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View Full Version : I am so emotionally overwhelmed!


cascadeblue
09-06-2007, 11:01 AM
Words cant describe the things Im going through. I guess I should start from the beginning. I graduated college 2 years ago and found a nice job in a different state. I lived me whole life with my parents and now have a job and my own apartment. I found a roommate to share that apartment, but he left a year ago. When my first roommate left, I was so devastated. Within that one year, we had become such very close friends. In fact, we continue to call each other brother. It was so very hard to see him go. I didnt have many friends and the few that I had I treasured...especially my first roommate. I remember crying the night after he left. Fortunately I made another friend, "David". David and I have also become very close friends within the last year, so much so that I consider him to be my other brother. David was reliable, loyal, and always there. David was more than a brother, he was a rock. When my first roommate left, David filled a void that was so painful and sad. If I was ever in need or trouble, David was there. Together we met a girl. She is now very close to me, in fact now that David is gone, is probably my best friend here. She too will be leaving by month's end. David has just left. He is on a cross country road trip from Boston to California. I miss him so much. I miss him so much that it hurts. I dont know why but this time it hurts so much more. The impact of him leaving hasnt reached me until this morning. David left last night. It was quite strange, I have met so many new people recently that last night I felt surrounded by people. It helped a lot, but none of the people there last night is very close to me, not like I was to David. I couldnt show my sorrow last night. I should say that my personality is a caregiver. I am the "host" according to everyone I know. I take people in when they need a place to sleep, I cook for people when they need a home cooked meal, I drive them to places they need to go, I lend them things that they need. Everyone has said that I take very good care of everyone, and that is how I like it. I like to see that I bring joy and compassion whenever I help someone. Ive always been the one for people to depend on. Im the party planner, the event planner, the coordinator, the supervisor, the "go to" guy. How can I cry when everyone else was looking to me for strength. How can I cry when I felt like I was the one that setting the example for how others should be reacting to David's departure. I couldnt. So that night when David left, I put on my usual smile, cooked a nice meal and talked for some time enjoying the night. Always a smile. I always smile even when I am crying inside. This morning I cried...and I cried. I have never felt so emotionally overwhelmed. To make things more complicated, this other girl that David and I knew began dating David. Within the last few days they have become very close and intimate. I didnt find out until last night. I dont know if I ever had feelings for her. But David was always the gentleman. I think he knew that I kinda liked her and never made a move. In fact I told him he should make a move because I knew he liked her. So the last few nights he has been spending more time with her than with me. I guess this makes me feel a great combination of feelings. I feel immensely sad that he is gone, but mad at him for not spending enough time with me in the end, and mad at him for dating someone that I had feelings for, mad at myself for telling him to do so, mad at myself for not confronting what feelings I may have had for her, jealous that they spent so much time together when it shouldve been me and him, envious that they have each other and I have no one, mad at David for making our threesome more complicated...but most of all just sad that everything is changing and know that David will never knock on my door again. I dont know how to deal with this and everytime I think about this whole thing, I just want to cry. I just dont know how to make head or tails out of this. At the same time Im moving so I have a lot of things to deal with, my current roommate is leaving and I have to find a replacement, I have work and I have to study for a test that I want to take for Medical school. I just feel so overwhelmed. That on top of the fact that I dont know where my life is heading because I dont know what to do with my life. I will try to get into med school but I dont think thats what I want to do anymore. I just feel so lost and lonely and ...miserable. What am I to do??

joy
09-06-2007, 12:16 PM
hi there. well I am awfullt tied up as grandson is on my lap as I am typing but I have to say you sound like such a likable person. I would throw myself into obtaining that medical training if that is what is the most appealing for you right now. and if something comes along that is more interesting well your learning will still be valuable. sorry this is so short but others will greet you later. Stay busy and you will be meeting many people. And don't be afraid to let others know the real you. You don't have to always be the giver to be liked. Maybe some people like to be needed as well. keep us informed on how you are okay.

Buttons2
09-06-2007, 01:43 PM
Hi Cascadeblue, I'd say you are just overwhelmed right now with too much going on all at once. David is gone for awhile......not forever! He'll be sending you postcards while on his journey right?

About the girl,she must not be in love with either of you at this point right? So perhaps with David out of the picture you just need to give her time,see if the two of you have anything worthwhile or not.

You say you're angry with yourself for telling David to go for it.....well, in hindsight maybe you should have just kept your mouth shut,but if they had an attraction for each other it really wasn't anything YOU could control!

You say you like to be a caretaker. And that you are questioning medical school. I agree with Joy,go ahead with your education. Maybe nursing would be more appropriate for you. We need all the nurses we can get!

I realize that right now your life seems to be in shambles,but I'm here to tell you that this is all just part of growing up. The more life experiences you have,the better prepared you will be for your future!

Take things one @ a time. Find another place to live,find another roommate. Get on with your classes. Accept a wide variety of people into your life.

You don't need to hide your feelings from anyone,but please keep this in mind: nobody else is in your shoes,seldom do young people realize how their actions might be hurting someone else,you might be coming across as too "needy" even though you see yourself as always helping others. Don't put a price on friendship,if you prepare a meal for someone-don't expect them to do your bidding. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?

Friendships can be very tricky! Some people might see all your "giving" as a way to control them.

This is just all something for you to consider.

Hopefully today you are being more positive. You have your whole life ahead of you,make everyday count for something positive. When you wear your heart on your sleeve,you invite someone to hurt you. I'm NOT saying to keep everything inside,just be cautious how you relate your feelings to others until you really know them.

Older & wiser,Buttons

Tootsie
09-10-2007, 06:55 PM
Hi cascade blue,
"You" are one of my very favorite colors! However, as a read your post, I couldn't help but think that you are suffereing from what I learned in school, was a "reactive depression." If I remember correctly, it was a type of depression associated with both hormonal fluctuations and also the "loss of self, through giving to others."

You describe much of your time, as doing and giving to others but never seem to mention anything that you do for yourself. Healing takes place when you learn how to nurture and care for yourself.

More years ago than I care to remember, and at a difficulty time in my life, a psychiatric social worker challenged me by asking, "Do you know what the Golden Rule means?" As I stumbled and stuttered my way to a reply, she admonished me, "It says, love thy neighbor as THYSELF." She went on to say, that you must meet your own needs and nourish yourself before you can realistically be of use or helpful to others.

Try and spend more time alone and find something that brings you joy. Search out activities that replenish your supply of things to share. Find some kind of enjoyable physical exercise. Mine is swimming and I make time in my life to do so 3 x a week. Make sure that you are eating a well balanced, nurtritional diet and keep regular meal times. Learn to enjoy your own company.

By all means, if you still find yourself overwhelmed, make an appointment for a complete physical. There is always the possiblity of a thyroid, hormonal, or blood abnormality like anemia. Those things, and others, can influence your emotional state.

Keep in touch and let us know how you're doing. Cheerio.