told to come here for help!

[Cardinals#1]

Hello, a lady over on Child neuro. told me to repost this here, that someone over here might be able to help me out. SO here goes.

Dustin's one on one aide of two years some how got a transfer back into pre-k.

She did not even tell us that she was not wanting to take care of Dustin anymore. SO I was caught completely by surprised. This aide didn't do too bad, with him, at least I knew she was a stable person.

Well her replacement I'm finding out is a different story. I asked for her name, "because the school wasn't even going to give me her name, unless I asked." I find out her name turns out my husband has clients that used to be her employer. So I just couldn't help myself ,"I had to call & find out about this gal." The lady that was her former employer tells me that she at some point had lost custody of her kids,"she didn't know why". She fired her because she was caught at work kissing on the customers. She said she was a pretty heavy duty partier. SHe even said he would not trust her with her kids alone in a bathroom.

So that freaked me out. I call the school & ask for Dustin to be taken away from this gal, that I was picking him up.

I have a talk with the Principal. All he could say is 'Well having kids myself I see why your concerned, we are going to have a meeting with the Special education Coordinator & see what we can figure out. I told him, that it didn't matter what they figured out that Dustin was not going to have this lady take care of him knowing the things that are know about her. All he could say after that was, "Well you know this is going to cause of staff problems because we are going to have to shuffle some people around in order to have someone else take care of your son. "I could not believe my ears!" I said , do what you have to do, "all I care about is my son's personal safety & well being. Then of course the Principal says "& so do we."

School would not provide me any info. on this woman that they had in her file about her previous employer references. All they said was that they'd done a background check on her & that it came back clean. They would not say that her previous employer references came back all good, they played they "can't tell you that info. card."

I ended up on the phone with the School's superintendant, , "didn't ask for him, just was asking for this lady's employment info., Just wanted to know if she'd had checks done on previous employment & if they came back ok or not. Then I ended up talking to the Superintendant. I explained to him the situation, & he started telling me that I was being absurd. That the woman was wonderfull. SHe'd worked at the high school taking care of a high schooler that left to be home schooled. He didn't care what here previous employeer had to say about her, said I was being absurd.

"So that went real well!"

Guess what, my husband called the school to find out what they were planning on doing, "they said nothing." Nancy stays , & if Dustin is at school Nancy will be Dustin's one on one aide.

Ok people I really need some help on this one!

HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Give me so good direction here, I feel like I'm drowning!
__________________

Teresa Mom to Dustin 5 years old born with CP.
Dustin's twin sister is Kadee.

[matika]

Hi There.

I am sorry to hear about your son loosing his aid, it is hard enough when aids are sick, then loosing them like that, is unfortunate. But, the aid might feel she needs a change of things, and well we all need a change from time to time.

I don't blame you for not wanting this person to take care of your son.
But please keep in mind, that you don't know exactly why her kids where taken away from her. It might be for some reason when things go bad, regardless how hard we try to make them good. And maybe her exboss just had a thing against her, or she didn't paid attentino to him so, well, you know, she is a ____ in his books for paying attention to someone else, etc, I don't know.

I am surprise however if the state took her kids away, that dind't came out on the background check the school did, and it came out clean, not sure if things like this show up on back grounds, or perhaps they took her kids away to investigate somthing that came out clean or was something else that they thought it was, there for it did not go on her record.

I can't tell you what to do, because I don't know what I would do, but I know we are all humans, and people change, and perhaps she has, or perhaps there was nothing at all. Give it time, let the school meet, don't become their enemy over this, and try working with them, because is best for you and your son at the end. Perhaps request that she is not left alone with him, or that sort of things, or be somewhere there is always others at view. Maybe get a feedback from your son see how he feels about it if he can tell you.

Best of luck, I know things get hard sometimes. Blessings

matika

[Isabelle]

hi, welcome ! :) I am not in position to advise you but there are plenty of gals here with great experience on your concerns.

Now, if I had a little kid in school needing one to one and suddenly you receive "rumours" (is that what it was ?) that the person's background was not that "clean" calmly I would verify it. I usually would start by asking the person directly in a very friendly tone, how much experience she had, where did she work before, for whom...etc. smiling, complementing, making mental notes. Then go for evidence in paper...
In my case I did that and then, calmly, passed the info to the powers to be to receive the shock of my life, my son's well being worth nothing, far more important was the staff they hired :(
I learned to be "calm" because a parent can easily be accused of "unstable", "aggressive", "agitated", "frantic", "trouble maker" and... hey ! they can call the police on you and you ended up cooling your heels in jail like Milli did!

