mental abuse is still abuse [Archive]

Kashis

09-29-2007, 02:20 PM

mental abuse can take away your self confidence self esteem so bad I had to ask what those words meant as I heard them but had no clue it was embarrisn but when I found out I was overwhelmed with joy

I have a mother to this day mentally abuses me from 350 miles away then kisses my butt after it is awful but what I did learn is I have a choice I can choose to take it or choose to stop it and that was a gift I never knew existed until march of this year

and believe me I stoped it dead in its tracks all her emails and calls are screened before I can even get to them just so she no longer has a chance to do this

she tells everyone my husband beat me which is true but neglects to say she beat me or my stepfather beat me or my brother in law beat me and she didn't want to press charges due to causing family trouble mind you this is before he even was my brother in law I think from that day I lost self confidence and self esteem as I had damaged kidneys and a ton of lumps on my head from getting kicked with steel toes I was also rapped by my sisters x and locked in a basement not allowed out to even pee then to be told by my mother she was beaten alot more then me and her life was worse that wasn't my problem I was her child the baby at that always comparing to me how bad she had it just wrong and rotten

when i reached out to my family all they could say was this kinda stuff happens cope with it and accept it as I had a huge black eye so that was my support

I also went to take care of her for 2 weeks against doc orders after surgery she told the doc she had no family and then after all said and done she told me I didn't do nothing for her I wasn't there my sister was all my sis did was show up a week after surgery and cook meals that were unessasary and then my mom tells me she crapped all over who will clean it I walked out an simply ask your daughter and walked out that was that I left the next day this is what I went through then get a phone call a week later from a sister mind you who is 20 min from her telling me i have to do something she has no tp when I left she had a case so what the heck was I suppose to do sorry I must stop this now its done and over and I have moved on

but this is what I mean about mental abuse it comes in all forms from all kinds of people not just your spouse can be a normal family member but I am not a victum no more I have learned to be a survivor :confused:

joy

09-30-2007, 12:03 AM

((((((Hugs to Kashis)))))) If you got hugs 10 times 10 a day, it would not be enough to make up for the wrong doings that has been done to you! What a a shame and disgrace. I am so happy that you know how to avoid this and DO stop it now. This is one cycle that is broken I feel sure. It is sad but close to the truth that if treated bad, it is sometimes too easy to repeat the cycle as it is all that is known to do. It is not acceptable and should never been done in first place. I am so glad you are out of it. And let no one ever blame you for staying far away from it. No amount of pleading, please don't ever feel like you owe you mother anything. Let her wonder why she is all alone from now on. I doubt she ever figures it out. No deep down, she has to know she is rotten.

Cry Tears

10-01-2007, 06:25 PM

Triggers old memories for me....and I've had nothing but poor self esteme thats lasted me 55 years!
Send you mother some TP...USED!...cuz thats what she deserves!
I'd give ANYTHING to have a daughter like you...one who'd at least show up when I had surgery, let alone stay a bit!
You'd hear nothing but praise from my mouth!
I just read a book...this womans mother never loved her....her entire life was filled with pain because her folks always treated her like crap!
Lots of people will say "Its not THAT BAD"!...have no idea!
It really IS THAT BAD!
Sticks and stones may break your bones...but words don't ever hurt you!
Yes...this is true...the hurt will never show on the outside.
But your heart is cut out, stomped on....there IS such a thing as "SOUL MURDER"...and thats what ugly words do!
You have/had losses in growing up.
You lost a chance to have a good childhood,
the loss of having a loving relationship...
what a mother/daughter relationship should be like.
But there's something no one can never take away....
Your choice in who you choose to be and your potential to be a giving and loving person to others who deserve such!

Keep going to counciling...learn to be different....
to never be what they tried to make you to be....a soul killer like them!...no way!
You have the chance to stop this ugly cycle!
Look what you've chosen....despite being hurt, you've decided not to repay ugly with ugly...
instead you've refused to allow this to define you as an evil-doer....
You've chosen to better yourself and not allow them power over you ever again.
You HAVE gifted yourself!
And you are one awesome gift!

Continue to nurture the little girl inside yourself....never allow that little girl to ever be hurt again!
You are now responsible for the little girl...make sure she is never put in harms way!
Think about the abuse you received when ever around them...the little girl deep down inside you got hurt!
They will try ANYTHING to "hook" you into being their "whipping post".

They don't deserve YOU any more than you deserved their beatings, verbal or physical!
Words, fist, kicks,black eye, evil eye, fat lip, lip and verbal abuse...is all the same!
It hurts....verbal pains last years past healed broken bones.

They will throw up smoke screens if you try to confront them!
Smoke screens & Mirrors....they'll use other situations to try to deflect whats really taking place.
Don't fall for it! Think of the little girl you're now trying to nurture!
Find a new family or freinds...
ones who will love and accept you for the wonderful person you are!

Triple the miles between the hurtful ones...in fact...move even futher away!
And never ever NEVER read their ugly words...that hurts just as much.
Rebuke it! From this day foward!

I know all this from personal experience...you know what?
....no matter how much I tried, how hard I tried to be good,
doing my best...always giving, giving, giving....they only took!
They NEVER gave and they NEVER ever loved me.
I spent 55 years trying...that "Day" never came...and now...they're dead!
They went to their grave or have alzheimers...basically are gone...but never stopped abusing me!

Now I'm mad at myself, for allowing them the power they held over me all those years...
and I always hoped that one day, just one day things would change...
they'd be different, they'd finally see me for who I was...a good person.

If ONLY I gave more, did more...there more...be more!
If ONLY I was perfect...they'd finally love me one day!
The day NEVER came! Never!
I NEVER got from them what I deserved and longed for....never!

Hugs, cheryl

Kashis

10-05-2007, 12:29 AM

Thanks so much for the kind words and I have learned that with my mother kill her with kindness cause in my family ain't no one happy unless an argument is started and I didn't want to be a part of that so No matter how much I want to go off and how much it eats me I smile and walk away or when in town I no longer visit her

My husbands family has raisied me since I was 14 and never knew what family was till I met them and became part of it my mother inlaw called me family last time I was there and it was hard to take I cried and hugged her so tight anyway

I don't allow anyone to ever hurt me again as I have choices and I am worth living for and its time its all about me I deserve it now don't want to sound concieted or nothing like that but its true I didn't know what self confidence or self esteem meant or was till march of this year and I will be dammed if I ever let that go away I know I am a beautiful person and I worked hard at that and I am damn proud of who I am as no one can take that away from me

I will never get an apolgy for any of this and don't expect one for a long time I did thats what my poem is about but waiting also kept me from healing but ya know Its them I feel sorry for that they don't get it and never will my mother is older now and people wonder how I can stil talk to her because if I don't this just means I never moved on I have emails that come from here that are scanned first her calls are screened by voice mail to see what she has to say first this is doctors orders

now thats the sad part they have proved its her that makes things the worst for me they have watched in biofeedback what happens when we talk about her and they mix the different sounds that some how have the same pitch as her now thats crazy

But my life is my own now I am going through tough love with my own 18yr old daughter now as she is just like ma in alot of ways and I won't tolerate it anymore but I won't crawl back I will be damned if I let my own child do to me what has already been done she is angry at the world but me being the world she is disrespectful I love her to death but I will wait till she comes to me I won't let the cycle repeat itself once more she is another who isn't happy unless she can argue and I just won't take it from anyone I went through this with my other child at 18 just not as bad and no where near as disrespectful but it shows what she saw growing up and that this is ok and how things are done I stopped it 9 yrs ago but she still saw my mother do this to me and my husband and blames me her mother its just crazy but as you seen I just drew the circle in words and how it goes around untill you stop it I refuse to kiss anyones butt that can't show love and respect just because they love me ok whole different topic but pretty much my child is trying to mentally abuse me telling her dad to leave me and it can be just them as she is daddys girl wrapped around her lil pinky but not with me I see the true her as I watched her grow why he worked we have had her checked and we have found is all she wants is attention but not the loving kind but the my way or the highway kind and I will do what I have to so I can get it and you better pay attention Yeah I have a mini mom on my hands but this time I can do it right and I can avoid anymore abuse

The child inside of me is still there and she is safe an happy now and very close by and since self esteem and self confidence I can make that child happy every day and every once in awhile she will come out to play

they have found that my ma's voice triggers alot of my pain that is still buried that tributes to my migraines and brain swelling so this has to be done and I choose this for me and my safety and health no longer will I alone anyone to hurt me mentally or physically I am beautiful I earned it and now I will live it
but here I have a chance to let go when sometimes it creeps up it never goes away it just fades

JAVISI

10-05-2007, 09:37 AM

Krissi,
I am so sorry that you had to endure the life you have. Sometimes life just is not fair! I to lived in an abusive household. My mother is an alcoholic yet to this day. I8 do talk to her daily but I make sure it is early in the day before she is plastered. I also married an alcoholic/drug addict I thought I could help him. All I got was a sharp tongue and a hard fist. I finally left him and divorced him. I am sooo much happier.

I am still scarred from the mental abuse, the bruicses and broken bones go away but the mental abuse stays with you! I have tried to use it to an advantage before I became ill. I worked as a Nurse. I would see abused women come in. I would hear the other Nurses being critical, saying " I don't know why she don't just leave!, she must like it!" Appauling words!!!!!

I could truely understand and be a support to that patient, like someone that has been there can. I also tried to educate the Nurses and other care givers. I try to make the use of the bad and try to find some good in it. I was very angry, but then one day I realized that I was only hurting myself. This is my life and I needed to try to make the best of it. It is a part of who I am and what life dealt me, I made some bad choices, and I have to live with that. But all these things are what have molded me into the person.

Please don't get me wrong I have bad days, suffer from depression but we do9n't know what plan has been made for us and we must not miss the opportunity to use our knowledge to help others!

Dreaming BGig and Reaching for the Stars, Javisi

Kashis

10-05-2007, 09:31 PM

My oldest phrase is If I can just help one person I made a difference and you being understanding to paients gives you the ability to do the same and I am proud of you for caring we went through hell but our hell someday will keep someone out of danger and thats what matters

I don't know if I posted this but a girl that used to watch my kids when I was abused has now got a degree in treating abuse victims and askes me for advice all the time as its all good to get a degree but a degree means nothing compared to living it thats what gets me people teaching abuse who never experieanced it except for what people tell them from all the abuse I suffered and the rest of us we should be able to get paid for this without a degree sometimes it ticks me off cause people are making big bucks on stuff we have been through an yet we know so much more and should do the teaching and make the big bucks ourselfs

blossom4th

10-08-2007, 12:28 AM

Kashis

10-08-2007, 10:26 PM

Wow! Reading these posts brought memories back! Not fond ones either! I finally got out of a marriage that was literally killing me. I left my husband in Nov. 2004. I was with him for over 18 years.During that time there was physical abuse;and he weighs several hundred pounds more than me! But the form of abuse that was the worst was the mental and emotional abuse! I lost my self-esteem,my sense of who I was as a person,the time and ability to care for my needs and the needs of my children (he thought he deserved it all!).Now that I'm on my own,I have "found myself" again,I am content.I keep pictures of myself of when I was with my husband to compare to now,as a way of discouraging myself from ever returning to such a bad situation again!!! I do have health issues to cope with now,that I know are worse because of all of those years with him and not taking care of myself....but atleast I'm taking care of myself now!!!

This is what makes us surviors and not victums anymore and what my poem gets to totally how we still suffer and they don't remember a thing of why and what for I have learned all the same things just this year self estem self confidince and who I was and I will never let that go again and I hope abuse victums read this and also become surviors to as there is no feeling in the world like being a Human and knowing its ok to be who you are

blossom4th

10-09-2007, 12:01 AM

Krissi,
I've never read your poem;is it posted somewhere on this board?!!! I'd like to read it.

JAVISI

10-12-2007, 11:30 AM

Dear survivors!
Yes, I agree we are survivors and we are great teachers and can do good works by spreading the word that their is life after abuse. I feel mentally so much better since I left my ex although at times when I am alone I am frightened that he will come after me and kill me.He is a psychopth!

I am not fearful when I am with my dad or boyfriend, He only beats women, not men. What a big man he thinks he is!~

Just wanted to say lets all stick togeather and always remind eachother that life is worth living and nwe are woth so much more than we were taught to beleive. Congradulations to all of us that have survived and endured abuse but came out of it and made us better people in the long run!

To the many people that are still suffering abuse, you are worth more than that.

Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Javisi;)

Kashis

10-12-2007, 01:53 PM

the poem is under this might make you think I will try to change the topic name to help others out

Kashis

10-12-2007, 01:57 PM

You must try to stop worring about the past and move on if you continue to be frightened about your x he still wins so I am here if you want to talk PM me this must be something you have to move on from or he still has control and thats not right I do know what you mean but I hate when the abuser still wins

JAVISI

10-12-2007, 04:52 PM

Krissi,
The reason for my fear is not from the beatings I took before I left him. He began drinking again afterI left, which is scary because he is a mean drunk! But the scariest part is that I have heard rumors that he is using crystal Meth! He alraedy has craziness in him. I am afraid he will really go crazy on that stuff and shoot me. Also he is mad because he quit making me payments on the house we owned, so now it will be sold at a public action.

But I am proud of myself that I am sticking to my guns and have denied his proposal to give me payments to get caught up. He will be mad if he loses the house. He always has had a way to make things my fault, no matter what! I just hate that he uses our children ages 22,21 and19 to get back at me and to have them think that it is my fault.

I was finally comfortable being alone, then all of this happens. It seems that he does all he can to stay in my life. All I want is for him to be gone! I am working on my fears and prayer seems to help me.

Still Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Javisi;)

blossom4th

10-12-2007, 08:39 PM

I'm so sorry to hear of your fears! Yet they're very real! I can certainly understand why you feel the way you do! But you have to 'stick to your guns'! That is perhaps the hardest thing that I've learned to do.But I've learned that I am a strong person! And knowing that feels so good!!! :)
Sociopaths or psycopaths won't stay out of your life....they're like termites! :mad: They 'use you all up' for what they can get out of you;it's just a game to them! :( :mad: When you do finally get free,you're just a shell compared to the 'tree' that you started out being. You have to start all over;rebuilding your self-esteem and your life.But they'll keep trying to 'bore through' somehow.Just keep using your exterminating powers!!! :D

JAVISI

10-13-2007, 09:51 AM

Blossom,
I am trying so hard to stay strong but I often find myself struggling. It seems just when the fear is gone he seems to creep back in to scare me. I am sure he gets his kicks from it and that what makes me so angry! I want him gone and out of my life although I know that it will be somewhat impossible due to having kids. My daughter is pregnant so I am sure we will both be at the hospital. I won't be fearful of him there.

I lost a lot of time with my daughter when I left because she tried not to take side and yet he spent a lot of time at her house, he basically monopolozed all of my kids time. I was so scared to go see them because I never knew when he would show up.

He has so many people fooled, they think he is just a wonderful guy that got burnt by his ex. Which is definatly not true! The picture he paints is so distorted from reality. I am happy to say that my kids are seeing him for what he is really worth! I spend as much time with my kids as I can especially my grandchildren. I just wish I were healthy and stronger physically.

Thanks for all the TLC, I KNOW THAT YOU ALL CAN UNDERSTAND AND THAT REALLY MEANS A LOT TO ME AND i AM TRUELY GREATFUL!

Still Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars! Love, Javisi:)

blossom4th

10-13-2007, 07:55 PM

Javisi,
When will your daughter be having her baby?! :) My daughter is due at the end of Nov. but the baby (girl) has already 'dropped'. So she could be a mommy in 2-3 weeks! :) This is her first....my first grandchild! :) Same situation with hubby being around because of grandchild.Until my daughter went into preterm labor and was in the hospital for nearly a week and then put on bedrest;I rarely saw my husband or talked to him.But now he's always checking on my daughter to make sure she's ok and if she needs anything.I've got to admit that he has learned to show concern for others....to an extent! :rolleyes: I'd never trust him enough to live with him again;he sits back and takes advantage of having someone to do for him! My girls know what we've been through! :rolleyes: It took years for alot of people to see the real situation! Because like you mentioned,sociopaths know how to con people into thinking that they're the victim! I went through trying to tell people for years what was going on;only family and close friends truly believed me!!!

JAVISI

10-14-2007, 10:50 AM

Blossom,
My daughter is due at the end of March but I think she is due sooner. She already has a boy that is almost 2. My granddaughter just turned 4 yeasterday. My ex stays somewhat in the kids and grandchildrens lives. I really wish he wouldn't because he is such a bad influence but I try to remember he is their dad. I expect them to love him just like they love me.

