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[mama sue]

Hi, a friend led me here and I'm not real sure where to begin. I recently lost my husband and I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that he committed suicide. It is very hard to talk about, but maybe someone out there could help me be able to open up about this. I am not ready to go to a traditional support group as I am unable to share face to face without completely falling apart.

I know there are alot of people in the same situation as mine, but I feel so alone. So empty...........Please pray for me.

Thanks

[moose53]

((((((Mama Sue)))))),

http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MINIS/huggiebears-mini.gif

I know what that "feels" like. My younger brother committed suicide almost 41 years ago. He was 21 and I was 22. I was the one that had to request the autopsy report and the board of inquiry (he was in the Navy). My Mom was too embarrassed and too ashamed and my Father never knew.

I always knew that there was something "not right" about my Brother. For the longest time after he died, I blamed myself because I didn't step up to the plate and help him. For some reason, I thought I was in charge :rolleyes:

13 years later -- sitting in the psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt -- I woke up in the middle of the night crying hysterically. One of the therapists took me into the "quiet room" -- no furniture, just pillows on the floor -- and sat with me and listened to me cry and taught me how to BREATHE to bring the tears forward. The most important thing he did for me was tell me "it wasn't my fault".

It wasn't yours either, Sue.

Sue, there are some people that just cannot cope with living in this world. Everything is too hard for them. They get no joy from living. They run into nothing but problems. My Brother was one of those. I'll bet your husband was too.

It seems so far in the past now. I still dream about my Brother. But, I've stopped trying to follow him ever since he came to me in a dream and told me to let him go. I know the man that gave him the pills that he killed himself with. I was just looking up his name on the internet and found out that he's a nurse in Florida and that he and another person saved someone's life on the freeway. That doesn't make up for what he was involved in. I often want to call him and ask him WHY. But, I don't. Maybe some day I will.

I think it might be harder for women to face suicides because we tend to feel responsible for the world. We tend to blame ourselves. It's not our fault. The person that committed suicide never learned the coping skills to get them out of whatever was dragging them down so far. I know how hard that is. I've been on both sides of suicide. I attempted suicide 7 times when I was married -- once for every year of my marriage. The last attempt was in 1978. I divorced my husband in 1979. I do know that our relationship was contributing to my instability. We never should have married. No fault there, just a mistake.

((((((Sue)))))), what I've found has been most helpful for me was to talk about it in a controllable group (the two times that I was hospitalized), to talk about it with a psychiatrist, to write about it. And most importantly, to realize that it was going to give me a connection to everyone that had ever lost someone in the same way -- so ... to give that help that I had wanted to give to my Brother to others.

It's hard to believe -- but, you do come back from this. You come back with a lot of patches on your heart and your soul, you come back stronger, you come back much more sensitive to what others around you are going through.

I know that you've already had more than a lifetime of pain with losing your boys. I miscarried one baby and my husband forced me to abort another one. I understand a very small part of that heartache.

All I can say, honey, is that I wish -- more than anything -- that you weren't having to go through this. If there were any way for me to take away even some of your pain, I would in a heartbeat. We all have to go through it in our own way, though. One day, you'll realize you're not crying as much. One day you'll remember something beautiful or funny about your husband and you'll either smile or laugh -- that's when the healing starts. It took me over 13 years to get to that point. I wasn't allowed to grieve. No one but me and my Mom knew about my Brother. Even my other two Brothers and my Dad and my Grandma didn't know. No one knew. I carried it all by myself.

It's harder -- it's too hard -- when you hold it in. I'd recommend that you do try going to a couple of the group meetings. You can see what they're like, see if they work for you. Some people don't feel comfortable talking about their pain. Interestingly, that's the thing that's gets us through the pain the fastest -- the talking. I had a wonderful psychiatrist. I picked him up during the second hospital stay -- so he wasn't around during most of the pain. But, he was around when I was starting to face the pain. He was an absolute treasure. I wouldn't have made it without him. I wrote while I was seeing him. He read most of my writings and we talked about it. He got me good and stable and on the right road. It was up to me, though, to stay on that road and to finish the work that I needed to do.

I know what a hard time you have in front of you, Sue. It's just as hard, if not harder, than what you've already been through. The hardest thing is never knowing "why". The answer to "why" is they just couldn't cope.

I'm here for you. You can IM me if you want.

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb

[Buttons2]

Sue, this is a place where you can let it out......we understand your pain. I just recently "met" you & I feel God guided us all to this wonderful site where we can connect.