So good luck !

[peglem]

I don't think there's anything you can do really unless you have some actual allegations against her. The school is bound by confidentiality laws- and really would you like people to be able to demand your private records? I do understand your concern for your child's safety, really! But, all you really have is rumors and hearsay. Is she doing something wrong with your child? I may be wrong- I'm not one of those who is really up on the laws- but short of homeschooling, I don't see what you can do about this.

[milivica]

I don't know what you can do, I don't want to discourage you, and totally understand what you're saying. Even when I discovered my son's case manager was abusing him, even when she admitted not following the IEP, even when I informed the Office of Civil Rights and they investigated, there was not one thing I could do other than pull him from school. Short of killing your child, school staff can pretty much do what they want IF your child doesn't have a voice, or, if other parents don't form a 'group' with you...unless you have big bucks for a lawyer then you have hope.

[Mother's Heart]

sigh. maybe call OCR or P&A and ask questions. Find out specifically what the regulations are about 1:1 aides and if they have any suggestions. Call the state department of education and ask questions. If they know you have concerns, substantiated or not they will make the school resolve it toute suite. That's how it works in our district anyway. The local schools don't want DESE (Dept of Elem. and Secondary Ed) to get wind of any problems so the threat of it gets them on the problem, and if DESE does get involved things are usually resolved properly, not just with covering tracks.


re the other student: just because she worked with him for two years doesn't mean there were no problems. And it doesn't necessarily mean she helped him in the bathroom, though she may have.

Is he homebound for health reasons or did the parents just choose to homeschool him? One of the several reasons I brought my child home was concerns about issues with the one to one aide. No record of my concerns exist but I had suspicions, marks, change of my child's attitude and behaviour re bathroom and school, etc.

I agree that you can't stand solely on 'accusations' made by a former employer, especially since those things may be considered slanderous or violation of confidentiality. BUT...I don't see how you can ignore this information either. You're his mom and ultimately you are the one who protects your child and sees to it that he gets the best. Others may share the responsibility, but parents are the only ones who can be counted on to assure his welfare is continuously kept a priority.

gonna post this while I think because I keep losing my post and i have to leave for the day in a few minutes.

[Kristen (ColeysMom)]

I would think if her children were 'taken away' that there should be something in a record somewhere.

But, it may just be that the father 'won' custody...maybe because he had a more stable home for the kids...in their school district, in their house they grew up in, near their docs, friends, extended family, better income.......

Although, you would think that the court would make every effort to have them stay with their mom, so there might be something that swayed the court toward the father...could have just been a better lawyer.

And if there is something to her 'losing' her kids, like abuse or something, it may be that it is in a different state...I know that's a HUGE issue here in MA. That background checks are done within the state borders only. So if something has occured outside the state, that is not a felony, then MA won't know or consider it when hiring someone.

But all that is based on guesses, I wouldn't do that. There are endless possibilities.

And in the end, I think it's like anything else, unless there is a reason that she shouldn't be caring for YOUR child, nothing can be done.

But I agree, it's impossible for you to ignore this, as his mother.

The way I see it you have 3 options:
- take him out of the situation yourself (transfer or homeschool)
- work with the school to have a new aid appointed (which may not be any better)
- give her a chance

Can you meet with her? I wonder if she knows about all this.

Do you know anything more about her than her first name? Anyone can run a background check on anyone else...it just takes a few tid-bits of information and some money.

I also agree that you need to go to extraordinary lengths to be calm & professional. Although school should understand the emotion behind the parent/child relationship and be skilled in dealing with it, seems they use that when things get too tough for them. It's wrong! But reality.

Hmmmm, I wonder if an advocate could help you here...perhaps not to 'DO' anything, but maybe negotiate a situation where you would feel comfortable and safe sending your child into school each day, AND the school wouldn't have to rearrange everything.

ok, lots of rambling thoughts...hopefully something helps!

Good LUCK! And keep us posted.

[mc4_a]

I would make sure the information you received is accurate before moving forward. A lot of this sounds like idle gossip and conjecture. Certainly we understand your point of view but it sounds like you're ready to hang this lady up based on gossip. I would hate to think what the world would be like if we were all judged by gossip.

