A lonely person, everybody ditched me, I tried to do well........

[farign]

My husband uses me always and never did anything good for me. My friends always used me when they are upset with their partners and when they find them happy with each other and my presence is not fruitful in their life, or they got more interesting person in their life. They simply throw me out of their life, instead of telling me clearly they made plans and behave smart and trying their best not to be blamed. I am simple loving but little demanding for sincerity. Even my with my brother and my husband brother sisters are all finished because I don't like double-face behavior and ditching. Otherwise, I liked by everyone, and they always try friendly with me, but I couldn't go along as I am financially not well. My husband has a business problem. I am happy with my two kids they are lovely but not coping well with studies I am in a fix and frustrated. How to cope up. As I am financially not good everybody try to count me as granted and giving respect. Any advice.

[Buttons2]

Hi and welcome to BT. Hopefully other people will see your post & soon reply. Only advice I can give right now: concentrate on YOU. Let go of any relationships that are negative or upsetting. Be good to yourself right now. If money is scarce,find something to fill your time that doesn't cost much. A hobby you enjoy,adopt a pet. Help your children with their schoolwork. Perhaps do some volunteer work?

Many of us here on BT find we help ourselves by helping others'. Many of us are lonely,broke & in poor health. We also try to find something each & everyday that does bring a smile. Join us on comic relief maybe?

Best to you & look forward to hearing more about you. Buttons

[Tootsie]

I have discovered that when other people disappoint us, the best thing to do is find some kind of enjoyment with other activities. As "Buttons" suggested, a hobby, craft, or volunteer work with others who are less fortunate can offer gratifying experiences.

You do not mention where you live. Here in the USA, hospitals are always looking for volunteers to read or distribute magazines or other services to patients. Day care centers and elementary schools also like to have volunteers to help in classrooms giving individual attention to students in their care.

Even animal shelters have work for volunteers since they usually have very little money to do anything other than feed and clean animal cages. Cheerio.

[farign]

My husband is a serious moody and lonely person. How can I make him to smile at and mix with the family &children?

[Buttons2]

You can't. What you can do is suggest he see a doctor & be evaluated for depression.

Good luck!

[farign]

Thanks for your all replies.

[Buttons2]

You're welcome. How can we provide some support for you?

[farign]

Yes practically your answer is 100% workable but what about this sweet heart . This too needs something to complete the definition for complete human being . If I work on your advise definitely I have to give pain to this tiny object. Which is not in my control? This way or that way I have to suffer.

[houghchrst]

No one should ever need someone else to make them complete. You have the ability to be complete by yourself. Make yourself happy. So often we get into relationships expecting someone else to complete us, to make us happy, and when they don't do that we are hurt and disappointed and filled with the sense of "aren't I good enough, what am I doing wrong". We all should make sure that we are whole and happy with ourselves before we get into a relationship and if we do get into a relationship before that happens it does not mean that you cannot continue to grow and learn and continue to fulfill yourself mentally and spiritually. You too may need counseling to learn how to be happy with yourself and to understand that his unhappiness is not your fault and not something you can control. You both may need not only counseling for each of you but would benefit from having some marital counseling. Together you may be able to find what each of you wants out of the relationship and what is needed to make it better.

[farign]

Is it true sometimes that even you love and how much you love the person they can't love you back?Please, not try to expect what is in return,Just do what is good,risk what is best.Best for yourself and best for the family.Don't blame yourself,just be cool.Do the things that is what you think that makes you happy?Be happy for what you are and not what others think of you.Has a peace of mind,have a second or a minute to pray? Peace and Happiness

[houghchrst]

Yes, loving somebody, no matter how much, is no guarantee that they will love you back. That is why so many relationships end. Usually there is one that wants to try to make it work and loves the other but cannot make the other love them back. The best thing in those cases is to get out. Do not stay for family reasons, if it is done for that reason then everyone suffers, the children, the extended family, the spouse and the one in love. EVeryone deserves to be happy and to find love and there is someone for everyone but by staying in a bad relationship there is no chance of having a well deserved loving, nurturing, and satisfying relationship. If you do get out there is no need to find someone right away. Find who you are, what you like, make your life whole. Only then will you be able to contribute to a healthy happy relationship. You may find that you are completely happy being yourself by yourself.

I am glad to see you back. Post a little more often if you need. Keep in touch.

[Buttons2]

How can we help you? Would you mind sharing more about yourself? Some of us have found very real bonds with people here on BT,perhaps you could also?

I'm "guessing" that you might not be in the US,or if you are,that your culture might be different from some of ours? I'm just trying to get a bigger picture here of your life,and how we might be able to help.