I am very angry at my ex for slipping in and out of their lives, especially my granddaughter. She is so sweet and craves attention. My son her dad is in a work ethics camp. He was sent there for 6 months. He did get 2 weeks knocked off of his sentence due to good behavior. So I try to bring my granddaughter to see him every couple of weeks. It is hard because he is 4 hours away. My ex has not went to visit him once. But my anger comes due tomy ex not seeing my grandaughter very often. She lost her daddy and now her grandpa. It is probably for the best but she does not understand that. When we were married he wpould see her every day. So my granddaughter is lost. I try to make up for her loss but I can't always have her because of my illness. I tire so easily she is so active and I can not keep up with her!

I will be so glad when my son is home. He is going to live here until he gets on his feet. His ex girl friend says she has had their daughter for a year so he can keep her for a year. She does anything she can to get rid of her, it is an awful shame. My son was so stable, hard working but was so mixed up when I got sick, then filed for divorce although he knew that was com ing but to top things off, his girlfriend got pregnant by another guy while he ws working. It was then that he really began drinking and ended up in the Work Ethics Camp. I really think that it was a blessing in disguise. He has changed so much and matured so much. I am proud of him!

Well This was a long enough post!
Dream Big and everyone stay safe, Javi;)

blossom4th

10-14-2007, 09:36 PM

Javisi,
Sounds like your son's life hasn't been an easy one either;hope things improve for him! :(
It's good that you've 'been there' for your granddaughter! Whether it's illness or some other challenge,no one can 'be all things'!!! ;) Although,I admit,I think about how I could enjoy being a grandmother more if I were healthy! :p

JAVISI

10-15-2007, 07:45 PM

Blossom,
I have a problem with wanting to solve everyones problems! I know in my head that I can't but I try. I am thankful for the reminder that I can't!:D The joy of a grandchild beats any other wonderful feeling you can imagine. You will know that soon. I was blessed to see both of my grandchildrens birth. What a wonderful feeling of such love!:D

Whan I was younger and beaten, Ilived not for my self but for my kids! Ilove them so much. They gave me a reason to keep on living. Now that I am away from my ex and my kids are grown. Nothing gives me as much joy of my grandchildren. The only bad thing is that I can't keep up with them. They can wear me out fast. My granddaughter spends the night she just turned 4 on Saturday. I used to be able to keep her 2 days. Now I struggle to keep her just 1 day.:o

I try to do things like posting to keep my mind from worrying about my ex. Thank heavens for sleeping pills. Although the nightmares haunt me! I wonder if I will ever truely be free!

Sorry this post is so long!
Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars! Love, Javi!:)

blossom4th

10-15-2007, 09:06 PM

Javisi,
I also deal with anxiety.I'm not taking any prescription medication for it currently. Actually,my anxiety isn't so much to do with my husband anymore.I've gone through some terrorizing circumstances as a single person and the place I'm about to move from is the cause of anxiety attacks I was having in September.I usually take Tylenol PM to help me sleep,but lately I've had so much pain that instead I've been taking Vicodin.
I'm also a "fix-it" person. So I've had to really work on that tendency! :rolleyes:

JAVISI

10-16-2007, 10:30 AM

Bossom,
I wish I could say that I am not fearful of my ex any more but I have faith that, that day will eventually. I have a history of depression and anxiety. I take Klonopin. I have been on ot for 3 years now so it has lost a lot of it's effectiveness. It has also messed up the effectiveness of pain meds so I take elavil and neurontin for chronic pain.

When ever I have to have a scope such as a colooscopy, endoscopy or a good wasing out of my lungs via a scope. They are unable to sedate me so I am wide awake. I was even awake and watched them insert my gastrostomy tube. Some of these meds are a blessing but they sure can wreak havoc on your bhody eventually.

I live with my boyfriend, we plan on marrying in February. As long as I am not sick or in the hospital then. That is one thing that I worry about. My illness and ex have robbed m e of so many things, it is hard not to be angry but I try to make the best of the life that I have. That is the only thing that we can do. I have many things to be thankful for and I try to think of those things rather than focus on the bad but I will admit that some days that plainly just doesn't work!

Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars! Javi;)

michael178

10-17-2007, 09:09 PM

kashis, you figured out what to do with an abusive husband, now you have to figure out how to deal with an abusive parent, and I wish you the best, but I am sure you'll figure it out.

blossom4th

10-17-2007, 11:45 PM

Javisi,
It's really rotton;it sucks to be so sick!!! :mad: I try not to think of all the good years that were wasted,when I was healthier;if I do it just makes me feel angry....angry with myself for staying in the situation for so long...angry again with my husband for ever treating me the way he did!!! :mad: There's a scripture that says that a calm heart is the life of the fleshly organism and then it proceeds to say jealousy is rotteness to the bones.I might add "anger" would fit well there!
I hope all works well according to plans for you to be married in February!:)

JAVISI

10-18-2007, 12:52 PM

Blossom,
I hate to think of all the years I wasted being miserable. Thinking that staying with my ex was the best thing to do for my kids. Now I think back and think about how warped my thinking must have been back then. I am so sorry that I stayed It not only hurt me but it hurt my kids!

I beleive that their is a reason for everything and I try so hard to make the best of the bad situation I put myself in. I have said that many times, yet I wonder why at times. Pin can either make you stronger or break you down. I am working so hard to not let the cicumstances break me.

It saddens me that their are so many people out there being abused and they stay for all the same raesons I did. Words can hurt so bad and unfortunatly the more you hear them the more your spirit breaks until you are even tually broke down to nothing. Or I should say you feel you are nothing. I still struggle with poor self esteem issues.

Hope you have a great day! Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Javi;)

blossom4th

10-19-2007, 10:45 PM

Javisi,
I know what you mean! I could kick myself when I think of those wasted years! My girls and I suffered greatly! :mad: And I almost had to see one of my girls get sucked up into the same kind of relationship! :( Despite warnings from family and friends she was 'blinded' and stayed in the relationship for 3 years but fortunately woke up before too much damage was suffered!!! And now I'm seeing a neighbor of mine suffer emotionally;I know she is in denial just as I was for years. I left some material for her to read(on emotional abuse) with a neighbor that she is close to.I worry about her.But no matter how much we worry about her,we can't make the decision for her.Hopefully she'll gain the strength she needs.

blossom4th

10-19-2007, 10:53 PM

Javisi,
I almost forgot to mention;Moving Day is a week from tomorrow.....it's down to countdown time now! :rolleyes: I'm suffering;not feeling good...sore....think this is gonna put me down. :eek: Anyway just wanted to let you know if you don't see me on regularly,that'll be why! But I'll get on when I can! :)

Kashis

10-20-2007, 12:09 AM

You guys have to stop if you can't let the past go I feel for each and everyone you but you must move on it took me until march of this year to even know what self esteem I didn't even know it existed

Were going right into self esteem in this post
1.DO NICE THINGS FOR YOURSELF
2.GIVE YOURSELF POSITIVE IMAGES AND AFFRIMATIONS
3.ACCEPT COMPLIANTS GRACIOUSLY{AFFIRMATIONS}
4.REDECIED CHILDHOOD MESSAGES
5.TRY NEW THINGS
6.BE INVOLVED WITH OTHERS

MORE OR LESS IF YOU DON'T LET GO OF THE PAST YOU CAN'T MOVE ON YOU MUST START REMINDING YOURSELF YOUR BEAUTIFUL YOU WERE PUT HERE FOR A REASON YOUR A SURVIVOR THE PAST IS IN THE PAST LEAVE IT THERE ITS NOT OUR FAULT STOP BLAMING OURSELVES FOR WHAT IS GONE
NOW ITS TIME TO TELL OURSELFS WERE GORGEOUS GLAM FAB WHATEVER IT TAKES

WHEN I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL I LEARNED ALL THIS THEY MADE ME FOR 3 WEEKS STRAIGHT DO EVERYTHING FOR ME THAT MADE ME HAPPY TRY IT SEE WHAT HAPPENS AND GO BY THE LIST YOU WILL MOVE AWAY FROM IT ALL try this as a test for yourself and see what you learn its amazing ;)

LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR AND SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY TO YOURSELF DON'T LOOK AT THE NEGATIVE BUT BECOME POSTITVE WITH YOU AND WHO YOU ARE SOME DAY i WILL GET ON SELF DEFEATING BEHAVIORS THINGS WE WERE PROGRAMED TO DO AND STILL DO TILL THIS DAY BUT THATS A WHOLE DIFFERENT TOPIC:p

I JUST WANTED TO SHARE POSITIVE INFORMATION I COULD LOOK AT MY LIFE I LIVED WITH THE MAN WHO ALMOST KILLED ME 9 YRS AGO AND LIVE MY LIFE STUCK THERE
OR CHOICE 2 MOVE ON AS HE KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN IF ANYTHING HURT ME HE IS VERY OVERPROCTECTIVE NOW AS FAR AS CARING FOR ME AND HAVING TO SEE EVERYDAY WHAT HE DID I SUFFER HE SUFFERS BUT WE MOVED ON AND STARTED LIVING AGAIN WE WENT THOUGH THE YOU DID THIS TO ME AND WHY AND THERE IS NO ANSWERS NO MORE NOTHING WE COULD HEAR COULD CHANGE WHAT HAPPEN TO ANY OF US SO WE DO HAVE TO LET GO AND LIVE

I do feel all your hearts when I read to what you say you have to start by building self esteem I can look at people an tell them I am phenominal and not feel concieted but good inside cause I am phenominal i am awesome becase i really am and so are you

Other men/women who are abusesive they let go right away they don't know they have a disease and most woulnd't dare to admit it most don't remember that

It was never us it was a disease they chose never to take care of and made us the fault and we never were

JAVISI

10-20-2007, 08:19 AM

Kashis,
You are right about needing to try to stay positive and move on withour lives. I agree with what you say, but some people are not at that point yet. I still have to deal with my ex. He is into guns. Material items are more important to him than people are and our house is going to sell at a sherrifs auction because he quit paying me for my share of the house. I could have let ot go but I told my lawyer to sell. I am making steps and standing up to him. I said no! To what he proposed to rectify the situation. Yet I am fearful of him.

I have moved on I am engaged to a wonderful man that in no way would hurt me mentally or physically. But the fear of my ex looms while the sale of the house is going on. It will sell in November. Then I will not have to deal with him anymore. Except when our children marry ect. I will also deal with him when my daughter has her child. I avoid him at all costs.

Blossom,
Thank you so much for being a wonderful sounding board. You have become a wonderful and caring friend that truely can understand me. A bond that others can not understand. Good luck with your move! Talk to you soon! Hugs, Javi

Kashis

10-20-2007, 10:57 AM

no matter what goes on with dealing with the x the guns are to scare you and he is doing just that still scaring you yes there are women who have been retaliated at but if you keep thinking this you can't move on and you can't live your life as normally should be lived I know what is normal no one really knows

All I can say is your still letting him win by the fear no matter the situation he still holds fear over you put your life in GODS hands and let the fear be his problem he will help you all you have in life is faith and hope

I pray for courage serenity and wisdom daily and so far so good

You must stop the fear you know what the man is capable of but thats how he still wins can you understand what I am saying its hard to write what I am trying to say but its all coming down to fear still lets him win

So the house forcloses cause he is an idiot that gives you another step into a new life a better life

Now I know alot haven't gotten to this point yet its all about a choice everyone has choices and we can't make them for anyone

We can only choose to change who we are

for those who haven't gotten there yet we pray they read the good posts to of us who have moved on who won't take it and who learn to love us for who we are and what has been taken away from us number one being self esteem

I do my best just to listen and remind people that we only can survive if we let go and live if I can reach one person I did something good in life an by reading the posts I reached way beyond one person

We are strong we can do anything and all we have to have is the power of prayers I am not saying a religion but a relashonship no matter how its looked at

As of tomorrow I have lived to my 38th birthday survived a life of hell to get to what I call 38 will be great I will gain strength I will gain life I will gain self confidence and self esteem and I will of course gain a year LOL :p maybe a few pounds but its ok I am still alive I am surviving and I am OK and I am happy to be me I love me and me is awesome thats awesome all in itself

I also been sober 4 yrs and 9 months as for years I thought I could drink the pain away NOT I was killing myself more but thats a whole nother subject all together

So I am awesome and want all to do the self esteem test to see if you can figure out just how awesome and worth it you really are I will be checking back on that on the 5th of nov if all goes well with me as I still suffer a complicated brain injury and life gets a lil tough but I will be dam if I let it get me down and make me go back to all the why's and blame and etc... or I just might feel a lil older that day LOL

I love each and every one of you and want you to feel as good as I do inside and grow how much I have now its not been that long since I started knowing I was awesome all it took was 3 weeks but I still have to work on it daily also its not something we do for 3 weeks and stop the 3 weeks are just a start to a whole new me and that was the end of march so I am still getting good at this Happy storie of being happy to be me

Now I must go and make teddy bears I have tons of orders been down with an awful head cold yah know last thought I hit my head the other day and got a black eye I wanted to stay in the house due to rumors but I said hell no I walked with my head high and realized even more its none of my buisness what people think or say about me I will move on people will always wonder and then think you lied anyway so who cares I hit my head with the car door pulling pop out it closed on my temple but knew what i was in for oh he did it again so see not only can't we let go but others can't either SO WHAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its our lives and again NONE OF OUR BUISNESS WHAT OTHERS THINK OR SAY ABOUT US THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS WHAT WE THINK AND DO FOR US

JAVISI

10-20-2007, 01:21 PM

Krissi,
I am so happy for you that you have come out of your abuse with your head held high with great self esteem. Some of us have not made it that far ye3t. I do have reasons to be fearful for my life. I was poisoned with arsnic. It was 3 times higher than it should have been. A knife held to my throat, beat to a bloody pulp. held captive in our house. He got mad at another coup0le and they went upstairs to bed. He flicked his burning ciggarette on their floor and shut the door. The hose could have burn't down and killed them and their kids! He is capable of many more things. So am I letting him win???

I guess I am in some ways and in others no I am proud that I nfound the courage to leave him!! To stand up to him and not let him walk all over him. I don't let him see the fear! I am doing the best that I can! I was with him from the age of 17 until I turned 39. I am 41 now. Should I not be afraid?? I can't answer that! I still have toi deal with him. Do you have kids, do you deal with your abuser?? I have to for my kids sake. I put on that smile and act like I am not5 afraid. For now that is the best that I can do!

I guess I came to this site for care and support and to help others. I do not judge and I hope not to be judged. The best thing about this site is that we are all different people with different personalities with different problems, similar yes but not exactly the same!

I am still Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Javi;)

blossom4th

10-20-2007, 08:50 PM

Kashis,
I truly do understand what you were saying to be true.I have moved on and I have gotten my self-esteem back! :) I know I am stronger for what I've been through.And atleast no one lost their lives. But we lost immensely emotionally.I lived in denial for years so that I could "just survive". Even though I've moved on with my life,I now face reality....and yes,there are some regrets. :( That doesn't mean I'm an unhappy person or have low esteem. But on the positive side,I'm a forgiving person,and I let the anger go a long time ago. :) However,I do understand that some are not able to move on as quickly.I can see that Javi has made positive steps and that she'll be able to breathe easier and make more positive steps in the near future! :)

Javisi,
Thanks! Thought I'd 'stop in' while taking a break from the cleaning and packing! :rolleyes:

Kashis

10-22-2007, 05:11 PM

Being abused we loose so much the too most important being self esteem and self confidence this is why I posted the test hope all try it out I think it will be fun

I know I did and the results phenominal for me

Well celebrated being 28 again LOL it was wonderful I got choco chip panacakes with strawberries and whip cream sausage bacon and hashbrowns
that was how my day started oh yes and coffee mocha made right at home

then went to sears got me a new hamilton beach plus coffee maker I love it no more pot to deal with just push my cup up and it fills it no more burning me or spills ahhhhhh so nice and I collect barbies so I also go the new holiday barbie shes gorgeous when I was young my mom threw all my barbies away told me I was to old for them I had the very first barbie who is now worth thousands stupid bia
so I think thats when I started collecting more and more my mother in law started my collection 12 yrs ago and I have quite a few can't count right now as I am writing but about 30 not that many but I am on a roll

The night before I got all dressed in a leather outfit to find I lost weight and looked even more hot then I ever did ohhh la la felt so great went for coffee with a friend and she took me out to her karaoke show I danced I sang and I also have another bar raffling off my teddy bears to help pay for medication for my complicated brain injury treatment too so its the start of a whole new year for me and 38 is going to be great I see good things in my future I have new hopes new dreams and a new/old hobby back and if things don't go my way so be it I did something finally

So on that note wanted to post something that made me feel fabulous and that I do its my happy post today Hugs Krissi:D

blossom4th

10-23-2007, 09:49 PM

Krissi,
I'm happy for you that you're able to feel fabulous and hot.And I hope that everything goes well with the surgery for your brain injury.
I just wanted to say that not everyone has triumphs as large or as I said before,progresses as quickly as others.And yet,their triumphs and progress should be celebrated just as much as that of ones who have much to celebrate.So,let's not be too hasty about forgetting what the past felt like,or we may not be as eager as we should be to extend that listening ear,open mind and compassionate heart.

