help needed for a friend

[proudest_mama]

Hey everyone,

I am a Parkinson's patient (diagnosed at 43, currently 47), but that isn't the reason that I'm posting this.

My daughter, a junior in college, broke up with her boyfriend. They only dated 4 months but, what can I say, he fell hard?!! He just can't seem to get over it.

Do any of you know of a bulletin board, either on this site or on another, that he could turn to for help?

I can only speak for myself, but this bulletin board, and Brain Talk in generally, literally (and I mean it that way!) saved me from having an emotional breakdown.

It's a long story, but my local neuro absolutely and positively refused to give me a diagnosis. My engineering husband would go along to these appts., mind you, which only made it worse. Because there is no difinitive way to diagnose this disease, and it's only based upon symptoms, this neuro wasn't doing this to spite me, he truly BELIEVED what he was telling me. I would listen to him, get my hopes up, and then three days later be a basket case.

So, for three months, my neuro didn't believe me, my husband didn't believe me, my four children didn't believe me, my mother was skeptical, my pastor was second guessing me, and my marriage counselor was having second thoughts as well.

As such, I lived an emotional hell for three solid months.

Finally I made an appt. at a very prominent Parkinson's Disease center and ... amazinginly ... was given the diagnosis of Parkinson's. It was a bittersweet diagnosis. As much as I knew that the local neuro was wrong, I was also hoping above hope that I didn't have this dreaded disease. Worse yet was that, even when I was given this diagnosis, I was accused of "neuro shopping" to get the diagnosis that I wanted.

Since then, my engineering husband has come around ... at least as much as an engineering husband can ... but we are making strides.

I tell you all of this so that you know how very important that this site was to me.

I am looking for something similar to help Nathan. I was in his shoes once and it's not easy. The difference is that I dated the guy for 5 YEARS, not just four months!

Any help you give me would be more than welcome.

Thanks much ...

[Buttons2]

Well this might not be too helpful.....but I'd say to keep out of it. Let Nathan go through the steps necessary to get on with his life. Most of us have dealt with a broken heart at one time or another. You daughter must have had her reasons for splitting up the relationship. Your empathy for her ex just might backfire-like you don't see your daughter's decision as valid?

I agree about how much help/support we get here on BT. Ask yourself how you'll feel somewhere down the line if you perhaps need to reach out yourself on here but have given Nathan the chance to read every word you write? So perhaps you should consider letting Nathan find his own cyber support if that's what he needs?

Your empathy is fine-up to a point. And having Pakinson's (or many other neuro issues),can cloud our judgement. You just recently got diagnosed. Maybe concentrate on your own issues now?

Just my 2 cents,I'm stating this from experience,I tend to interfere too much myself,and it's sometimes been a mistake. Loyalty to your daughter should come first.

Buttons

[joy]

Sorry I had to keep reading this over myself. I kept thinking I had missed something. But you are asking for help for the now ex- boyfriend, not anyone else, right? I think I have to agree, it is hard enough trying to give just enough advice etc for our own relatives but for a boyfriend of only 4 months. I would think just your everyday being nice and polite should suffice. It is hard I know as I am STILL going through plenty with my grown kids.

We all, well no that's NOT true, there are some who could care less about others, but it is a fine line between caring and getting too involved. I'd say that it should be understandable to the young man that you have enough to handle right now without expecting too much from you. Be nice but no more than that should be expected. I hope you don't feel bad about my opinion but at this point I'd feel better offering YOU support.

I've edited this to ask IF the boyfriend is still being to clingy for your daughter. Is that what is going on and you are hoping to get him going in another direction. Or does he seem unstable. It's hard to get the whole picture as I'm kinda dense most of the time these days.

[Ed Ebbs]

It is hard to comfort one with words the grief one feels when one loses love. Sometimes wise words can heal wounds and help us reflect on life.
I am only stranger to you and your friend but I can leave a few words from others who have suffered and shared...

Samuel Butler wrote this but in time of grief it is not much help:
"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all."

Kahlil Gibran wrote something that can make us wisher for the future...still again not much help until the recovery:
"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

Socrates a long time ago wrote:
"The hottest love has the coldest end."

I quess the question is what is love in the first place:
Whether you believe or not there is a passage in the bible that I believe is a model for love and is something we need to remember!
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
~1 Corinthians 13:5-7

Paramahansa Yogananda wrote about love:
"To describe love is very difficult, for the same reason that words cannot fully describe the flavor of an orange. You have to taste the fruit to know its flavor. So with love."

I have tasted the fruit and this I wrote about my wife. It is a poem and not that great but meaningful to me:

My Flower
You are the flower that
brightens my spring.
You are the summer that
warms my soul.
You are the autumn that
brings color to my life.
You are the winter that
brings calm to my spirit.
You are the inamorata that
has renewed my life.
You are my loving wife.

Edward J. Ebbs - Copyright ©2007

The last poem I wrote is inspired by her battle cervical cancer:

My Key
You have the key to open my heart,
Which was locked deep in my chest not to depart.

This key I gave to you to look and see;
Your choice was to open it and set me free.

With this key you will always see,
It is a special place for you and me.

Your heart added to the chest,
Makes what we have the very best.

Wherever I go you are always with me,
From my nightly dreams to the mighty sea.

Each morning when I awake,
I look into your eyes for my very own keepsake.

My love for you is forever true,
This is a way to say "I Love You"

Edward J Ebbs - Copyright ©2007

You see not everyone is life get a chance to experience love, but when you have love you should cherish love, because someday it may be gone and what you have left is the love you once had. With Paula and I, each morning I look into those blue eyes of her's and see her love for me it is a blessing and a keepsake for me.

I hope I was of some help. It has been a long time since I visited this forum. At one time I was "Just Me", but now I use my own name as just me.

May your day be filled with blessings,
Ed :-)