I only know a little about your life but I know you have suffered more than your share of grief & loss. You must feel as though living each day is a battle of survival.Try to keep in mind that there IS light at the end of the tunnel.

Here's a quote I discovered yesterday on another site,I immediately thought of you: "We aren't being punished-we just haven't been rewarded yet". I have no idea who the author is but it fits for many of the people I've met here.

I've had 2 suicides in my family & attempted it myself twice when pregnant with my youngest son (this was 38yrs ago). I've suffered from depression my entire adult life. So I do know the "why". It's not easy to explain. It's just complete & total despair without hope for a better tomorrow. You are not capable of seeing ANY reason to hang on. I refer to this as the black hole.

Sue,what seems to suck the life out of you with immense grief right now will get better. It might take a long time but you will heal. I can't tell you to not feel guilt-it's a natural feeling for those left behind. We always ask ourselves why & what could we have possibly done to prevent this? Truth is there is NOTHING you could have done. He had made up his mind,he saw suicide as a RELEASE from all the pain & despair.

As Moose said,he didn't have the coping skills needed. But I also believe it's a chemical imbalance in our brains. Some kind of trigger that clicks off & on,or just gets stuck........his drinking only kept the gears shut down.

You're gonna have to survive without him in your life now,but you do have the memories. Go through the picture albums,recall his scent,his smile,his laughter......the happy times you shared. The little moments of gladness in your heart. And let the tears flow. He's truly gone but never forgotten.

He'll always be a part of your heart,and someday your tears will turn to a gentle smile of fond remembrance. His pain & anguish are gone. His INNER pain was simply too much to deal with. This was nobody's fault,not even his.

So I think you first have to FORGIVE him. You'll know when this day comes,and it may take years. Suicide is considered an act of selfishness,it takes away from others that are still left behind. It destroys our faith & shatters our lives. It leaves family & friends devastated. He did NOT want to cause you pain-he just wasn't capable of finding a single reason to keep living.

I'm not a professional grief counselor or anything similiar,I'm just someone that knows the deep pit of depression & has suffered the loss of a family member. I also urge you to try a group session when you feel it's the right time. Just knowing others are in the same situation can be helpful. I have no idea if you're religious or not,I'm not-but I have my own way of communing with my God through nature. I still recall very clearly when I was finally able to let go of my anger & grief when my brother-in-law killed himself. I was walking in the woods & cursing him for the millionth time for what he did to my sister & leaving his 2 beautiful children behind. Then I looked up into the sky & told him I forgave him,that he had hopefully found the peace he never had on earth,and I was able to finally forgive myself cause I realized there was nothing I could have done even if I had been there.

This is your thread so I won't go into my particular circumstances but my BIL was far more important to me than my own brother & he was calling me from miles away every night for a week prior to his suicide. I know that your husband was reaching out to you and the guilt you feel. Guilt is a self-imposed emotion. We can chose to embrace it & dwell on it,or we can let it go,get on with our lives. This takes time.

Meanwhile please share your pain with us,we will be here for you.The important thing is not to keep it inside,it's like a poison of the soul. Let it out. By letting go you will have space for good things to flow in.And there is much in life that is good.

HUGS to you,Buttons

[mama sue]

Moose and Buttons~
Thank you!!! As I sit here reading your words I feel your gentle hugs. I know that everything you say is true, I just pray that the healing happens for me. I was talking to my sister last night and I told her I was afraid that if I didn't try and keep my feelings at bay, I would lose it.

Bob and I grieved over our boys almost everyday of their lives and when they died it was horrible pain and yet a release of sorts. Knowing that they were not suffering anymore helped us.

I am a christian and I strongly believe that my babies are in the arms of Jesus. Bob has joined them too and in between the tears am beginning to accept that he is really gone.

Bob and I were together for 18 years and after the boys died we talked a lot about our depression and we talked about suicide. We promised each other we would never do that. Part of me is just really ticked off at him and the other part of me is just lost.

It is so weird that Monday we talked and he was so hopeful. The conversation was all about him getting treatment so I could come home. 12:36 am Tuesday I wake up to a message on my phone. He was playing Suzy Q by Creedence Clear Water. One of our songs! He stated how appropriate it was that that song was playing. He then told me he was going to hang himself and that I could call the police, but it would be to late. He told me that he loved me and then his tone changed to anger. He said since I wasn't coming home, he couldn't do it alone. He then said goodbye and for me to find another husband.