JAVISI

10-26-2007, 03:20 PM

Dear Friends,
Glad things are going well for you both. I just got home from the hospital last night. I had a bowel obstruction. During the course of my hospital stay I found out I have a cyst on my right ovary, the only one I have left. I also found out that my thyroid levels were low. So I am starting on a new med.

Still no answers to the problem with my bowels wanting to shut down. But I am home, and happy to be here. I can't count how often I have been hospitalized this year.

Maybe that is why I am still afraid of my ex. It is hard to feel strong when your body feels so weak! I am thankful that I have a supportive family and a wonderful fiance. He is the best thing that has happened to me besides my grandchildren and kids!

So I just wanted you all to know that my life has not stopped because opf my ex. I have moved on to bigger and better things. My life is better than it has ever been EXCEPT FOR THE PROGRESSION OF MY DISEASE!

I am living my life the best and happiest that I know how. I am thankful for the support on the days that I am tired and feel wore down. I may not be on this earth long but I do want to make the best of the time I have left!

Dreaming Big and reaching for the Stars, Javi;)

blossom4th

10-27-2007, 12:43 AM

Javisi,
None of us know how much time we have left;so we just have to live one day at a time and make the best of whatever situation we find ourselves in! Life can get pretty messy at times,but I've always heard that attitude is the major part of successfully overcoming obstacles.

JAVISI

10-27-2007, 04:36 AM

Blossom,
I have found that life is a precious commodity ever since I became sick. I want to try to savour every day! My disease has taken its toll but I am fighting the battle even on the days it seems I have to climb up that hill. I get such satisfaction from this site. I know that I am noy alone and I have family here too.I hav been blessed to have such kind and wonderful friends that can lift me up when I am down! I just wanted to thank you for that.

Mental abuse is the toughest thing to get over. When you hear for years that you are worth nothing you start to beleive it! But I know that I deserve to be happy, and that I am worth a lot! Just like you!

Much, Love Javi;)

Kashis

11-10-2007, 02:19 PM

I haven't posted here in awhile as I didn't want to offend anyone I still live with my abuser but haven't been abused in 9 yrs he changed his life realized he had a problem and I thank GOD for this every day it took one time putting him in jail and thats why I stress if you do it once and it continues it will always continue there was no Im sorry the last time there was if I get help can we try I know Im sorry won't ever work again thats what made a difference in my life

For those who still suffer I pray some of these posts can help show you that there is a brighter side a better side all you have to do is reach out for it

I never meant to offend anyone my goal was to help people move on from the past and look towards a brighter future thats all I didn't mean to hurt anyone I just wanted to say if we live our lives in fear we can never move on we get stuck and still controled and this isn't right I care about all those abused as I have been there I have had 40 head injures from age 2 I could list them all but I let that part of my life go I had to as everyday I live with it having a complicated brain injury from who knows which one my husband wasn't my only abuser there were lots of family memebers so everytime my brain swells and I am in the hospital I could go back to what happen but I have to move on to living everyday like its my last as this is it my only chance

So if I offended anyone I am sorry and if its that bad I will no longer post I don't ever want to seem like that kind of person I care and want others to learn from my mistakes

I know some abuse was worse then others but the point is we were all abused and the mental strain takes a toll on all of us so please I am sorry if I hurt anyone I have been there I know but I also had to move on

blossom4th

11-10-2007, 08:45 PM

Krissi,
I know you didn't mean to offend anyone.Oftentimes we do offend without realizing it;without meaning to.I know that I've been guilty of it.And when you're dealing with sickness and stress,it's just alot easier to say the wrong thing! :rolleyes: But not talking to each other,or posting out of fear of saying the wrong thing,isn't good either! We just have to learn each other's personalities and learn that there are good days and bad days,and perhaps the hardest part for most of us is being patient! Even though we feel a person should have progressed beyond a certain point,etc by this time,we just have to make allowances just as we hope they'd make allowances for us!
Sometimes it just helps to 'talk things through' rather than letting it bother you and ruin your day or evening.But your sharing the self-esteem test was good,too! :)

JAVISI

11-11-2007, 08:20 AM

Dear Friends,
I have been gone for a while due to another hospitalization. My bowels just want to shut down and now I have blood poisoning in my left arm due to an arterial stick when I was hospitalized.:(

Some days are wonderful and I can see beauty in so amny things and yet when I am sick and feeling low my self confidence and self esteem seems to plummet. It is the easiest to feel good when I do not have to deal with my ex. Our house will sell on th 21st, no matter what. I know my ex will be mad but it is going to happen unless he coughs up the money he owes me! Even though he feels that he owes me nothing, and he is entitld to everything!:rolleyes:

The days seem to be going by faster. I have a wonderful fiance that loves me and treats me like a queen. I often think I don't deserve to be treated so well but I am soooo thankful for him! We live on a farm that is like a huge castle to me. I love the it so much out here. The peacefulness and the wilderness is awe inspiring!

I think we all go through episodes of happiness and sadness for the loss of the time lost living with an abuser. Krissi, I am happy for you that your husband changed, mine did to for a while but when alcohol came back into the picture the abuse began again. It is not very often that an abuser will change but it does happen and I am happy for you!

I don't want to only talk of gloom and doom but sometimes we have to open up those old wounds and share them to help ourselves be rid of them. When I am not ill I live in a loving and happy relationship. We are going to marry in February! I am so excited. I am over flowing with happiness when I think of marrying the man of my dreams.

I beleive we can forgive for the sajke of our sanity but I for one know that I will not forget. I will always be cautious with whom I share my life with! I like to share my story, the good and the bad and that too will help others for no one is happy all of the time. I wish we could but that is not reality. I hope I have not hurt anyone by my words but know that you can make a choice to be happy but we can not kid ourselves we all hit stumbling blocks in our lives, and we are made stronger through our trials. It also makes us a more rounded people who can relate to others on a different level than others that have not been abused!

Still Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Javi;)

Kashis

11-13-2007, 06:17 PM

Javisi I will pray for you and your happiness and yes I still fear when the hubby has a few drinks and I due my best to keep it under control with him and make sure he is remindided I never want to go back that route he tells me we won't but alcohol talks different especially when he has a bad day I still fear in some ways but try to let it go as best I can

I am so glad this topic is still at the top as its so important to all who need help and strength were helping all I am also sick I have had a relapse on the brain pain and things aren't well for me a 3 day migraine which is good believe it or not I only had 4 this month compared to 14 in a row so someone out there is wathcing over me you take care and rest Hugs Krissi

JAVISI

11-14-2007, 09:56 AM

Krissi,
I will have a busy day today. I am going with my daughter to her ultrasound, her last one they could not see the baby's stomach! I am worried about that, so I am glad I can be with her. I also have to get my medications while in town today, I hate spending so much money on meds but I need them so I just pay the cost. I hit my doughnut hole with my medicare prescriptions. So I have to pay 100% on the cost of my meds.

Our sink had a clog in it so water backs up into the sink s I have to get a tool from my dad so my fiancee can fix it. I guess it is leftovers tonight, I am really tired and in pain the infection has went into my lymph nodes, so through out m y body my lymph nodes are inlarged and swollen.

I am truely glad that things are going well with your hubby. Mine quit drinking for over 15 years, then gradually started drinking again, only he didn't know when to stop. He drinks all of the time now that I am gone. He is heading down a dystructive path! I am just thankful I am not riding along with him. I hate my kids seeing their dad drink the way he does. I wish he would realize he is not only hurting himself but our children and grandchildren! But it is his life and I learned a long time ago that you can only control your actions and not the actions of another!

Well I better go I have to get ready to go!

Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Javi;)

Kashis

11-14-2007, 09:53 PM

I am ticked and feeling somewhat abused not physically but emotionally usually the hubby is pretty good with me but the last few days at the hosp I asked for a pillow he wouldn't go ask today a barf bag he says there is a garbage can it really urked me and I am not going to stand for it I almost got up and threw the bucket at him but was in to much pain dang migraine

I think its time for the You did this to me speech again I have no control of it maybe he is scarred to comfort me as he sees me every day and knows he did this and just don't know how to handle things to this day no excuses really I won't give him that benifit I was in er mon and shot in clinic today mind you believe it or not the brain flare came from being happy I got a few orders and found out that my stuff will be linked in the brain injury asscociation flyer for maryland that comes out next month to help with donations so its awesome news and one of the orders came from someone who worked there but getting happy well swells my brain so to say anyway I am ticked really ticked as he is doing this I know he gets tired of taking me for shots every month but hey he helped put me here so I shouldn't have to suffer still and he keeps telling me to shut up and I am sick of that too normally I don't complain you all know that but today is different he tells me to shut up as you have to understand from all the abuse I also have facial flares which well the pain is like someone squeezing your lil puffy cheeks where they have there thumb at the top of your jaw line and now squeeze x;s 50 thats how I can explain this so he could say something nicer then shut up though I see where he is coming from but don't deserve that kind of talk and when I can oh is he going to get it as I am done taking that kind of stuff I have been for along time and I am not going to take it ever again

Its time he learns what the word comfort means and I am going to make sure he does He may have did this but I refuse to let him punish me for what he was part of not only him but you get what I am saying

well I am all doped up on morphine having a bad day and just am ticked that I flared up cause I got happy urgh and him on my nerves didn't help so thanks for listining I never vent like this but emotional abuse is mental abuse and WERE NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE must rest now

Kashis

11-14-2007, 10:30 PM

www.rxassist.com Javasi check this sight maybe you can get help with meds I know the feeling my brain meds alone are 800 a month not including all the others so maybe this can help you and sometimes you can go to a drug company webpage and they can help you too if you contact them I am told my hubby makes to much they don't add morgatge and food and lights etc... no they take gross tickes me off but you can try it if you haven't already I had to get up and sign back on cause I went on and on about me when I wanted to tell you this i am so sorry for being selfish and putting me first that was awful again sorry and hope the sight helps I need that sugar scrub recipie was that you or blossom it sounds like something I would like to try it was mentioned in self esteem group

blossom4th

11-14-2007, 10:59 PM

Hi Krissi,
I'm so sorry you're feeling badly! :eek: I've had migraines,so I know how it can be....though not with the brain injuries you've had!!! You're so right;you do not deserve to be told to shut up!!! And if you want a barf bag,that's what a caring hubby should get for you!!! Telling you that a garbage can will do is .....humiliating! Maybe that's ok for someone who is getting rid of their liquor,but when you're really sick,you need to be treated with compassion!
As for the sugar scrub that I make,I mix body oil that I bought at WalMart
(it's Sesame oil) with granulated sugar.One could add drops of aromatic oils if they so wished.I just use a popsicle stick to mix the sugar and oil.Save the stick,because as the sugar scrub sits,the oil will rise to the top,and you'll need to mix it again.It's really wonderful to keep rough areas smoothed!!! I love pampering myself in this way!

blossom4th

11-14-2007, 11:10 PM

Hi Javisi,
Please keep us updated on your daughter's ultrasound!!! I do hope that everything turns out ok! I know they kept telling my daughter that her baby's stomach was really small and one time they worried her because they acted as if they thought her baby wasn't moving enough! She told them that she knew when her baby was her most active and when she usually slept and then just happened to be her "sleeping time"! And although she was born a month early,she was born healthy!!! She wasn't even transferred to a neonatal unit or kept for days in the hospital!
By all means,check out the prescription assistance Krissi mentioned! There are several that are online....so go for it! Prescriptions are so expensive anymore and when you're on multiple prescriptions,it adds up quickly!!!
My goodness,please take care of yourself! I know you have things going on,but you're very sick!!! :eek:

JAVISI

11-15-2007, 01:17 PM

Dear Friends,
First of I am happy today, Yesterday they found the babies stomach! Yea! She looks fine! I am really ill but I have trouble staying off tyhe boards. I have lymphagitis, all of my lympoh nodes in my body are swollen and very painful. I swear I catch everything, if for once I could get my immunity built up! The only good thing about it is that I am having diarrhea, so I don't have the problem with my bowels not wanting to work. I think it is the antibiotics that I am taking.

I was placed on steroids, I hate taking those things but I will things, but I am at the point I will take anything if I will get better1 I think I will try the sugar scrub, sounds lovely!

Krissi,
I am sorry your husband treated you that way. You did not deserve it. I hope a talking to will work. nI hate it when that mean ugly head pops out. I lived with it after my ex quit drinking. I was too afraid to speak up.

I too have had migraines and I know the last thing that you need is to be treated poorly! I hope you are feeling better, and things are going better between you and your husband!

Dream Big and Reach for the Stars! Love, Javi;)

Kashis

11-16-2007, 04:25 PM

as far as the hubby I ripped him a new one thats what different now is I am not afraid now to speak up and thats an awesome step I will be damned if I go back and won't allowed it so I am doing better on that note but still weak but got some orders done so thats awesome for me needed something to take my mind off the pain and a friend ordered me to get in the room and craft and relax so I have to thank him for the support

I am so sorry your sick javasi it breaks my heart but your still alive and thats what matters as we only have one life so we have to live every day like its our last

Great news on the baby YEE HAW It breaks my heart your so sick I know how that goes and I will pray for you to be ok and functionable I know it can be hard to keep up but with groups I know even ill I have a place to go and forget if only for awhile

I have lots of groups I think to many right now one on domestic here and on my space one on brain injury survival and then my own on migraines I keep way to busy sometimes and the comp sometimes isn't such a good place for me but I push to the limit I guess sometimes just to forget the pain but it causes pain too so I can't ever win seems but I am alive happy and ill but its all good

JAVISI

11-19-2007, 01:39 PM

Krissi,
I had my grandaughter all week-end. She is 4 and is in need of constant attention. She really doesn't get it at home. She cries when she has to go home, she even says she hates her mom. I will be so happy when her daddy is here and can help with taking care of her. My fiancee helps out a lot but she still exhausts me. I miss her so whan she is not here! Less than 30 days and my son will be home, I can not wait!

My lymph nodes are still swollen and hurting, but I think things are getting better! I hope anyway!

My house will go up for a Sheriffs auction on the 21st. I am so afraid that no one will bid on it, and then it will be mine. It needs a lot of work. I would rather have the money. Then opf course he will have to be evicted. He will go out in a rage. I gave him 2 extra weeks to come up the money but neither I nor my Lawyer have heard from him, so I am presumming that he did not get the loan.

Again the fear sneaks in their because I know that he will be mad! I hate living in fear and I will not deny my fear. He is a psychpath. But with prayer and the love and care of my family I know that we will make it through this! Keep me in your thoughts!

Thanks, Dear Friend, Still Dreaming Big and Reaching for those Stars!
(((((HUGS))))), Javi;)

joy

11-19-2007, 01:46 PM

I too am hoping someone puts in a nice size bid. I agree, money is easier to handle than a house that needs repairs. etc. Let someone else get x to move out.

Kashis

11-19-2007, 03:41 PM

I will continue to pray for you javasi your an awesome person but I was going to ask you don't need to answer what about a restraining order on him so you don't have to be so scared I know others who have had them and were still stalked but I don't know I just want you to feel safe and not live in fear at all its not right and not fair as that part of your life is over and your such an awesome person I will still pray though because you grew on me and I care so much

blossom4th

11-19-2007, 07:16 PM

Javisi,
Rejoicing with you that they were able to see the baby's stomach!!! :) Breathing a sigh of relief now!!! :p Now that you don't have your grandaughter there;try to get some rest! I know that's a big order! :D Your immunity will thank you! Yep....sounds like the antibiotics are up to their onery tricks! :rolleyes: Try enjoying some yogurt or if you don't like that,maybe some acidophilus capsules....need some beneficial bacteria in your system!

