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View Full Version : Horrible Day!!! - just venting


GardeniaGirl
08-11-2007, 09:41 PM
Today (and yesterday) have just been such horrible days!!
I am getting so sick of this, and its unlikely to improve.

In the past two months, something in my body chemistry has changed.

I take my methotrexate dose on Wednesday night around 12:30am.

Every single Friday and Saturday for the past couple of months, I am getting these horrible all-day migraine things.

The perfect word to describe how I feel is dysphoric.

I feel a mixture of head pain, nausea, dizziness, anxiety, depression, body pain, fatigue, and being slightly wired. All mixed together and any drug I take for one symptom triggers of more of another one.

Its a totally miserable experience. I don't want to be alone but I don't want to be with anyone either.

I am not tired enough to sleep, but I have no motivation to do anything.

If I lay down too long, my pain increases, but if I move around too much, it increases too!


I've been "working" from home on Fridays for the past month because of this-- my workload is very light on Fridays and I can handle it if I am at home (usually just a few phone calls and emails)...but this weekly experience of these 2-3 horrible days is really bumming me out.

If I dope myself up on drugs, I will get tired and sleep for a couple of hours - but its like a total waste of a day. Its a Saturday and I feel like I am just sitting and watching the world go by - while i sit at home feeling like utter cr*p all day.

I do not understand the reaction my body is having to these stupid drugs.

Oh and to top it all off, tomorrow is my birthday by the way!

What a depressing way to ring in a new year.

thanks for reading!!!!:eek:

Mark N
08-11-2007, 10:34 PM
Happy Birthday tomorrow and sorry to hear you are having such a bad time. I am having a watching the world go by day today so I know what you mean. I wish you could find how what has changed to cause your body's reaction.

Come hear and vent any time as it sometimes help to let it out. It seems like we have no control over our lives and it sometimes it helps to complain. I know we never had any real control over our lives but even the little control we had has disappeared for us. That has been the biggest change for me is to give up any sembelence of control I had in the past. I have no say so over what I will do tomorrow because my pain and meds decide what I will do.

GG, if you find a way to break free from this please let me know.

GardeniaGirl
08-11-2007, 11:29 PM
Hi Mark- thanks! I knew you would come through for me with a post!!! ;)

I popped some Midrin (for headache), did yoga for 20 minutes, and managed to eat some actual real food....so, I am out of the "hole of misery" for a while now at least.

I am really hovering on the edge of the precipice now - meaning, my meds had been keeping the disease controlled enough for me to function fairly well. But I can feel that slipping away over the past few months.

And days like today are the days that make that very, very apparent to me. I think that is what makes it all worse.

My disease has progressed but my med doses have not kept up with it- the result is physical decline and increase of symptoms across the board.

Some days I cope better with this reality than others. Today it is hitting me hard.

At least on Sundays I have been feeling better - and Mondays and Tuesdays even better - I have birthday plans each day, so that is nice. I will be eating out at a good restaurant each day, so I will eat a nice big meal that actually tastes good. (more than I can say about my own cooking lately!)

And yes, you have identified one of the core issues we are facing: giving up any semblance of control. that, and perpetual losses, are the two toughest aspects of this.

Anyway, sorry you are able to truly understand this! its a miserable experience to actually understand and have gone through.

But thanks for your comments! ;-)

Gardenia

Mark N
08-12-2007, 12:02 AM
Gardenia, good to hear you were able to control your pain a bit. Yep, it is the lose of control and the losses that go along with it that make it tough. Have fun going out to eat the next three days as you celebrate your B-Day. I hope you have a great time.

BrokenBladder
08-12-2007, 01:57 AM
GG, Happy Birthday!!!!*birthday
Just try to enjoy the next few days of eating out and try not to think about the pain levels.
Having CP stinks!!

Mark N
08-12-2007, 07:05 AM
GG, Just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday today and a hope that this year will see you getting better [well we can dream at least].

Kathi49
08-12-2007, 07:14 AM
GG,

Happy Birthday!!! :) I hope you can enjoy your day today.

Tbackpain1
08-12-2007, 11:35 AM
Happy Birthday GG!

GardeniaGirl
08-12-2007, 03:07 PM
Thanks for the Birthday wishes everyone!

I woke up feeling slightly better today.

Just took a pre-emptive promethazine so I will be able to eat brunch.

jimac
08-12-2007, 04:59 PM
Happy birthday Miss. GG.


*birthday


Jim

photonut
08-13-2007, 12:11 AM
Hey Miss GG....have a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY. So sorry you were having a bad pain day again..Hang in there. If you need me just post....Allie*coq au vin