so when do you stop running

[mama sue]

Hi friends~
It has been 2 months since Bob passed away and I'm just starting to realize that I have been running from that reality. I know I have to deal with it, but I DON'T WANT TOO!!!!!!!!!

I've been doing everything I can to NOT think about the fact that he is REALLY gone. It's almost like he went on vacation you know? Does that make any sense?

I had Bob and his love and strength to get me through the death of my boys, but now what? He can't help me this time and I'm so afraid I will not be able to cope. I'm scared!!!!!

Thanks for letting me rant a little. I know I am very "needy" right now, but you are such a support to me.

{{{HUGS}}}

[Buttons2]

Sue, I'm sure not a grief counselor but I can't imagine why you would want to face this reality. It's like a bad nightmare!If it helps to think of him as on a permanent vacation......maybe that's OK. I'm not in your shoes.

You've had a huge shock. Not simply the fact that Bob died,but the way he died. This is why I urge you to seek professional help. And it just occurred to me that perhaps there is an online service for suicide survivors?

I bet if you wrote Dear Abby she would have resources. I'm thinking where you live might not have anyone nearby?

Myself & others here on BT want to help you but we're limited. I'm guessing there are proven methods for taking the steps towards your own acceptance of what happened.

This will give me something to research,I'll see what I can find. Meanwhile hopefully someone else can provide some input also.

Hang in there,you're doing as well as can be expected @ this time.

Gentle HUGS,Buttons

[Buttons2]

Here's some info I came up with:

http://sobs.admin.care4free.net/

this seems to be in Great Britian,there's a phone number: 0870-241-2337,however if you go to the site there are some book reviews you might find helpful.

You might contact the Oregon State University in Corvallis:541-737-2131 the counseling & psychological services dept.

We could google all day,why? cause Oregon happens to be the ONLY state in the union with assisted suicide! There are pages & pages of links that don't apply to your situation.

I did see you are fortunate the support group is in Coos Bay. Did they have any resources for you?

Later,Buttons

[mama sue]

Wow, what a wonderful site. Thanks so much!!!!!

[Buttons2]

You're very welcome-which site?

[mama sue]

SOBS

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Know that I care!!!!

[moose53]

((((((Mama Sue)))))),

Yeah :( All of us who've lost someone to suicide eventually realize that we're going to have to "feel it" someday. Not a pleasant thought, is it :(

When I lost my younger brother to suicide, I froze myself right up tighter than a block of ice. Didn't feel anything for years. 13 years later it all spilled out. You HAVE TO face it.

The thing that's going to make it harder for you, I imagine, is that you've already experienced untold grief multiple times. Sort of like -- you already know what to expect -- that's gonna make it even more difficult to be brave and just walk through the grief.

I, too, collect website (tons of them). I've got these about grieving: http://public.murl.com/moose53/HEALTH_AND_MEDICAL/GRIEVING (press the [page-down] key twice to get to the appropriate section.

Another thing that you might look into is reading the books by Rabbi Earl A. Grollman. He's a thanatologist -- someone who studies loss and death and dying and grief. He was my Rabbi until he retired. He helped me and my son through my divorce, through the loss of my Mother to cancer. He actually got my Mom moved into a local hospice (he was on the Board of Directors). It's very hard to move someone from out-of-state directly into a hospice program. Most organizations don't want to take terminal people from out of state.

Rabbi Grollman is truly an amazing man. He's helped people not only is his role as Rabbi, but, also in his role as "guide".

You know, Sue, I think a lot depends on your religious upbringing -- what you think happens to a person after they die. I was raised a Catholic and there's all the guilt associated with that, especially for a suicide. I converted to Judaism while I was divorcing my ex-husband. Judaism is more tolerant of the person who is hurting. Now, I guess I'm more eclectic. A lot of the ancient religions and societies believed that there was more after this life and this world.

There's a scientific theory that energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only change form. That sort of goes along with what I believe now. I believe that there's another realm which we can only occasionally communicate with. This sort of expresses it well: http://butterflywebsite.com/discover/bfliesandrainbows.cfm. I find it impossible to believe that G-d or the Creator or The Universe would take a person that's in so much pain and is so tortured and give them either nothingness or hell for committing suicide.

I believe that they're energy combines with other energy and they get another chance.

Just about everyone that I've told about the butterflies and rainbows site has told me that something similar has happened to them. Something that is very much out-of-the-ordinary -- an animal or a plant acting differently or an especially spectacular rainbow shows up as a message to let one know that their loved one has arrived safely. **ARRIVED SAFELY**!!

A lot of things help in learning to live in spite of the grief. Writing. Just going back to living your ordinary day-to-day life. Therapy. Art. Working with children. Working with the elderly. Reaching out to everyone that you come in contact with to tell them that suicide is NOT a good option.

One day, you'll think back on your husband and you'll smile. That will be the beginning of the healing. A lot of us think that because we've lost someone to suicide that we have to give them up. We don't. The wonderful beautiful memories and experiences that you shared will always be there. The only thing that you have to give up is the pain. When you're ready to, you'll be more than willing to put down that burden and celebrate the life of the one that's no longer here.

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v90/moose53/MINIS/ANIMALS/girlwithbutterxm2.gif