Krissi,
I know what you mean about working on the computer to try to keep the mind off of pain,etc! I can't do much on the computer at a time(vision affected,too....besides needing to move from time to time).
I had to learn to speak up for myself....it was hard at first,as I tend to be a timid person.My husband knew that and took advantage of that fact! It felt so good to speak up....but the time still came eventually when I had to leave him.Maybe that won't be necessary in your case,though!

JAVISI

11-19-2007, 07:27 PM

Krissi and Blossom,
I am so thankful that I can come here and open up withoput feeling guilty or having friends that are honest. I hope all is well with the both of you! It would be nice if we could get a few more people to join in and open up. It never hurts to get things out even if you don't need an answer!

I am anxious and yet nervous about the sale, I just wish that some one would develop a pill that would take awy worries, Now wouldn't that be nice!

Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Hugs, Javi;)

gizmogirl

11-20-2007, 05:22 AM

wow, you guys have all done so well. And talk about bringing back memories; I remember there were 3 steps from the back hallway up to the kitchen, and after school I could reach up for the door handle and find myself pulled in by my hair and swung around and kicked by my mom. She was so out of it that she somehow thought she was defending herself, so thank god I suspected at a fairly young age that it might not be my fault. But I stayed and took care of her too much until she died. I'm really happy that most who posted here walked away. And whether or not, I remember some wise words about how nobody studies the "more than survivors". The people who don't constantly spend the rest of their lives re-living or re-creating the trauma. But we are out there, living our lives despite the best efforts of our ex-tormenters! Good for us.

JAVISI

11-20-2007, 11:55 AM

Gizmogirl,
I am so glad thjat you joined in. I will admit that it took me a lot longer than some to leave my abuser but I finally did and am so greatful for it. It gave me so much more in life. It is nice to be able to speak my mind. I am not a robot any more. I don't work all of the time because I physically can't but I used to just to be away from my ex. I look back now and see the sad existance that I was living! Now I try to look forward at a bright and wonderful picture.

I used to look at my life and ask "why, me?" I know now, it all happened so that I can help others and not to merely exist with sadness and bitterness in my heart, as we all know that onmly hurts us and does still give the abuser the power!

There are still memories that flash back but I push them aside and try to remind myself that, that was in the past look at all of the positives now and what is yet to come. I don't ever think that I will forget, and I don't want to because then I would be inept to help others. I do though forgive myself, I can tell myself that it is okay, I made some bad choises but my day begins today! Help others, that is my main goal!

Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Javi;)

blossom4th

11-21-2007, 12:17 AM

Welcome Gizmogirl! :) I'm glad you joined in with our little group! It helps to talk...and to know that we survived and that we ARE stronger than our tormenters!

Javisi,
A pill to forget about worries....AHAaaaaa that would be nice! ;) I really hope things don't go as badly as you've worried! :( I'm thinking about you and worrying about you! Have you taken as many precautions as possible?!
Spend the day with your loved ones! I know about flashbacks....they still happen to me sometimes.Sometimes just a picture will bring on a flashback.

Kashis

11-21-2007, 10:28 PM

Flash backs will always be there I get them everytime my brain swells or my husband acts like and idiot and puts his foot in his mouth and has to make up for it he knows im sorry will never cut it only that changing his mistakes will make a difference we have all came so far and we have a higher power to thank for that we are all here to make a difference in others lifes and yest thats why we are still alive thats why we suffered so others can learn its not right and you can move on

sandra043

11-25-2007, 03:04 PM

Hi my name is Sandra I am a victim/trying hard to be a survivor of severe domestic abuse. I tell my story to maybe help someone who is going through it or gone through it or living it. I married at a young age (18) fell in love with my high school sweet heart. Short version 19/ had one boy 20/ had one gal .......life was good for many years......we adopted 2 other gals at young ages.....so family was set......as far as the outside world knew we were the ""Hallmark"" family as he wanted people to see.; It wasnt til he hit his mid 40s 45 ish or so.......an his father died who was also a severe achollic an abused all his kids an his wife..... my ex being one of the oldest of 7 kids moved out at age 16 an lived with his grandparents......wasnt long all his siblings slowing moved out an on to other states. My ex began to drink and doo drugs he told me to ease the pain of his father dying and not being around or near him in almost 12 years. I took that for a while.....figuring prob so , Id have the same guilt.......but one drink lead to 2 or 3 a night to into 2 to 3 bottles a week.....im sure you see where this is leading..... he drank a fifth every night after work an we all walked on egg shells the younger kids were scared to death of him an scattered like mice when he came in.. my older kids now like 14/15 knew what was going on. I was his center of attention when it come to taking out his pent up anger he had for himself due to not making mends with his father before he died. Over a course of 3 years I was seriously abused from beatings to not having supper on the table when he got home to a gun put to my head for spending money he has ""saved"" out of his check for "his" needs. Most of the beatings I was able to tell the kids I fell or I slipped out in the snow or wet grass. After a while my eldest daughter told me if I didnt tell someone he was beating me so bad she would tell. I begged her not too ( NOT THE RIGHT THING TO DO ) to ever put a child in the middle.......well to make a long story short......ii talked her into not saying anything to school officials an Id see we got out of there. Slowing I started separting car insurances with my daughter an I on one an my an ex on another.... slowing snuck money away as I had had a small stroke an was out of work on long term disability. I started packing small boxes of clothes an personal things (birth cert/shot records/ all the important papers Id need). I was almost there.....just a few more days an Id be out. Well he came home for lunch one day ( which he NEVER did) caught me packing boxes to take an store at my moms . He asked where I was going an I said he has to choose the bottle or his family. That was the day I took the worse beating of my life. He beat m e so bad I had to drag myself back in the house he threw my car keys in the woods an ripped out the phone cords. I had to patch myself up the best I could an my eldest daughter came home early that day as she stated she had a ""feeling"" something was wrong. She said mom we are leaving.. We tried to get in her car to leave my ex showed back up he never left to go back to work just parked down the roaad to see what I was going to do..... how could he sit there an watch me crawl bleeding an broken bones into our house Ill to the day I do not understand.. Short story he drug me out of the car an told lacey to go back to school she took off an I had a close friend who worked in a shelter setting she went there an told her the story. 2 hours later an a few m ore beatings... the battered womans people an sherriffs showed up an by that time littler kids were home off the bus......we grabbed what we could an they took us to a battered womans shelter. He called my daughters cell phone contstantly telling her if we didnt return home hed kill me.... he some how found out where the hidden home shelter was....showed up there an was arrested for attempting to push by the workers. He threathened me in front of the workers an said if I got out of that house hed hunt me down an kill me if he couldnt have me noone was going to an I wasnt going to ""ruin"" his life an home he h ad built. I got a protection order agaisnt him.. He again showed up at the shelter an was arrested again...... the DA (district attorney) suggested we be moved at night to a shelter that was many miles away from where we were to protect not only the workers at the shelter but for myself an girls. Once again I had to explain to the girls we had to AGAIN pick up an move after living at this shelter for 40 days. Little ones 6 & 10 at that time really didnt understand but just came along. We moved to the other shelter he went wild called my daughters cell phone hundreds of times an threathen her to tell him where we had moved to. We got rid of the cell phone an lived in this shelter for another 60 days. At this time we had gone to court an the PO was granted an he couldnt come within 1000 feet of us. I moved in with my mom as my eldest daughter was a senior at her home town highschool an was beside herself she wasnt going to graduate. A officer was placed at both schools at all times while the kids were there....they were returned to my mothers home via piolice an I lived at moms trying to save enough money to get out on my own.. 2 months passed an I finally had enough an with GREAT help from battered womans shelter got a apartment 4 towns away from where my ex lived. He did find us an AGAIN broke the protection order by beating me once again in my OWN apartment in front of my girls, ripping out phone cords an took all car keys. I called the poilice they made it to my apartment before he got a chance to leave . The police were no help in this town .. they said he broke it but was on the street way when they arrieved so even know the girls said he was in the aparment an threw away the car keys an ripped out the phone they said they couldnt charge him ith anything as he was on the street when they arrived he claimede he was just drivng by an I told the girls to say all that so once again he got off any chargees. This happened once more time some how he got in the apartment in the middle of the night an was at the end of my bed when I felt someone there. He told me you pack an come home an I wont kill you.. at this time my eldest daughter came in the room an said she was calling the police an he left. once again I reported it an by the time the cops caught up with him he was back to his home town in his house an denied even being there even tho my daughter stated other wise so at this time I realized I was in great potential of dying or my girls getting hurt if I didnt get out of town. I at the time lived in the most northern town in northern part of maine. My daughter graduated with her class an we set her up for college in Bangor Maine an I moved myself an my other 2 girls to the southern most part of the state of Maine. I was alone didnt know a soul.. spent many a days in fear an unstable an the unk nown of where to go from here. I did attempt susicide but now see that is NOT an option for me or my girls an was VERY unfair of me to even think that an leave the girls alone. One year later with the help of the battered womans shelter they got me a laywer an I got a divorce from the man. That was now 4 years ago. He has not paid one cent of child support per divorce agreement He has totally cut out the girls in his life which they dont know or care anyway . He is a TRUE dead beat dad.. With the help of my now finace (aka david 911) I have the streangth to go on day by day an know there is light at the end of the tunnell. My girls seem to be doing well my eldest dispite all she saw an went through is now a third year term of nursing at Husson College going on for her docturant. Other girls are doing well with some therapy we all are making a life that is much nicer then the one we left behind. If nothing else......Id say to anyone reading this GET OUT the first chance you have...........;leave it all behind things can be replaced an bought new.. take birth certs/shot records rest can be copied an gotton. He did go to trial as the district attorney pressed alot of charges against him.. but he had a good laywer an he got off all the charges as an ""instanty plea"" as he said he didnt know what he was doing cause he lost his kids an wife an was left all alone..........go figure..... I cant get justice or closure cause he isnt in jail rotton for what he did to us.....but I do beleive GREATLY that there is a bigger power that will give him his due when the time comes.. If anyone wishes to talk to me or get in touch with me I am more then open to help/listen/lean on me or just vent I am here email me at sc41@adelphia.net last but not least GET OUT SOONER RATHER THEN LATER dont stay cause you think its best for the kids NOOOO take care all an live a happy healthy life.... sandra

sandra043

11-25-2007, 07:22 PM

I agree with Kashis...mental or emotional abuse is the worst kind. One tends to believe it after time. Another reason is a physical abuse( even know this is a bad kind too) a wound will heal mental an emotional abuse never heal an tends to lead to suicidal ideations as we believe what our abusers tells us over time........take care of yourselves out there......

sandra043

blossom4th

11-25-2007, 09:11 PM

Thank you so much for your story!!! I know it must have been difficult to relive those details as you told of them....but if it helps even one person,it is sooooo worth it! It gave me chills reading your story! Although I did go through some physical abuse,it was mostly intimidating......nothing like what you went through! I'm aware that many women do go through similar experiences though.I've spent time in a battered women's shelter(my mother was hiding from my father).I think they are a wonderful provision.I also know how scary it is when the man you are hiding, from finds you!!! My dad knew exactly where we were!!! Fortunately,he cared more about his reputation in the community than getting revenge! As for your point about considering children involved.....I agree wholeheartedly!!! I only wish I'd had the courage to leave when my daughters were younger!!! I suffered alot emotionally;but they suffered even more! My oldest daughter is a 3rd yr nursing student like your oldest daughter. But she cannot settle in a relationship. The middle daughter is a CNA.She almost ended up in an abusive relationship herself.My youngest daughter just became a mother and I'm watching her anxiously for postpartum depression.She has been on medication and counseling for depression in the past.

joy

11-26-2007, 12:28 AM

I want to thank everyone who comes here and tells others how they survived it. I am so glad that you have made it this far. I am so very short on time or I'd write more. I hope when the time is right for my daughter, she will get out. I now realise that it has to be when she is ready, not me. Her dad told her all the way down the isle, you don't have to marry. She says many times she wishes she hadn't now. But is still not ready to try and make the break. Oh the phone rippings etc. all sounds way to familiar to what I hear.

I realise I have not posted on this thread likely, but I have on this forum before. I watch it fairly often as I need the advice for my daughter.

Take care all who have endured so much at the hands of those who should have just loved.

Kashis

11-26-2007, 02:08 PM

You are right she has to come around on her own she knows its wrong an your are doing the best thing your are there I had no one to turn too as everyone I wanted to turn to abused me so I was told this happens when you need to be punished your here looking for answers and thats awesome as when the time does come she will need you more then ever she wil have doubts want to go back you will fight her not too keep the understanding and keep strong for her as for all of us it was tough if I had someone who understood at that time I probally would have been gone after my head injury I did try to leave and came back as I had no where to go and a shelter wasn't happining got a restraining order and kept my kids at home but he also admited a problem an got the help needed which is more then I can say for the rest of my family it took along time before I let him back in my life

I wasn't ready to die I had 2 beautiful girls and a life ahead of me but then of course I did eventually lock myself in a car I couldn't take the trauma going through my head over and over again it was killing me inside and I was afraid my kids would be taken away if I talked to a specialist as they were endangered which they weren't he never hurt them

I am lucky to be alive today in so many ways and I have to thank prayer and GOD for that I had very religous people that lived downstairs from me and all they did is pray for me day after day and I give them credit for my healing

Once your daughter is out this is only the begining as the trauma still is there its along journey from there to get where some of us are today and for some the past still sits within us somewhere and comes up as a reminder for us but we look at it now as just how far we came when that past haunts us

I am glad your here I am glad your there for your daughter but if she leaves him bring her here to this sight so she can learn it is ok you can be alright after abuse never the same but alright

and more then ever DON"T STOP PRAYING its all we have I didn't know this at the time but as I look back I do now it was people praying for me that changed my life I truely believe that

the problem with the abused is they think its there fault as there programed to think that way and it takes alot of so to say reconsturtion to change that but as you know were all here and I have a poem on here on abuse you might want to try and print this and show it to her and let her know there are others out here and she isn't alone we will be here with her all the way through when she has her doubts and wants to go back or when she is scarred were all here we have all been there

Your and awesome person and I know your doing the best you can I sometimes feel if I didn't break the cycle my girls would have moved into a life of thinking this was right I still have doubts on my oldest and can't interfere either I know she is being mentally abused definatly but just as you we have to wait if we step in the abuser could retaliate or she could side with the abuser and you could loose her for good I faced this already I am ready to take the chance of loosing my daughter if it could save her from what I went through but its again her choice I also have a post on this so keep reading and were all here to support you in anyway needed

joy

11-26-2007, 02:16 PM

Thank you. And I also agree that prayer helps. I see so much that you are doing that is right and I so very glad for you. It is hard for young people, I will give you that. I can remember at age 16, my daughter telling me - Mother, I seem to fall for all the boys that are wrong for me! She was so smart in that she had that part figured out. But not smart enough to believe that she did not deserve all the awful treatment that she keeps taking. Yes, I pray that I will be here for her if and when she needs me.

She told me more than once , I just need for you to LISTEN mother. I don't want you to try and solve my troubles for me. But I need someone to listen. And I can say, I've listened until I have thought I'd go crazy with it all. For if it was as simple as just lisrening, well even that gets awfully hard for a mother. But it is something that I hope I can stay strong enough to continue doing. And being prepared with some answers she will need likley, when she is ready.

