new to domestic abuse

[911]

my fiancee was a victom of DA , i am a guy and have little or no real first hand knowledge of domestic abuse except that in my first marrage she was mentaly abusive ,but this time i am with a woman who is the love of my life infact i didnt really know what love was till i met my gal . she has taught me alot ( prolly not knowing it) about domestic abuse i am trying to get her to come on here and post i know you all could be a great help to her and i am sure she could be of great help to others as she has been thru the mill with this god bless her soul , anyways i will be looking back from time to time i hope everyone has a great t-day ,,,,,,,,,,, Dave ,,,,,,,,,,aka,,,,,,,,911

[blossom4th]

Hi Dave!
I just read Sandra's story....she is indeed a special woman to have survived all of that and remained strong for her daughters!!! :)

[Kashis]

you can always print some of the pages if she won't come on and it takes alot to post on here for some as there afraid fear is within after abuse I will pray she comes around as this is the best sight to find you are not alone and you can survive

[Kashis]

oh yes at the top there are useful websights posted try those sorry I am really sick today and can't think straigt

[911]

she is a great woman and she did come around once i led her here and she did post , i hope you all have the chance to read it its not a stand alone thread i dont think she knew how to do that but she did post , thanks all for your suport and i am certain of one thing she can provide suport for others who in there time of need may need a shoulder or a freind , thanks all for accepting us ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, dave aka ,,,,,,,911

[Kashis]

if there is any trouble posting ask me I will give step by step insturctions and I am sure anyone here would its nice to see others on the caring concerened side and give you so much credit for this

We are always her for anyone who needs us all we want to do is help people get out if needed and heal as needed so they can also move on and anyone who wants to join our team is welcome with open arms so to say
glad your here

[911]

i find myself sad as these flashbacks keep happinging for my finacee and i dont know what to do to help her , i woke up this am to find her on the fone with a crisis councilor and wanting to comitt suicide because she thinks she has failed as a mom , i know this to be not true but she believes it in her heart and she is seeing counciling but we still end up in crisis anything else i can do to stop this or reassure her things are ok , she doesnt think she deserves someone like me because i dont abuse ,cheat or otherwise hurt her , thats not my agenda , i truly love this woman very much but i have had to call 911 2 times to keep her safe and i hate doing this coz she hates me after ??? i dont know if she has gotten over hating me this time and it hurts waiting to know , i cant leave this woman i love her i want to help but what else can i do ,,,, help me please , please plaeasse help me ,,,,,,,, dave ,,,,,aka 911

[Kashis]

due to all the abuse a big problem is programming we are programed to think a certain way from our abusers and it takes time to get over we must deal with the flash backs were told so many times were worthless and that were nothing and no one wants you I hate you are just some of the things we hear and building self confidence and self esteem is the hardest part these things play over and over in our heads I am glad she is in counsling be paitient she will come around her mind has to be retrained that she is a beautiful person and she will be ok you continue to stand close its hard to understand if you haven't lived it but we here have and thats why were here to help

who knows what was grilled in her head print out my abuse poem show her she isn't alone there are others like her and were here I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it ok but remind her she is a survivor no longer a victum and you will be there for her and you want to understand that she is worth something over and over again its tough I know but she will come around just keep her in counsling thats the best thing

she is going to drive herself crazy without help she doesn't hate you at all she hates what has happen to her and its hard to cope with something good as as a victim your always looking for the pain in everything she is a survivor and keep reminding her she isnt a victum anymore that life is over like I said its tough if you love her you will stand by her don't doubt yourself its not you its the past and sometimes its hard to let go I also ended up in a car with the garage door shut feeling the same way

just remind her taking her life she will miss out on her kids grad and marraige things like this and her children need her mostly to teach them abuse is wrong and no one can teach them better then her she lived it she needs to stay alive to make sure that no one ever puts them through what she went though and she has already stopped the cycle but only she will know the signs as they get older just hang in there and I will pray for you to have the strength you need but we are all here for you

[911]

thanks for replying so soon , i apreaciate it so very much , i love this woman beyond exsplanation , i just want to make everything ok and i know i cant do this over night i just dont want her to through me away in the process i am all she has here her family is at closest 3 hours away and thats her daughter and shes in school with a job and her parents are older and cant travel so i am all she has , would anyonew who reads this please say a prayer for her and us as a family i think we need it at this point times are getting hard and i am doing all i can to hold it together , make no mistake i wouldnt do anything diffrent with regards holding things together i just want her to get better ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, thanks ,,,,,,,,dave ,,,,,,,,aka 911

[blossom4th]

Dave,
Don't give up on Sandra;I know this is truly painful....I'm so sorry! She doesn't hate you!!! You are her lifeline! As Kashis (Krissi) said,there's no telling what things she has been told and come to believe! Sandra needs to stay in counseling so that she can understand why she reacts the way she does and learn to rebuild her self esteem.Dave....we lose our trust...our self esteem....our sense of self.We become mere hollow shells that are to be pitied! Dave,I posted under Sandra's post....read my post about how I felt that I failed as a mother.I still get those feelings four years later.I still get flashbacks.But I'm doing better.I will say a prayer for the two of you.Take care.

[Kashis]

I would love to read her post what is it listed under I feel she needs all of us to gain strength your awesome 911 and stay strong were all praying for you

[911]

thsanks so much for helping me get thru this , thr truth is i know she loves me and does look to me for safty so we did get thru the crisis and all is once again back on track and looking forward to ythe holidays , thanks again for your suport and i will shurly look in again and atleast let you all know how things are going , this woman means more to me than anyone ever has !!! thanks Dave ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,aka ,,,,,,,,,,,911