Servant

[Jo6]

I'm sorry I haven't been back in touch with you. How is your Mom? I have been thinking about you and wondering if your brother met with you to discuss "the plan" for caring for her needs.

It's hard to be so far away, I know. I closed my business when my Mom was dying. she had brain Cancer. It was very odd, she was lucid right up to a couple of days before she passed. I would have thought she would be more like MIL, not understanding anything but she wasn't. I know it may sound heart-less but I Thank God she did not linger on the way MIL is.

Please keep in touch, let us know if we can do anything. It's very hard to deal with. take care, Jo

[servant41]

No he hasn't and probably never will. We have a 1 sided relationship. I don't know what I did wrong to him, but it is not just me. He lives in his own little world, and doesn't let anyone exept his wife, daughter, and local freinds/coworkers into it. He has been a recluce to me, our dad and our mother for many years. Never sendig cards, phone calls, never giving a hoot. Never contacing our dad when he nearly died from a blood clot. Doesn't even reply a thank you for gifts sent. Our parents missed BOTH his 1st and 2nd weddings. We don't understand him, and we believe that he doesn't want to be understood. Yet though I love him, I had never heard him say that to me.
It is my prayer that this new news of our mom having Alzheimers will somehow bring us all together. And I am hopeing against the odds here.

[Tootsie]

I hope not. Rarely, does the Alzheimer's diagnosis improve family relationships that are already strained. However, there is always the possibility, that someone will suddenly be aware that the time to repair or reestablish fractured family ties is limited. You may want to remind your brother of that fact.

When my mother died, I found it a great relief that I knew what she wanted as far as medical care, burial, services, etc. There was nothing left unsaid or unresolved to haunt me during the grieving period.

Keep im mind, that you, alone, cannot fix anything except your own relationship with your Mom. Treasure the lucid moments, look at old photos, talk about trips, incidents, funny situations, holiday celebrations, and go with the flow during those other times. Cheerio.

[servant41]

Thanks, Tootsie. You're right. If my brother wants to mend all of the borken years of non-communication, and begin to talk openly with our mother, then that is all up to him. What I need to do is concentrate on my relationship with my mother. And even though she lives In North Carolina, and We (my wife, daughter and I and our upcoming baby ) live in Alabama, I must make the effort to call her more often. She has always been special to me. Both of my parents have been. I have NEVER neglected them in comminication, love, respect or honor. I have always had a close relationship with them.
What matters is the NOW. What matters is our relationship. My mothers and I's relationship. One day, my brother will wake up and regret his lack of communication. I do love him, but sometimes it's hard to love someone whom you have never known.

[Jo6]

I'm glad you checked back in. What Tootsie said it the truth, so when she speaks I listen;)

Even though you are far away from your Mom there are things you can do to help her and well as yourself. As time goes on come here to ask questions or just share your experience's with us. That's why we are here.

I'm not the "boss" here and Tootsie would probably laugh at me.:D It does help to just write some of these things down. For some reason we all think " oh, that won't happen to Mom. Well, we don't expect a lot of things we end up getting but that is why these forums are here for. You take care and join in with others. That helps me.

Another thing, when I'm having a bad few days the first thing I see is Tootsie. Just being so kind and helpful. I hope you all will come back and share. Be looking for you. I care for you all and I know Tootsie does too.

Take care of you and if wife is interested maybe she can help.. the things about the siblings and in-laws ((out-laws));) I too have never come across many that that wanted anything to do with the siblings as well as us in-laws, . We just have to try pushing them aside and work on our own. Maybe one day they might see, but it would probably be too late. At least you will be able to close your eyes and sleep at night.

take care, Jo