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View Full Version : A few things in one - some family issues and some pain issues


ErinENj
10-10-2007, 03:40 AM
I figured I would combine these in one, just for simplicity, to make it easier on both me and all of you. And I'll even include subheads for labeling and make it easier for everyone to find any specific sections you might want to find quickly. (I've been learning how to work the subhead thing at work recently...)

1-Family Issues -

Well, my family had a bit of a shake-up this week, and it's been one heck of a short week for this much of a crisis. My mother had Monday off, lucky her, and had planned to use it to prepare for a conference she's involved in running, and getting things together for my grandmother's move from the rehab/nursing home/most-depressing-place-I've-ever-been-to into an assisted living facility. (her broken leg has healed nicely, along with the break in her arm,and got the cast on her arm off last Friday. But she's wallowing in self-pity and has stopped even attempting to walk again. She's resigned herself that she won't walk again, and therefore will never return to her house. Some of the family believe that she just likes the attention she gets from being in the wheelchair and likes that everyone takes care of her like she's a baby and completely helpless. There's more talk that the 'dementia' and not knowing where she is or what's going on, or what day it is, or all of the other 'forgetfulness' that nearly got her stuck in the lockes ward of the assisted living place is pretty much completely her own little game. No idea how anyone is going to get her to stop that crap. And no ideas on how we're going to get her walking again. I told mom that since she keeps talking about how much she wants to go sit in her favorite recliner again, and since she can't do it in the condition she's in now, to bring that recliner to the assisted living place (where you apparently bring your own furniture) to kind of show her the cake but not let her eat it kind of thing. Something to give her some substantial motivation to move her butt out of that darn wheelchair and get strong so she can sit in it again. I'm not sure if it's going but I think it should be.)

Okay, after that long thing about Nana...back to the main story...so mom was counting on that day to get her in a place where everything is all set and ready to go for both the conference and the move. Well, while she was at a local bedding, etc store, she got a call from my aunt. Turns out my cousin, who is only about three weeks older than me and who I've gotten much closer to over the past few years, was put in the hospital. And it turns out that no only is he taking/addicted to steroids, but he is also taking valium obtained through illegal deals. He had an issue maybe eight or nine years ago where he was addicted to oxycontins. He was forced into detox by my aunt (his mom), where he didn't know he actually could just sign himself out, so he ended up staying the whole time and finishing the detox. However, he didn't do any rehab, so he never dealt with the issues he needed to deal with to be in recovery. I thought everything was fine. He's running his own business, really successful, he's in great shape physically. He did use some marijuana, so that's not exactly fantastic, but in my mind, that's okay as long as that's it. Well, then the next bombshell fell. He's also an alcoholic. The combination isn't exactly the greatest for the body. To make things all that much better, his work really isn't going as well as he'd have us all think. I'm going to put this the best way I can without giving away too much simply because it's shady and I don't know anything positively yet. He had been working for some really unsavory characters and we believe gotten in a little too deep. That's all I'll say.

So needless to say, we're all really worried about him. My mom, being the woman she is and always being that person everyone calls when something's wrong or someone's in trouble, got him names of some detox and rehab facilities. One was in NJ, one was in Florida. The ideal would be the one in Florida so he could be as far away from triggers as he can be. As we all know, the insurance companies tend to make sure that the things that would be best for them wouldn't be covered, so he checked into the NJ one today. But, they'd only take him after he was medically cleared, since when they did his BP, it was something like 180 over 120 or something beyond obscene like that. So he went to the ER and was cleared and now has 30 days to get the process started and as far along as possible. Things are really stressed family-wise right now, between his situation and my grandmother's.

Now onto #2 - Pain Issues -

This is short, I promise. For some reason, over the past week and a half, I have been getting the worst headaches while at work. They start slowly, just a dull ache, but all of the sudden they blow up into a horrible headache where every move makes my head completely throb and pulsate and just hurts. My eyes start to hurt a bit, noises are that much sharper, it's just completely distracting. It's not to where I'd call it a migraine, even though I've never had one, but it's not comfortable either. Not sure what they are or what to do about them. I don't even know for sure what they are.

That's it. It's about 2:40am, so I have to get to bed now. I just needed to get those two things off my chest. I can't talk to my mom about my headache and I know she doesn't want to talk about my cousin's situation. So I really don't have anyone to talk to about it, and this is the easiest way to get just be able to talk about these things without having to worry about burdening my mom or my friends, who I don't speak to all that often and haven't had the energy or time to call for a few weeks. So I just kinda needed to get that stuff out really quick.

Thanks everyone for just listening. Sometimes, that really, really helps.

Mark N
10-10-2007, 09:48 AM
Erin, sorry to hear of the problems that are now present and the headaches that have started. Your cousin will be an addict his whole life but he doesn't have to act like an addict. It will be the choices he makes that determines what happens to him. Does he face up to being an addict and understand that it will be with him his whole life, who does he associate himself with, etc. It isn't an easy situation especially for the family because you have no control over the situation.

Several things come to mind about your headaches. Have you had your eyes checked lately especially if you are spending alot of time in front of the computer. Another thing that it could be is stress from the job; could be deadlines, people, work environment.

I hope both situations work out for you. Nana is old and unlikely to change no matter what any of you do and you add in that it is difficult to know someone else's pain. Just as you don't want them to have others judge your pain for you it isn't fair to judge her pain.

How is the job going for you? Is it what you expected , what has been different than you thought it would be?

slipnslide
10-10-2007, 10:26 AM
Erin,

The family issues you've talked about are enough to put enough stress and worry on anyone, to the point where it would cause a headache!

I know it's hard, but try not to let it occupy too much of your mind. I hope things start working themselves out in a more positive way for your family members....and hopefully put less stress and worry on you.

Best wishes,

Kim

JAVISI
10-10-2007, 10:30 AM
Erin,
I am sorry you are going through so many things all at the same time. About your Nnan, I would talk to the Director of Nursing in the facility and ask her what they are doing to get your grandma up and moving! I have found that telling someone how great they are doing even if it is only a baby step, you get farther with them than allowing them to sit in their wheel chair and feel sorry for themselves. A motivator must be found, to encourage her to want to get up and walk. She may be depressed and just giving up. The unfortunate thing is that we can not make a person do something that they do not want to do!

Just like your cousin, it sounds that he may have an addictive personality. Is he ready to quit or is he being pushed into rehab? It is so sad to sit back and watch a person destroy their body and life. My mom is an alcoholic. I8 gave up many years ago to try to get her to quit but she has no desire to quit. I finally came to the realization that it is up to her to want to quit, not me. I pray that she has that desire each and every night.

About your mom, unfortunatly it seems that their is one sibling in every family that every one seems to go to with their problems. I know that it must be taking its toll on her.

About you and your headaches, I am in noi way a person that can diagnose another persons medical problems. But it sounds like you are having stress headaches. Try to remember that you can not carry the world on your shoulders. You have to care for your self before you can even think about helping others!

I am so glad you felt comfortable enough to come on this site and vent. Their are so many people that have been in similar situations and you can get great advice, if they don't have advice they will listen and sometimes that is the biggest and best thing that we need! I wish you all ofr the best, feel free to vent when ever you need to!
Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars! Javisi;)

Kathi49
10-10-2007, 11:42 AM
Erin,

I think you have had some excellent responses.

I can't diagnose your headaches either but as Kim implied...you are carrying the weight on your shoulders with EVERYTHING. So, take care of you! :) And all I can say is that even with my weirdo headaches, any amount of worry or stress will make them worse since I think we all tend to the carry the weight of the world on our shoulders when overwhelmed. Hang in there and really, take care of yourself first!