He sounded so angry at the end of the call. I just don't know why!!!!! It was as if a switch flipped and he went from loving me to hating me. All I know is that I wasn't there for him and I don't know that I will get over that.

Man, this is so hard. I'm trying really hard, but the tears won't stop. I can hardly see the keyboard so I will sign off for now and try to pick up later. Thanks for letting me share my heart.

Love
Sue

[moose53]

((((((Mama Sue)))))),

http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MINIS/huggiebears-mini.gif

Let the tears come, let the tears come, dear lady.

You have to get all the tears out so that you can start feeling again. Make sure you BREATHE nice and deep and fill those beautiful pinks lungs that G-d gave you with air.

The anger -- you wanted to know where the anger came from. That's part of the suicide. Men and boys in this country, actually in a lot of countries, have been having a huge problem with anger for about the past ten years. I don't why. I don't what's going on. Maybe it's caused by society and it's expectations.

Women when they get that rage tend to put it on themselves. Men used to strike out with the rage, but that's changing -- now they're bringing it inward.

He was probably mad because his manipulations weren't working. We, women, can't put ourselves into unsafe situations just to keep our mates psychiatrically stable.

When I was divorcing my husband, he tried to kill me. Then he got upset at what he had done and wanted me to take him to his psychiatrist. Which, stupidly, I did. That took all of the focus off of me, where it should have been, and put it onto him.

My husband wasn't an alcoholic but he came from a family of alcoholics. All his brothers were severe alcoholics. The scientists will probably find out years from now, that there's some kind of genetic mistake that causes this.

Sue, the most important thing that you had to do was keep yourself safe. Don't blame yourself for not being there. For some reason, people that are able to commit suicide think of it as a 'tool'. If the suicide hadn't happened when it did, it probably would have happened later because he already saw suicide as a tool that was available to him when he needed it.

I like what Buttons said about going through your pictures and your letters. I like to get a blank book and write down memories -- good ones, bad ones, stories, photographs. It helps to keep the memories fresh. My psychiatrist said to me once "all any of us have is memories". I wasn't too impressed with that statement :rolleyes: But, since then, I've lost my Mom and my ex-husband. The memories are unbelievable. Some nights just before I go to sleep, I lay there and think of my Mom or my Dad or my husband, remember a time and a place, it brings a smile to my face and comfort to my heart and to my soul.

We never have to give up the memories. Only the pain.

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb

[Buttons2]

Sue, only Bob knew what the basis of the anger was,but I'm gonna take a guess: he was drinking heavily during those past few weeks right? Alcohol brings out the uglies bigtime! My BIL was found with an empty bottle of whiskey,he'd left the house very early that morning & tried to force my sister into the truck with him (we're certain he planned to kill her first),then he drove to a major freeway,drank the entire bottle of booze & blew his brains out. I hate being go graphic here but I'm trying to explain the rage of alcohol.

Alcohol also brings forth tears,unreasonable demands,cruelty,self-pity.....totally irrationalble (sp) behavior. At the end he was furious with everyone & that probably included his God. The loss of your sons,the loss of his spouse-these were the last straws.Men are raised to provide for the families,to protect them & keep them from harm. They simply THINK & reason differently than women do. They see a disaster (such as loss of the boys),as something they should have been able to stop. In other words-they are a failure. He would have watched your pain & suffering & felt helpless.

I'm making alot of assumptions here cause I just recently "met" you & don't know any details about your sons,when they died,why,etc. So forgive me if I'm way off base. I'm just stating my perspective OK?

There is no comparison of what you're going through to what I went through, but I will say my guilt was based on the fact that on the morning my BIL killed himself was the only night (usually about 3am my time) I did not answer the phone! So I got the call @ work the next morning he was dead! I beat myself up for several years thinking I could have stopped him if ONLY I'd answered the phone that last time!

Fact is that this just isn't true. Bob made several efforts before he succeeded. I truly think God intervened & kept him from reaching you on the phone. You were going through total agony & frustration during that time. You were helpless to stop him! Me telling you this isn't gonna sink in right now but someday you will accept it. It's a tragedy & it's not your fault!

Blame the alcohol for his sinking into total despair. And go ahead and blame Bob for not having the strength to keep going,but do not blame yourself! Let the anger out! Holding it in will only prolong the bitterness you feel right now.