Kashis

11-26-2007, 02:42 PM

Thanks all I just want to say because of all of you this post has stayed up on top along time and Thanks to you I feel I have made a difference somewhere and I have always said If I could only help one person I have made a difference and by the numbers of readers I think I have finally made more then a difference in one persons life and this means so much to me dv is close to my heart is has to be to remind me I came along way and so have all of you and some still working on it this post is here for you it is my way of giving back for all I have been blessed with that its all over for me and others too I am just trying to write and say thank you all for listining to my words and being happy that I am here I thank you all for your posts your encouragement to keep writing here telling me I am making a difference I thank you all for becoming a new family to me so this post goes out to all that I helped and all that we are still helping this post is for all of you to show I also appreciate you and the strength you have given me to keep coming back keep writing and showing me I am somebody making a difference

Kashis

11-26-2007, 03:00 PM

Joy you have made me cry I wish I had a mother like you I have been with my husband since 14 I ran away at 12 so I have been with my husband longer then I ever was with my mother she taught me abuse was ok and never listened when she did I was compared to her abuse and how bad she had it that mine was nothing I now have a complicated brain injury and she only blames him not the rest of the family that did this

I also was a young child attracting loosers at the time lil did I know I would marry an abuser his own mother warned me and to this day she is still abused he also watched a cycle thinking it was right and it rubs off I truely believe this I looked for guys when I was young as I just wanted to feel loved and unabused lil did I know it wasn't going to happen this way at that time

I was in puppy love with my husband and my mother said marry her or go to jail I never had a chance I was married at 16 he was my father my lover my closet friend and my abuser all in a bundle all that trauma is now over and I pray daily it stays that way I know what your going through as a mom but listing is the best you can do as she is right there are no answers but to take her in your arms let her cry and just let her hold you I cry because there are moms like you out there and never did I know that or what that was till today in my adult life

I belive that if me and my husband would have lived together and this went on I would have moved on at that time as I was young and could have still dated and just left this all behind me as I grew older it wasn't so easy I drank the pain away I did oh so many drugs just to drown it all away but it was still there I am now come jan 5 yrs sober and 12 yrs drug free I stopped drowning it away as all I was doing was killing my ownself

I was in your daughters place all the way around except I didn't have an awesome caring mom and still don't its to the point I have dr orders to have all her emails screened all her mail screened and phone calls taken only for a short time if my family says its ok thats how bad its gotten as the abuse she gave me well is now a trigger point that they have seen makes my brain swell and too much contact with her could actually kill me my brain could swell so bad and kill me

This is why you make me cry as your daughter has everything I ever wanted just a mom to love me not compare me and not to punish me let a family member beat me to a pulp (not my hubby) and when I got to press charges saying she didn't want to start trouble in the family he wasn't even a family member yet she dropped charges and said I needed to be punished and do you know why I was punished my car was snowed in the middle of a blizzard and I couldn't get it started had to wait for aaa to come so I got beat by this member as he didn't want me there and didn't care if I walked home -30 out this is why he beat me go figure and I was to be punished for being there
this was how my mom was and my family to me

I am always here posting brain injury or not I try my best you stay here with us because GOD is with us all

JAVISI

11-26-2007, 07:40 PM

Dear Friends,
Wow, what a few days make. I have been off line due to being so fatigued and preparing for Thanksgiving. I volunteered to have it here, bad mistake I was just not up to it but I survived the day with lots of thanks to my fiancee. He was great help!

I am so glad to see that others have joined in! It is nice to be able to come to this thread and open up completely. I am still waiting on the money with the house situation. I really don't want to take the house away from him. I would then have to evict him and I feel the less contact with him the better!

I would love to be able to forget at times I get flash backs. I get nervous when someone gets mad or upset, it triggers the fear that I try to keep bundled up inside! I avoid conflict at all costs. I feel like a weak person at times because I allow the fear to enter into my mind. I just worry that he will do something crazy some day. I have heard that he is doing drugs, I know that he is drinking which always makes him irrational and very mean.

My fiancee makes me feel safe but when he is gone that is when the fear creeps into my mind. I hope that someday soon I will be able to enjoy my life completely and fully without fear! I hope that for all of you!

Dreaming Big and Reachi8ng for the Stars, Love and cyber hugs, Javi;)

blossom4th

11-26-2007, 11:47 PM

Krissi,
First of all,many thanks for getting this thread about Domestic Abuse started...it is a very important subject.....one that has been kept quiet far too long and has held far too many victims captive and caused so much misery and far worse;serious injury and death! :(

Joy,
Hang in there! Being a mother is the toughest job there is....especially when your child is in distress! Your mention of your husband telling your daughter all the way down the aisle that she didn't have to marry,reminded me of how my dad told me a week before I married that I could "back out right now." My dad had my fiancee 'figured out'. Because he was an abuser too! Many times I wished I had listened to my father that day.But I didn't, because he had always found fault with our friends and I had a low self esteem as guys were always passing me over in preference of the slender and attractive and well dressed girls (I was poor).My mother liked my fiancee.But once she found out the kind of guy I had married,she was horrified!I tried to leave him a number of times,but he always found out my plans and talked me out of leaving.My mother and friends did ALOT of praying!
And when my sister finally helped me leave one day four years ago....none of them knew what was happening until I was already on the road!!! My sister called my mother up on her cellphone and my mother nearly screamed with happiness and relief!!! :)

Javisi,
Get your rest and get well! Glad to see you posting again! :) Keep us updated about your house. I understand the fear.

Kashis

11-27-2007, 01:07 AM

don;t worry thanksgiving was overwhelming for me too I was good in the morning by 1015 that was it in bed and done for but turkey was cooking pies were done and hubby finished up dinner both my girls at and fell asleep just like they missed home it was just what I needed

JAVISI

11-27-2007, 05:41 AM

Dear Friends,
It is so nice to be able to come here and open up! My dad kept telling me that I didn't have to marry him, too. I wish I would have listened to him. I was pregnent and my mom told me that I made my bed and now I would have to ,lie in it!:(

I put up with the abuse for way too long. I stayed thinking I was helping my kids but in retrospect all I did was hurt them. I hate carrying that burden, watching them hurt and fall and knowing that nothing that I do can change them! I didn't isten to my dad just like they don't nreally listen to me! They are all grown and out there on their wwn. I sure wish I would have prepared them more for lifes hurdles.

I try not to be too hard on myself, My ex feels no blame! But he is the type that lives for the day and is totally self centered. All he cares about is himself. My son that is at the work ethics camp has learned the hard way, what hid dad is like. He has not once wrote to him or came to visit him! What apoor excuse of a dad!

My daughter is slowly realizing he is not that wonderful guy she thought he was. He is no help to her either! And my youngest has always knew what his dad was like. He was not treated like his brother and sister, He was blamed for everything! I think it is because he looks like myside of the family, that is my theory any way! He worls a lot and stays busy like I did to dtay away from his dad! It makes me sad thinking about it!

Thanks to everyone for your care and support!
Dream Bog, and Reach for the Stars, Love and cyber hugs! Javi;)

Kashis

11-27-2007, 10:58 AM

[QUOTE=JAVISI;183926][COLOR="RoyalBlue"][B]
I was pregnent and my mom told me that I made my bed and now I would have to ,lie in it!:(

Boy do I remember them exact words and to this day they eat me and I could never say that to my girls I was told that and pretty much a shotgun wedding as a catholic girl wasn't goin to ruin a family not my mothers family that it was a sin but when she put me on the pil called me every name in the book so I thought the pill was a bad thing if I was to be cursed at and punished for it so didn't take it come to find out years later my aunt was also preganant at the same age I was and in the same situation but don't talk about it she put me down for it what a hypocrite I mean really if I didn't marry before the baby was born it was out of wedlock and the church wouldn't marry us here I am 16 confused and of course I loved him I was 15weren't we all in love so yah them words struck me hard when I seen them

My cousin was the one who told me I didn't have to do this I told him the storie of my mom and well he knew the concequences of my at the time fiance going to jail or marriage and knew I had no chance
My husband was offered to go to vegas but took me instead as he just wastn't going to leave me with his child who also could have been his best friends child I was young sorry but he told the guy if he was going to ditch me then well there was no way he would long storie but you get the picture
that man is now a regisitered sex offender 40 with a 13 yr old thats sick and that at the time was who I was dating who knew what the future would bring so in someways my husband saved me from a life of misery so to say even though I went through hell it would have been worse with the other he was what we now call a player wow I am talking about something I never talk about there is so much more but I am still afraid to talk about that as if its ever leaked out the abuse could start again and no one knows but me and this other person this was 15 yrs ago so my secret is safe but I am sure you can all figure this out I am not perfect I was young and lonely

But I am glad the abuse is over is all I can say I am glad he got help and I thank GOD for this he was on my side as I feel evil filled our marriage from the get go like I was cursed from all saying its not going to work we come for them to see we just came upon 22 yrs married and 23 together now this scares me as most don't make it past 25 so the next 3 yrs will prove just how well things are in my eyes

but as far as you made your bed you lie in it wow that triggered alot of emotions so many at least here I can break free here and let things go that have haunted me for years I am not perfect and never will be completly healed everytime my head hurts I have to ask why and I know there isn't an answer but this doesn't make it any eaiser

Kashis

11-27-2007, 11:59 AM

wouldn't ya know right after this post she calls I had to answer as she is being checked to see if her melanoma spread so needed the results as last week I was sent her will go figure I am the executor guilty hmm who knows but my sis is leaving things all in my hands now thats abuse in itself I think no one was here to answer I didn't want to her calls are usually screened but under the circumstances I had to this stinks I once again want to say I am glad to have all of you if anything happens to her she would come back to haunt me I just know it and the mental abuse would never stop but I am terrified that I will have to go back and take care of her when the time comes as I am a loving person so I am lost Hugs

She is ok Thank GOD I am not ready for that being selfish yes I guess I can't handle that yet I am just confused when It comes to all this and I am alone in the situation it really stinks

JAVISI

11-28-2007, 11:22 AM

Krissi,
I have forgiven my mom for all of the things that she put me through but I have not forgotten the harsh words and her behavior. My brother and I joke that when mom needs to be cared for that we are going to ship her off to9 our sister's house. She lives a couple hours away and seems to be moms golden child but she ndoes not have to deal with mom's alcoholic rants, on an almost daily basis!

I am still waiting on my settlement for the house. I hope the money comes soon! I really don't want the house. It has been so trashed since I left. I did everything in that house to keep it in order, now it is a pig sty! Besides the fact I need the money more than I need the house! I could get some bills payed off. My medical and medication bills are draining me.

My daughter is coming to pick me up to take me to the Dr. again. I hope that I don't require a hospital stay. I am sick and tired of being in the hospital! I dread the thought of Christmas it is so hard for me to go shopping. I usually just give my kids money but I like to buy them a few other gifts to unwrap. That time is coming soon!

Better go, Talk to you soon!
Dream Big and Reach for the Stars, Javi;)

Kashis

11-28-2007, 02:11 PM

I know how you feel my mom has me and my sis and thank god I live 350 miles away so I get no crap so to say for not helping she does and it works for me they all abused me so what comes around goes around

I pray for you all the time when I am here cause I worry so about you
I made my gifts this year as I know the bills I can't work either so its tough on all this year I think more then ever

blossom4th

11-28-2007, 08:02 PM

Krissi,
I know the situation with your mom being ill and you being her Executer is rather overwhelming and stressful. :rolleyes: Atleast,as you said you don't live near her home and have to deal with her frequently.That would just be too much! :eek: Of course I know you can't help thinking of sometime 'down the road'.....will need to pull all the strength together that you can and just hope that your mother will by that time be happy to get whatever help and comfort she can,as she reflects on her mortality.Having Hospice come in and help is a great aid.

blossom4th

11-28-2007, 08:12 PM

Oh....I almost forgot Krissi,
I was going to tell you about a dear friend of mine that in no way deserved the treatment she got from her mother and siblings!!! There seems to have been jealousy on their part against her as she and her father had a close but natural relationship.She has done everything she possibly could to resolve the situation (her father has been deceased awhile),but her siblings won't let it happen! The mother allows herself to be influenced by the siblings.Despite all the care and all that she has gone out of her way to do for her mother,a few monthes ago,a sheriff's deputy drove up in her driveway and handed her an order that was in her mother's name as well as the siblings'; that she was to never come near them or call them again and if she did so she could be arrested!!! The mother is elderly and forgetful and calls and leaves messages on this friend's answering machine.....but she cannot answer them or her siblings would follow through with their threats!!!

JAVISI

11-29-2007, 10:35 AM

Krissi and Blossom,
I always thought once I was grown and out of the house that things would be easier. Being a Nurse everyone takes for granted that I am everyones care give! Sick or not. Their are many days that I feel like I can not take on anymore! Between my kids, parents and siblings. Don't get me wrong I love them all very much! But my illness gets worse with stress so it seems like I am on overload all of the time. I guess it is in my nature to be the caregiver. That has always been my role even as a child.

I am happy to say that I was not hospitalized. I had more blood work done and am wearing a heart monitor. I hope that they can get rid of all of the swelling in my lymph nodes.

I talked to my dad last night. His older brother had a cerebral aneurysm, then a few years later my dad had one. He pulled through but my uncle li8ved as a vegetable for over 10 years in a nursing home. Now another one of my dads brothers was hospitalized due to a leaking cerebral aneurysm. I am so saddened by this and I must admit a little scared. I already have enough neuro problems without having to worry about developing a cerebral aneurysm!

I have to go into town to bring this heart monitor back. I would rather stay home and just rest, it is cold outside today. I have almost become a hermit, It is just a lot of work to get out and when ever I do I seem to catch what ever bug is going around!

Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Hugs, Javi;)

Kashis

11-29-2007, 11:46 AM

When I was young and my father died I was told by my mother he was just a drunk and if I was caught crying again I would be punished thats how my fathers funeral went and I wasn't allowed to cry there either and everyone asked why that it was ok I knew deep down it was but knew the punishment I would recieve I was 9 an well my sister sat on my lap held me and broke down I couldn't I was too afraid of being punished I finally mourned his death after my first child was born and my husband took me to his grave this is the most awful thing you could do to a child that I can think of beyone abuse

Oh my gosh that sibling storie is awful and so wrong blossom its almost like they want everything when she dies and this child to be left out lets pray that when the will is read this child is included thats just wrong but yah I know that people can be this cruel I lived that one

Javasi again I pray for you and I know the care giver situation I have the brain damage can barely take care of myself and because people can't see it they forget I have a disability that I have turned into an ability but still they act like I am capable of anything and this is dropped on me and my sis is going to make it stick instead of working with me like we talked about a month ago funny how people change with a piece of paper really

As far as your health live one day at a time and when that is to much go down to seconds when you just are having a hard time not only do I have to do this as a recovering alcoholic but as a brain injury paitent or when I can't speak due to facial nerve flare up and what stinks about my flare is everyone thinks I am mad no I just can't talk and I get be that way alot and don't like it for 7 yrs I have had this and they still don't get it

there is so much going on with you I worry so and don't let anyone take you for granted you have been through enough I had to go on strike a few times and thats what it was I did nothing for now one till I was appreciated as I was being taken for granted too

After taking care of my mom when she was sick I did it so she wasn't put in a home I didn't want that I cared but it didn't matter but vowed from the day I left her on that never again would I do this someone else was going to care for her and that is now my plan I will of course be choosy if it comes to a nursing home or stuff like that as back where she lives there is one you walk in and it literally smells of death and its freaky so I don't want her there and will have to fight the state on that one

I also tried to get her to move her to a brand new senior housing she said no she didn't want to be with old people and be reminded of her age whatever cooks her goose I took it as a sign from GOD this wasn't a good idea but offered so if something happen I could take care of her but no she is content where she is so there she will stay ahhhh Thank GOD for small miracles she wanted to buy the house next to me I told her it sold as I just wasn't going to have that she always wants to come visit I used to let her on holidays as my sis leaves her alone for them but had to stop as she is a trigger she thinks I am rude for this as everyone can stay here but her and she can't afford a hotel well I can't afford the ER for shots everytime she comes just talking to her flares my brain I think I posted this before my memory isn't so good so if I ever repeat myself please forgive me it is part of the brain damage

but there are more places that are better and not like a hospital where no one cares not even the nurses I don't want to inflict the damage on my mother that she did me I think anyone else in my situation MY SIS would just put her anywhere I am not that cold hearted no matter what happen

I have to go out in the frozen tundra its -20 with the wind chill ish and if I go out it could trigger a flare up and I just don't want to risk that so I have some projects to work on without supplies and I can get them started with what i have and this is what I will do I love Karaoke when I can speak singing lets out so much frustration but last time I got really hurt and now I am afraid its something I can't get over is fear of getting hurt by myself that I can't learn to get over as I have to be so cautious but this is taking life away from me again it stinks so I create for away out I just hate being stuck in the house listen to me babble this morning sorry

What a morning its sunny and all but my butt is ready to crawl under the covers and go back to bed I think I just may wake again and then figure what I will do today I have a list growing my poor plants I am negelecting them LOL just little things well at least I got the dishes done and put away

and I have a funny today I made my first homeade turkey pot pie and we scarfed it down no left overs so I make a roast yesterday what does the hubby do he brings all the stuff home for me to make beef pot pie now I just thought it was hilarious I finally fed him and he can't get enough of it LOL not that I am a bad cook but he is hooked I am afraid to cook chicken one can only eat so many pot pies LOL I didn't make soup this year as the kids are gone and I don't know how to make soup for 2 unless its out of a can LOL
and if I make and freeze you get them sqishy noodles ish so I just wanted to get off abuse for a sec and give a funny I needed that

blossom4th

11-30-2007, 01:10 AM

Krissi,
Your pot pies sound delicious,mmmmmmm! :p It's really hard for me to cook for just me after having cooked for a family for years! :rolleyes: I'm gonna have to keep reminding myself to freeze leftovers!
I hate the cold weather....but we have to plow through it (no pun intended!) one day at a time! I used to think boots and gloves were for when the snow came.....not anymore!!! :rolleyes:

Javisi
Take one day at a time when it comes to your illness,too! As much as you love being the caregiver,it's time to relax and let someone take care of you!
Your family will still love you the same! :)

JAVISI

11-30-2007, 11:19 AM

Krissi and Blossom,
Thank you both so much for the support. Somedays I don't think that I will make iot through the day but then I come to this site and it seems to rejuvinate me! I am glad that I can come here and open up without fear. When I was a teen-ager I was a cutter. I would use razor blades in areas that were not visible with clothes on. It was my release. I know that it sounds crazy but it really did make me feel better. I then married at 17 and was beat on a regular basis so I had no need to hurt myself my ex was doing it for me! I just didn't know how to release me anger, frustration, and such deep sadness. I hated my life. I hated dealing with the alcohol and the fighting.

