resistance and the 'internal timer'

[tgrimes]

We have a lot of problems getting Theo to do things he's not done a few times before. He is so resistant on some things, it's really difficult to get him to do it even if it would be an enjoyable thing. Often we can't get him to do it. At least, right away.
One time he told me has has a timer, and he can't do what people want him to do until the "timer goes off."
I think I understand what he means, because I have had a few 'timer' moments myself. I just feel really bad how he really suffers through this so regularly, though. And when his timer does go off, sometimes it's a few minutes later, sometimes a couple of days later, there is really no pattern.
Then, he decides he's ready to face whatever it is, but it's too late.... and so he gets dissapointed or sad about it.
Anyone else have a "timer inside of them" ?

[gynwhyver]

That's a really good question.

I need to think about this more, and will get back to you.

Gwyn

[Kristen (ColeysMom)]

I'm not sure what you mean...

Do you think he's being stubborn/hard headed?

Or do you think it's some sort of a processing thing?

[milivica]

Just a guess, that is lack of episodic memories he can tie to the new experience. Lack of a feeling of competence too.

When Vince used to do things, even FUN things, he'd 'mark' in his mind all the negatives, and not be able to get past them. All the FUN parts of an experience were like overridden by the bad. We could have a great weekend, at the last minute something crappy could happen, "I hate this weekend, it was awful". Now that we've worked on this, he can say, "I really had fun this weekend, the last part wasn't so fun, but oh well, everything else was! Cause his brain is 'marking' the positives now. He didn't like to try new things, cause it gave him anxiety. He had no positive memories to reflect on, of past experiences, but he did have a lot of past anxiety to tie to new experiences. It's like he had to rev himself up, to be able to stand to get to the beginning of the new activity, like a pole vaulter jumping over that tall stick, he had to rev up and jump over all the anxiety his brain marking the negatives had built. He sees the new activity, it looks fun, he wants to, but what a challenge having to rev up and jump over that tall pole(anxiety, cumulative negative memories 'marked' of past events) before you can even start the activity. Also, for instance a ride at an amusement park, he'd want to know exactly how long it went, exactly when it would end, etc... and his first time on he'd be scared and hate it - right up until it stopped then he'd want to ride it over and over, cause he could predict what would happen.

Dunno if that gives you any thoughts, or if I'm on the right track here.

[silentmiaow]

It can also happen without negative experiences being a factor.

[NTLegend]

It seems possible that this is what someone once called "stuckness." (I think it was AKA, who used to be . . . hmmm, DKW) . . . anybody remember this?

Stuckness has been a very useful concept for me, since she said that. Sitting here at the computer is a good example. Sometimes I just *can't* tear myself away; I'm stuck.

It just seems like this is the same thing with the kids -- not wanting to change activities, having trouble with transitions. Although I never heard of any of them mentioning an internal timer before.

I wonder if an external timer would work -- if he could set it himself, that is. And perhaps he could set the external timer for a fairly short period of time. Instead of the un-knowable amount of time on his internal timer . . .

[Isabelle]

my dlh had it, my kids too, even myself, usually for house chores, and homework :) :D :p

drug-induced inability to move was something different

[tgrimes]

I wonder if an external timer would work -- if he could set it himself, that is. And perhaps he could set the external timer for a fairly short period of time. Instead of the un-knowable amount of time on his internal timer . . .


OMG, what a super idea... this might be the best way to work on it. If i told him to set the timer to go off fior the same time 'his' timer will probably go off, the likelihood is, he would have to think about 'how long before I before I can do this?' Then once he got used to that, he could spot times where it would be ridiculous tho set it for an hour, for example.
What would you call this... like a 'prop' or social teaching manip?
Thanks for the great idea!

[Isabelle]

ahhh! timers its tick tick drove my son insane. yes, when he was still a child his behaviour therapist came up with it, so my husband brought several for us to use at different situations around the house, well when we were not looking he hid them, later we found them behind the stove,the fridge,the radiator,the couch, the piano, in the fireplace...end of experiment.....years later the home used timers with anger, we didn't know. so when he came home saw a timer on my stove and threw it with anger, I was mystified, until a caregiver explained.

[tgrimes]

Okay, I tried this yesterday and he actually picked the time to set the oven timer himself for how long he thought it would take to get over this new lamp for his room. 35 minutes, he said.
Long story short it was a no-go, I just said okay, lets try this again tomorrow.
So today we went to set the timer, and Theo said "There isn't a timer long enough to set to my one inside" :( I felt so bad for him!
I didn't know what to do except try the timer at 35 again, and when i went to set it, he said "that glass will break and get on me or i'll step on it..."
Well, then I knew what to say, but I don't get why he blurted this out when I went to set the timer, instead of saying three days ago the glass was the real problem.
Any ideas?