I know it was hard for you to fight for your own survival-but you did it! You left & you refused to go back! I'm sure that was the hardest thing you'd ever had to do. Your own survival mode kicked in. Now you have to continue on with your own life. Don't let his actions condemn you to misery.

You're a Christian so you must know in your heart that God has a plan for you. The worse experiences in life can sometimes be turned into a positive. I have no idea how old you are,whether you are disabled or not,if you have family & friends close by......but I do feel that our cyber buddies can be a lifeline & want you to know that my heart aches for you. I'd take away the pain if I could.

Believe me the dam will break someday in the future,you'll be able to let the rage out. It's not for me to say let it go,you have to do that when it's right for you. It took me several years & he was only my BIL! I recall being totally numb during the funeral,the long hurried trip to get to my sister,all the practical things to deal with,the absolute shock......I think I remained numb for quite awhile afterwards. I'm bringing back memories from over 20 yrs ago!

Please keep posting,I believe that writing out our thoughts & feelings is easier than talking about them. And you'll be able to say whatever comes to mind without worrying how someone will react. This is why support groups are helpful,people can share their experiences & some of what's said will sink in......it's just good to know you are not alone & all of your feelings are valid.

*hug Buttons

[mama sue]

Thank you both sooooo much. I wish I could find the words to tell you how much you both mean to me. A little background on me.......I'm 38. My boys were born with a very rare genetic disease that left them completely blind. The were unable to walk, talk, etc....They required 24 hour care and severe neurological issues. We had many a nights where we just sat watching them, waiting for them to quit breathing. We had many hospital stays to say the least. A minor cold would land them in the hospital. The nurses used to joke that we had our own suite with our name on it. It's a rather long story, but it gives you a little insight.

Bob was really never the same after our oldest Bobby died. He was such a GREAT dad and he loved the boys with everything in him. So much of our life has been heartache that I certainly understand the thought of ending it, but I can't imagine the selfishness of it. Does that make sense?

I do know in my heart that God does have a plan for me, I guess I'm just not on the same wave length with Him. I pictured life so differently. I can't begin to imagine how this will play out. I used to think that God took the boys home early so Bob and I had a chance to be married instead of being 24-7 caregivers. It certainly didn't play out that way.

I know I had to leave to be safe and my sister keeps telling me that if I hadn't left when I did it could have easily been two funerals to attend. I have the support of my whole family here and I'm very thankful, but I miss home. I miss Bob and I's home. I miss his mom and his daughters. It's so hard.

I'm still not sleeping much and suppose that it will just have to run its course. I want you both to know that with what you have been through and to see you doing as well as you are gives me hope. I hope that this experience will allow me to help someone someday. I don't want to sound selfish, but right now I just have to get through the minutes without falling apart.

I have so much support yet I don't really find it very easy to talk about with my family. They are hurting too and I feel like I'm bringing them down. I know that sounds dumb, but that's how I feel. Anyway..........here I go rambling again.

Thank you for being there {{{HUGS}}}

[The Dude]

http://img138.**********.us/img138/435/grouphugym7.gif

[moose53]

((((((Sue)))))),

I wish I had had a chance to know you during the time when your boys were alive. I think I joined BrainTalk after they had taken their next steps.

I, too, have a son named 'Matthew'. I love how you called your boy "Mattitude". I think that description fits every boy with the name of Matthew :D

I've had so much heartache and hurt in my life that I guess I've developed my own belief system. I was raised a Roman Catholic and converted to Judaism when I was divorcing my husband. Now, I'm more 'eclectic' I guess.

There's no way that I can believe that G-d would take a child early, after having that child suffer so much. It just doesn't fit for me what I believe G-d to be. I believe those of us that get to take our next steps early have completed our work here in this realm and get to go on to what's next.

I don't believe in heaven and hell and all that stuff -- even though it was drummed into my head for years :rolleyes:

All of the ancient religions -- the Native Americans, the Egyptians, the ancient Chinese believed that there's another another world that you go to after this one. I guess I sort of believe that too.

My Mother and my ex-husband suffered horribly while dying from cancer. My Mom certainly didn't deserve that. And, even though my EX had a bit of "****" in him, he still didn't deserve that.

There a saying in science that energy can neither be created nor destroyed. I believe that the energy -- the life-force -- that makes up everything in this Universe gets shared and reused and recycled. Not like reincarnation.

