Have you ever asked yourself (Why Me?)

[debhun]

I ask myself that all the time. It is not to happen to be. I should be somewhere enjoying life. traveling fishing what ever. But I can't cause of CP. I know most of you are worse that I am and for that I am very sorry you have to go thought this too. Try and deal with every day life is a challenge. You have people looking at you saying you are fine why do you have a sticker for wheelchair parking?

Today I had to do something and it made me feel low about myself having to do this. I had to go to DOSS today and file for Medicaid/ special Assistance. The Lady made me so uncomfortable. Like I am not to be there and was a wast of her time. Trust me when I say I didn't want to do it but I have no choose. I know I will not get it. I didn't come from Mexico. I am very sorry if I offend any one. Because not all people from Mexico do this. But where I live there is many that don't have a visa to be here. But any way she Told me I had to go for disability. I told her I couldn't get it I didn't have the % that I needed for it. But she said I had to call and get a name that said I couldn't get it. I guess I should have worked and not stayed home with my kids. My DH didn't want me to work cause he knew how much it took out of me. But Who would ever know I would need it one day.

Let me get back to cleaning. Yes I am still cleaning. I want to throw in the towel so bad but can't. But I am not doing alot of things just the wash dusting vac etc..

Thanks for the vent
Deb

Well thanks for reading. I just needed to vent

[Mark N]

Deb, I don't ever ask that as I accept life as it is. I never drank, smoked, or used drugs; tried to do things the right way but was struck down with spinal disease. My pain is getting better although I have some bad days now and then but not constantly like before. I may be too optimistic but I am hoping I can work part time within a year but I will have to wait and see. Sorry to hear about the appointment as it isn't easy to make the step.

I wish you could do all the things you wanted to do but like me your life has been hijacked.

[Boxerlover]

Deb, I'm sorry you had that uncomfortable appointment. I hit a new low today as well and am not a happy camper right now. All because I am sick. For me it's not so much why me, but I want to go back. I want to go back to that wonderful time of being oblivious about cp and tests and hospitals and all the crap we deal with.

I hope you are having a better evening, take care.
Melissa

[Kathi49]

Deb,

Honestly, I don't recall ever asking that question. I pretty much figure what brought it on was an accident when I was younger....either that or genetics. I DO recall being angry that it took so long to get figured out and then treated appropriately. Sure, I wish I could just fly off somewhere or take a long road trip...but I also know I will pay for it. So, I just take life as it comes; some days are good others are bad...like right now with an all day headache. :eek: I like Mark's description though...hijacked! And I should add...I have had a LOT of detours. But that is just how it goes. To be honest, I am just thankful that I now have time just to myself and I like it that way even if I can't do all I used to do. :) I don't know, I don't feel like my life is over...I just feel I have paid my dues and now it is my turn....even with CP.

And take it easy with that cleaning LOL! :)

[BrokenBladder]

Deb,

I was sitting here thinking real hard if I had ever had the thought, Why me?

The answer is no I have never ask myself that. I have always believed that life is what I make it. However I do feel like this is out of my control and I'll do the best I can.

I have alot of faith so I lean on that alot. I know I will never be well again, but my new life with CP has shown me how to be grateful for the small things in life.

[cindybear]

I can't recall I asking myself that,,But I know , I said why not me,,If it's gonna be something, it's me, never fails..so why not me...Why I do not lie, steal, or any one of those bad things...cause I would get caught for sure,,,..Plus I would have an anxiety attack just thinking about doing it...Better to be good than to be bad..Little off subject,,He He, Cindy

[simby]

hi deb,
i am such a pessimist that my only thought along that "why me" line was "it figures :mad: :mad: :mad:

only i could step on an unseen skateboard and go flying backwards, knocking me senseless for a minute and screwing up my back.

[Diandra]

Deb,
I am sorry for your suffering but, your stab at Mexicans was really rascist and uncalled for. Did you not stop to think who amongst our friends here might be Mexican or have Mexican relatives and friends and who you might have hurt with your unkind words?

Diandra

[debhun]

Deb,
I am sorry for your suffering but, your stab at Mexicans was really rascist and uncalled for. Did you not stop to think who amongst our friends here might be Mexican or have Mexican relatives and friends and who you might have hurt with your unkind words?

Diandra

If you read my whole post it said "I am very sorry if I offend any one. Because not all people from Mexico do this. But where I live there is many that don't have a visa to be here. But any way she Told me I had to go for disability. I told her I couldn't get it I didn't have the % that I needed for it. But she said I had to call and get a name that said I couldn't get it. I guess I should have worked and not stayed home with my kids. My DH didn't want me to work cause he knew how much it took out of me. But Who would ever know I would need it one day. " I have very good Friends that are from Mexico. And they say the same thing.

But I do apologies to you and any one else. Not just saying this I mean it from my heart.

This will be my last post. Cause I can't help the way I feel. On this board I feel as we are all equal. No matter what we are. I didn't mean to hurt any one.

Deb

[GardeniaGirl]

Although I am extremely bitter and angry that I have had to deal with my disease all these years, I have never gone down the "why me?" path.

I think its because I've always known its just random bad genetics.

But just because I haven't asked that question, it doesn't mean that I haven't suffered terribly at times over the past 10 years feeling left on the sidelines of life, watching others do all the things I can't do, etc.

