my abuse list that got me to my complicated brain injury

[Kashis]

I never wanted to post this but I think its the right time as I want those abused to see there not alone I had to make this list as I was going for treatment we only came up with these not that its enough and I know there is more I am just to afraid to ask and even if I do ask and then why it all goes back to my poem there will never be any right answers so I want to share this to show that abuse is abuse and those still being abused your not alone now these are only head injuries I sustained I hope it helps someone and maybe those recovering still need to add to this post of there injuries to look back to see just how far we came


Head Trauma- Abuse



2yrs pushed off a 6ft slide broke collar bone concussion

6yrs fell off wooden swing onto cement floor in basement concussion

jr high Many punches in face

4 car accidents all concussions

thrown down basement stairs quite a few times concussions

carried by face or hair when punished down hall

hit in head with hammer

pulled down stairs by hair

threw into corner window sill

beat in head with phone concussion 13 lumps

kicked in head with steel toes boots

fell out of water bed with double pedestal concussion

Charlie horses given to each leg at least 30 times each

hit in head with Harley mug lead plated (pregnant)

put in head lock and held at the top of stairs

slapped in head too many times to count

head butted till just about unconscious around 15-20 X’s that I can remember before passing out for a few seconds 2 black eyes couldn’t see for almost 2 weeks

pulled by hair to other rooms and thrown around by hair

Hit by car on bicycle never checked mom didn't want the welfare coming after her for this




Walked into walls hit head

hit in head with ab lounger bar it snapped back at me

hit in head with car doors quite a few times

slapped in face more then I can count

Hit in head with a steel door

Thrown down stairs with a bike on top of me

severe migraines as a child also

got stuck in a biker brawl fight on the way out kicked in head with steel toes they didn’t know I was on the floor till I bit the leg of someone

This is just a short list that I can remember there is a lot more but its hard to think about things like this and I am sure I have blocked a lot of them there in no order the last abuse was the head butting till unconcious

Head put through fish tank

couch and coffee table thrown on head and then sat and bounced on

Raped 6 times

like I said this is only things that affect my head mental and physical I didn't add the other things as I needed this only for treatment and no one to this day can believe I survived sometimes if you see I ended up abusing myself and didn't even know it i didn't mean to do it just happen as of now my complicated brain injury is set as unknown date

[911]

wow it makes my blood boil to hear of men that do this to a woman , my fiancee is a survivor aswell and she has posted here ( sandra) god bless you and may you get well and be treated proper not all men are bad like this man is ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, dave ,,,,,,,,,,aka,,,,,,,,911

[JAVISI]

Krissi,
I often wonder that the many times that I was beaten about the head and the face if it does not play a role in my brain disorder? I know it plays a role in my emotional life and I beleive that I have come close to overcoming it but I know that I will never forget. I beleive that I have PTSD, it was questioned by my intenist and counselor? I get physically sick when people are around me that are drunk or fighting. I get scared when othjers get mad, I avoid conflict at all costs.

I am getting stronger the longer that I am away from the abuse but the bruises all have faded but the words of not being worth anything still linger on!

My kids wonder if my youngest son was born so small mbecause I was kicked in the stomach so mjany times while I was pregnant with him? The questions will linger but no answers will ever surface.

I work hard to focus on the positive and to help others. What else can be done? Only we can change our future! You are tough and a fighter! You will help many people by posting! It helps me to know that I am not alone! Thank you!!

It will also help you to post, and get all the bad out sometimes we have to let it out, even though I know that it is hard! Good Job Krissi!

Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Javi;)

[Kashis]

I have to once again say it was not just my husband who did this it was my mother my stepfather and both my sisters husbands so I had a bunch of people abusing me this went on since as far back as too

I thought if I posted this it might just show others that hey I have been there too and your not alone and as far as the flash backs and fear its normal your not crazy at all we get like this as what we have been through even blocked out it still lingers and it takes time when I am out in a bar I am very overprotected and surronded by people all the time so if conflict errupts I am able to escape safely as one blow to the head again could kill me

And yes abuse to your head put it this way even though wrestling on tv is fake these wrestlers go through alot and you can only fake so much alot of them retire as if they get hit they will also die there are alot of them so as much as we got hit in the head well is no different same but a different situation and no we never will have all the answers and asking why we will never get the right answer we have to live and accept the unknown as it is now part of our lives