I don't drink today due to the fear of becoming my mother! I almost feel guilty saying that but it is true. I am in a stable and loving relationship with someone that truely loves me and cares for me when I am sick, which seems to be a lot!

I am fighting off this infection but it sure is tiring. I have been on 3 antibiotics, I hope this high dollar antibiotic helps! I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. My grandaughter keeps calling and wanting to stay, but I am just not up to it. She is a busy little girl and wears me out, I seem to get sick after keeping her for a couple of days. I guess she wears me out and my immune system seems to drop!

Less than 3 weeks and my son will come home I am anxiously awaiting his arrival here. Then my grandaughter will stay here but I won't be the sole care-giver.

Thanks for the support! Dream Big and Reach for the Stars, Love, Javi;)

Kashis

11-30-2007, 11:56 AM

in due time dear all will fall into place I also like posting here as I can also do it without fear and boy do I have things to post yet you don't see me going anywhere soon LOL

I know how you feel about kids wearing you out I used to do daycare I couldn't take the pain in my head so I stopped now if the kids come to visit and there here more then and hour and I am alone I just can't do it no more and I practicly raised these kids potty training and all
so I understand fully

I can barely get up to craft let alone children I told my girls not to have kids till I get well well I guess they will be waiting a long time I just want to be able to watch my grandbaby without pain and right now I just couldn't so I don't think there waiting on that reason but it works LOL for me

I am glad we all have each other I get pretty lonely without being able to let things out that are bottled inside and now I can let all that go here and feel so much better and since I can't talk well its even better to be here

well my first time out in the frozen tundra in a week have to go to walmart and get supplies so I can continue crafting or should I say get off my but and craft

since jun it was cook for 2 I am getting a lil better at it I stress a little but the key is freeze it your right my girls still come over when I make enchiladas I freeze them individual but do have a gallon bag of beef in my freezer so thats what I will use for pot pies I will get the gravy today thanks for the reminder of pot pies I need those my memeory is short lived even with a list I get to the store and forget where I put the list leave it to me I am gettinng a brain card now that if I get lost which I do alot that they can get me to the right place

I also wanted to spread some info if you have a cell phone next to the ones who are the incase of emerengency put ice next to the name as this way if anything would happen paramedics know ice is in case of emergency many times things happen and they have the cells and don't know who to contact I will post this topic too but wanted to start here

OK few new posts

Kashis

12-04-2007, 03:28 PM

your stupid
your worthless
no one cares about you
quit talking out of your ars
I don't want to hear your stupid sht shut the f up
no one wants you but me
you better do as I say or else
your a piece of sht
go crawl in your hole
go sit in a corner and act like a tree
your a fat bia deal with it
your ugly who would want you anyway
I hate you
your a rotten mother if it wasn't for me you wouldn't have them kids
do as I say
you call this cooking its slop
you aint worth the ground you walk on
I am working and I want your money to you get nothing maybe a buck or too
get in that bed and give me what I want
quit crying I don't want to hear it
if your going to cry go to your room
I didn't hurt you its your fault you deserve what you got
if you think of calling the cops I will rip the phone wall and beat you with it
I will kill you if you call the cops
the cops won't do nothing as your abuser laughs at you
your not going no where unless I say
abused no your being punished I don't abuse you I give you what you deserve

I am sure there are many more but this is the list I could come up with does anyone have more so those can learn these are phrases of hate and abuse things I don't have you have heard we need to learn these aren't right they aren't true but its what we as vicitums are programed to think but as survivors learn arent true these are phrases some have heard again and again this is what has taken away self confidence and self esteem these words were programed so much that instead of wrong we start to belive this and when we become survivors we have to reprogram ourselves

Please add to this post with more abuseive phrases as for those who don't understand can learn just what mental abuse really is physical can be explained mental is alot worse and stays until we get help for ourselves I want those who need help to see this isn't right these phrases are so our abusers can take control and they do with nasty words please add more so we can teach just how wrong it is
and if your abused you can also add what you hear so we can help you learn its not right and there is help

JAVISI

12-04-2007, 04:07 PM

Krissi,
I have heard 90% of those things. I can't think of anymore to add. The main thing is that you are broken and beaten down to the point that you beleive these lies. Only later to learn that it was them with the problem, not you! The main thing is manipulation so you feel like nothing and succumbe to all of their needs and neglect your own. You then are no longer healthy! They want to be in total control of you and the master manipulators acheive that goal.

It is hard to let go of those words. I know that I am worthy now but I have my down days when I remember being told that I was worth nothing. I was made to sit in a corner, He told me to sit in the corner with your nose to the wall like the dog you are, to top it off he was having a card party and their were 4 other men there. Not one person styood up for me. That was I think my breaking point. I lived for my kids if not for them I would not be here!

I had no friends I was isolated. I was not allowed to visit with my family, so I felt I had no one to turn to. I kept it as a secret. I felt ashamed! Why should have I felt ashamed, it is him that should feel bad. I never got a I am sorry. I deserved everything that I got! He cut up my Nursing uniforms because I did not talk to him enough at my Nursing graduation. He ruined everything that mean anything to me. Things that could never be replaced!

Why, I often wonder why I stayed but unless you have been there it can never be explained others that have not been there, will never understand why you don't you just leave. The feeling of being terrified that if I leave he will find me and beat me worse! Besides, where do I go? Who even cares about me!

Well I am ill again with bursitis in my hip so I am tired. I hope you have a good day!
Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars! Hugs, Javi:)

blossom4th

12-05-2007, 12:48 AM

Krissi,
I just wanted to add that often cellphones are used as a way of controlling the movements of the abused.The abuser will often start out by making a person feel special and then once the abuser has things 'set in place',he/she will suddenly become jealous controlling angry. And another trait the abuser often shows is humiliating the one they are supposed to care about.I hope this helps.

Kashis

12-05-2007, 01:29 PM

Javasi you are a surviovor and I know that us getting out or stories will help others learn were not alone I had dresses cut up to as I was looking for someone else yes I do remember so much and try to erase that as much as possible I know its tough but were all survivors and if its the last thing we do we can and will help someone who can't understand and those who do understans grow stronger we didn't leave as there was no where to go we had no trust of anyone that was taken away we were believed that the abuser was the only one to trust this is why we always stayed its that simple we were programed and it took alot but we did awesome but getting out

Blossom I agree the cellphone thing and thats where the ice can come in good too men always check phones make sure all texts are deleted all calls deleted this buys time till the bill comes but I did know a guy that was paying the bill went on line and looked up the calls to find his wife and track her at all times so if at all possible put the phone in your name so you have your own tracking system that they can't touch

We need to keep this topic going as I think its easy for someone to understand now with all of us here for those who have read and not posted we want you to abused or survived were here for all and will help in anyway possible to get you resources to get out and to help you move on were a great bunch here and don't want anyone to sufferer anymore like we did

JAVISI

12-07-2007, 04:45 AM

Krissi and Blossom,
It seems to be only us 3 that are posting but I hope that so many others will at least read our posts and realize that they are not alone!I am happy to say that my kids have come around and are so close to me. They finally see their gag in that ugly light, He promises them things and don't follow through. They realize that he is a mean drunk! My daughter is trying to dtay clean and he visits her when he is trashed and wants to play with her son and she does not like that. He has not once visiyed my son at the work ethics camp, let alone even wrote to him. My fiancee are the only ones that he can count on!

My son comes home in just a little over a week. He has worked through his demons at the camp, taking anger management classses, parenting classe, and alcohol classes. He is a changed person. I have always been sad that my chilgren have been scared by my abuse!

I think a couple of the worst things he did was beat me in front of our children! He spit on mr, and urinated on me. That is a hatd thing to admit because I feel humiliated about that yet to this day! But I know that it helps to get it out!

Cyber Hugs, Friends always, I hope, Love and care, Javisi:)

Kashis

12-07-2007, 01:02 PM

Abuse is disgusting but we have came so far and its tough for alot to post but with us they can see its ok to post and will come around thats what matters we are still allowed to get our demons out

know what I am tired of and its in no reference to this group I am tired of everyone comparing there abuse to mine (family() and how much worse they had it and they have the same thing none I mean none have a complicated brain injury and won't even get the message I had 40 head injuries as there still in denial I am so tired of this telling me how to live and go on yah they should talk LOL I think I moved on alot further
were going back home for christmas and I am terrified why for one I can't talk alot without terrible pain so people think I am mad an stuck up and bi**h at me for not smiling or talking but no one stops to think they don't want this reality in there face
the other is come on kris it wasn't that bad grrr I hate this one the worst or you don't know what happen to me well no I don't so step up and be honest I have grrr I am venting today can yah tell again in no means this has anything to do with the group I need to get this out and I am so glad your here to allow that without judgement

You know we were all abused some worse then others we all suffer consequences from the after abused life but we moved on and accepted what happen and try to live normal now but there are those that throw it in your face like no big deal those are the ones that need help and there related to me grrrr

I love that were honest here a place to go where its ok to talk about all this inside I think what there doing to me family is abusing me still in some sorts and I must put a stop to this but not at christmas

Last 4th I was all doped on morphine and got yelled at for not helping with food cause I was snapping pics instead I was bawling so bad I had to leave with my sis in law she cares and knows and got me out she could see that I was having trouble and no one gave a damn well actually the hubby this was my in law family I love them dearly but them 2 sis in laws grrr don't want to go there

Point being I don't want to fight I don't want to be compared to anyone abuse is abuse totally no matter who got what or when or where etc...
its abuse and they need to deal with it and thats where the whole problem lies my husband will admit to all he did this but his family thats the one I am waiting for its bout time he admits to his mother by the way is still abused its time to face up to her she don't believe it tells me I told you not to marry him and leaves it at that grrrrrrrr its time to stand up and tell her and for christmas thats what I want from him if any trouble starts

I so don't want to go all I want for christmas is happy family time special time and I have to be with all my abusers not looking forward to that its sad when you get sent home with morphine incase you have a brain flare up on there account thats still abuse in itself my mother is getting older and won't be around long this is why I am going back but the hubby will be there to protect me and if I feel harmed in anyway he will get me out of the situation I have to go though

But why can't I be ok with going home and happy I have been so depressed as I count down the days I don't have christmas spirit as usual I tried moves cried carols wrapping I am happy making things for other happy familys thats what makes me feel good inside I am so lost right now I can't get happy and its killing me inside its mental abuse totally and its not right but its christmas what is one to do I am scarred terrified about christmas so what I am doing is reminding myself jesus is the reason for the season to get me through
for those that don't celebrate I am sorry for talking about the holiday I celebrate I just want my family my home and well due to parents having cancer getting older I have to be home maybe its a sign I don't know but I can't get out of this rut

Thanks for listing to me I just needed a place to go this is wrong and I need to stop it soon just not now thats what is bothering me

Kashis

12-07-2007, 01:09 PM

oh ya on top of all the child that is there for me always is staying home due to work so she is my angel and takes care of me and relaxes me through my fears but I haven't told her what I really feel this is the first time in 2 yrs she had a job and wants to celebrate christmas I think thats another reason she isn't going back either granted its a new job but still better to avoid then deal with it she knows If I stay home I will be alone for christmas what to do what to do

Sunshine2

12-07-2007, 02:31 PM

I can relate.

blossom4th

12-07-2007, 09:28 PM

Krissi,
It's good to get 'it' off the chest....better than living with the fear as we've done in the past! :rolleyes: As Sunshine2 says,we can relate! Know that we're thinking of you,and atleast you do have a 'backup plan' of hubby and morphine! As for judgemental statements.....make like a duck and let'em roll right off your back!!! (ever wonder why water 'rolls' off a duck?! They have a thin film of oil on their feathers....oil and water do not mix!) :p

Welcome Sunshine2! :)

Kashis

12-08-2007, 09:28 AM

Thanks all for letting me get this out as until I did It was all tied up inside and I was miserable now I am ok knowing your here wish I could get to you when your gone its strange my mother in law don't let me use her comp but always has me fix it go figure hey so If I have to work on it I will try to get here to post for sainity then I must delete things so she don't know about the sight well that I am on it for the fact

I started singing yesterday this lil light of mine and felt so good inside after I did the post I thank you all for being so kind and caring you will all be with me for the trip and in my hearts cause I know I have you even if its when I get home I know your here for me

Thanks all for telling me I am not alone and you understand and can relate
this is an awesome group and I am so glad to be here with you all

Kashis

12-08-2007, 09:32 AM

its sad though I even have to have a backup plan let alone morphine at that its wrong someday I will right the wrong just not this time of season

Kashis

12-09-2007, 09:12 AM

And the nightmares start again these are pretty much my flashbacks and never to what my husband did but what my mother did I have the nightmares where she is screaming at me and yelling at me in public she does this no matter who is around to this day

But I am up at 6am cause she decided to scream at me grrrr this lady mentally abuses me still in my sleep and I hate it I can hear her plain as day and see the awful things she does this one was cause I was in the bathroom too long I always have strange dreams but all my flashbacks lead back to her as all of us ask WILL THEY EVER STOP I can't take it no more but belive it or not you can control your dreams it works as there your dreams you can change them in any direction you want them to go and if your in a bad situation I am told your suppose to pray in your dreams

I just got up from this one and tried going back to sleep not so I am here to say good morning to all of you but while having a night mare you can change its progress you can decide what will happen it weird but after some training it can be done I Have lived with night mares all my life as a young girl was taken to a shrink cause of this the night mares were tales of what happen and why I was terrified but I was thought to be crazy

when I started running away from home couldn't take the abuse no more but I was the bad kid and needed punishmnent I think thats the hardest part was no one FAMILY member belived me nor would belive me they thought I was making up stories

I was locked in so many different treatment centers one broke my back was the only way I got out of the last one my mom wouldn't press charges as we were on welfare and again when I got hit by a car she wouldn't then my husband took me away from it all he believed me then abused again see what I mean about a cycle

It took alot of years but it stopped thanks GOD for that I was punished over and over again and again for nothing that was my fault I am babbling this morning but this dream made me think about how one can still abuse you in your dreams but can be stopped trust me it can be taught so this doesn't have to happen

Well I got my candles made turned out nice loved this project but ran out of wax and have wick last time ran out of wick and had wax go figure LOL
My daugter wanted candles for christmas stinky ones so I made them prob is they don't stink the wax stunk making it like vanilla mmm but came out wax smelling I will have to work on this one but something made me happy

I think the reason my mother is haunting my dreams as she has been stuck in the house for 4 months with a bad foot and no one there and today is my grandmas memorial of her death so I am sure this has something to do with it I don't call and for sure won't go help I will be there soon enough to surprise her sometimes I hate forgive and forget but its the only way one can move on

If I don't forgive I will punish myself the rest of my life as you see I never have forgotton but forgave so I could move on in life thats the hardest part
ok morning all needed something to do trying to put off christmas wrapping but guess I must do it Hugs all have a happy day Krissi

