My hubby did better than I would have....

[tgrimes]

I am so proud of my husband... he and theo were gone for nine days to washington dc and then my daugthters house in norfolk.
They just got back last night, and my husband said he felt like he learned a lot about how theo 'works', that if you just don't get disappointed with things he can't get himself to do, and just move on to something else, then he is fine, and everybody is happy.
Theo couldn't make it through many of the things they had started, like after waiting on line an hour to go up the elevator at the washington monument, he backed out, refusing to look at anything immediately after getting into the zoo, and refusing to get on board my daughters ship after she had gone through a lot of trouble getting them family clearance. Well, the monument thing was no big deal, because he did get to see it, and liked the reflecting pond and seeing so many people into jogging. But the other two things, basically a pain in the butt drive for nothing.
Anyway, I am just so impressed in this change in my hubby, he was totally focused on everything that went right and so non-chalant (sp?) about the stuff he didn't do. So overall, they both had a great time, and theo does not feel embarrased at all about those things.
Do you think a lot of that has to do with the fact that his brothers weren't there, like they like to get on the "theo ruined our day..." thing?
Also, I'm not real sure I could have done so well myself.

[peglem]

This sounds like a good trip for both Theo and your husband- I think I would have been bummed, especially about missing the ship. I would really have liked to have seen my child's ship. But, as far as the 2 of them just spending some time together, sounds like that worked good. Was Theo happy to be home? And yeah, I think not having his brothers there making him feel like he's ruining everything made it okay for him to do or not do it his way.

[milivica]

Awww that sounds so nice for both of them - big huge Ongoing Appraisal, Flexible Thinking, and Positive Episodic Memory kudos to your dh.

r....D....I

[tgrimes]

I think I would have been bummed, especially about missing the ship. I would really have liked to have seen my child's ship. .

Yeah, I think me too, he said when he told theo "ok, let's go sit over there and watch some of the planes" that Ashey gave him a "wtf?" look, but then figured she'd rather not hear him screaming either.
Sometimes I worry we might just be turning into a bunch of enablers here, we never know if we did 'the right thing' until years later! It sure feels more natural though.

[tgrimes]

Awww that sounds so nice for both of them - big huge Ongoing Appraisal, Flexible Thinking, and Positive Episodic Memory kudos to your dh.

r....D....I
Oh yeah! boom booM boom booM boom booM

I get the other two, but please explain which part would have been ongoing appraisal.

[milivica]

A continual ongoing appraisal of what is, and is not, important in a situation.

[tgrimes]

Okay, that would be the one I would have the biggest trouble with.
I don't know how they would even explain that in a book, it's such a relative thing, subject to different personal values, opinions, interests, etc.
How do you do turn that into an action plan? I'd need like a flowchart or something!

[milivica]

If your smoke alarm went off right now, your ongoing appraisal would automatically catapult you out of your chair first....not to first log off, then turn off the monitor, etc etc as you'd been taught. That would be so regardless of your culture, values, opinions, personal experiences, etc...

Ongoing appraisal has nothing to do with intelligence or anything memorized, it's intrinsic.

I'm looking for the RDI definition, I'm sure it'll be better than mine, more descriptive. And if I knew how to instill that, I wouldn't be doing RDI, ya know?

There are the many intangible subtleties a person develops, that gradually lets them gain ongoing appraisal, and strengthen it.

Remember when Rainman couldn't get out of the kitchen when the fire started? Ongoing appraisal would allow him to take the chain off of the door.

What is important moment by moment, and what is not.

When you wait for an hour in line, and can appraise that your son just can't do it, and the important thing is not to make him feel like crap, the important thing is enjoying time together, not WHAT you do or WHAT you see or what you DON'T see, but the important thing is YOUR SON, his FEELINGS, that is ongoing appraisal.

Though asd's all need work on ongoing appraisal, so do nt's - just think of all the times you wigged out and the thing you wigged out over wasn't even important - ongoing appraisal is instantaneous, moment by moment, takes less than a second - and after you appraise what is and is not important, flexible thinking follows. Flexible thinking = 'good enough' type of solutions. But nt's do not need to improve ongoing appraisal to such a degree they would not unlock a chain from a door to get out of a smoke filled room...or realize the toaster was the important thing to address, and not leave at all.

PLEASE remember, all this I say as a total amateur in RDI, in stage 2 only, I'm the furthest thing from an expert. These are my impressions of what all the verbiage means, while trying to make gains in these very areas myself. You already 'do RDI' way better than me if you are nt, you are just not consciously aware of it.

[tgrimes]

Okay, you just reminded me of something, my older son has been cooking a lot lately because his grandma brought over a japanese cookbook, but I have to keep pointing out to him, "don't forget, figure out which you should start on first" Like if he is making rice and a vegetable with the meat, he needs to figure out what to do first (without me standing over him and telling him)
So everytime he tries so hard to plan it out, and every time so far, the meat is done way before he even starts boiling the water for the rice, or he forgets to cook the vegetable.
Is that kind of like not knowing what to do at what moment, or is that just a sequencing problem or something.

[milivica]

Yeah, sounds like sequencing, and timing, and just stuff that requires more practice like any person new to cooking entire meals. You can practice and learn and be taught all you described he was struggling with, you cannot be taught ongoing appraisal as a skill, you can 'gain' that ability, but can't memorize it. I'll have to think of better analogies or examples tomorrow.

Grrrrr, mad at myself, I swore I'd be asleep by 11.

HA! Ongoing appraisal...I am super tired, I have to get up early tomorrow, ongoing appraisal is why I realize getting sleep is more important than being online - unfortunately lack of self discipline keeps me here, hee hee. It's not enough to have ongoing appraisal without self discipline (in this case). If my ongoing appraisal were 'perfect', lack of self discipline would sort of trump it....see by that example, how lacking those 5 milestones trump so many things for autistics? And when you develop those deficits, it improves everything other attribute a person has. You know I'm tired, so this is the best I got at the moment...ongoing appraisal without self discipline at times, is like having the biggest penis in the world but living on a deserted island, what good does it do you?

Think of all the many gifts and skills and attributes all of our children have, what good does it do if there are on a deserted island when it comes to ongoing appraisal, flexible thinking, self awareness, etc.... RDI starts to put down other islands, between your kid and the mainland, more an more, till he can go back and forth and so can others. Neurologically speaking, so you see my analogy?

So, there's ongoing appraisal, yes, but it is interconnected to so many other things, it's hard to separate without learning to, which, is what I'm trying to do in RDI (booM boom booM boom booM boom).