I read something that might help you: Hello from Heaven (http://butterflywebsite.com/discover/bfliesandrainbows.cfm). Everyone that I've given this to has experienced something unbelievably profound and soul-shaking. One woman had a butterfly come sit on her hand during the entire funeral service. A woman who had lost her Mom had a Christmas cactus bloom in the summer for weeks and weeks -- the cactus had belonged to her Mom was alive.

Sue, they find a way to let us know that they're OK if we just listen. Even though the man was my EX-husband, he was the Father of my child. I was in the hospital/hospice the entire last week with his two son's (one mine and one his) and with his third wife. I went to the funeral and that was a huge painful, tearful mess because my son raged out at everyone that was smoking. My EX died of a type of cancer that was caused by cigarette smoking.

I used to go out to the cemetery quite frequently during the first year. There's a cemetery called "Mount Auburn" -- it's in Cambridge, MA. It's gorgeous. It's old. There's a long list of famous people buried there -- Mary Baker Eddy, Longfellow. Well anyway, the first few months that I was there during late Spring and early Summer, there was a squirrel there every time that I went there, sitting in the same tree. I believe that was him letting me know that he was OK.

Bob has probably already come to you and let know that he's arrived safely. Knowing that they've gotten safely to where they're supposed to go next was a comfort to me -- I hope it is to you, too.

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MINIS/holding-hands.gif

[Xie]

Sue, I am so sorry to read that you have been hit with another devistating blow. I was a member of BT way back (1998) and lost contact during the big crash. But, I do remember you and all that you were going through then.

My mom committed suicide and there are so many emotions that go with that, the guilt, the questions, doubt. Add to that that I too am a recent widow (though different circumstances) which adds even more emotions into the mix as well. This is such a difficult time for you.

Please, please be sure to take care of you. Unfortunately, I didn't do that too well, and family and friends haven't been by in over 8 months, so I have become a shut-in. Do not let what happened to me happen to you. This was my main reason for re-registering to BT. I will pray that you have a strong support group who is close enough to visit you.

Please talk to us about your feelings...do not keep them inside. Cry when you need to. These are all things I wasn't able to do when my husband died unexpectedly in December and still can't do, and now I seem to have stuffed all these emotions deep.

I am rambling, but I wanted to offer support, enouragement and anything else you may need.

Xie

[moose53]

((((((Xie)))))),

I'm glad you came back http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_2_104.gif

I learned the hard way that you can't shut yourself in and close yourself off from your feelings and from life. The Universe will keep putting situations in front of you that remind you of that time until you face it. The Universe can be very persistent :rolleyes:

I think those of us that are left behind after a suicide have some of the hardest feelings to face. Anger -- we often don't know why. Anger -- why did you leave me?? I could go on for pages. Fear -- will that happen to me too?? Loneliness -- no one wants to stay with me :(

We have to learn our own ways of facing it. And we have to find out own path back. But, we don't have to do that alone http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MINIS/grouphugg.gif

Stay with us. And BREATHE. And talk. It gets better. It gets easier. BIG HUGS.

Barb

[Dented Angel/Lisa]

My sweet Sue,

I am so sorry you have to be here, but I am grateful this room is here for you to talk to. I, too, lost a dear friend to sucide a little over 6 years ago.

I was so hurt, angry, saddened. I felt as if I had let him down. Did he knock at my door and I didn't asnwer? Did he try to call me on the phone and I was ignoring calls that day?

In retrospect, I know he did neither. He knew how to get me (we'd always planned that he would knock on my bedroom window if he really needed me). I never got that knock.

He was tired, Sue, tired of living, tired of his addiction, tired of his mental illness. He was too tired to go on that day and chose to shoot himself in the head.

For the first two or three years after he died, I felt so sad, especially around the anniversary of his death. I also felt angry that he had chosen to take what I considered the easy way out of the mess he had made of his life. Now, I just miss him and feel lonely for him, but I am not mad at him anymore. I feel sorry for him that he truly felt there was no other way to cope.

I love you, my friend. I got your email with your phone number and I will call you later in the week if that is OK.

Take care of you, sweetie pie. Let your family and friends pamper you right now. I honestly believe that is what Bob would want.

Oh, as to the sounding upbeat and hopeful just 24 hours before he chose to die, that's not uncommon. Most people who have contemplated suicide and actually plan/follow through do this. It's as if they are relieved to finally have made a decision.

Love and many prayers for you,
Lisa

[Buttons2]

Sue, I'm thinking back in time to my BIL's suicide,my dad went with me to the funeral. I'd never seen him so devastated. He was depressed for months afterward. All of the family lived in different areas so we really didn't have a chance to "talk it out".