Kashis

12-13-2007, 10:51 AM

Mental abuse I wish I could help take this pain away it lingers inside us we still hear the words we still see the past its so hard to help others but awareness we have raised even this has been tough as your scarred as to what to say is it right is it wrong will it hurt in anyway

you don't want to hurt anyone but help as best you can some of the posts are tough and I am glad we have a great group here to help post to ease your fears

right now mental abuse is taking a big toll on me its going home for the holdiays the days are getting closer and what is sad is you know what is going to be said there all stuck in the past and there just making me a mess

its again facing people and acting like nothing ever happen becaue mom is getting old and its suppose to be special but from what i have been hearing its the same ol same ol I just don't want to go I would rather stay home for christmas and cry as going its goin to be the same adventure except i have to hide my tears at least i have to wear dark glasses all the time

mentally i am just having a hard time a really hard time I let the past go but they can't i don't want to keep going back there an arguments i can't tolerate them I live far from them and what i want to be special isn't and I know this its killing me inside i have to take morphine to be around my mother or i will end in hosp her voice triggers my migraines so is it really worth it

and then i have to torcher myself and think well if I don't go and something happens then how would i feel as she has melenmona so its like i am always on a guilt trip

my sis knows i am coming as we put this together and i forget her husband beat me to a pulp so i have to be in the house with this he don't scare me no more never will again i would pound himi in a heartbeat but there I just went back to violence its pitiful and my sis tells me he has no charges they were dropped my husband was right there when it happen dumb ars my bro in law held a baby as he beat on me there was nothing my husband could do to help the reson there were no charges pressed my mother didn't want to start trouble in the family my sis had 4 kids at the time and was looking out for them not me so someone could care for them and give them a good home so the big part they weren't even married he wasn't family but she dropped charges

This is still inside of me this is my hidden demon my husband faced up there still in denial and I can't tolerate that her first husband raped me she said if I would have told her she would have left him he also beat me up locked me in the basement I was 10 but when I was 14 the other did the same and it was my fault some where the storie is here

the mental trauma still is within me am I scarred to go back no not at all mentally I just don't want to stand and act like nothing happen no more prob is if I say anything well its more fighting more violence I and stuck so stuck I won't be able to talk to you guys from the 22-27 thats a long time but if it gets to bad I will find away

kinda like my mother in law I can bring her computer back from the dead but I can't be on it using it casue something might happen to it dur where are the brains I just brought it back from the dead grrrrrr gettting angry but I need to do that this is what I am here for if I let it build inside anymore I will just hurt myself which again is allowing them to hurt me oh so confusing

I need to go rest now been up since 3 would have slept good but I was in er on tue an the meds decided they want to come out coffee isn't working no more had to kill time till I could take morning meds I love you all cause your here for me not to judge me but make sure i am ok to talk to me to be there for me to LISTEN to me I feel a lil better now but as it comes closer I am sure you will see alot more krissi posting cause i need some one who is gonna understand calm me down so I don't blow a gasket and cause my brain to swell sucks they can still kill me just by stress if my brain swells its not good grrr thanks everyone for being here for my moment of grrrr

cheyriver

02-02-2008, 11:21 PM

I agree that mental abuse is just as damaging or worse than physical abuse. Bruises heal but hurtful words stick like glue.

My parents were mentally abusive and so was my now exbf. Even though I am getting better sometimes those awful words haunt you.

Kashis

02-02-2008, 11:48 PM

I found this article and wanted to share it just wasn't sure where to put it so its going in 2 places here and facts about dv

“Hurry up, you fat f***ing *****,” said the young man. His companion mewed obediently and walked faster. Another woman in a trendy outfit said nothing. We were strangers walking along a sidewalk and I didn’t confront the guy then, but if I fail to say something to a wider audience now, it would border on complicity. Stop the silence to end the violence, right?

First, she wasn’t fat. But all mean kids and abusers know that the easiest way to hurt a young woman’s self-esteem is to attack her body image, especially with that cruel three-letter “f” word. It’s verbal abuse in our thin-obsessed culture. The other two words he called her are just more obviously abusive.

Verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical or sexual violence–the American Psychological Association classifies all three as wartime torture methods. In their daily wars women come to view themselves as worthless and powerless and internalize the loathing. They may develop serious medical problems like depression, anorexia/bulimia, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, substance abuse and more, all while afraid to leave the abuser. A woman is ten times more likely to be murdered by her abuser in the six months after she leaves him. Those threats are dead serious, and they’re a means of control that answer the common and naïve question, “Why doesn’t she just leave him?”

Transition shelters like the one in my community are vital. They provide physical security and protection, help to see and break cycles of abuse, referrals to counselling and services, and best of all, they offer true caring. It takes time to heal but it starts with a first step and a shelter may be the only one to take.

Female murder victims are most often killed by their male partners whether or not they try to leave, including acts of murder-suicide in which children are killed too. Even if kids aren’t killed or abused, seeing abuse in the home is deeply traumatizing.

So, Mr. Sidewalk, maybe you had an upbringing like that if the only way you know how to prop up your ego is by abusing/controlling people with less physical and societal power. I hope you’ll seek out psychotherapy to heal. I don’t hate you but I do hate your actions and they’re unacceptable in our community.

But, Ms. Abused, it’s you I’m most worried about. Please call the [local shelter’s hotline] to talk about moving forward into mental health and away from its corrosion. You DO deserve better. Each human has inherent worth and nobody is entitled to damage it. Just call; hotline staffers begin with where you’re at, and won’t judge or pressure you.

And, Ms. Silent Friend, I hope you will be there when she needs support. Just be a good friend and listen. Tell her why you think she’s great and why the abuse is not okay. Laugh, smile and have healthy fun together. Women need to help other women, for if not who else will?

Stop the silence, end the violence.

***

On December 6, 1989 a gunman went on a shooting spree in a university to kill female engineering students explicitly because he hated feminists. 14 women died in what’s known as the Montreal Massacre. In Canada this date is the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women, but Canada’s issues are not unique. UNIFEM.org does great work around global ills like rape, “honour” killings, forced female circumcision, human trafficking and more. If you have a little more time, watch a terrific video that debunks myths and explains what’s actually involved in the psychology of domestic violence.

Kashis

02-13-2008, 02:18 PM

I just want to thank all this is such a big achievement for me that I have reached 2000 people with my post and words and you all were there to help it means alot to me to see I am making a difference Hugs Krissi

blossom4th

02-13-2008, 10:17 PM

Krissi,
That is so wonderful!!! :):):)

Kashis

02-28-2008, 11:16 AM

I am still around haven't been posting much my life is falling apart so it seems more or less my marraige after thinking the last few days 22yrs have gone by and we have less and less in common we do nothing together unless he is watching tv and I am on the comp I am getting so depressed all I am doing is sleeping to pass the time cause I can't stand to be in the house with him we talk about nothing anymore I offered him a home pedicure and to give him a foot rub and he blew up at me and told me never to ask him again who the heck wouldn't want to have there feet soaked and rubbed and massaged what is the big deal I would love it and I think thats what the problem is he has to do something for me also so it sucks all of it sucks I think something is up maybe his changes I don't know but I am keeping my distance cause I just can't belive I am going through this I just don't know what to do and its affecting me terribly for the worst its playing on my emotions really bad and its not fair its a form of mental abuse totally

I just want to go for walks and go to musesms and just do things together nice things kinda to put the spark in my romance and I am wasting my time as I am getting no reaction I know he works hard but this is a marriage here it takes two to make it complete and I can no longer do it myself I am mentally traumitized totaly right now and so lost

Kashis

02-28-2008, 11:31 AM

An abusive partner will railroad discussions, so that you don't have time to think about what's right and what's wrong in their behavior.
Take a moment to consider these questions. Your partner might have behaved as though these things were okay, even though it's obvious that they aren't okay...:

Do you feel that you can't discuss with your partner what is bothering you?

Does your partner frequently criticize you, humiliate you, or undermine your self-esteem?

Does your partner ridicule you for expressing yourself?

Does your partner isolate you from friends, family or groups?

Does your partner limit your access to work, money or material resources?

Has your partner ever stolen from you? Or run up debts for you to handle?

Does your relationship swing back and forth between a lot of emotional distance and being very close?

Have you ever felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid an argument about it?

Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship?

Has your partner ever thrown away your belongings, destroyed objects or threatened pets?

Are you afraid of your partner?

tic chick

02-28-2008, 11:51 AM

krissi *smallrose,

i am so sorry about your home situation.

maybe it's time to think about leaving. you are no longer in a marriage. i think sometimes people are happier and better off alone. but, only you can decide what you want to do.

be proud of yourself for your website and raising awareness of domestic violence there and on these forums.

you can still find happiness.

((((hugs))))
jeannie

Kashis

02-28-2008, 12:23 PM

Thanks tic chic right now I don't know what I will do I want to move in my craft room for starters but its a storage room as my kid moved home so I will be working on that I refuse to remove myself from my own home I will though move into a different room though and live as a roomate as I won't tolerate this I worked on my page today and realized life has been taken away from to many times and I will not let mine be taken away ever again I will live life to the fullest and only to make sure I am the one who is happy as I am the one that is important Hugs

Kashis

02-29-2008, 11:59 PM

Well I layed down the law and I went through hell for to many years to deal with no romance and stupid arguments like something relaxing so after my nerves got so bad and I got sick he got the point kinda

he wanted me to explain to him how to be romantic I told him if I have to tell you it is me doing the work once again and I am tired of it so I told him you want to know how to treat a woman your an elvis freak ever wonder why girls went mad listen to the words and he can help you along the way love me tender good luck charm teddy bear and the list goes on as we all know so we will see

I woke this morning to a note that said good morning remember I love you so he got the point so I am happy

I did fall this morning I don't know if I hit my head my meds fell and I had to pick them up and the chair and me both went down I was home with my daughter sleeping so I was scarred ended up with a nasty migraine the hubby had to get meds morphine I couldn't leave the house for a shot so the doc gave me a pill I am better now just a lil dopey

but mentally again I will not be treated as dirt and I made sure my words were heard I wish it was like that for everyone but I can only pray this someday happens Hugs Krissi

mister

03-15-2008, 05:41 PM

before the last bt crash there was a poster in here who was scared to death that her husband would find out she was online discussing it and was asking how she could erase her computer history. She wanted to know that cause her abuser would check her sites visited and she would get abused if he found any he didn't approve of. That is a terrible way to go through life. Sad thing is that there are people more afraid to leave than they are to stasy and take it. Those types of homes are toxic not only to the abused but the children who see it and think it is normal cause they know no better and will likely walk into the same type of relationship when they grow up.

Emotional and verbal abuse aswell as other are just as bad as physical abuse. The only difference is that there are no physical scares,

Kashis

03-16-2008, 03:24 PM

open internet explorer
click start on the lower left of your screen
assessories
system tools
disk clean up

this should erase all files

other wises

open internet explorer
find tools
internet options
delete all check older versions you can do both to be on the safe side but you have to have explorer open either way as if you don't some files may stay on and make sure your not on the sight Krissi

older versions of explorer
on top it says tools
go to internet options
and delete cookies history

this should help

Internet explorer is the big blue e
and you also can do this by right clicking on the e clicking properties and it will take you where you need to be please ask me if you have questions everyone has a write to post and not be afraid and you can clear your history

now if your using something like aol or another internet program there is anther way to delete this contact me and I will be happy to help you out

Kashis

03-20-2008, 02:31 AM

mental abuse is a programming and it will take along time to deprogram as like riding a bike it never goes away you always know what to do this is the worst part of mental abuse as one can't deprogram themselfs I still catch myself doing things I was programed to do years ago and catch myself tellin me no way its not like that and never will be that way again

programming is things like who to look at who to talk to when to have sex being told to do things just as if a mother was telling a child this is so hard for me to write about and I just wanted to address the topic for now soon I will add more I didn't mean like riding a bike the programming is a good thing i mean it as its something once your trained to do it you don't forget it and it was the only example that I could think of

programming is what the victims go through deprogramming is what survivors have went through this is another issue all together and I just wanted to see what kind of thoughts others have on this

blossom4th

03-20-2008, 11:34 PM

Krissi,
I think I understand what you're saying.Yes,as victims we do learn to think and act in certain ways in order to survive the abuse.We don't even realize that our lives are no longer 'normal'! That's how brainwashed and programmed we become!!! :rolleyes: It may take years of having someone or even many people pointing this fact out to us, before it actually 'burns through the scar tissue'!!! But when we do come to our senses and take action to free ourselves of the abuse and move on with our lives;then we can move on to start deprogramming! That is a much harder task because it requires knowledge of the changes we've decided to make and why.And we do this while we're still scared and grieving the breakup of the relationship that so hurt and disappointed us!

Kashis

05-06-2008, 11:28 AM

I never thought that when I posted this it would reach 3000 but it has and it makes me feel awesome that something I started has made such a difference and with the help of others in the group to keep it going I just want to say once again my goal was to change just one life and now I see I am making a difference in alot of lives Thanks so much for reading what I have to say Hugs

joy

05-06-2008, 02:25 PM

(((((HUGS))))))) right back around you with both arms.

JAVISI

05-27-2008, 02:24 PM

Dear Friends,
I remember trhe words more than the beatings I got from my ex! The words linger in my mind and I often wonder if I am good enough to even live on this earth. My fiancee is the most loving tender hearted man I have ever met but those words sneak into my head, and make me wonder if I am gtood enough for my fiancee.

I dated him when I was a teen, he treated me so good. I left him for the lousy excuse of a man that I married. I grew up in a house with constant abuse and alcoholism, so I guess I went to what I was used tol. I am thankful I realized that I am worth something, we will be married soon when my healthis a little better! We found a picture of us as teen-agers we had the picture blown up to an 8x10, and hung it on the wall. I sure wish I could go back and change things, my life sure would have been different. But I can't go back I just wish I could get the words my ex called me out of my head!

Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Javisi

blossom4th

05-31-2008, 11:12 PM

Dear Javisi,
Although you still have a struggle with past memories,the thing to do now is to try your best to bury them, and it's true that you can't get back the years that you lost,but now you need to live for the present and enjoy the time that you have together now! :)

Kashis

06-03-2008, 10:22 AM

as soon as my life gets settled after my hubby surgery and such I will be doing some new posts and one is in regards to the past and flashbacks so be looking for it it will be a few more weeks though Hugs Krissi

Kashis

07-13-2008, 05:02 PM

I am feeling mentally abused by just being asked to write for a magazine and then being dropped because of matters that are in the past I feel really hurt an mentally its traumatic being called someone who hasn't risen from abuse let alone being told I can not be called a survivor I have came way to far lived through way to much to mentally be played like this just because of choices I made I am only human mental abuse comes in all forms I guess but this onei s hitting me hard and its by someone I don't even know it should be about fighting and helping more then what my life is about and not worring I am going to be in trouble without getting my hubbys permisson to write as I am my own person who makes my own choice and its not me this person was worried about but the magazine I am mentally taking this hard and its not right I have been hurt enough in one lifetime

Kashis

07-13-2008, 07:56 PM

my self esteem and self confidence was so high I felt I had the help to accomplish so much more this is still bothering me so I thought I would come back I am not a hypocrate I was beat since 2 I thought this was normal when I married at 14 I broke the cycle and its not good enough its just breaking me inside as I have accomplished so much in life to do the things I did I let the past go why am I letting this get to me at all I am human I still have feelings I know what I went through and changed but its seeming that don't matter I was foutuneate this never happens in dv situations I just am so upset its out of control right now my emotions are just beating me up inside I just want to give up the fight but then I know I would let so many down I am just frustrated and hurt sorrry I just need to get this out of my system Krissi

Kashis

08-13-2008, 02:11 AM

WOW I never thought we would be having cyber cake again 4000 people have read this post and I am blown away as I said from the begining if I made a difference in just one persons life I mattered and now look at this post 4000 I am just flabergasted shocked and not to be conceited but very proud of myself as I can truley say I have made a difference Thanks all for reading this post posting to this post and I hope that I can continue to truely make a difference in peoples lives as till the day I die I will work on getting abusers charged as terrorists as thats what they are Thanks again All from the bottom of my heart and the tears running down my face right now Krissi

Kashis

09-25-2008, 07:42 AM

did you know that we can mentally abuse ourselfs when you think about it some may look in the mirror and say wow I am fat maybe if I was thin I wouldn't be abused or wouldn't have been abused or my nose is to big or things like this we are unique in our own ways yet we tourcher ourselfs with thoughts like this we are who we are no matter what we look like were beautiful no matter what and need to accept that we were abused because we were victims not cause of how we look or things we could change about ourselfs We were given the gift of our own qualities and we may think we have flaws and yet we don't as its what is inside that matters

I couldn't sleep as this kept going through my head and I wanted to add it to this post after being abused we tend to look at ourselfs as different and start thinking crazy things and forgetting who we are is what matters not what we look like and I wanted to add to this post to touch on this topic as we have been abused enough and need to stop tourchering ourselfs

I am one of them too and I think this is why I wanted to address it If I was a size six again wow he would love me so much more and look at me so different again without him saying a word to me about this it goes through my head some have heard it said to them we need to stop and see our inner beauty that we are all special in someway for some reason and we all need to stop trying to change who we are and look in that mirror and say yah I have a few pounds extra but I am still beautiful being just who I am if I was suppose to have a smaller nose or smaller but or gut and realize that hey If I was suppose to be any other way then I would be someone wants me to be who I am so I love me and must accept this

Again I am one who looks in the mirror and finds flaws but then remind myself no matter what I am beautiful whether my hair is to frizzy or my gut is a muffin or my butt is flat and start finding what we love about ourselfs
my eyes are big and brown and beautiful things like this and avoid what we see wrong and start seeing us for who we are beautiful gifts to ourselfs

Krissi

joy

09-25-2008, 09:12 PM

You are so right again, as you usually always are. {{{HUGS}}} .