We all love to write about our children,grandchildren,pets,etc. It helps to form friendships. Many of us are disabled,or housebound for the most part. Are you also in that type of situation?

It does help to share our burdens,sometimes just getting other people's insight can help us to see matters in a different perspective.

I promise you that if you write more often you will find friends here on BT,and you will never have to feel so alone again! I start everyday here reading PM's from people I've gotten to know. When we find ourselves sick & alone we need all the help we can get......and trust me there are many people here that will reach out to you,all you have to do is ask.

Good luck and a gentle hug,Buttons
P.S. You seem to have alot of love to share,you might not want to waste it on someone that's just not receptive. And keep in mind it's hard for some people to show love.....that doesn't mean it's not there.

[clouds z]

be your own best friend

choose friends sparingly

avoid leeches

read books
be good to yourself and the world will be good to you

[Qualia]

Sucks. :( My pain specilists say that 30% of people come from bad families that will abandon someone close if they get chronic heath problems. This study was done in the US but it applies to almost everywhere.

Happened to me too. The scariest was when my internal organs decided to crap out on me and I believed I was going to die in the hospital and I had no one to call and make sure my pets would be safe.

It's really hard because the Chronic Pain Clinic tha I go to requires that you have good family&support system to help you manage but if you get stuck with a raw deal family-wise, there's not a lot you can do about that, and I know how exausted and difficult it is to make new meaningful contacts when you aren't well. You're just simply too drained and miserable to be charasmatic, and with all the short tem memory loss, embarassing things happen like forgetting names and details of people so that you can initiate a relationship.

I'm pretty much in the same boat. I'm not married, and my parents just moved to the US (I'm in Canda), and there are no other relatives nearby, and people just simply don't care. The woman who I'd been calling "aunt" for over 20 years, since I was little, who attended my Grad, told me very plainly that she has her own family to worry about and don't call her if its an emergancy. Then she went and rubbed it in with salt, saying that her real aunts call her every month and so that proves that she is not my aunt. I've never received a phone call from a biological aunt* and I really believed that she was supposed to be there for me and that there was something real.

My trust in people is throughly shattered and I don't let anyone close any more. My CBT therapist I see for pain gave me the following anaogy: that human relationships are similar to a herd of gnu in the African Savanna, that those with good families are in the center whereas the other get pushed to the edge where the lions and hyenas prowl. Basicly, if you are in that 30% of crappy families, you're screwed and you will get used and abused because users need reasons NOT to abuse, rather than the other way around. And the people that want to use people look for those that are vunerable. Its just a fact. Don't trust anyone.


The edit function on this forum is really screwy. Trying to fix a couple spelling errors and add a sentance and it keeps not saving the changes. This is the 3rd time I'm trying to change it and its a bit annoying.


*or uncle, cousin, grandparent or anyone, and no I'm not adopted, I just have a really uncaring bad, cold horrible, heartless family that cares about work and University Poitics over people. The irony is not lost that my mom is a Nursing Researcher that specializes in Comforting patients. Just crappy people that I'm related to that have never cared, not now when I need them and not when I was a kid and not ever.

[clouds z]

sorry some here have few friends -i know the feeling of being mistreated,but i think you have to go out and find people and volunteer who is worse than you then youll have more friends

[Tootsie]

Qualia, what you say is very true and is one of the reasons that John Lester established braintalk communities. He was employed at the time, by the Neurology Dept at Massachusetts General Hospital. There were so many patients with rare, devastating neurological diseases, that there was no way they could contact each other. Most were housebound and lived great distances from each other. It was his goal, to establish these "braintalk communities," so they could reach out and give support to each other. As you can see, his goals were met.

You are always welcome here to share, vent, rage, or simply "lurk," and read what you wish. We all try to help, if we can. There are many people on these forums who have survived all sorts of abuse from their families. You would not be alone.

When your own, biological family doesn't work for you, try and find one that will. You would not be the first. Cheerio.

[Nana4&cntn]

Qualia,

I have family close who I know love me, but, I don't call on them because I don't wnat to be a burden. I have found many people here who have good ideas, and caring words. I like to call them my friends. I am sorry about your family situation. If you open yourself up to others you can create a family. No they won't be a biologocal family,but, family all the same. Check with your therapist to help you trust and for ideas of things and places you can go to meet new friends. We here on BT can be a long distance family. I am one of the housebound ones. and pop in several times a day.

Take care,
Kathy

[xxx Kac]

people are selfish and they only care about themselves in simple terms.....I would get a job if I was you, make yourself finacially good and then leave ur husband, who isnt giving you waht you need, stuff your so called 'friends' and take your kids and get them the help they need, talk to teachers, turtors... ...i dont no if that helps.. lol =p but it seems like the thing i would do

good luck!
x