Looking back I wish I'd insisted on my sister getting counseling....she's never to this day come to grips with the issue of suicide. In recent years I've had a chance to visit with my niece who was only 5 at the time her dad died. She knew nothing about him! My sis refused to talk about him.

And when his son went to Iraq I emailed him info. about his father he never knew,how he was in the service & in a war also,etc.

Guess my point is to focus on the good stuff. They are gone but we can bring up the positive memories & share those with others. You say Bob has left other children behind? Are you a part of their lives?

I'm glad to know you have family support right now & I understand how it might be easier to write to us than converse with your family. All that sympathy can wear you down! You need your space right now. And this is so different than when we lose someone to illness or accident. Everyone believes this should never have happened! And then the blame games begin.....what if,if only,etc.

Sue, people are gonna say things to you that have well meaning but can still hurt you,please try to take all this in stride. Everyone reacts differently to grief. Most people will feel very awkward right now I'd imagine. You are so young & have had so much tragedy!

I'm trying to recall being 38 yrs old. That's the age of my youngest son! You've had more than your share of heartache......I truly believe that the remainder of your life will be different,the tide must have turned now. It's up to you to see where it takes you. Try to envision the years ahead,with joy & laughter,fond memories of those you have lost & putting all this wisdom you have about life to good use. Seems to me that you've already endured the very worst of life,so you deserve alot of good to come your way....and it will.

When you feel ready I urge you to join into a group on the Emotional Support forum,it's called "What are the little things....." All of us there are struggling daily to find 5 positive things in our lives,our dreams,hopes or just little things that give us pleasure daily. Most of us suffer from physical pain & loss of friends & family that have little empathy for our "disabled" lives. By forcing ourselves to write down something positive each day,we can turn our backs on misery long enough to see that everyday does have something to be grateful for!

Since I struggle everyday with my own depression & continued suicidal thoughts, I'm convinced that my cyber friends here on BT are my lifeline. If they can keep going then so can I! Mostly it helps me to try & help others. You are strong Sue,so use that strength to build a future! What comes to your mind when you think of a year from now?

You said that Bob had broken his promise to you & you're right,he did. But it was a promise he simply was not capable of keeping,his own brain was not functioning well enough to allow any hope inside. Now you carry the hope in you,so be prepared to spread it around.......make everyday count. You're the only one left behind so ask yourself how you can heal the pain & be free of it. When you let it go you can expand & be open for what comes next.

Gentle HUGS to you this morning,hoping the sun is shining & you are able to find some joy today! You've had enough of the bad-now reach for some of the good in life OK?

Buttons

[mama sue]

{{{Buttons}}}
What a dear you are. The sun is shining although I feel like there is a cloud overhead. I am trying really hard though and I know that somehow I will make it.

Yes, Bob has a daughter April who is 20 and she is wonderful. She blamed me at first, but has come around and has been a bright light in my life.

Bob had a step-daughter from his first marriage. Monique. How I love that girl. She has always been supportive of her daddy Bob and was in constant contact with him the last several months.

I know it was hard on Bob not having April there, she was still so angry for getting kicked out of the house. They did make amends though and I thank, God for that.

Thank you for the gentle hugs, I will check out the other group and I think I'm almost ready for a "face to face" group. I will keep you posted.

You hang in there, know that although I've only "met" you recently, you are important to me.

God Bless
Sue

[Buttons2]

Hi Sue, apologize for not getting back to you for a few days. Maybe I needed a break from the past......it wasn't YOU dear one. I want you to know that I care & think about your pain everyday. I try not to dwell on my past & the ugly stuff that still happens to this day with my sister & her family.....

Time is the only healer. And you will just have to let it flow for now. Can't push it or try to hide it,pain has a way of diminishing when we least expect it.

I've been very,very fortunate in my life as regards any loss to death. Both of my parents are still alive & both of my sons. So I cannot imagine the agony of your life. But I want to provide all the insight I possibly can into depression,alcoholism,and suicide.

And when the time is right you will either join a support group or not. Maybe you won't need it. I truly believe we find REAL support right here on BT,I know I have.

This particular forum can get somewhat "heavy" at times though,just from the subject matter! And I keep it to the forum rather than PM you because I feel something I say just might be helpful to someone lurking here......sharing our experiences whether good or bad has a way of spinning it out there for the universe to catch & pass on to others.

HUGS to you,hope every day the pain is a little bit less......
Buttons