Intellectually I accept and know that this is my reality, but on an emotional level, I don't think I will ever be free of some negative feelings about it. And those will vary from day to day, year to year depending on what I am dealing with healthwise.

And that's OK with me. I am not striving to be at that point.

[Jo6]

You apologized, what more do they need? A lb. of flesh? I understand what you mean I live in the state 1 over from you.

Don't give up your place on the Chronic Pain board. I understood what you meant and I saw your apology first time around. Get some rest, quit the cleaning and enjoy the guest you truely want there:p

((Deb)) Jo

[debhun]

Thank you Jo. I am just haveing a ruff day. Just found out Daughter doesn't have things ready. Now I have to make sure things get done for the wedding. I could wack her up side the head if I thought it would do any good. SHe has no one to sing no music. I have to cook for 100 people and she has nothing for the stage for the wedding GGGGRRRRRRR. On top of this she is do the flowers herself and carving punkins. GGGGGGGRRRRRRRR. Her sisters are about to kill her.So cooking Sat and getting my haid done and watchinng Jayden. OH what fun. What is she thinking?


Thank you Jo
Deb

[BrokenBladder]

Deb,

You apologized for what you said and I would just let it go. No matter what background we all come from there's good and bad. It's easy to feel left out when our government will help those who aren't even citizens, but turn their backs on all of us who are true Americans.

That being said your apology is accepted and please let it go and continue to post. We all love you here and understand that you're frustrated right now just as any of us would be.

Sorry to hear that your daughter isn't getting her head together for this wedding. I know that must frustrate you as well.

[Mark N]

Deb, you apologized in the first post and there is a difference in people that come to this country following the rules and the ones that get here any way they can. Can't say I blame them for wanting to come here but can say do it the legal way; by the way many of the ones coming in illegally are not Mexican but come from Central American countries.

You have enough going on without your daughter falling down on her responsibilities. Just take a deep breath and remind yourself it will be over soon and you can get back to your 'normal' life.

[Kathi49]

Deb,

I wouldn't worry about it too much. I know what you meant as well and quite frankly, a lot of it is true. So, I agree with what Lisa and Mark said. Actually it burns me when true Americans file for disability as an example, can't get it, but others are getting "freebies". The "system" is definitely screwed up. As Mark said...they need to do it the legal way!

I hope your daughter will come around and things will run smoothly from here on out. :)

[champgoof]

yes on those cold winter days, when the pain is so high, and my arms feel like they weight 3 tons and I have trouble putting on a shirt, I sit at the end of my bed and cry out of frustration, then I look outside or after 2 hours of trying to get ready I finally looks somewhat decent walk outside and see some "healthy" person eating Macdonald's for breakfast again, heck yes on those days I think why me?! I took care of myself, I was far from perfect but they are the "healthy ones!!!" oh my yes I have pondered that question through tears that welled up in my eyes.

as hard as it is dont forget that those people that you spoke to at your appointment their job is to screen people who are "faking" and probably hear some real and fake stories they cant tell them apart and truly dont feel like trying anymore. ( not that I am trying to make excuse for them). they dont even care how low we feel at the moment, or how this day will forever mark our lives as we are now THERE. :(

as for ssdi I remember hearing that one you need specifu hours worked but there is either ssi or ssdi that does not require hours worked , forgive me as I am canadian and we of course haev different name and different system.. I live in a fibromyalgia forum in delphi and everyone who applies the first time always gets refused, they ALWAYS have to go to appeal to be approved, sad but true :( dont let it get to you, I still wouldnt wish upon them.. well ok for a day or so WOW would it EVER be tempting!

[Stetson]

I am not bitter that my health issues have forced me to give up all the
recreation activities that I dearly loved.It has also slowed my life down too a snails pace.The on going pain robs the joy of live from you. After several years on pain management I am reasonable confort enjoying the simple pleasures of life.You need to go with the flow or it will eat away at you.
A bad operation may or may not can be reversed maybe remain stable that's the joy's of growing old as we all wish we could have 20 year old bodies again just not the brain!

[JAVISI]

I have seen this post and debated posting on it but I didn't know what to post. I try not to be a bitter person. I want to enjoy more than I am but I have faced the fact that I have to slow down and enjoy the simple pleasures in life. This disease has robbed me of many things but it can not take away my hopes and dreams.

I have lost so many things and yet it has given me opportunities I never would have had before. I was a nurse and an adrenaline junky. I let so many beautiful things in my life pass me by. I have finally learned to slow down and enjoy my children and grandchildren anytime. Before I worked as much as I could. I was married to an abusive alcoholic. I gained enough strength to leave because of my illness. My best friend asked me if I were to die in a year would I want to be living with my now ex. The answer was a great big No!!!

I left and even though my illness has progressed at a fairly rapid rate. I met up with a boyfriend that I dated as a teen. He treats me like a princess! I am happy and at peace with that part of my life. I will admit when I get admitted to the hospital for the 10th time this year I wonder why. But I have learned that with my disorder that is something I have to deal with!

I do hate the pain and because I am on so many meds that decrease your respirations, no one wants to give me anything for the pain. I think they forget that I have been on these meds for over 3 years and I have become accustomed to them. I get more frustrated with Doctors than I do my illness. I am learning everyday to live with the pain. I guess sometimes I want to give up but I have to many things and too many people to live for!

So for now I will I will Dream Big and Reach for the Stars, Javisi;)