[Mother's Heart]

I wouldn't say it sounds like just gossip, necessarily..since mom went to her former boss and specifically asked for her opinion...but still it is just one person's statements, apparently without confirmation from other sources. ?? but yes, be careful....then if the info is accurate stand your ground. jmho

[Anna-Banana]

HMMMMMM, do you have respite hours for your son? These are hours given to a parent/care giver from the DHS/govt.(The mom/friend I work with/for gets a certain amount every month for her boys...that is how she pays me. She submits the hours worked, and the checks come to me. :O) If so, you could maybe hire your OWN aide? Just a thought.

[Cardinals#1]

HMMMMMM, do you have respite hours for your son? These are hours given to a parent/care giver from the DHS/govt.(The mom/friend I work with/for gets a certain amount every month for her boys...that is how she pays me. She submits the hours worked, and the checks come to me. :O) If so, you could maybe hire your OWN aide? Just a thought.
That's very interesting. I wonder if she was on the waiting list, "The P.U.N.S" & got lucky enough to get someone to take care of him or if it was a different program.
I've got Dustin in the states P.U.N.S data base. But have been told that there is way more people on this waiting list than the state has money.

THat's a good idea (respite worker) though, something I've never thought about.

Where in IL. are you. We are just below Havana. So far this school district has been nothing but a nightmare for parents that have kids with disabilities. I wish there was a school that wasn't horrible to kids with special needs and their parents.

Did the family hire you directely? I've heard families are allowed to hire the people they would like to take care of their kids.

[Cardinals#1]

HMMMMMM, do you have respite hours for your son? These are hours given to a parent/care giver from the DHS/govt.(The mom/friend I work with/for gets a certain amount every month for her boys...that is how she pays me. She submits the hours worked, and the checks come to me. :O) If so, you could maybe hire your OWN aide? Just a thought.
So you take care of your friends kids at school? Am I understanding you right? Sorry forgot to ask that in my last post to you. :)

[Cardinals#1]

I wouldn't say it sounds like just gossip, necessarily..since mom went to her former boss and specifically asked for her opinion...but still it is just one person's statements, apparently without confirmation from other sources. ?? but yes, be careful....then if the info is accurate stand your ground. jmho
That's the trouble I've pretty much have my hands tied because I've tried to find out from the school how her other references turned out. Couldn't even get "a her references were checked & everything was fine."

I get the "we checked her criminal background , she came back clean That is all we are required to do per the law" song & dance.

[The Pogue]

I wouldn't jump to conclusions. Any idiot can assassinate someone else's character. Even if her children were taken away temporarily, that doesn't mean there was justification. Plenty of folks on this list have run afoul of social services, because of nosy neighbors who haven't a clue what autism is like, malicious ex's out to screw them any way possible, bruises caused by self-injury, etc.

Hell, I've been called an unfit parent by people on this list because I cook with canola oil. Good thing I don't believe everything I hear.

[mc4_a]

I wouldn't say it sounds like just gossip, necessarily..since mom went to her former boss and specifically asked for her opinion...but still it is just one person's statements, apparently without confirmation from other sources. ?? but yes, be careful....then if the info is accurate stand your ground. jmho

Yes, I guess hearsay is a better description. Still, it doesn't give me confidence that any of this is true.

[Cardinals#1]

How many different people does it take you think to hear the same thing about a person for it to be not considered hearsay? No seriously, do I need to hire a private detective to follow her around just to prove what other people have said & that personally know this woman.

I've got 2 complety different people , not connected in any way to each other saying the same thing about this woman that she is alcoholic , has a alcohol dependency issue. Stating this woman has no business taking care of a child like my son with all the physical issues he has.

There are many person aides in our school district which most of them I know of personally.None of them trust this woman. They all are wondering if she's on Meth. One aide even said she'd looked like they'd pulled her off the uptown's tavern's bar stool & said here take care of this boy.

[peglem]

Morally- nobody should have a person they do not trust working with their child. I understand this. She may be a total train wreck and you may be absolutely right about her. Bottom line- you don't trust her and don't want her around your kid.

LEGALLY: I don't think you can legally do anything. Unless you catch her in an illegal act and get her arrested.

[matika]

Can you spend sometime at school away from home/work?
See if you can observe sessions, I am allowed at my kids school to come in. I drop on them all the time, not because I don't trust them, I feel lucky, the special ed stuff is wonderfull and I have no complaint on any of them, they are great. But still, I will come in unnounced and walk the hallways,, the way I see it, if the school is quiet when I get there, my kids are ok. If there is chaos, most likely is one of my kids doing it lol.

But see if you can watch and see how she works with your son, maybe right over their shoulder, but from across the room, take a magazine or something to read so it don't look like you are watching every move, after all no one likes that done to them. But this is your child and you should have access to him all the time. Inform the school you feel more comfortable if you observe, so you put your mind at ease, given the cricumstances of what you have hear.