[JAVISI]

Krissi,
I am sorry that I posted that it was your husband, I remember now that this happened when you were growing up! My mind is a little off these days, please forgive me!:confused:

My household growing up was very dysfunctional and I beleive that, It is partly the reason that I made such bad choices. My mom was mentally abusive towards me. But my dad was physically abusive to her, never to us kids. I seen him shoot a gun above her head, try to drown her, Then she blamed me for not helping her! I tried but my dad pushed me away. I couldn't help! I was only a child so when They would fight which was vcirtually every night, I would gather up my sister and brother and I would try to protect them from seeing the abuse!:(

I could go on and on about what I have seen my dad do to my mom. She is a terrible alcoholic that likes to fight and argue about things 40 years ago. She drinks daily. When I visit I go early in the morning before the drinking starts.:rolleyes:

So I think that is why I married an alcoholic, drug abuser that was physically abusive and mentally abusive. I am so thankful that I am away from him! I am happy that I found a guy that treats me wonderfully and loves me with no strings attached!:)

Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Love, Javi;)

[Kashis]

it was my husband to but by time I got to him I thought this was ok I was already in the cycle
when my mom got beat up though I hate to say I enjoyed it as she punished me so I know this isn't right to say but she abused me long before she met my step father who to this day my sis says is my dad and I got abuse from her as she claimed I really wasn't her sis but she has 5 kids and 2 are half so what the difference was I never knew


She always tells me what a bad man my father was I really only knew his creative side and when he took me to the bar I was 8 and would sing and dance and people would give me quarters for the juke box and they would give him dollars for me so I never seen a bad guy and hate when she puts him down to me as I don't remember any bad with him I was too young and don't want that picture painted from what my sis said though it was my mother who beat my father so I will never know the truth but its the past and I have let go

Javasi sometimes I think were the same person we lived the same lives so to say its almost like you were there with me when I read your posts

My father was an alcoholic I blame my mother for this too she could drive anyone to drinking to her she is queen and don't care what anyone has to say she is a my way or the highway tell it like it is person and I see this in my daughter too that scares me my mother will look at someone in the grocery store and say right to them your a fat slob don't you think you should do something and then look at me and say you too look at you

As a child I was anorexic as I was yelled at for spending to much time in the bathroom doing my hair and such I thought I was what they call now HOT she took that away up until march of this year I did n't knwo that it wasn't my husband it was her the motto she would have is no child of mine is gonna be a big fattie so I didn't eat as fear if I was fat she would beat me and not feed me anyway this is why when for my birthday I said I looked hot I meant it as its ok for me to feel this way and I know that now

I was never allowed treats or pop unless a birthday or something because all she was concerend about was looks and always milk wonder why I drink so much pop these days

I am greatful the awful is over and behind me of course it still haunts me it haunts all of us but I have to move on or it will control me and I just can't allow that I will loose so much that I gained self confidence an self esteem and I am not willing to ever let those go

Javasi sometimes I would wonder if you were my sis LOL its like you were in my life too watching all them years ago but I was an only child me and my sis are 13 yrs apart

My mother was just a work and still is these days and can't figure why no one wants anything to do with her I have forgiven her taken care of her got mentally abused again and I sure the hell ain't ever going back for more my sis did the same she hates her so much when I was taking care of my mother after surgery it took her 5 days to come and help me left me alone with her no escape never never never again will this happen I tried to make things better and still got kicked in the ars so to say

Well best get the rest of the posting done i have a prayer group yet and a myspace migraine group yet to get to and I have orders to get out for christmas that people want now I have made them for a week now but due to the holiday and me being sick I am slacking http://www.geocities.com/kashinhart/photopageKKreations.html this is a link to my web page no I don't want to sell anything thats your choice I just want to share my joy with you all my new out and its raising money for my brain injury too as life as I knew is gone and I must start doing something I am not suppose to be on the comp longer then and hour Yah right I lost my ability to gab in the social world this is what I got right here I also have stuff on myspace alot more pics so if your interested in seeing them pm me and I will get you there to see an again I don't want sell anything to anyone but having a brain injury I need an out this is my out and I do sell stuff but only on your choice I just love sharing my crafts as I am actually able to say in my life I am proud of me