorate and are constantly being replaced.

I am sorry that your husband has stopped communicating his worry and concern to you. Perhaps he thinks he is protecting you from all the anguish?
Men can be strange that way but sometimes, the best thing, is to simply be patient and wait for the 1-2 hour, non stop recitation, of all that's on his mind. My husband used to do that when he was working. Cheerio.

[Jo6]

Tootsie, you have been a big help to me and I appreciate it. I guess at this point the question is mute.K came home last night and he was very upset. I didn't ask, just waited for him to speak or not to speak.

After a time he Did speak. Actually he cried. Still didn't want to let me see him crying, but he knows I have been there. He also knows I love his Mom very much.

He said he didn't think it would be much longer. I tried to allow him to guide the conversation. For the 1st time in a lone time we had a decent conversation.

Thank you for the advise , some times if we can step back and look on the conversation with clear vision we will find the answer. Thank you for helping me see what I needed to do.
thanks Tootsie, Jo .

[Tootsie]

Jo, I'm glad that your husband is communicating again. Men can be so aggravating! They think we don't know when something is bothering them. They seem to get carried away with the thought, that they must always be strong, and bear all the burden. Somehow they think this protects us!

Be prepared also for the fact that deep inside, he may feel some relief that this long, anguishing journey, is finally over, when she passes away. While caring for my mother, at some point I realized that I really didn't need a "mother," anymore. I knew how to deal with the situations that arose. She had done a wonderful job of giving me the confidence to make the necessary decisions, and also had structured her affairs to make things easy for me. Of course the sorrow remained, that she was no longer healthy and able to enjoy things with me. But there was nothing I could do to restore that life to her, and she also knew that.

I think that we all feel guilty in some way that we couldn't "fix" this disease and this erosion of life. We all do the best we can and that we must be thankful for. Cheerio.

[Daisy]

We were actually informed by the nursing home when Gram's health had deteriorated to the point where it was determined she was eligible for hospice care. They had a checklist of conditions that was reviewed by their in house nursing staff and approved by the doctor and then the family was informed and told they were eligible to pursue hospice care. It gave her additional nursing, spirtual, and physical care during her last months. We were told if her health should improve above their standard for hospice (she had one miraculous turn around before) that she'd be removed from hospice and placed back on regular care. It worked out wonderfully for her, especially in her case where her faith was extremely important to her, even when other things fell by the side to have regular visits from the local priest.

While there was a general health review I don't remember anything specifically to do with her blood as much as life expectancy do to her health conditions and age.

[Tootsie]

The kind of evaluation that Daisy has described is generally available is some communities and simply not a factor in others. Sometimes other countries, especially in Europe and the UK, are much more advanced, in dealing with end of life issues. I know that in the state where my husband and I grew up, there is an organized effort, to evaluate just what kind of services people need, and recommendations, for how to meet needs in the least restrictive environment.

Perhaps one day, those kind of services will be generally available. The problem is that no one seems to want to increase taxes to pay for these types of programs. Cheerio.

[Daisy]

Well I don't live in the UK, I live in MA, right here in the US. I was actually pleasantly suprised to find out when we went looking what senior services were available when we went looking under medicare. The problem we discovered is there are many services but not everyone is aware of what is out there.

For instance having dealt with my Gram for over a year, when my father got sick down south I knew he was eligible for certain services as both a senior citizen and a vetran. My father's doctors told my mother that wasn't the case and she continue to pay out of pocket for services he was supposed to be getting through medicare. So eventually after some negotions with Mom, I flew down, went to the hospital information section, asked for a social worker and found access to all the services he was eligible for that sure enough the doctor not knowing medicare from the apple on the wall had told them they weren't eligible for and yet they were.

I've learned not to accept no for an answer until someone can show me the documentation that says, no, not just their personal experience or interpretation. I've discovered if you are willing to look there often are people who can help you find the services that you often already are paying for if you know who to ask and how to get them involved in the program.

It was amazing that when my Aunt and I were trying to find a nursing home placement for my Gram privately she was years on a waiting list. When the elderly housing complex she was living in sent us their senior social worker we not only got a nursing home bed, we got to pick a town close to where my Aunt and I were living so we could visit frequently. No lines, no waiting, when they said it was urgent, she got a bed. When we said it was urgent, it was a year wait. Same lady, same problems, but when you get the right people involved, the situation changes dramatically. I've learned to ask for help.

[Tootsie]

Excellent advice, Daisy. I've learned also, that you need to challenge everything that doesn't seem right to you. I've actually written to parking authorities and got a citation dismissed after a lengthy letter of description, of the circumstances, and some suggestions as to how to improve the process of issuing citations, at a major airport. It is worth the effort. Cheerio.