Other then that, If you insist on this person not to be placed with your child, submit it in writting, and do contact the advocacy in your state, tell them what is going on and how you feel, and see if they can help you in anyway, if anyone would know, they probably will be able to tell you if you can do something about having this aid removed from your child's care, after all, it is YOUR son, and buttom line, when it comes to law, you are responsible for his safety and well been.

Best of luck and keep us inform.

beky

[Cardinals#1]

well right now I'm going to get a advocates advice. I've written up a draft letter to the school, which I'm going to type up and print out and of course save a copy on my computer plus print myself up a copy incase my computer takes a poop on me.

I'm going to inform them that I'm going to home school Dustin until we can get something worked out if that's even possible. In my letter I've stated what I've told them my concerns were in regard to this woman. I stated that we were wanting to work things out and are willing to work with them through a advocate, in order to avoid taking things in the legal direction if we had too. Hoping to get them to want to work things out.

Not for sure I'd be the greatest at homeschooling but I'll give it my best, if it keeps him away from this woman.

[Cardinals#1]

That's crazy , that someone doesn't have any legal rights when it comes to who can be allowed around there kids, especially when it involves someone being alone in a locked bathroom with a child who can not defend himself, can't walk, cant's sit up on his own. I am not putting him in that situation, I just will not do it.

If this is really is true, that I have no legal rights, then a law needs to be made ,given parents rights to keep bad people away from them, & to prevent them from harming our kids.

this situation is no different then hiring a babysitter. No one should be allowed to tell me who can and can not watch my kids, nor should a school.

[The Pogue]

It sounds like you've come to your own conclusions. If you feel strongly that a person who parties on her own time and has become an object of fascination in your town is not fit to work with your child, while under the direct supervision of a certified teacher, there's always the home schooling option.

[Cardinals#1]

Sorry but the teacher does not go into the bathroom with the 1 on 1 aide. That's not under direct supervision, unless you mean , the teacher says hey go take Dustin to the bathroom. I don't know really?

There is a difference between partying on their own time & being dependent on alcohol. I know lots of people that like to party, but it's not something they have to have every day, like a alcoholic.

NOt for sure what you mean about the object of fascination in my town?

Yes, this same situation is probably the reason why alot of parents turn to home schooling.

[Anna-Banana]

So you take care of your friends kids at school? Am I understanding you right? Sorry forgot to ask that in my last post to you. :)

I am sorry, I wasn't clear before...I was hired by a school, and was the boys' aide for 2 yrs. His mother and I met and became friends through me working with her son. The school didn't need me any longer, (since the boy had been pulled from school, MAJOR issues with SIB's. (this was our second year working together at school) She needed respite care for that summer, and we've been together since, now I help her with all 3 of her boys. Yes, the family hired me, but I get paid by DHS...

Any better of an explanation? LOL I hope so!

I have heard of families that hire their own aides, not sure how well the schools take it though.

Oh, P. S. We live just north of Rockford Il. About 15 mins. from the WI IL border. snow and ice for us tonight! All safe and sound at home, so we can enjoy it! :O)
Peace

[mc4_a]

I personally don't care what a person does on their own time. If they want to drink themselves into oblivion or smoke dope, I couldn't care less. I hope they enjoy it.

I simply find the way this situation is being described as very unfairly. I mean one of your sources is insinuating that this person is a child molester? Yes, that seems very even handed. What evidence supports that? It sounds to me like this former employer is out to get this person for whatever reason. It certainly isn't professional to discuss details of a former employee. And I would say the aid would have a good slander case if she ever found out what was insinuated and who said it.

And then yes, she doesn't dress well. I don't know many aids that do. It's not like they have a lot of money to spend on clothing. I really weep if this is the yardstick we're using to measure our educators.

I suggest you judge this person of her behavior at her job. Is she doing a good job? Take the advise of another poster and actually go and see how this person works in the classroom. Until you do that I don't think it's fair to pass these kinds of judgements.

[MaryEvelyn]

I know it sounds crazy but just ask Milli about the rights of the parent over the school. The problem you have is in proving that she is a problem, this would be the schools job but they are not doing it. You will be met with resistance from the school so you must be prepared for that, they may even refuse to accept the fact that you are going to keep him home, they may call him truant. Just remember to DOCUMENT everything keep copies of all correspondence with the school. Make them sign for every letter you give them. Good Luck. (((HUG)))