I knew my son wanted to hurt me badly when he said what he did and added look in the mirror. I've told it elsewhere so won't repeat it here. But he meant to really hurt with his statement. He doesn't know it but it did not take me very long at all to look in that mirror and smile.

Kashis

09-26-2008, 05:45 PM

I had woke up and just had to write about this I tried going to bed without doing it and just couldn't so with one eye open I did this post and I am glad I did it even made me feel better and I am glad that I did it now Hugs Krissi

joy

09-27-2008, 12:35 AM

me too Krisii! {{{{HUGS}}}}

Kashis

11-04-2008, 05:49 PM

Following are types of emotional abuse:

*DOMINATION:
Someone wants to control your every action. They have to have their own way, and will resort to threats to get it. When you allow someone else to dominate you, you can lose respect for yourself.

*VERBAL ASSAULTS:
Berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening, excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation. Blowing your flaws out of proportion and making fun of you in front of others. Over time, this type of abuse erodes your sense of self confidence and self-worth.

*ABUSIVE EXPECTATIONS:
The other person places unreasonable demands on you and wants you to put everything else aside to tend to their needs. It could be a demand for constant attention, frequent sex, or a requirement that you spend all your free time with the person. But no matter how much you give, it's never enough. You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you don't fulfill all this person's needs.

*EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL:
The other person plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, values, or other "hot buttons" to get what they want. This could include threats to end the relationship, the "cold shoulder," or use other fear tactics to control you.

*UNPREDICTABLE RESPONSES:
Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts (This is part of the definition of BPD). Whenever someone in your life reacts very differently at different times to the same behavior from you, tells you one thing one day and the opposite the next, or likes something you do one day and hates it the next, you are being abused with unpredictable responses.

This behavior is damaging because it puts you always on edge. You're always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you can never know what's expected of you. You must remain hypervigilant, waiting for the other person's next outburst or change of mood.

An alcoholic or drug abuser is likely to act this way. Living with someone like this is tremendously demanding and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly frightened, unsettled and off balance.

*GASLIGHTING:
The other person may deny that certain events occurred or that certain things were said. You know differently. The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity. (If a borderline has been disassociating, they may indeed remember reality differently than you do.)

*CONSTANT CHAOS:
The other person may deliberately start arguments and be in constant conflict with others. The person may be "addicted to drama" since it creates excitement. (Many non-BPs also are addicted to drama.)

joy

11-04-2008, 08:20 PM

just thinking of you Krissi.

gizmogirl

11-09-2008, 09:24 PM

I'm just checking in many many months later to see if you are sucessfully dealing with thoughts that make you sad. I hope so. I saw a show on PBS that made me think of you and I wish I had gotten the name of it for you.

The man was teaching us how to deal with thoughts that make us sad so that we can move on to being happy. He had 4 steps to follow:
1. Is the thought true?
2. Is the opposite of the thought impossible? Do you have absolute proof?
3. What would it be like if you make like the second is true?
4. Can you remember that it takes practice to get good at these 4 steps?

He said an example might be a 75 year old widow who hates being alone and wants to remarry, but thinks that no one woud want to marry someone her age. She thought it was true that no one would want her, but agreed that she couldn't say that this is an ABSOLUTE truth. She admitted that number 3 would make her feel hopeful and sociable. She got married a couple of years later to a man she met soon after starting number 3.

I just hope that you know how to quickly set sad ideas on their head. It certainly seems worth trying.

Good luck,
Jane

JAVISI

11-10-2008, 10:50 AM

Krissi,
You hit every type of abuse I dealt with for over 20 years. I was a worthless person at home then, before I left my ex. I am so thankful he is my ex and he is now someone elses problem, although I do feel sorry for her and what she will go through.

I know in my head that I am a valid and worthy person, but when I am down my heart tells me that I am not! It is so hard to get things out of your head that you heard for 20 plus years!

When I worked I felt so good helping people, I was worthy there. I was complimented and treated with respect. When I could no longer work, a part of me slowly died.

I think that I revert to the past is that I see my kids making his mistakes and mine. I want to stop the cycle! But How!?

Jane thanks for the input I will ponder it today!

Hugs, Javisi

Kashis

11-10-2008, 12:35 PM

We will never be able to stop cycle of violence till the laws get changed and I am working so hard at that and as far as feeling worthy you are a worthy person you help victims by telling your story

I know what you mean about not working and how you feel but you must tell yourself I am worthy I am someone I am special I am talented over and over again its a must as because you are just that its hard not to be able to work I am going through that part again too but keep telling myself good things to keep going and not to get depressed about not working

There is no easy way to change things all we can do is hope for the best Hugs Krissi

Kashis

04-07-2009, 12:02 AM

I know my daughter is being mentally abused and on top of all humiliated and still in denial its just so hurtful

I do these posts to help others and I feel I can't even help her it is so sad and now I have to take care of the situation knowing I will loose my daughter until she forgives me

but I refuse to see abuse and turn my head if I do I don't belong posting or having a web page I always preach speak up speak out stop domestic violence it may not be physical but it is mental and if I don't finally put a stop to it my words here are worth nothing

I feel inside I must practice what I preach it is my child anyone else I would stand up for and I must for my child her boyfriend of 5 yrs is cheating on her at her work as she works on the other end people that care about her can't tell her as they work with her and its personal and the people that care have told me about it

he sleeps with this girl and then goes to my daughter acts all normal and spends her money takes her for everything and then back to the room he has already gave her hpv to the point she had to have her cervix scraped she is so emotionaly drained and emotionally into him she has excuses for everything no matter what he does wrong

this time its caused my husband to almost have another heart attack as this is his child and he just wants it to stop just as I do I need picture proof for her to at least visualize for once what is really going on he controls her mentally normally

normally she is 24 its not my place but when her dad almost goes into cardiac arrest from hearing what is really going on its time for me to step up and face facts and stop leaving her life alone I have to make a choice my child hating me for awhile or my husband dying

I know what to do and its not staying out of my childs buisness as I said if I did I have no right trying to help others if I can't help her I have been there and now refuse to watch her go through the same I know he beats her too we sat for along time and let things lye as we didn't want to loose her but now there is no choice and all I can hope is she remembers her father lying in the hospitial not knowing if he was going to make it or not

Not only once but twice and now almost a 3rd time I can only hope she forgives me mentally this is tearing me apart emotionally killing me inside but a mother has to do what a mother has to do

I must speakup speakout and stop the violence no matter physical or mental I worked to hard at all this not to

I am a survivor and she someday will learn what that means I fight to help others now its her time I have questioned myself as we have mother daughter day every sunday and get along so well this is going to destroy her and be my fault there is no other way if anyone thinks there is let me know

but before you do please put yourself in my shoes If I don't do something I have no reason to try and stop dv and I can't do that either its way to important and means to much to me I want to stop the pain and suffering for all even if it means family and hurting myself along with her at least it will keep her father alive by her thinking differnently for a change

as I have said before abuse is control and programming when its hits home its no different we must take care of our children till the day we die as blood is thicker then water and Love conquers all and the love of a mother is what must rule over any feelings or hurt she will feel for me as I am doing this because I love her I could go out and beat the pulp out of the guy but I learned Violence solves nothing as much as inside my hormones adrenaline are pumped if I fight this with violence then again I have no right here *mom1*cg09 May angels be with me tomorrow when this all comes to the boiling point and I make this guy finally fess up when I get the pictures I need of him fooling around

so either he tells my daughter the truth or someone else will get it through her head I have even went as far as setting up a friendship circle preparing those close to her what is going to happen so that she has a place to go and people that who do care help her get through this and pray she dumps the jerk she has given him enough chances she thinks she can't get no one else that she is a dog well let me tell yah she is gorgeous and lots of people really love her tall long legs beautiful smile and personallity and I am not just saying this cause I am her mom

and hopefully before its to late as now she is checking when she is ovulating as she thinks if she gets pregnant that he will change *cg10

Krissi

tic chick

04-07-2009, 11:07 PM

krissi,

normally, i would tell parents to stay out of their adult children's lives, except if the adult children ask for advice.

i think this is different. giving a person hpv is physical abuse...and that disease will be with her the rest of her life.

i hope she listens to you krissi and please tell her having a baby DOES NOT make a man change!

be prepared, though, that she might get mad at you and stay with him anyways. that would be sad.

do what you have to do.

(((((HUGS)))))
jeannie

Sister Kristina

04-08-2009, 05:27 AM

I am a new member here and seen this topic and wanted to comment. I didn't read all the posts sorry but there are alot. After I was abused sexually by my grandpa on my mom's side of the family. After that I went through h&ll because my family kept saying oh shes lying. Why would a child say they were abused if they were not? They wouldn't. I just don't know how to stop from all this abuse from happening to me. It kills me everyday. I have almost died from my hands because of all the brain washing I have been put through. Can anyone help me?
Blessings and much,Sister Kristina

Kashis

04-13-2009, 01:55 AM

I have been in your position just in a different way I know how your feeling and you can pm me at any time you only get one life and if you take it then the abuser still wins you must forgive and move on as the longer you hold on the abuser also wins I know eaiser said then done hun but there are alot of topics alot of posts and you will find answers I promise we have all been abused in alot of different ways but key word is abused its going to take alot of reading but you will find the answers you need and there are alot of us survivors here that will talk I have tried to cover all topics my hugs go out to you I can understand the brainwashing I call it programming and you will hear me speak alot about it just look at the topics you will find answers I promise and Know I am always here for you just as we are all here for each other you are not alone its not your fault and you deserve the best your body is a temple you can't change what happen but you can move on and not let it control you anymore I am sure the rest of my cyber family will be posting to help you too as everyone here is important including you Hugs Krissi

Kashis

04-13-2009, 02:01 AM

As far as my situation I will post all that is going on tomorrow if I get a chance definatly before I leave for vegas in 6 days as I have to let this go so it don't ruin what is going to be the best trip of my life and not only do I have problems with the oldest the youngest is treating me like dirt even if its your kids I have decided when they become adults they can mentally abuse you and thats what we call my kids are driving me nuts so to say

I am hurt I am stressed the situation is out of control but I was prepared as I told you all I knew what was going to happen our kids are predictable but more on that as there is so much to write and I have had a stress migraine and my face is locked up and in terrible pain I came for a visit as I need to stop thinkin about whats going on and leave it here but got caught up in Migraine headache fourum I call it my new baby as I have so much to share and so many more that care but I will never leave hear as this fourum is where my heart is an always will be

I am trying to spring clean to its been 12 days and only 2 smokes I had a bad reaction to the chantix this time but I don't want to smoke no more its stinky and ishy and just grose when you start to clean your walls curtains etc......... but we will talk soon I miss you all your my family and will never hurt me but in order to stay smoke free I must keep busy for now Hugs to all I need them so to catch my tears Krissi

Buttons2

04-13-2009, 02:11 PM

Good for you on the not smoking!! ((((hugs))))

Kashis

04-13-2009, 02:22 PM

well for now lil bits and pieces trying to block them out i guess in away she isn't allowed to talk to me and she can't take me to the airport and she needs permission to go anywhere and well were suppose to go to a concert and he didn't give her permission I guess I should put this under mental abuse

I dated a guy just like this one along time ago would do anything he said give him what he wanted cause I was blind till I got pregnant and my husband told him either you take care of her or I will well now that person is sitting in prison raped a 13 yr old at 40 yrs of age I cried just to think that could have been my child that happen to but she is in the same situation and as blind as I was even after marriage I just wanted to be with him you must realize I married at 15

My kid is mad as I had no pictures she would have denied them and that was the plan problem was my lil tiger who alson ain't talking to me well jumped the gun a week to soon so yah that was out

She is mad that I didn't tell her first and lied to her when she asked I just wanted to protect her I just wanted to make him stop as he was caught I didn't want her to get std's I told her all this on the phone she called to talk to her father and well I happen to answer I was crying as I was making her cheesecake her and her dad fight over it every holiday but her bff was here doing the same thing I still cried but smiled as there still fighing over my cheese cake LOL wow I laughed that felt great

I cried for along time but now I am ok she is right she is an adult but when she denies my husbands chest pain due to the stress of this all when he found out well thats going to far I know if he would end up in the hosp her boy toy would be escorted out he never was nor never will be part of this family married or not I will not except him and I told my kid that and she knows and him I can't stand him as I can see right through him and he knows it

examp he was drunk one night told him to get out of my home he looked at me and asked what you jealous cause you can't have one well sorry to say I col cocked him right in the face he went flying out my door down the stairs yes it was violent and I did feel bad as I know how I suffer with facial pain I did feel guilty violence is never the answer just don't know what got into me at that moment as I have a choice and choose to be sober if I wanted to drink I would then he had a bottle in my kids room she was under 21 I threw it at his head as no alcohol is allowed in my home so yes I guess I got that streak in me but it at the time was a reaction there is no excuse for what I did

I guess that growing up all the violence I just learned fight violence with violence and at the time I was finding out and coping that due to abuse I had my brain injury again not an excuse

Well now that I called and left him a message he has said It threatend his daughter and she slipped and said he might charge me with harassment I say go for it as my hormones are raging right now and my TBI is flaring due to him he isn't worth it but can't control hormones and I will be damned if my husband suffers due to what my kid is doing yes it hurts me but he is in the middle the go between so to say and I don't want him having another heart attack

JUST GET ME TO VEGAS ALREADY 5 DAYS OF JUST LETTING ALL THIS GO

I should have this in mental abuse but I started here I will probally copy and paste it soon I am done crying I never see my kid anyway I will miss Mother daughter sun which he made her cry then everytime she took me she is so in denial and its abusive can't tell me any different she can't forgive me now but someday down the road it will all work out I have GOD by my side always and he will always be there for me I will get through this

and the youngest not talking to me is a gift I don't have to put up with her snapping at me peace and quiet she is mad as I want to charge her 200 a month rent hoping it will get her out too and the hubby told her no I bit his head off right in front of her she wouldn't let me use her laptop to check my airline tickets as I didn't feel well her excuse I should have went to bed it ticked me off so much that well I started to charge her rent she uses my elec my cable my gas water boarding parking whatever goes with my home so to say lets say I am tired of people trying to walk over me and I stopped it along time ago now there doing it through my hubby and well he found out real quick I am not putting up with any bs from anyone

yah know I asked my kid if the most religous person I know told her she said no proof the person who told me what was going on saved my life the last time I was abused and I trust her with my life these are people who have no reason to lie to her but in her eyes its people starting s^%$t for no reason

Those who care for her no longer matter but in due time she will come around and I told her yesterday my sis didn't talk to me for 6 yrs and she thought that was wrong well I told her she is doing the same thing all over a controling bas***d sorry them words usually don't flow out of my mouth

He has her thinking he is the only one who cares I will get the proof I need as I said GOD is on my side when I don't know but just have to wait it out

My family abandone me so many times and blamed me for things that weren't my fault that I am so used to it my sis husband beats me and I am kicked out of her life not allowed to talk to her 24 yrs ago hmmmmmmm the cycle is still there she is just like my sis I just hope she don't stay with this jerk that long as I will never accept him he still lives with mommy and now his mom wants her out I pray that she does move as she is the one paying the bills and the only one she makes awesome money an they know it so there stupidity will be to her advantage if she chooses to do whats right

As we all know that first love is the hardest to let go things will change we say nah that never happens we all look back to this day I know I do wonder what if then move on as I can't change things you only have choices and your choices are yours to own no one can take them away well for now I will close copy and paste this to mental abuse as once again its a part of my life but this time I see it know it smell it and won't accept it I broke that cycle along time ago Hugs Krissi*aaaaa*mom1